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irisposts · 2 months
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don’t go | e.williams
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warning: cheating, slight angst
thinking about making multiple parts lemme know! :)
edited: yes/no
DINNER IS AWKWARD….
Your fork clinks against the plate as you attempt to spear the lingering asparagus. The sounds of Jesse clearing his throat and Dina blowing a breath of air fill the room.
Your eyes lift ever so slightly, observing Ellie toying with her food—her fork nudging lettuce around her plate, her expression disturbed. You then turn your attention to Calum, your boyfriend, who casually swipes at his mouth with a napkin, seemingly unfazed by the tension in the air.
You chew on your lip.
Jesse clears his throat once more, “Y/N, man, these mashed potatoes.” His usual southern drawl, which would bring you comfort, now adds to your anxiety. “Sure are good… love me some good ol’ mashed potatoes.”
Jesse awkwardly chuckles, then stops as Dina gestures for him to stop with a touch of her hand.
The first scrape of the chair reaches your ears.
“I’m not feeling well,” Ellie abruptly stands up and takes her plate.
You watch with wet eyes as she avoids eye contact, keeping them low to the ground. What stings the most is the comforting look Dina offers to her, and how Ellie acknowledges that instead.
“Thanks for the dinner.” She nods towards you and Calum, then disposes of her plate in the kitchen. You watch as she comes back to walk past and stops. She looks at the two of you this time, and you can see it in her eyes, the hurt. “Congrats.”
And with that, Ellie walks away head low. Your throat tightens, and this massive wave of unease settles at the pit of your stomach. Your eyes fall to the diamond ring on your finger, and it feels almost too much to bear.
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It's been three weeks since you and Calum dropped the engagement bomb on your friends over dinner. Or at least, Calum did the dropping. You wanted to wait a few more weeks, maybe even months.
You care a lot about Calum; he's sweet, kind, and handsome. However, you can't shake the feeling that things are moving too fast. You both met at university around a year ago, and you’re both in your early twenties, trying to figure this whole thing out.
Then, last month, he got down on one knee at dinner, in front of your parents, and popped the magic question,
"—Do you want to marry him?"
Your mind goes blank, and you glance over to Ellie, who's fixedly staring at the TV.
"What?"
Ellie licks her lips, and you observe her swallowing a thought.
This is the first time in weeks you've heard Ellie speak to you in a complete sentence. You've been roommates for three years, and not hearing her voice was admittedly torture. Lately, she's been distant and awkward, responding with the occasional "yeah," "yes," "I don't know."
You practically invited yourself onto the couch tonight, and now she's talking to you; things are starting to look up for once, you think to yourself.l
"Do you want to marry Calum...?" Ellie turns her head toward you, but her eyes are still low. She holds her pointer and middle finger, a nervous tick you've noticed over the years.
You take a moment. "I…" When you try to speak and say yes, the words get stuck in your throat. You close your lips and swallow. "I don't know...."
Saying this, a wave of shame hits you, and you bite back the guilt, but you feel it spreading to your throat, crawling toward the surface. "W-Why do you ask?"
Ellie shakes her head, hesitating. “I…just.” Her lips tremble, and you watch as she goes through the motions before finally saying, "Don't go."
It's almost like your world stops, and in tunnel vision, it's only Ellie.
You lean forward, placing your hand on top of hers. "Ellie, I—"
The front door snaps open; your fiancé, Calum, stumbles in. You sit up, partially alarmed but equally annoyed that you had given him a key a while back.
"Helloooooo!” He slams the door shut and stumbles further into the apartment. "Man, people don't know how to drive," Calum slurs his words. "Fuckin amateurs…"
Ellie's lips turn into a straight line, and she swipes at her eyes.
"You drove here drunk?"
Calum makes a face. "No, Jesus, Y/N. Relax, I just had a few drinks with the boys."
Calum turns towards your bedroom in a sway. He's drunk, too drunk as you watch him steady himself along the walls.
Ellie stands up and mumbles something along the lines of, "I got homework tonight," and shuffles awkwardly into her room.
"Ellie?" But it's too late as her room door closes.
Calum is at your front door, and he laughs. "What crawled in her pants?"
If you could throw daggers with your eyes, Calum would be obliterated.
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It’s another two weeks, and your mind still wonders about what Ellie had meant when she said, “Don’t go.” You practically drive yourself mad, but every time you try to bring it up, Ellie is either too tired to talk, or you're working a shift, or Ellie is at basketball practice or with Dina and Jesse.
Speaking of Dina and Jesse, you've noticed your spot in the group has shrunk; the trio tends to hang out more, leaving you with Calum.
Most importantly, you've observed Dina and Ellie becoming exceptionally close.
Dina has been at your apartment more frequently; you hear the giggles in Ellie’s room when Dina stays the night. And you love Dina; you truly do, but you can't help but feel a bit jealous of this whole ordeal; after all, Ellie is your best friend. But this jealousy is more; it's different…
“Hey.”
You say the word so sharply it could cut ice. You watch as Ellie exits the bathroom, towel drying her hair.
She looks around at the empty apartment, “Hey?”
Every thought in your head scrambles to make its way first to your lips. “You’ve been avoiding me.” You don’t mean to sound accusatory, but you've simply had enough; you miss your best friend, your Ellie.
Ellie chews on the inside of her cheek. “Have I?” She continues walking forward towards her bedroom. But you stop her, grabbing her arm.
“Stop.”
Ellie turns to you, cheeks hot.
Your chest thumps at her wet hair sticking to her face, the messiness of it all. The rosiness of her cheeks, the freckles that decorate her face. The visible skin of her waist, the water droplets rolling off, as she only wears her sports bra and a pair of baggy shorts. You notice the waistband sticking out underneath.
You shake the thought licking at your lips, “What did you mean by ‘don’t go?’”
You remove your hand.
Ellie rocks on her heels. “Are we still talking about this?”
You cross your arms. “Yes.” You swipe at your eyes. “Please.”
Ellie thinks for a moment, trying to find the words. “I just don’t think… Calum is the right person for you.” Ellie raises her eyes slowly, expecting a fight. “Okay?”
You take a breath. “And who would be my right person?”
Ellie pauses, her gaze shifting from your eyes to your lips. The heat rises in her cheeks, and her chest pounds so loudly that she wonders if you can hear it. Clamminess creeps into her palms, and the thought of passing out on the spot crosses her mind, but this might be her only chance to keep you,
"me."
A part of you wants to respond with "no" or "we're just friends; I have a fiancé," yet that part of yourself is rendered null as Ellie stands before you.
The other part screams, a surge of joy, jitters, and emotions. It’s almost a sigh of relief – the feeling you’ve harbored for years now reciprocated.
“Y/N,?” Ellie looks at you, concerned, but you reach forward.
“Shut up,” Holding her face between your hands, your lips meet in a feverish kiss. It’s every bit of love that has been locked away for years, pouring out.
The next thing you know, you're stumbling back towards her bedroom, hands moving, touching, and grabbing each other's skin. In the process, your lips move in unison. It’s messy, but it’s everything you could ever imagine it to be. Ellie kisses with a sense of authority and power, she’s obviously well mastered in the art.
Her tounge slides at your bottom and you gasp just as her muscular arms flex, and lift you onto her hips, “Fuck.”
You're even more impressed as she carries you to her bedroom.
Her foot slamming the door shut behind you.
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irisposts · 2 months
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Damn my dinner is ready yum
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irisposts · 2 months
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I don't know if you've done this yet but can we have mean ellie is FWB with the reader but she's jealous when the reader is into someone else 👀
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i have not + you know what anon i could kiss your brain rn ! i definitely view this pairing as separate from this fwb!ellie x reader, but this could also technically fit in their early timeline since nothing else has really been established about them...
content warnings: language, ellie being an asshole (very on brand for me to write ig lmao), reader actually sticks up for herself in this one, but eventually folds (i would too for ellie ngl) 18+ content that includes; brief mentions of strap-on sex, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r!receiving).
author’s note: i’ve been so unmotivated to write, but this request awoke something in me idk...also, if you’ve sent in a tlou request (yes even from june), i’m still cooking i promise! (and not in the way that ellie keeps promises in this fic lmfaoo).
main masterlist | tlou masterlist
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You didn’t want to say anything at first, couldn’t be too sure under the lowlights of the party with bass-y music that makes both the house and your chest throb with every beat, but you see it clear as day on the drive home and a passing streetpost illuminates the purpling flesh on Ellie’s carotid.
She nearly jumps out of her skin when your fingertips brush over the blooming bruise, obviously fresh and warm to the touch.
“What the fuck?” she huffs, pulling the drawstrings on her hoodie to scrunch to fabric around her neck.
