I've graduated 😃👨‍🎓

I was told it would be impossible for me to graduate with a first, I should be glad if I passed. No point in making much effort. I'm glad I didn't listen. Last week I graduated with a first class BA (Hons) in Creative and Therapeutic Arts.

This year abroad was my dream and I had to work hard to be able to go there. I didn't know if I would be able to go at all until a few weeks before term  start. Then I had a flare-up of my chronic illness. I moved to Wales without knowing anyone,  without knowing where I would live and urgently needing medical treatment (bless the NHS). 

It's a strange feeling to live your dream and even stranger when it's over. I left Wales last week, having grown and knowing a lot more about myself.  Not everything was good. I've been dragging some old problems around with me for years and they basically slapped me in the face around Christmas. I haven't felt so horrible in years. I lost friends as well but as they say you find your real friends when you are in a dark place. I found the best friends anyone can possibly hope to have, friends who have seen me at my lowest and supported me and stuck with me anyway.

I somehow found courage through art when I couldn't find words or when I was too scared to say them. I had so much support from my lecturers as well without whom it would have been a lot harder.

Three days before graduation I didn't know if I could go to my own ceremony. The prospect of being deadnamed and misgendered in front of the whole faculty didn't seem appealing at all. I had to wait and ask around for months. I was so close to give up a few times, but I'm glad I didn't.  I am so proud to be the reason why the University's policies about Trans* people are being changed now when it comes to the graduation ceremony.  I'm happy for my siblings.

For a long time I was scared to go back to Germany. I am no longer scared. I am proud of who I am and I know I'm not alone. Wales will always feel like home even when I'm moving on now. I'm excited for the future.

Brecon Beacons Waterfall Walk

The Pontneddfechan waterfalls were something I wanted to see from the moment I arrived in Wales. I finally managed to go there with my friends Ana, Carley, Dani and Jonathan during my last weeks in Wales as I had already hired a car for a camping trip. It was so worth it! In four hours we saw four waterfalls and we could walk behind one of them. Next to the car park there are some caves to explore as well.

This is the second waterfall where we spent a lot of time. It's so beautiful! To get to the waterfalls we always had to climb down some steps for a while and later back up again. Good shoes are important of course and the path can be quite muddy. Some of my friends had apparently never walked for so long but it was no problem at all.

The third waterfall is right next to the second waterfall. Some people were swimming in there and we regretted not bringing towels. It was a very hot day.

Walking behind the waterfall looked almost impossible from afar but was no problem at all. And what an amazing experience!

Here's some good news. I got a first for every written assignemnt this year. So I only lost some marks in the two presentations. Placement file was a close cut. I'm just glad I got that first with all the work that went into it but I'm also a little bit disappointet that it's not more than 70%. Especially seeing that others who didn't even hand in a complete file got a higher mark. This just shows how random they pick the session plans they are marking and that they don't even look through the complete file. But oh well. I'll survive with my 70%

My evaluation proposal was also a first which makes me very happy as it means if I get a first in art I can still have a first allover.

Proving that lecturer wrong who told me it's impossible for international students.

So my parents were visiting to see the opening of my graduate exhibition. We hired a car and I drove my parents around. It was quite the adventure at first and I would like to share my experience with you. In Germany I'm a driving Instructor which means I have A, BE and CE driving licenses. I don't like driving, mind, but I'm a safe driver. I've never driven on the left before and had a hard time getting used to everyone driving on the left while I was a pedestrian during the last year. With my dad not being able to walk much we needed a car and my mum said she would drive as well. Guess what: She didn't. The driving on the left scared her so much that I had to drive all the time. The first day, driving from the airport to Trefforest, was a nightmare. I honestly could have given up after this. The only advantage I had was that I was already used to the left side thing and I've had to change gears with my left before, as a driving instructor. But everything else - oh my God... So the car was different of course, never driven that model before. Didn't know my way and google maps isn't that great. Not used to miles per hour. Roundabouts every few metres. Signs not as early and repeatedly as I'm used to. People overtaking on the right. Driving into the motorway from the left. And what bothered me a lot in the beginning was the mirror being to my left. Kept automatically looking up right and only saw parts of the car. So we followed the navigation and ended up in some small country lanes with just about enough space for one car and hedges or walls on each side. That's quite scary for someone who is used to having extra space next to every road on both sides. The small roads were deserted which gave me time to get used to the car but also took much longer. We needed an hour to get from the airport to Trefforest which is double as long as it should take. Then I realised that Trefforest is very complicated with lots of one way roads and a big roundabout when you exit the motorway. British people seem to love roundabouts. On the motorway they are the equivalent to the German Autobahnkreuz and they have many complicated lanes and even traffic lights inside. So I was completely drained after that hour of driving. But I also wanted to show my parents around, so on the next day I picked up what was left of my courage to try again. And oh wonder, with every time I drove it became much easier. By the end of the 10 days the only problem was that I didn't know the way but everything else didn't feel different than driving in Germany. Guess I will have a problem when I get back. The roundabouts are different but once I didn't need my whole energy to focus on the car and staying on the left, it was often obvious which lane to choose from the signs. I learned that when I don't want to leave at the next exit I should not choose the left lane. I also noticed that Welsh drivers are not as aggressive as German drivers and seem to be much more likely to help others.

It’s an absolutely stressful time! My deadline for Art was last Thursday and my parents arrived the Monday before. I planned everything so I would be finished before the Monday but it didn’t work out. I can’t believe it. I spent all the time since three weeks before the Easter break between 10 and 14 hours every day including weekends at Uni. Except one week break where I went to North Wales. But then my exhibition space was not finished and I had to improvise with a curtain which took me a whole day to make and I spent six hours scrubbing the floor only to have it dirty again on the day of the deadline when the carpenter used it. It took me a whole week to figure out the best way to save the video for my artwork in the right format and then transfer it from the Mac to my laptop.

