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Welcome to My Hell
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Using dissociate instead of zoning out. Describing a hobby as a hyperfixation. Saying nonverbal when you want a bit of quiet. Saying intrusive thoughts because that must mean an urge like to buy coffee or hair dye. Do you know feeling off sometimes is a sign of autism? Lying is gaslighting. Everyone I dislike is a narcissist.
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Big day for annoying people (Suguru stans)
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my babies😭☹️
he's so clingy
(comm info/ kofi support)
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all mine — gojo satoru
synopsis. It’s the exchange event and gojo doesn’t like how that kyoto boy is looking at you.
contents. fluff, jealous!gojo, minor male oc, loosely based on that one jujutsu scroll, satoru is really insufferable and problematic but in his defense he is lovesick
gojo satoru is seething. he knows that you’re good looking, but he doesn’t need the entire world to know that either. if it were up to him, your beauty would be for his eyes only.
especially not that kyoto third year who has been eyeing you since your arrival.
it was sickening, really. and to add salt to the wound, you have been oblivious to it all. one moment, gojo has his arms draped around your shoulders, and in the blink of an eye, you were being whisked away by that third year.
“please don’t do what i think you're trying to do,” shoko’s unamused voice breaks his train of thought. her knowing gaze made gojo chuckle.
“who, me? why do you assume i’m plotting something?” gojo feigns innocence, hoping his friend couldn’t sense the vicious wave of cursed energy that was leaking out of him.
shoko doesn’t bother telling him that his usual sky blue eyes were darker, clouded with annoyance or whatever angsty emotion he was dealing with. suguru snorts at his best friend’s silent torment.
“he’s kinda cute,” shoko places a hand on her hip while she observes you conversing with the brown haired third year from kyoto. he was probably a clan kid, judging by his traditional kimono design for a uniform. “you think [name]’s into him?” she eggs gojo on with a smirk on her lips.
suguru bumps his shoulder against hers as a silent warning.
it takes a moment for satoru to process shoko’s conclusion, the realization evident on his face as his eyes slowly widened.
“like hell she is.” satoru’s fist clench and he thinks that he will explode if you keep entertaining that stupid kyoto boy. why waste your time with a weakling, when satoru, who was much worthier of your attention was standing just a couple of meters away in the same courtyard? satoru glares at you from above his glasses, hoping you can feel just an ounce of the anger he feels.
you don’t.
he thinks he dies a little bit on the inside. in fact, he thinks you’re purposefully messing with his mind with the way you playfully smack the kyoto boy’s shoulder with the same soft hand that gojo has dreamed of holding since his first year.
“stop being dramatic and let's warm up. we have team battles today.” annoyance is evident in suguru’s voice. yaga had warned the duo that if either of them acted up during the exchange event, the consequences would be dire.
“dramatic?” he scoffs, his glare not wavering. “she has the audacity to look beautiful in the presence of other men. she’s doing this on purpose.” his arms are crossed now.
exasperated looks are exchanged by his two friends.
screw whatever yaga said. without wasting another moment, satoru forced his way in your direction, ignoring suguru's attempt to stop him. shoko, however, held suguru back. "don't," she said, her eyes fixed on gojo. "i want to see what this idiot will do."
suguru sighed, acknowledging that gojo deserved whatever was coming his way.
you realize that perhaps you are too lenient with gojo satoru. you have forgiven every stunt he has pulled, but the look on his face right now as he approaches you with a wide grin makes you sense that might end now.
“wifey!” he closes the space between you. you furrow your eyebrows at the unfamiliar pet name. “how could you leave me for some kyoto scum?”
you choke on air at his blatant insult to the boy in front of you.
“ah, i apologize, i couldn’t help myself but steal her when i saw her. i’m ishikawa daisuke–”
“what a bold statement to say to her husband!” gojo doesn’t spare ishikawa a second glance, choosing to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. too shocked to move, you let gojo relish in the intimate action.
you’re equally as surprised as ishikawa at satoru’s declaration, a strangled noise escaping from your mouth. the idea of gojo as your husband… it was enough to make your brain short circuit. where did he even get the idea from?
ishikawa’s eyes are blown wide, any semblance of self confidence thrown out of the window, “i-i apologize for the misunderstanding. i wasn’t aware you were already married so young.” he stutters, bowing deeply to gojo who is smirking with a hand on his hip.
“damn right we are. i knew i had to tie the knot with this beauty the moment i met her.” satoru proudly exclaims, his gaze softening when it returns on you. the initial shock is starting to wear off and you are shooting gojo your harshest glare. satoru’s antics seem to never end.
“isn’t my wifey the cutest?” he coos down at you, tapping your nose with a single finger. you are tempted to bite it off.
“gojo satoru, you are the most insufferable man that i know,” you point at his chest angrily. “the most delusional too.” you mutter.
he places a pained hand to his chest, “you know other men? you’re killing me sweetheart.”
ishikawa coughs awkwardly, reminding you of his presence. you give him your best sympathetic look.
satoru, annoyed that your attention is off of him once again narrowed his eyes at the brown haired boy, “shouldn’t you be practicing with the rest of the kyoto weaklings? i recommend you to do so if you don’t want to be killed on the battlefield today.” satoru’s voice is an octave lower.