“Who gave you that?” you ask softly, expression on your face enough to devastate, but Ellie’s always been different, an anomaly of sorts when it came to the matters of her stony heart.
“Why does it matter?” she scoffs.
“Ellie,” you sigh. “You know why it matters.”
She’s swinging a right at the intersection, nearing the residential you live in.
“It doesn’t,” she grunts. “Because at the end of the night, it’s you I’m fucking, isn’t it?”
And you don’t know why the way she puts it stings so much this time around when she frequently reminds you both directly and indirectly that while you may be her most recurrent hookup, you’re definitely not her only one, but it does. Does so much that you’re turning your face towards the window to hide the tears that are pooling.
Because all you wanted was Ellie. Wanted her in ways she wasn’t willing to give you. Wanted to learn and grow with her, but she wasn’t budging and lately, you’ve been feeling stupid.
When she turns into your neighborhood, you speak.
“Just drop me off, please.”
Ellie’s slowing down, palm finding purchase on your thigh.
“Babe, c’mon,” she practically whines, kneading the skin there. “Don’t be like that.”
You shift away from her, gather your purse from your feet as she continues through the different apartment buildings.
“Babe,” she calls again when you barely wait for her to stop and you’re pushing the car door open.
And maybe it’s childish, but you’re wounded and quite frankly done with the back and forth.
“She’s probably waiting for you,” you add petulantly.
“Babe, seriously. You’re being annoying,” she warns.
“And you’re being a dick,” you bite back. “First, you drag me out to a shitty party where I don’t know a single soul even though you promised we could just chill and smoke while watching that stupid fucking space exploration documentary, then when we get there, you’re leaving me with a bunch of sleazy assholes while you do god knows what with the same girl you’ve been telling me not to worry about for the last five weeks.”
And of things Ellie’s looks horrified at, it’s the fact that you’d been observant enough to recognize the girl she’d thought she whisked away before your prying eyes could catch on.
“I’m not fucking stupid, Ellie,” you say with resignation. “I tried to turn the other cheek because I really fucking like you, but you treat me like shit and I deserve better than that.”
Of course you don’t know it, but those fucking words bite. They’re an automatic trigger because unbeknownst to you, both of your friend groups think the same thing. Aren’t afraid to let her know otherwise. And she’s obviously well aware that, Christ, yes, you absolutely deserve better. Is actually really insecure on the low because she doesn’t know why you stick around with a piece of shit like her when you could have so much better.
So she does what she does best when she feels like a kicked puppy and lashes out.
“Of course Little Miss Princess deserves better,” she mocks. “What fucking ever. I don’t know why I flaked on a ten for such a stuck up bitch.”
And you see right through her, know that she’s all bark and no bite, but it hurts regardless, when you step off to the side and she’s leaning over the center console to shut the passenger side door herself.
She’s revving off without another word, and to add insult to injury, your phone’s pinging obnoxiously once you get out of your well-needed shower.
els <3 sent a video.
It’s the blonde from the party. Of course those dumb LEDs pulse red in the background, making Ellie and her flavor of the night look a thousand times more seductive. Ellie’s kissing her sloppily, whispering things against her mouth that you can’t quite pick out.
els <3 sent a video.
The next video’s grainy, but you can hear the tell-tale squelch, the girl’s shaky moans and Ellie egging her on. Your cheeks are on fire and you feel like you’re about to throw up.
els <3 sent a photo.
You wonder if the girl knows, that Ellie’s sending you the most compromising footage of her. If she knows how grimy the green-eyed girl truly is, sending someone else pictures of her stuffed hilt-deep with the same strap Ellie’d used on you.
els <3: still think u deserve better ?
You delete the thread and her phone number.
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Ellie expects you to crack first, you always do. Because even if she isn’t shit, she’s your biggest weakness and she knows it. Can say so with confidence, because maybe the same can be said about her.
She hasn’t fucked you in nearly two weeks and not a single body she touches can elicit the same feeling that you do. And in the back of her brain, she knows why, but Ellie’s prideful. Won’t dare admit it out loud.
So she cracks first. Texts you between classes.
me: i have a few joints + a coupon to tino’s if you’ll let me come over… :(
my #1 girl: Who’s this?
Ellie throws her head back and groans.
me: cmon baby, dont b like that. im srry i was mean, ill make it up to u
my #1 girl: I think you have the wrong number…
me: babe stopppp
Her text bubbles turn green after that message.
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You forget that Ellie has a copy of your key because she’s never used it in the five months that the two of you have been in this precarious situation, and your heart falls square to your ass when you emerge from the shower to find her setting up a box of pizza on your coffee table.
“Ellie, what in the fuck?”
She feigns nonchalance, pulls a few joints from her jacket pocket. But the aroma of weed or the grease of the pizza isn’t what makes you wrinkle your nose.
It’s the smell of flowers that waft from a pretty vase sitting on the cut away of the kitchen counter.
Your gaze fixes on the girl who settles on your couch.
“You need to leave,” you say stonily.
“But I just got here,” Ellie says. “And I brought you pizza…and flowers.”
“I’m sorry, did you think that a five dollar pizza and a bouquet of flowers from Saver’s was going to fix the fact that you’ve been so fucking awful to me for the past half year?”
Ellie shrinks.
“Well, no…but—”
“You practically sent me a homemade porno of you and some other girl you fucked to get back at me for setting a boundary, Ellie,” you say sharply. “What, did it not work out? Did you—”
“I’m trying to be the bigger person here,” Ellie sighs. “I am sorry. I just—”
“You what?”
“I don’t fucking know, okay?” Ellie snips. “God, you’re talking down to me like you’re a fucking therapist or my fucking mom and—”
You’re shaking your head, crossing the room and picking up the pizza from the coffee table to shove in her arms.
“I don’t have time for this,” you mutter. “Kenzie’s going to be here any minute now—”
“Who the fuck is Kenzie?” Ellie balks, caught like a deer in the headlights.
“Ellie, don’t,” you warn.
“Don’t what?” she practically seethes. “You think I’m just gonna be okay that you’re spending time with some other stupid bitch? Maybe you’ve forgotten, but you’re mine.”
And she shouldn’t have glanced down at your cleavage as you cross your arms over your chest, but Ellie’s weak and you look too fucking pretty for your own good.
“Yours?” you ask incredulously. “Do you hear yourself?”
“Yes, mine,” Ellie affirms. “All fucking mine and no one else’s.”
“God, you’re so full of shit, Ellie,” you scoff. “I’m supposed to be loyal to you and be okay with you having a roster, but I can’t go on a date with someone I genuinely like because it fucks with your brain to have a legitimate interest in somebody?”
“You like her?” Ellie asks in disbelief. “Like, like her, like her?”
“Yes,” you reply without hesitation.
And that makes Ellie’s jaw set, makes her narrow her eyes at you.
“You like her more than me?” she taunts.
And maybe she has you there, but you refuse to give her the upper hand.
“I could learn to,” you answer honestly. “Because Kenzie is kind to me. She doesn’t treat me like an option, doesn’t act like she’s God’s gift to the fucking world and that I should kiss her feet for giving me the time of day. And I get it, you don’t like me the way I like you—”
“You think I don’t like you?” Ellie asks like the thought is unfathomable.
“I don’t think, Ellie, I know. We went into this without any strings attached, we established that it’d just be fucking, but I was honest in telling you that I caught feelings and you used that to your advantage. You lied to me on multiple occasions, you make me look stupid, like I’m fucking crazy.”
And you wish you’d gotten through your spiel without choking up, but Ellie’s the first girl you’d liked in a while even if she was bad news. And when you thought that maybe you could shake her, she’d come barreling back.
“Baby,” she murmurs, face softening as she’s crossing the space between you two to cup your face in her hands.
“Don’t call me that,” you hiccup, trying to push her touch away.
“Babe, stop,” she says firmly. “I’m serious. You think I don’t like you?”
“Well, you don’t fucking act like it,” you mutter. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyways because whatever this was is done. You’re free to do what you want, who you want, whether you like me or not.”
God, do you unwittingly light a fire under Ellie’s ass when she thinks of what this Kenzie girl could do to you if she lets you walk out the door. Absolutely loathes the thought of anyone else knowing what you look like in any state of indecency, that you fucking cry watching children’s movies, that you snore like a freight train if you’re tired enough and have a weird ass penchant for pickle chips when you’re high.
“You’re not going on that fucking date,” Ellie says with finality, palms sliding from your shoulders to skim down the length of your arms and situate over the swell of your hips.
“Who says?”
“Me,” she huffs. “Because I’m going to make it up to you and we’re going to smoke these blunts and eat this fucking pizza and I’m going to make you cum so fucking hard, you won’t even remember that you were thinking of leaving me for someone else.”