I love this course and it has been the best year of my life so far but the last two months have been hell. My Crohn’s got worse again and I’ve never worked so hard in my life. I wonder how people are expected to do this course and I wonder how I managed. I might not even get good grade for all this, despite all the effort. Really frustrating. 

There’s this path behind Uni that I discovered last week with some friends and it’s so beautiful! 

So I still basically live in uni. The Placement file is finally handed in - 76040 words - and so is the evaluation proposal which had to be handed in only four days later. Now only the exhibition is left. This means I have one more week to finish my artwork, set up my space (which has not been built yet) and paint it, and finish my website. The business cards are finished already, thank God. 

While the thought of the upcoming exhibition is very exciting, it is also a very sad time for me as it means my time here is almost over and I have to prepare to go back to Germany.

On our last day we climbed Holyhead Mountain and walked a few steps down to the lighthouse. We didn't have time to visit though, as we had to catch our bus. It was raining and we were wet and feeling very cold by the time we sat in the bus. Our last quick stop was the village with the long name to take a photo and then we had a five hour train journey back to Trefforest. Now I have over 600 photos to edit!

After yesterday I can confirm that the Irish See is indeed very cold at this time of the year. I thought my heart would stop as I went in, it was freezing cold! But it was a nice sunny day and quite the adventure so it's alright, I guess. We walked around in the Niwbwrch beach area which was really lovely! In the evening we took the bus to Holyhead as this was the only place where we could find a hostel. The evening was quite nice and so I went to the beach there, without backback. I'm wondering how my legs are still able to walk...

Yesterday we walked from Caernarfon to Bangor. I have a head cold so we decided to take the bus for a bit in the afternoon. We went to Beaumaris, which was beautiful, and then back to Bangor. We stayed the night near the pier so I have some nice photos of the sunset there. Sadly it closed at 8 pm. Now we are on Anglesey, walking around here, towards the beach. My cold got worse so not mu h walking today I guess.

Today we took the bus to Caernarfon as it was raining heavily and we were so tired after yesterday. The night was not the best . Our fire went out so it was cold in the morning and we had little sleep in total. Still, the long walk on two days was a good experience for us, as we could see all the way we had come. Caernarfon is a nice little town. We walked along the coast for an hour and I visited the castle which is really big and totally worth a visit. Probably even more so when it isn't raining. Our hostel is very nice as well and we are just happy to be somewhere dry and warm at the moment. Tomorrow we are going to walk again.

Today was so exhausting! We started a bit later than planned from Dolgellau and walked 20 km air line distance to Trawsfynydd with detours to an old abbey and some amazing waterfalls. Took us the whole day, we were still aching from yesterday’s tour. This night we are staying in a cabin with a wood burning stove next to the lake. We had to borrow a cooker from some people at the camping site to make food. We won’t even be able to enjoy the peaceful place, as we are falling asleep standing up. Tomorrow will be a bit more relaxed, I hope. I will upload more photos next week.

The first day was amazing! We started in Aberystwyth and climbed over Cader Idris to Dolgellau. Wales is so beautiful! I'm just so exhausted, I'm not used to walking with a heavy backpack.

My brother is here with me and at this moment we are heading towards North Wales for a 6 day hike through Snowdonia. I'm so excited!

Easter

So it's the Easter break and I spoke to my friend Ana about how Easter has been like for her to see if there are differences like I experienced with Christmas. 

When I compare the sweets you can buy in all the shops, I see mostly very big chocolate eggs and not the variety of smaller ones I know from Germany. Now it suddenly makes sense that in Harry Potter they get these big eggs from Mrs Weasley. I always thought that was something J.K. Rowling invented. 

But aside from the commercial side, I wanted to know how Easter was celebrated by Welsh people at home and how it was for the children.

So here is what Ana said:

“Easter hasn't always been a big deal in the UK, but for me it always consisted of my mother making a huge dinner for the family. The best part was the magical hunt around the house for these little chocolate eggs waiting to be found. I remember one Easter where i had so many chocolate eggs that i couldn't finish them all! I also remember one time where my dad donated an Easter egg for children in need. I hope that sparked magic for who ever received it.”

Some parts of this feel very familiar. When I was a child we too had an Easter egg hunt around the house and the garden. We always had family from all parts of Germany visiting or we went to see them. But the most magical moments for me were always when we went to church on the Sunday when everything was still dark. In many years my mum and I were both singing in the choir. Everyone had candles which were the only light in the dark church and this light was then passed on.  While we were in church, the sun would rise and the first morning light that came through the stained glass windows was always a very special moment.  I don’t know if the difference lies in the religion. My family is protestant and for us the Good Friday that we call Karfreitag (which means “the Friday for grieving”) is the most important holiday of the year. 

Interesting to see all these little cultural differences! I hope you had a lovely Easter, however you celebrated it (or if you didn't celebrate it)!

What a hell of an assignment omg. I just finished my placement file with 71.564 words. This is the longest assignment I ever had to write and I can't believe I somehow did this (I also don't understand how?!). I hope this at least improved my written English...

Some photos I took on my first day in Cardiff last September. I remember how it felt so unreal to be there. I had so much stress before, barely sorting everything out and suddenly I was in Wales.  I also learned some important things about living in Wales: Umbrellas are useless because of the wind and the weather basically changes every 5 minutes.