“satoru!” you’re startled by his indirect threat, quick to defend your senior who looked like he was moments away from pissing his pants.
“i-if you will excuse me.” ishikawa bows deeply once again before scurrying away without another word. you watch him hopelessly. the moment ishikawa is gone, satoru’s intimidating aura is replaced with a pout as he crosses his arms bitterly.
“if you wanted my attention you could’ve just asked.” satoru exhales forcefully with a hmph. his arms are still crossed and if it weren’t for the fact that he had acted utterly out of line, you would almost go as far as calling him cute.
“excuse me?”
“you were trying to get my attention,” he points out. “you don’t have to y’know.” my eyes are always on you. the words die on his lips.
a scoff leaves your mouth, disbelief is evident on your face, “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“you do!”
“are you jealous or something?” the idea that the great gojo satoru was sick with envy amused a cruel part inside of you.
“who? me? what could that country bumpkin have that i don’t?” he sounds almost offended at your accusation.
“he’s nice.”
“i can be nice!" satoru whines. there is desperation in his eyes. "i bought a can of tuna for that stray cat the other week, remember?”
“yeah, but he’s nice to people. he’s also polite and-”
“alright i get it! you don’t have to keep talking about him.” satoru's eyebrows furrow in sync with the way his bottom lip slightly juts out. “i just didn’t like how he looked at you.”
“and how did he look at me?”
satoru grumbles. was it not obvious enough? “his gaze was devouring you like you were his or something. honestly, what a loser. he’ll have to get in line.”
frustration laces your words as you challenge him, “you can’t just march around scaring off all of the guys that i talk to. i want you to admit that you were jealous."
satoru's jaw drops.
"you can't be serious." he protests, cerulean eyes widening. "i'm starting to think you like torturing me." you smile at his comment. you were indeed doing this on purpose.
"oh but i am completely serious," you reply with faux innocence, eyes blinking at him. “satoru.” you enunciate each syllable of his name, dealing the finishing blow.
he folds. you were being so unfair.
"i was jealous." he confesses petulantly. your grin widens as he admits his jealousy. the victory, however, is short-lived as satoru seizes the opportunity to sneak in another flirty comment. “it’s not my fault my dream girl happens to be everyone else’s.”
a groan escapes your lips, and you take your hand, lightly flicking his forehead. satoru accepts the physical contact happily.
"when will you give this bit up?" you retort, raising an eyebrow.
“when i finally put a ring on that finger,” satoru winks. you regard his words with skepticism, oblivious to the fact that he was dead set on it. gojo satoru was going to make you his, or at least die trying.
remember spring days masterlist
extra notes:
prior to the exchange event, utahime actually warned ishikawa that you were off limits. she didn’t elaborate why.
poor ishikawa seemed to be the target of most of satoru’s attacks during the team battle.
tokyo won the event by an overwhelming amount.
“i deserve victory kisses for carrying tokyo to victory, right [name]?” satoru had teased you on the way home.
you pretend to think about it, “hmm i think suguru’s curses were quite helpful. he’s the one that deserves the kisses.”
satoru had never moved faster in his entire life to cover your mouth with the palm of his hand and whisk you away from his best friend who had joined in your joke.
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Things that take time & many tries to get right:
learning to be a good friend/partner
healing from depression, failures or heartbreak
becoming amazing at an art or skill
overcoming anxiety, insecurities and low body image
overcoming the need to isolate yourself
changing self-hating thoughts to kinder ones
making a real connection with someone
overcoming self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts
learning how to study effectively
finding a sense of stability and calmness at your core
quitting habits or addictions
leaving people and behaviours that turn you into the worst version of yourself
getting used to healthier coping mechanisms & mindsets that feel fake
treating yourself like you truly care about yourself
becoming the person you always wanted to be
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the american dream right here
🔞 (MDNI) Dating a freak Choso
He just... doesn't do normal things. He does strange and unconventional shit, but it's wonderful to observe him in his habitat; because Choso is very much in his little Choso habitat.
You ask for a kiss, so he leans in and you think he's gonna press his lips against yours — but no, he bites down on your bottom lip and leaves a teeth mark. He grabs your jaw and gives you an open-mouthed, erotic kiss but pretends it's wholesome, not horny. When he thinks you look really cute, he doesn't just simply compliment you — no, he licks your cheek like a puppy. If you're not paying attention to him, he wiggles his tongue into your ear. If you say your hands are cold, he grabs them and stuffs them down his pants to get warmth.
When you beg for him to put it in, he slaps his heavy cock on your clit instead. If you scream his name, he grunts and thrusts into you harder and says "Keep screaming my name, it's getting me close." in a husky voice. When he rolls off you in an exhausted sweat after cumming, he pants for a while before saying "Shit, baby, that pussy knocked me out." and 5 minutes after sex he's playing video games while you hardcore fall asleep. Dick from Choso always puts you to sleep fast, forget about round two — you're sleeping (lol) and he'll be holding you with one arm, muscles subtly twitching as he plays on his gameboy.