“You’re not my girlfriend, Ellie,” you reiterate. “You can’t just–”
“Maybe not then, and maybe not in this moment, but I will be,” she says, and the words catch you completely off guard.
She’s catching your bottom lip between hers to further disorient you, kissing you like this could very well be her last.
“Just give me some time,” she whispers, walking you back towards your bedroom. “I’ll get my shit together for you. Promise.”
And you know deep down that you shouldn’t believe her. She’s just feeling territorial and grasping at straws to keep you leashed, but Ellie’s always been such a good kisser and she’s devouring you like she really is sorry.
She’s tossing your against your unmade bed, caging you between lithe limbs as she leans back on her haunches to take you in. Your blouse rides up to reveal the flimsy bands of your lacy little thong and Ellie’s lacking decency as she flips your skirt up to reveal a growing patch of wetness.
“Were you planning on getting fucked or do you always go out like this?” Ellie ponders, fingers rough as she pulls the tiny scrap of fabric down your legs and nearly salivates when a string of your arousal leaves with it.
Your lips part to answer, but her thumb’s dipping between your folds, pad collecting some of your slick from your drooling slit to smear over your achey little bud.
“I asked you a question,” Ellie says gently. “You just gotta be honest with me, baby.”
“S’hot out,” you whimper, fingers closing around her wrist when your body jerks against a particularly delicious stroke of her thumb.
“Yeah?” she clarifies. “You wouldn’t let any else touch you, would you? Not when I take good care of you like this?”
Her other hand comes to toy with your entrance, doesn’t give you any warning before her middle and ring finger are sinking inside slowly.
“Oh, fuck,” you whine.
“You’re my girl, you hear me?” Ellie murmurs, leaning down to catch your clit between her lips. “You’ll be my number one, always.”
She’s teasing at first, tongue languid against your fluttering pussy, but you’re quiet, back of your wrist caught between your teeth to muffle your moans.
One of her hands reach up to yank it away.
“Say it,” she barks, pulling away from your needy heat.
“Ellie,” you whimper.
“Say it,” she repeats firmly.
“M’your girl,” you moan shakily, thighs quivering as she smoothes her palms over the underside of your thighs to push them up to your chest.
“Yeah, you are,” she whispers, spitting harshly on your heat. “My favorite fucking pussy.”
She’s eating you out like she’s missed you, like she’ll only be satisfied when you finally cum. And maybe it’s true.
Maybe not.
Especially when she draws nearly three orgasms from you and practically knocks you out.
You don’t know how long you doze off for, but when you finally wake up, the sun has almost completely set, bathing your room in a burnt orange glow that leaves your dewy skin warm and sticky. And perhaps it’s wishful thinking when you call Ellie’s name, met only with the echo of your raspy voice. After all, you’re tucked on the wrong side of bed, elusive girl nowhere to be found.
As you dress and search for your phone, you can’t even find it in yourself to be surprised.
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irisposts · 2 months
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i need this story injected in my veins
— 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 | 𝒆. 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒎𝒔
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collegebff!ellie x fem!reader based on this ask ! fluff / angst / suggestive content / bff2l , wc: 7.1k (sum1 sedate me)
synopsis: since the beginning of college, it’s always been you and ellie. you like to think you’ve got her figured out, but there’s one thing you can’t get a read on and it’s the matters of her heart.
content warnings: language, suggestive content, kissing, ellie’s clueless and reader’s shy. (seemingly) one-sided pining, jazz cabb. this is literally self-indulgent mush.
fic soundtrack: like i want you — giveon / can i — kehlani / electric — alina baraz & khalid / sdp interlude — travis scott / options — doja cat & JID
main masterlist | tlou masterlist
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YOU MEET ELLIE BY CHANCE during the first week of freshman year.
It’s a story you recall often in the wee hours of the night, giggling and side-by-side in her full size. The room usually reeks of weed, blanketed by stale incense and Ellie’s favorite cologne.
She’d been skating across the campus quad on her splintered deck in hot pursuit of her mis-located class when she chanced a peek at her cracked phone screen for the time. You’d been equally engrossed, coffee and unread text message from your new roomie occupying far too much attention to realize that Ellie’d been heading straight for you.
Next thing you knew, you were wearing your coffee and Ellie had scraped an elbow and a knee.
“Fuuuuuck,” Ellie moaned, cradling her elbow while inspecting the asphalt burn on her kneecap.
Your quiet sigh of disappointment caught her attention and her eyes were widening when she noticed the growing splotch of milky brown splattering your fitted white top.
“Dude, fuck, I’m so sorry,” Ellie spluttered, scrambling to collect your empty cup and your phone.
She’d inspected the screen to assess the damage, let out a sigh of relief to find it in pristine condition.
“S’okay,” you huffed out a breathy laugh, taking the phone from her as she stretched to grab for her discarded deck. “Accidents happen.”
“Your—” Ellie’s cheeks warmed when she’d noticed the full outline of your bra underneath your top. “Your shirt.”
Your lips parted once, twice, before your arms crossed over your chest in embarrassment. She wasn’t even able to offer you another apology, or anything else for that matter, before you staggered off sheepishly.
She’d redeemed herself, obviously, if your friendship now was anything to go by.
The following week, she’d dipped out of her preluding class a few minutes early to file in line at the student-run coffee shop. She’d taken a snapshot of your coffee cup before throwing it in the bin the week prior, and next thing she knew, she was sitting on the steps of the building you’d emerged from the day of the debacle and hoped for the best.
When she heard the telltale sign of students emerging from the double doors at half past noon, she sprung to her feet so fast, she nearly toppled over.
And there you were, coming out of the math building in a pretty skirt that had Ellie wetting her lips.
“Uh, hey,” she called hesitantly when you blew right by her.
You threw a split-second glance over your shoulder once, then came full stop after the second.
Ellie traveled down the rest of the steps to join you, one hand stuffed in the pocket of her cargo shorts, other practically strangling the poor coffee cup.
“Oh.” You sounded surprised, eyebrows twitching up momentarily. “Hey.”
“This is, uh, for you,” she’d said, offering the drink to you.
“For me?”
“Yeah,” she affirmed. “Y’know, ‘cuz last week and…”
You took the coffee, eyes glancing over the modifications scribbled on the side of the cup.
“How’d you know my order?” Your smile had been enough to make Ellie blow out a shaky breath.
“You left your cup.”
“Right,” you replied shyly. “Thanks, really. You didn’t have to do this.”
“Nah,” Ellie assured you. “I…I—”
And she’d been so fucking speechless because you were staring at her with round eyes through thick lashes. Had her spluttering like an idiot and wringing her unoccupied hands.
The rest—
“Well the rest is history,” Ellie mocks, reciting the end of that stupid story as she takes a deep pull from the skinny joint and watches you through the mirror as you get ready.
You let out a little laugh as you roll a clump of mascara from your corner lashes, the memory fresh in your brain like it’d happened days ago.
In reality, the two of you have been glued for nearly three years. It’s a thought that makes you ruminate a little too much for your liking. Makes you wonder if she’d felt the sparks like you did.
Sometimes you’re convinced that she had. That theses lines you've danced your entire friendship are just ticking moments waiting to detonate. There can’t be any other explanation.
Not when she’d started showing up outside of the math building every Tuesday and Thursday that semester and walked you to your next class. When it’d escalated to exchanging socials medias, then eventually phone numbers, and making plans to eat lunch during a mutual free period. Or hanging out off campus, orbiting each other at gatherings when you find that you've made some mutual friends.
And not now when she shows up every Wednesday evening no later than five past eight with takeout from your favorite spot right outside of campus. Not when she waits for you to finish tutoring outside of the library with your regular coffee in tow (surprise; you haven't changed your order since freshman year). Especially not when she drops what she’s doing, who she’s doing, every time you call.
Course it’s not like she can’t say the same. You’re her biggest supporter, her number one girl no matter what ways the others in your friend group and distant peers try to twist it. You’re there at every one of her research presentations for her astronomy major. Despite not having an athletic bone in your body, you’re at the skatepark with her on the weekends, cheering her on from the stone picnic tables. And when the sun goes down and she’s caked with sweat and dirt, you’re positioned between her knees as she sits on the hood of her car, hissing when you dab a little too much ointment on the cut across her cheek.
To the naked eye, you and Ellie are a lot more like lovers than friends, and the idea is one that makes your gut flutter, makes your toes tingle and your cheeks warm.
But those feelings are tamped down when, like clockwork, Ellie laughs like it’s the funniest thing she’s heard. The picturesque fantasy you’ve built of being with Ellie as more than a friend is smeared. Because even if she doesn’t deny it, doesn’t correct whoever’s made the observation, she’s not confirming it either.
And, Jesus, you don’t want to read too much into it when things are so good between the two of you, but you can’t fucking help yourself when it comes to her. Can’t help but want her when she does what she does, when she looks the way she does.
Your eyes flicker up when the springs in your mattress creak and Ellie’s climbing off your bed to lean against the edge of the desk.
She doesn’t say anything, just swipes the edge of your bottom lip absently, a mixture of your sticky lipgloss and saliva coming off on the pad of her thumb.
“Too much,” is all she says, kicking off the desk to shrug her hoodie on over her black tank top. She’s halfway out your bedroom when she turns to glance at you over her shoulder. “You coming or what? We’re gonna be late, dingus.”
“Yeah...yeah, coming.”
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Party’s in full swing when you squeeze in. The bass shakes the grass as you cross the front lawn and the LEDs glow through the closed curtains. For the most part, the festivities are contained, a few bodies on the porch smoking a mixture of cigarettes and greens, but as soon as you and Ellie are sliding through the door, it’s like the vibes start melting and Ellie’s getting into the zone.
She’s in her element like this, couple of prerolls in her pocket for when she’ll find a quiet place out on a balcony or squeeze onto the roof from somebody’s unlocked bedroom and smoke with some friends who’ll either bum a couple passes or pay in full.
“You wanna drink?” Ellie asks you when you guys find a good spot in the living room.
“Sure,” you agree easily. “Seltzer if they have it.”
She nods.
“Gotcha, I’ll be back.”
She’s disappearing into the crowd and you take the opportunity to assess your surroundings. It’s relatively laidback, couple of familiar faces from different lectures and seminars soothing the tiny niggling of anxiety that blooms behind your navel. The living room is shrouded in mood lighting and the vibrations from the speakers rattle the walls.
“Wait, was that Williams?”
Your ears perk when you hear it, eyes flitting to a group of girls that stand in a clump near the stereo.
“Yeah, she’s headed towards the kitchen,” one of the girls says, tall and willowy.
“Think I should?” the girl towards the middle asks.
She’s too pretty for her own good, has glittery shimmer on her eyelids, pearlescent lipgloss and low rise jeans that hug her ass like they were hand-crafted for her.
Something green starts to swell.
“What?” another asks, and you recognize her from discrete calculus.
“Should I talk to her?” Glittery Eyeshadow says.
“Why not?” Your calculus classmate shrugs. “Her little shadow’s not around.”
Okay, wow. Ouch.
You angle your body away, turn your head to hide the burn of your cheeks and to tune in a little better.
“You sure that’s not her girl?” the tall one asks. “They kinda seem like they’re together.”
“Doubt it,” your classmate chuffs like she knows something they don’t. From the corner of your eye, you see them lean in close to each other. “Ellie’s been with a coupla girls on campus. Heard she gives phenomenal head.”
That makes you swallow so hard, your eyes begin to burn.
Ellie usually kept her love life hush, didn’t really mention the likes of anyone else around you, and you’d always been too shy, too enamored to ask. Perhaps too afraid of what the confirmation of her escapades would do to you.
This was Exhibit A.
“Let’s add to that list,” Glittery Eyeshadow says, and your heart absolutely sinks to your ass when you see her walk confidently across the living room and into the kitchen.
You see them from the cutout, and your breath hitches when a switch flips and Glittery Eyeshadow’s tapping Ellie’s shoulder gently, tucking her hands behind her back when she turns on her heel.
Ellie’s widened eyes go soft, a small smile easing its way onto her lips as the girl says something that has your best friend laughing behind a sip of the drink she cracks open. You see the seltzer, the one you’d requested being cracked open and offered to the girl.
“What a lucky fuckin’ bitch,” your calc classmate giggles. “Ellie’s sooo hot.”
“How much do you wanna put on it that it’s not gonna happen?” Tall Girl huffs a laugh.
“No way,” her counterpart scoffs. “Liv’s got infinite ways into anyone’s pants.”
You put a name to the face, find that it’s fitting and feel the envy begin to roil full force.
Tall Girl hums thoughtfully.
“I dunno, Ellie and that one girl are virtually inseparable. Even if they’re not together, there’s something there for sure.”
You peek long enough to see your classmate roll her eyes, but when your gaze swings back to the kitchen, Ellie and Liv are nowhere to be found.
Panic begins to cloud your system, absence of any alcohol or weed making you far too aware of how fucking awful all of this makes you feel.
You decide to stick around for a moment, back nearly plastered to the wall, but after a moment too long passes and you don’t see any sight of Ellie or Liv in the kitchen or through the sliding glass doors that lead to the back porch, you’re peeling away.
The chitters from Liv’s friends die out when they realize you’d only been a few meters away.
The house had seemed like the perfect size when the two of you were walking up, but now, as you weave through every room and poke your head into empty bedrooms, it seems so much larger than you’d expected.
Your last resort is down a set of stairs nestled near the back of the house. There’s more music that bumps from the basement and you figure it’s why it seemed that the grass was rumbling outside.
The basement is finished, paneled and reeks of weed. There’s far less people down here from what you can observe from the railing, but you clock Ellie and Liv before you make your full descent. They’re cozy on a loveseat, one of Liv’s legs is propped over Ellie’s knee while her manicured fingers fumble with some rolling paper.
You hear her over the thrum of the bass.
“You’re so much better at this than I am,” she moans. “Show me how?”
You’re still watching them over the railing, partially hidden by the drywall. And you’re glad, because you nearly retch when you see the way Ellie’s ringed fingers close over Liv’s and they roll the joint together. Ellie’s head is in her space to get a closer look, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that Liv’s pupils are probably blown wide from the proximity.
And fuck, the way the flat of Ellie’s tongue rolls over the edge absolutely seals the last nail just as she does the joint and you’re turning to shakily climb the steps again.
Maybe the two of you were better off as friends. Maybe you were reading way too much into things, into what the two of you could be.
Tonight only solidifies that.
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Ellie is stupid, stupid, stupid.
She’d been halfway through the blunt she was sharing with the girl who’d cornered her in the kitchen when she remembers. Remembers that she’d left you upstairs. Only does so because Liv’s taking a swig of the seltzer that was meant to be yours and she’s pushing her leg from her knee and shooting up from the chair.
“Shit,” she breathes. “My bad, I gotta dip.”
Liv’s arched eyebrows raise.
“Huh?”
“I left my girl upstairs.”
And Liv’s eyes narrow.
“Your girl?” she asks, smoke wafting around her pinched expression.
“Yeah, my friend?” she says like you should be common information.
“The girl that follows you around like she’s leashed?” Liv laughs humorlessly.
Ellie’s confused. Like majorly confused right now. Liv had asked her to smoke, had been nice enough when they were chatting in the kitchen, but something’s flipped and it makes annoyance simmer in the pit of her belly.
“The fuck did you just say?” Ellie says stonily.
Liv blinks.
“Dude, fuck you,” she bites, snatching the blunt from Liv’s fingertips. “You owe me forty for the wrapper and the roll. Venmo me by the end of fuckin’ night.”
Liv and a couple half-sober bystanders look stunned at Ellie’s outburst as she rushes from the basement and takes the stairs two at a time.
The first place she looks is where she’d left you, but you’re nowhere to be found. She nearly combs the house top to bottom searching for you, green eyes frantic as she flashes her lockscreen to shitfaced party-goers.
“You seen her?” she asks quickly.
The guy looks at the brightass screen, bleary-eyed.
“Her?” He points to the screen. “Left like fifteen minutes ago…I think. I dunno.”
And that makes it all the worse considering Ellie was your ride.
She’s dodging bodies, moving through the smoky foyer to get to the front door while she shoots you a text.
me: where’d u go bug???
Ellie’s slipping out of the house, taking survey of the front porch and the lawn, gut twisting when she doesn’t see the familiar silhouette of your neck or shoulders among the other bodies.
me: r u still here?
Ellie passes the hedges and jogs down the sidewalk as she presses the phone icon next to your contact and holds the phone between her shoulder and her ear.
She’s so engrossed in getting in contact with you that she barely notices you sitting on the curb a few feet from where she’d parked on the street.
“Jesus,” Ellie sighs in relief, hanging up as soon as the operator tells her to leave a message after the tone. “Been looking everywhere for you.”
You look up at her, blinking quickly like she’d caught you in a daze.
“Huh?”
Ellie’s brows furrow as she lowers herself to sit next to you.
“What d’you mean huh? You scared the shit outta me,” Ellie laughs breathlessly. “Thought you disappeared.”
“Sorry,” you whisper. “Just needed…”
Ellie watches you expectantly.
“Needed a breather,” you admit. “Got a little overwhelmed.”
Her expression falls, eyebrows drawing in concern as she tucks some of your hair from your face. The corners of her lips twitch when a mixture of the pale moonlight and the yellowing streetlights cast a glow over your features. Your lashes are wet and she finds your cheeks warm when her thumb brushes over the skin.
“Did something happen?” she asks suddenly. “Because I swear to god—”
You shrug away from her and stand, unable to stomach the gooey gaze she gives you or the gentle brushes against your skin. It makes you fall back into old habits, into trying to read between the lines.
“I’m gonna call an Uber home,” you tell her. “We just got here and I know the party’s barely started—”
“Nah, no, fuck this party,” Ellie says, standing up to invade your space again. “We can go home, it’s okay, bug.”
And the way she calls it home, like the two of you share, makes that thread tied to domesticity tug entire too hard for you to stand still.
(Perhaps Ellie’s too chicken to admit that home isn’t necessarily just under a roof, but wrapped in the warmth of your arms).
“Ellie—”
“Are you mad at me?” she asks hesitantly, and the look on her face is devastating.
Because no, you could never be mad at Ellie, not when she’s sweet despite being rough around the edges. You can only be mad at the circumstances, at yourself for letting your delusional heart get the best of you.
“No,” you say quickly. “God, no. I’m just not…feeling it tonight, I guess.”
You want to hate Ellie for looking wounded, but instead it makes your heart grow more around the shape of her.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she almost whines, arms wrapping around your shoulders to pull you into her chest. “We coulda just stayed home and ordered pizza. Watch that stupid documentary you like.”
“S’not stupid,” you say weakly.
“C’mon, let’s go.”
“But—”
“No butts except for yours in the front seat,” Ellie says, opening the passenger side door open for you. When you drop in the seat, she’s plopping her unlocked phone in your lap. “Order pizza. And none of that pineapple bullshit on my side or I die.”
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You like to think that you could put the party behind you. That maybe you were being a little overdramatic. But after you’ve settled into your favorite spot on Ellie’s couch, wearing a pair of her sweatpants and an oversized shirt, the final crack shakes the front you’ve been maintaining for the past three years.
Ellie’s dozed off, only half a crust left from her half of the pizza sitting in the open box on top of the coffee table. Your documentary’s playing in the background, lulling your droopy eyes to close, but the faint buzzing of Ellie’s cell has you shifting awake.
You don’t mean to, but your ego’s been bruised and curiosity gets the better of you as you’re leaning forward to capture her phone from where it’s nestled between the remote, underneath the takeout box.
An unknown number flashes across the screen, a succession of texts sending the device fluttering in your sweaty palms.
It feels like the ultimate breach of privacy, like you’re using the fact that Ellie trusts you with her phone password in the worst way possible, and perhaps you are.
(307) 578 9432: got your number from your friend cat.
(307) 578 9432 sent $40
(307) 578 9432: here’s a tip <3
(307) 578 9432 sent a photo.
You don’t know what you expect, but a photograph of a girl’s tits definitely isn’t high on the list. A lump forms in your throat, choking the air from your lungs as the tears begin to prick the corner of your eyes.
You know that gemstone choker, seen the way it gleamed under the lowlight of the party when Liv had taken a deep breath before sauntering over to Ellie. It’s the same one in the racy photo, and it’s the last straw.
Ellie’s phone vibrates again.
(307) 578 9432: don’t let your lil pup see ! xx
And that sends you spiraling. Has you closing out of the text thread, sliding Ellie’s phone back in place, and shooting up from couch.
The sudden movement makes Ellie stir, but she never fully rouses from her sleep, and for once, you thank the universe for being on your side.
You’re collecting your things from where you’d discarded them on your way in, and it feels a lot like things are officially crumbling. And you don’t know why. Should’ve seen it coming, really.
She’d never see you that way. She’s leagues above you, charismatic and cool in a way that has everyone wanting a slice of what it’d be like to be friends with Ellie Williams. Doesn’t help that she’s so painfully attractive, energy magnetic. She’s so kind, too fucking smart for her own good, and a really really good friend.
You realize as you slip from her apartment and make the trek home, that maybe that’s all you and her were ever destined to be.
So you mark tonight in your books.
Tonight’s the night you’re gonna start falling out of love with Ellie Williams.
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Ellie wakes up to the soft pings of her alarm and she’s rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she pats the area next to her in search of your sleeping form.
She comes up empty and she squints past the filtering sunlight to find that her apartment is completely still. The television’s been turned off, pizza boxes stacked neatly on the eat-in.
She calls your name, once, twice. But she’s met with absolute silence.
“What the fuck?” she mutters under her breath as she stands from the couch and stretches the sleep from her bones.
A quick glance at the digital clock underneath the TV shows that her 10am seminar starts in about half an hour.
Ellie decides, as she takes a quick shower and brushes her teeth, that she’ll call you on the way to class.
But as she skates across the campus, pushing so hard against the asphalt, her knees hurt, you don’t answer her calls. She’d being sent straight to voicemail and straight to confused frustration.
She’s one of the only people you have set to bypass DND, so she knows you’re ignoring her.
When she makes it to the science building, she kicks off her skateboard, straps it onto her backpack and jogs through the corridors.
Ellie’s sliding into her seat near the back of the lecture hall with a few minutes to spare, so she uses the shortcut on her phone to open your text thread, only to find that there are no new additions.
All that glares back at her are the messages she’d sent you last night when you disappeared from the party.
me: hey bug lunch after my sem? half-off day @ benny’s :)
me: also why won’t u answer my calls, you disappeared on me this morning :/
Just as the professor files in and starts getting ready for his lesson, Ellie’s phone vibrates and she frowns at your message.
lovebug: raincheck on lunch, got a lot of work to catch up on
Something feels way off, makes Ellie queasy.
me: cmon bug jus half an hr, wanna c u :/
lovebug: you saw me yesterday??
me: and ?? ur my best friend, wanna c u all the time
Little does Ellie know that that text makes your stomach roil, makes you curl tighter in a ball in your bed because not only does your room still smell like her from the night prior, but because you don’t have it in you to face the world right now.
When you don’t reply to her message, she huffs out a frustrated breath just as her closest friend after you takes a seat next to her.
“Oh, boy,” Jesse comments. “This can’t be good.”
Ellie falls back in her seat, frustration seeping off her in waves.
“She’s being weird as fuck,” she sighs.
“Who?”
“________,” Ellie fills.
“Oh, your lil’ girlfriend,” Jesse snorts. “Why, what’d you do this time?”
“Nothing, nothing!” Ellie whispers. “And stop calling her that.”
Jesse rolls his eyes.
“Don’t know how many times I gotta tell you it’s not like that,” she grumbles, closing out of your text thread in fear that it’ll drive her even more crazy looking at the Read at 10:01am.
As the professor begins his lecture, Ellie continues fumbling with her phone, only to see a thread from an unfamiliar number. Her brows furrow at the most recent message: don’t let your lil pup see ! xx.
Liv.
It had to be.
She hears Jesse choke on a gasp when she opens the thread and a 4K photo of Liv’s tits flash the screen.
“No fuckin’ way,” Ellie hisses under her breath.
Jesse’s snickering beside her, eyes wide as she accepts the forty dollars into her account and deletes the entire thread altogether.
“Hate that stupid—”
“Shh!”
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You avoid Ellie like the plague.
It’s a difficult feat on its own considering Ellie knows your schedule like the back of her hand and she’s waiting outside your lectures for you to surface.
But you adapt quick and you’re taking side exits and different routes while you collect yourself enough to face her.
Nearly a week out and you find that the wound’s still too fresh to pick. Realize as much when Ellie finally corners you during a vulnerable moment in the late afternoon on the way to the library.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
The voice startles you so much, you trip one foot in front of the other, and Ellie’s catching you before you can faceplant on the smooth concrete.
She’s righting you, hands dusting your shoulders off before bumping your dipped chin up to look down at your flushed face.
“Hello?”
“Around,” you answer meekly. “Been busy.”
“Alright, cut the shit,” Ellie sighs. “Last year you had that two week auditing BS and we still made time to see each other. You think you’re slick, but your location’s been pinging from home.”
“I can be busy at home,” you argue quietly. “And if you’re so hellbent on seeing me and you knew I was home, why didn’t you stop by?”
Ellie’s face softens.
“‘Cuz something’s obviously bothering you, bug,” she says, smoothing your hair from your face. “And I’ve been waiting on you to be a big girl and tell me what’s up, but it looks like I have to use other tactics.”
“Nothing’s bothering me,” you try again, gently guiding Ellie’s hands away and making a move to side step her in pursuit of the library.
“Bug, come on,” she groans, turning on her heel to watch you walk away. “I’m trying my best here, what’s got you pent up?”
“Nothing, Ellie!” you say so forcefully, she flinches. “I told you nothing’s fuckin’ wrong! Maybe I just want to be left the fuck alone!”
Ellie blinks hard.
“Oh.”
You take in a deep breath, closing your eyes in defeat as your body goes slack.
“I- fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t–”
She shakes her head.
“S’alright,” she assures you, taking a step away. Suddenly, the air seems to thicken. “Sort yourself out. Call me when you need me, I guess.”
“Ellie–”
She’s turning, dropping the board in her grip down onto the asphalt and mounting before the downslope and your eyes begin to water as you watch her figure grow smaller in the distance.
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At first Ellie’d been a little disgruntled, maybe a little frustrated, but her feelings have since simmered and now all that remains is lingering sense of sadness.
There’s a you-shaped hole in her life, one that makes her stare at the swirling ceiling of her living room as she smokes through a joint by herself and wonders what the fuck happened to the two of you so suddenly.
She’s almost embarrassed with how quickly she launches from the couch when she hears three quick raps against the front door. Her yearning heart could only hope, but she’s deflating when she finds Jesse and Dina on the other side.
“Oh,” she sighs in disappointment.
“Oh?” Jesse huffs. “Oh?”
Ellie’s grumbling as she leaves the door open for them as a silent invitation, padding back into the living room to continue her moping session.
“We bring you Benny’s and it’s oh?” Jesse continues.
“Not hungry,” Ellie gripes, forearm draped over her eyes.
“Why the fuck not?” Dina whines. “We got so much food ’cuz you eat like a man.”
“Just not hungry,” Ellie mumbles.
She hears the plastic crinkling and then the telltale sign of Jesse throwing his body weight into the right side of the loveseat.
“Alright, what the fuck is going on?” he prods. “You’ve been weird and mopey for the last two weeks and it’s gross.”
Ellie’s arm falls away and she’s sitting up.
“I don’t fuckin’ get what her issue is!” Ellie moans, throwing her hands up in the air. “One day everything’s fuckin’ great and we’re good, but then it turns on a dime and she won’t even look at me!”
Dina and Jessa share a knowing glance.
“Okay, what’s that supposed to mean?” Ellie grunts.
“Walk me through the last time the two of you talked and things were good,” Dina says, taking the arm rest next to Jesse.
“I think, like, two weeks ago at the party? We were at her house and I was smoking and then we just showed up to the party?” Ellie recounts.
“Okay, what else?” Jesse pries.
“Uh, I dunno, we walked in and I asked her if she wanted a drink,” Ellie continues. “While I’m in the kitchen, Liv comes in and asks me if I wanna smoke. Obvious yes, duh.”
Jesse raises an eyebrow.
“The girl who sent you a picture of her tits?”
“Ew, yes. But that’s besides the point,” Ellie huffs. “I rolled and smoked a little with Liv when I remembered leaving ________ up on the main floor, so I told Liv I had to dip to go get her.”
“You left the girl you’ve been in love with since freshman year all alone at some seedy party—”
“Not seedy, it was Marco’s!” Ellie argues. “And it was like fifteen minutes, tops!”
“Ellie!”
“What? I didn’t stick around anyways,” Ellie says like it assuages the entire situation. “She was being a cunt about me being friends with ________.”
“Okay, well there’s your issue,” Dina says matter-of-factly.
Ellie looks clueless.
“You’re really gonna make me spell it out for you?”
“Well obviously because I’m lost as fuck right now,” Ellie bites.
Dina rolls her eyes.
“You ditched her to smoke with some bitchy mean girl!” Dina says like it should make all the sense in the world. “And then said mean girl sent you a picture of her tits!”
“Okay, well how would—”
It clicks. Like an epiphany, Ellie’s shooting to her feet.
“Oh, fuck.”
It really does make sense now. Why you hadn’t been around the morning after, why she hadn’t seen a notification for Liv’s messages on her lockscreen, why the thread had already been marked as read.
“She saw the messages,” Ellie says, horrified. “Fuck, probably thinks me and Liv were making fun of her.”
Jesse groans.
“It’s way fuckin’ more than that, dipshit.”
Ellie’s brows furrow.
“Huh?”
“Christ, are you actually this airheaded or—”
“Okay, unnecessary,” Ellie interrupts.
“Do you not realize that the two of you have been in love with each other for the past three years?” Jesse cracks. “Of course she’s gonna be upset when you ditch her for other girls, when they send you nudes and—”
“I didn’t—”
“She’s jealous, Ellie,” Dina says. “Probably under the impression that you’re fucking around with Liv and she doesn’t know what to do with herself.”
“Dude, there’s literally zero chance she likes me like that,” Ellie says hesitantly.
“I actually want to play in seven lanes of traffic right now, holy shit,” Jesse scoffs. “You have to be unforgivably blind to not see how fucking down bad that girl is for you.”
“Am I the only one not seeing this, like—”
“Yes.” Jesse and Dina are in unison.
Ellie shifts uncomfortably, rolling her lips as she collapses back in her seat.
“She’s my best friend,” Ellie sighs in defeat. “And I don’t want to ruin things with her. What if she…”
“You gotta take the plunge, Williams,” Jesse encourages. “There’s a lot more than something there.”
Ellie opens her mouth to argue again, but Dina’s cutting her off.
“Stop being such a pussy.”
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“Wait, I don’t understand, you said it’s at the student planetarium?” you ask, rushing briskly across the campus.
“Fuck,” Dina mumbles over the receiver. “Yeah, almost positive. Astronomy club was having free donuts during lunch hour and I think I left it in the back row.”
“D!” you whine.
“I know, I’m so sorry,” she moans. “I’m the biggest idiot.”
“No, no,” you breathe, tote bag tight in your grasp as you break into a jog. “I get it, D. It’s the shark-shaped one, right?”
“Yes,” Dina confirms. “God, babe, I really owe you one.”
“You’re okay,” you assure her, climbing the steps to the science building. “I’m going in now. Should be there in less than ten.”
“Okay, I’ll be outside of the lecture hall.”
You hum your goodbye, line going dead as you enter the modern atrium. The area’s spacious, a replica skeleton of a massive dinosaur spanning the center of the entrance.
A digital directory built into one of the imposing square pillars indicates that the planetarium is on the third floor.
You’d only been in twice, both times for research presentations Ellie’d given. Her talk of the the stars and the vastness of the universe made you feel so small. So silly. Now you feel infinitely more silly hunting for a shark-shaped pencil case that houses Dina’s flashdrive she needs for her evening lecture’s slideshow presentation.
You decide to take the steps two at a time, choking for a breath by the time you make it up the third flight of stairs. The double doors to the planetarium are at the end of the hall, and if Dina’s directions are correct, the pencil case should be among the first few seats walking in.
Past the double doors, you find that Dina’s pencil case is, in fact, nowhere to be found in the first aisle that you check. But as something rustles down near the semi-illuminated podium, you find your Ellie standing from one of the front row seats. She turns to face you from the bottom of the auditorium, something akin to nervousness etched into her features.
“Ellie…” you swallow.
“Hey, bug.”
“What are you doing here?” you ask, brows furrowing as you fidget on the first step down, hand gripping the armrest of the last seat.
She rolls her lips, plays with the string of her hoodie as she sucks in a deep breath.
It’s now or never, Jesse pep-talked her on the way here, folder full of coordinates and computer commands pushed into her chest as he bounded away.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she starts. “I…I—”
“I have someplace to be, Ellie,” you interject. “Dina needs me.”
“Dina doesn’t have a presentation,” Ellie sighs guiltily. “She’s probably sitting on my couch eating my Doritos as payback for getting you over here.”
You look lost.
“Huh?”
“Listen, I knew you weren’t going to talk to me, let alone come all the way here if I asked, so…I got some help.”
And the thought makes you guilty. You and Ellie have been best friends for years. Have seen almost every ugly part of the other. But you don’t know how long you can handle being just that.
“It’s not…” You don’t even know what to say, how to deny the blatantly obvious.
“You’re my closest friend,” Ellie says. “I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without you, and…and these past few weeks have been so shit because this has felt like the end and I didn’t know why.”
You murmur her name, taking a step down.
“I have to ask you something.” Ellie’s throat bobs as she slowly climbs the steps. “And you have to be honest.”
You hesitate before nodding, breath hitching when she stands on the step below you, gazes eye level.
You’re sure she can practically feel the vibrations of your heart nearly beating from your chest, pounding against your ribcage and begging to intertwine with hers.
“Okay,” you whisper.
“Did you leave because you saw Liv’s messages?” she asks bluntly.
Your cheeks warm and your gaze falters, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shorts.
“I—”
Ellie’s eyes are unblinking, sage and searing.
“Yeah,” you admit hoarsely. “You were asleep and she…she…yeah.”
“Why?” Ellie asks, watching you with bated breath.
This is it, she’s got you right where she wants you and this moment could be the final fissure that cracks the very facade of your friendship and sends the two of you as you know it up in flames.
Her face softens when she notices the tears welling in your eyes, the way your body language has shifted so much in these passing moments. It’s unfamiliar.
“It makes me sick,” you mumble in embarrassment, knuckling the brimming tears aways. “It’s so fucking stupid, but the idea of you with anyone else makes me fucking sick.”
Ellie’s stomach is in knots, knees like jelly and heart squeezing in anticipation.
“Why?” she repeats, voice catching in her throat.
“You know why,” you croak in defeat, expression crumpling.
Your name leaves her lips firmly, hands coming up to grasp your biceps.
“Don’t be cruel,” you hiccup.
Ellie’s biting the inside of her lip, eyes searching yours in contemplation before she’s digging in the pockets of her hoodie and producing the remote to the projectors.
She’s brushing past you, up the steps to hit the lights and fully submerge the room in a split second of darkness. Then a heartbeat passes before a constellation blooms near one of the edges of the domed ceiling.
August 20th, three years ago, labels the smattering of stars and the alignment of the planets.
“What’s this,” you whisper, breath hitching as Ellie leans against the back wall.
“The day we met, first Thursday of freshman year,” Ellie says shakily. “With that stupid fucking coffee. You were wearing that white shirt.”
Your throat tightens when another constellation appears, labeled a few weeks later.
“When we first talked. I got you another drink and started walking you to class.”
You realize that every knitting of stars and planetary bodies are captures of the skies in each labeled moment.
“There was something about you,” Ellie says. “There still is. But this one—” She clicks a button and the projection ripples, clouds rolling and stars twinkling like you’re looking up at the real night sky. “This is when I knew.”
Her voice is dangerously close, a hairsbreadth from your ear. You can feel the warmth of her body enveloping yours, toes curling as you look up to the date marked and mentally sort through your thoughts.
Her first research presentation.
“I was so fuckin’ nervous, bug. And I thought I was gonna shit myself, but then you came in at the last minute and you smiled at me and it felt like we were the only two people in the room,” she admits. “And when I finished that stupid presentation and you found me after those higher ups were talking my ear off about my findings, I—”
Your eyes are glassy as you remember the way Ellie seemed to deflate in relief when you slipped into the auditorium with seconds to spare.
“You…?”
“I realized that maybe you were it for me.”
The breath’s knocked from your lungs as Ellie slides her fingers through yours and tugs you down the shallow steps of the planetarium.
The both of you stop at the beginning of the podium’s circle, sheen of tears blurring your vision as you watch more projections sprout onto the screen like fireworks.
They’re all memories, ones that you’ve cherished since the beginning. You just hadn’t realized that Ellie held them as dearly as you did.
She sucks in a deep breath, hand squeezing yours. And god, she wants to look you in your eyes when she says it, but you make her weak and she’s losing courage.
“Guess what I’m trying to say is that...” She licks her lips, pushes the words out through the nausea. “I love you. A lot. And not just as a friend."
“Oh.”
And Ellie wants to shrink at your response, palms clammy as her fingers loosen.
She feels the dread filter in, mixed with a curdling feeling of regret. But something like sick relief floods her system all the same because this feels like a semblance of freedom.
“Ellie—”
It’s her final shot in the dark.
“Tell me I’m not reading into this wrong,” Ellie says softly. “There’s something here, right? I’m not batshit crazy, am I? I— I—”
Ellie’s frequently wondered what your lips taste like. How they would feel against her own. She’d always figured it’d be a good experience, something she could kick her feet to in the dead of night, but this? God, nothing compares to this.
You taste like peach chapstick and wintergreen, lips plush against hers and Ellie’s pounding heart stutters when your hands cup her cheeks.
You kiss her so fervently, she nearly misses it, the way you murmur against her mouth.
“I love you, Ellie,” you whisper between a breath. “Love you so fuckin’ much.”
You feel her giddy grin, feel the way her hesitant hands finally find purchase, fingertips searing the curve of your waist and the small of your back as you eliminate every space possible.
As the two of you meld together under the stars, Ellie realizes that, that maybe this is what coming home feels like.
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neng © 2023
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irisposts · 2 months
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TAEHYUNG IU 'Love wins all' MV (2024)
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irisposts · 2 months
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reposting because this is my favorite work 😋
rosyln - reader x ellie
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part two & part three
a short blurb of ellie taking the drunk reader home and they have a cute interaction
highly recommend playing the song roslyn by bon iver while reading this :) might make ian extended version idk lemme know
You’re eyes caught Ellie’s the first day she came to school—the first day that her and Joel had fully assimilated into Jackson’s society. She sat in the back, head turned to the window. Seemingly lost in thought, she’d do that the entire first week. Ellie spoke only if she was spoken too. Having enough of it, you gathered the courage to approach her. It was like a match made in heaven, the two of you were inseparable and eventually you’d introduce her to your own group of friends. On one instance you ask if she wanted to sneak out of Jackson for the night with those friends. To your surprise she accepted. Without much care, you, Dina, Jessie, and Ellie left jackson. Only to be swarmed by infected, you remember distinctly how a stalker clawed it’s way over to ellie. And how you climbed atop of it,
“and slashed its throat, I mean clean off the fuckin bone…and that my friends… is how ellie is with us today.” You drunkly rest a hand atop Ellie’s shoulder. Giving it a gentle squeeze, you notice her stiffen under your touch.
The group of your friends squished around the campfire laugh amongst themselves. Cat throws a knowing look to Ellie, you catch Dina watching that interaction with intensity. Jessie chuckles to himself at the memory, “God, weren’t we stupid?”He shakes his head.
“Yeah.” Ellie let’s out a sigh. Bringing a bottle of booze up to her lips. She takes a quick swig, her head thrown back. “You totally saved my life, y/n” her head drops, eyes falling down to yours. There’s the slightest grin on her lips.
“Your welcome.” You scrunch your nose, and find your arms looping into Ellie’s. Your cheek rests along her arm.
Pat, one of the youngest of the group whistles at the interactions.
“Fuck off.” Flustered, Ellie looks to the group of people watching. Her hands smooths down the hair atop of your head. “It’s been a long night,” Ellie bends to get a better look at you. But you’re in your own mind, blabbering about nonsense at a whisper. “I should take her home.”
Jesse claps his hands together, then let’s a hand rest on top of Dina’s knee. “You need any help?”
Ellie starts to lift you up. Letting your body weight lean against her. “Nah,” Ellie pulls your arm over her shoulder. “I got her.”
Your chest thumps st the feeling of Ellie’s hand along your waist. Her fingers slightly digging into your skin. You slightly sober up, a new found energy flows through your body.
You two wobble away from the little crowd. You try to wave back to them, but Ellie almost you drags you away.
You inhale the cool air, admiring the lights of both the sky and of jackson. You close your eyes, letting the sound of both your footsteps trudging through the snow fill your ears. You think back to when you were younger, and how incredibly close you and Ellie both were. You still were close, but in recent years, Ellie’s become more distant. The smiles and puns, becoming a rare occurrence. You now open your eyes, looking over to Ellie. Admiring the redness on her nose and cheeks. The small white snowflakes sticking to her lashes. The soft cloud of her breath in the winter air.
“Mm,ithinkiwannastaywithyoutonight.” You mumble, squishing yourself closer to ellie.
She looks at you with curiosity. “What?”
You roll your eyes. You lick at your lips trying to simmer this burn of alcohol in your chest, but also utilize the sudden confidence it’s given you. “I don’t…want to go home.” Ellie furrows her brows. You look up with those determined eyes. “I want,” you poke a finger at her chest. “to go home with you….”
You finger is just above her heart and you swear you feel it thump beneath your touch. The two of you are stopped in the middle of town, snow fluttering down around you. Ellie stands frozen—that hand still on you’re waist. Her eyes dart to your left eye, then to your right, and down to your lips. To your surprise, Ellie raises her hand. It ever so slightly cups at your cheek, her thumb rubbing softly at the rosiness below your eyes. “Okay.” with a soft smile, “…let’s go home.”
Your gaze softens with a feeling that can only equate with love…
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irisposts · 7 months
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So excited for Ahsoka I drew Anakin
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irisposts · 7 months
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Trance
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i have a bunch of drafts so :) so i’m just gonna post them for the time being till i figure out what i wanna write <3 enjoy
The club pulsates with energy, the air is thick with the scent of musky cologne. Amidst the throng of people, your friends have dispersed, each seeking out new connections. Amidst the sway of bodies, your attention is drawn to a few potential partners, as well as some… unwelcome gazes. You've already declined one man's offer to dance. Handsome and polite, he was a rare exception in this club's atmosphere. Yet your focus has shifted to someone else—a captivating presence that has your attention.
Her hair is dark, almost auburn under the strategically angled lights. Pulled back into a low ponytail, it accentuates her freckle-dotted face. A sense of ease emanates from her casual outfit—a black t-shirt and jeans—adding to her magnetic allure.
As you approach the bar, she chuckles softly, the delicate sip of her shot momentarily captivating you.
Just as you stand near, she slams the shot glass onto the bar's corner, her gaze locking onto yours. You respond with a coy smile, your lashes playing a flirtatious game. A subtle swallow and a playful tug on her shirt collar reveal her subtle nervousness.
With a corner of your lip curling up, you break the ice, "Hi."
"Hi," she replies, her voice carrying a hint of huskiness.
"Wanna dance?" you ask, your playful energy evident.
Her brow quirks, a mischievous smile forming as she gestures toward her ear. "Huh?"
Your chuckle mingles with the music as you lean in closer. "I said, do you want to dance!"
Her laughter brushes along your ear, creating a connection that tingles with intimacy. "Oh!" Her fingers encircle your waist gently, prompting a blush to paint your cheeks. "I don't dance.”
Your eyes roll in playful disbelief. "Bullshit."
You watch as she reaches for a glass of beer, her touch lingers at your waist. She straightens herself up right, her neck's graceful curve is revealed. Your throat tightens as she swallows her drink. A grin adorns her lips, and her cheek presses affectionately against yours.
"I'm Ellie. And you?" Her warm breath is a tantalizing caress against your ear, sending electric shivers down your spine. Her voice is as sweet as honey.
Flustered, you withdraw slightly. "Y/N.”
"Pretty," she murmurs, her hand sliding up your side.
Your breath hitches momentarily as you catch her gaze. "C'mon." You grasp her hand, leading her onto the dance floor where the bass pulses through your bodies.
Ellie groans in protest, but her complaint is quickly silenced as your hand guides hers to your waist, drawing her closer to the center. The music guides your movements, and her hips meld with yours, swaying to the rhythm.
"So you can dance," you tease, pressing yourself against her. "Liar."
Ellie chuckles softly, her voice carrying a hint of playfulness. "Shut up."
Reaching for her other hand, you guide it along your side. The music envelops you as your arm rises and falls, guiding you both in a passionate dance. Midway through, you turn to face her. Letting your fingers trace a path down her cheek. The pad of your thumb rubs at the skin.
This close you see the incredible details of her face and how godly she was. You almost forget to dance at this point. It’s not until Elli leans down that you escape your mind.
Her lips brushes against your ear. "You're so fucking pretty."
A breath catches in your throat, and you pull away, your gaze locked with hers.
Between her lips and eyes, you're captivated by the dance of emotions.
Stepping forward, your fingers trail along her jawline before cupping it. The kiss that follows is fervent and messy, driven by uncontainable desire.
Heat builds between you, Ellie's hand at the small of your back anchoring you. A gasp escapes as she nips your lower lip. "Fuck." Foreheads meet as you both catch your breath.
Playfully, you lean in again, sharing smiles and soft chuckles, your yearning palpable.
Ellie's impatience becomes tangible. Her hand shifts to the base of your throat, exerting a slight pressure. Breathless, you watch as her lips find your ear, her words dripping with a seductive promise. "Let's go somewhere private."
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irisposts · 7 months
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I feel like Ellie would have played basketball…
could you do making out with Ellie in a locker room after practice??
also I literally adore your writing🫶(no fr it’s got me giggling and twirling my hair and shit)
"Ellie, we can't," you protest softly.
Ellie closes the gap between you, her eyes darting left and right to check for any onlookers. She presses her palms against the gym lockers, trapping you between them. "There's no one around," she insists, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
You can't help but let a grin break through, the idea of sharing an intimate moment with your girlfriend, tinged with the thrill of the possibility of getting caught, is intriguing. Yet, you wrestle with your reservations. Ellie's popularity at the university is undeniable, but it also comes with the baggage of unsolicited opinions and unnecessary drama. Both of you have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with such matters. So, you had pleaded with Ellie to keep your relationship private, confined only to the two of you and your closest friends. Even your teammates are unaware of your romantic involvement.
"…I'm sweaty and gross," you lie, though there's a hint of truth in your words.
Ellie chuckles, playfully pushing her hips against yours. "Then we can smell like hot garbage together," she quips, a mischievous glint dancing in her eyes.
You let out a mock gasp, raising your hand to lightly slap her chest. "Gross!" you exclaim, a smile tugging at your lips.
She leans in, her lips dangerously close to your ear. "Admit it, the thought is a little exciting," she murmurs, her warm breath sending shivers down your spine.
You bite your lower lip, caught between your rational side that screams caution and your daring side that longs for adventure. Ellie has always been the one to push boundaries, to embrace the thrill of life. And, in this moment, her energy is infectious.
You meet her gaze, your resolve wavering. "Okay, maybe just a quick kiss," you concede, your heart racing.
Ellie's grin widens, victory evident in her eyes. "Thought so," she teases.
As your lips meet, a rush of electricity courses through you. The initial hesitance is quickly replaced by an intensity that has been building between you two. Ellie's lips are soft, her touch gentle yet demanding. The world around you fades into the background as you lose yourself in the moment, forgetting about the gym, the lockers, and everything else. You gasp at the pads of her fingers that skin along the curve of you're waist. Her fingers slightly digging into the flesh.
Just as the kiss deepens, a sound startles you. You both pull away in a flash, hearts racing, eyes wide. It's a false alarm—a ball hitting the court nearby—but it's enough to bring you both back to reality.
Ellie's cheeks are flushed, and her eyes sparkle with a mixture of excitement and embarrassment. "Maybe… maybe we should find a more private spot next time," she suggests with a sheepish smile.
You chuckle, nodding in agreement. "Definitely. As much as I love the thrill, I'd rather not have an audience."
Ellie presses a sweet kiss to your forehead, her affectionate gesture reassuring. "Deal," she says.
You link your fingers with hers, feeling a sense of comfort and excitement all at once. Despite the close call, you can't deny that there's something exhilarating about stealing moments with Ellie, about embracing the unpredictable adventure that she brings into your life.
I AM MONTHS BEHIND ON THIS OMGGGG SO SORRY. BUT ALSO THANK U OMGBSJSKW Hope everyone enjoys this, I’m trying to comeback from my long hiatus :") haha
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irisposts · 1 year
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men need know that ellie is for the girls only
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irisposts · 1 year
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Parents lie
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irisposts · 1 year
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"she's so babygirl"
she killed half of seattle
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irisposts · 1 year
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WHAT IVE BEEN SAYIN
“bella isn’t a good ellie” “they should recast ellie for s2” ARE YOU INSANE because;
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irisposts · 1 year
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me asf because i keep making my asks super long stories instead of just a short blurb. ಠ_ಠ sorry for the delay but (hopefully) this week i’m able to take the time to get through them! :))
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irisposts · 1 year
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together
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a/n: in honour of hitting 500 i thought why not give y’all some angst ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° so enjoy!
“i made her talk.”
ellie places her hands around her mouth in disbelief. her body lurching forward as the memory of nora plagues at her mind. the way her head caved in at the sheer magnitude of her swing, her cries as she bashed the pipe down again and again and again. she feels faint.
but you hold her.
your arms encompass ellie into the most gentle form of intimacy. your chin sits comfortably into the crook of her neck. you feel her tremble beneath your touch, the shake in voice as she breathes.
you had just bathe her moments before but it almost as if death still lingers on her skin.
“it’s okay.” you reassure her, by pressing yourself closer. “…we’re okay.” you say this almsot as a reminder of yourself. out of all that has happened you, ellie and jesse all continue to stand and for that you were grateful.
you two sit for a long moment. when ellie breathes you breathe. when she exhales you exhale. you wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone, that her pain was shared amongst you both.
ellie brings a hand up to wrap around your arm. her thumb rubs softly at your skin. “i don’t wanna loose you.”
“good.” you leave a chaste kiss against her skin. “…because you won’t.” you continue to embrace her for what feels like an eternity. but that didn’t matter nor did it even bother you the slightest. because that’s just how long you’d hold her if it meant that ellie wasn’t alone. “i swear.”
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irisposts · 1 year
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“Oh, baby girl… it’s okay!”
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irisposts · 1 year
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i think i have writers block heh :')
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