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me: I'm going to write a fic to my own entertainment
also me, writing said fic:
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Hiii I love love love love love your writing, so I was wondering if you have any fics recs for our beloved Sukuna? If you aren't too busy, please do share! Love your writing just so much. Thanks!
Hi! I hope you don't mind...but I don't read much nowadays, so I'll do my personal favourites for Sukuna, and I might add a few more later.
Thank you so much for your love! 💕💕
Permission (by @xxnghtclls)
If I could write an essay, I would, because no amount of words can explain how wonderfully written this masterpiece is. It's just...perfection. Go read it.
Selfishness that Knows No Bounds (by @literaltrashforeverything)
Again, I love how Sukuna is potrayed, but make him alpha 😏
Tryst, too tempest (by @vagabond-umlaut)
Just adorable and sweet, and yet so true to Sukuna's character...it's just *chef's kiss*
In love, I fall your victim (by @nezuscribe)
I cannot even explain how much I love this one, it's to beautifully written and Sukuna is so well portrayed, and the angst hits right in the feels 🤌
Soft dad Sukuna (by @peachsayshi)
this is so soft and cute it just melts my mind into mush 🥺
Colours of Dawn (by @sukunarii)
The best yandere Sukuna out there y'all ✋
Sabotage (by @marble-anime)
Sukuna +a breeding kink + a great plot = I'm always in.
Ryomen Sukuna and his Hindu! Bride (by @gojoshooter)
I love Sukuna, and well, my culture, and both in one? I love it 💕
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do u guys think that if nanami was a girl dad he would buy his daughter flowers after school on fridays to celebrate the weekend and then take her out for saturday brunch dates…. because she’s so precious to him and he wants her to know :’(
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god he's so batshit insane i need him in ways that will reinvent the very notion of what sex can be
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✵ RAINY INFATUATION ✵ toji.zenin
it’s fate if you’ve meet three times in the rain. at least, that’s what toji believes, especially when he has the strong urge to keep you close.
✵ tags — heavy nsfw, blood, violence, ANGST, corruption kink, virginity loss, unprotected sex, major spit kink, praise kink, crying, oral ( f!receiving), fingering, biting, full nelson, pussy drunk, pussy slapping, cum dump, spanking, dacryphilia, protective toji, angry toji, dumbification
✵ notes — binging lookism is prob the best fcking thing everrr this was originally gonna be a samuel seo fic but I changed it last min xp
love isn’t the word. obsession may be a little too strong. infatuation…now that has a ring to it.
“should I call an ambulance?!” the airy voice slowly brought the man back to consciousness. “wh-why’re you running—“ you suddenly felt a tight grip around your wrist, immediately bringing you down to your knees. the rain hitting the garbage cans hiding the squeak that escaped your lips.
“fuck…are you?” his eyes blinking up, the rain continuing to cloud his sight until he felt a cold hand brush away the strands from his forehead. he suddenly felt his chest tighten. it was a sight. the flushed cheeks, the pouty lips forming into an o, chest rising and falling with each heavy breath, the droplets sliding down her soft cheeks, and of course the big bright eyes that seemed to shine a light in the dark ally.
“I was with a friend….she’s gone now…but you’re all beaten up. along with those other guys,” she looks around at the pile of men just laying unconscious in the alley, all at his feet.
“are you alright?” his voice had you blinking.
“yes, I’m fine—“
“are you alright in the head,” his cold words hit. tapping the side of his head repeatedly, emphasizing it. who the fuck is he? “what kind of person decides to come running into an alley full of bleeding men? clearly you have no fucking sense of where the fuck you are or you would’ve ran away just like your little friend did—“
“just because you lost this little gang fight doesn’t mean you haveta take it out on me,” you snap back. that was a mistake, because the next thing you felt was a grip around your jaw, his fingers digging into your cheeks.
“do you have any idea who you’re speaking to right now?” you felt your blood run cold, you’ve never seen that kind of look on someone’s face. his words and his body were scary, terrifying…but his eyes…they looked….why did you feel a warmth crawling up your cheek.
“no,” your blunt response had the man’s brow twitching. “a loser?”
why is he getting so worked up? he wasn’t a loser. he was just taking a little rest after beating up all those men. but this nobody comes fussing around him.
“fuck off,” he finally lets go of your wrist, subtly looking from the corner of his eye, the way her small hand rubs at the bruise that had formed. was he gripping her that hard? how easily does this girl bruise?
she gets up, I guess she has some sense.
“what’re you?” his eyes go wide as he watches you pull some jackets off the unconscious bodies hidden under a roof, before coming back to the man.
“here you go,” you put the dry jacket around his exposed shoulders, rubbing your hands over it to warm him from the cold rain.
“your hands are cold, this isn’t helping—“
“you’re so noisy!” you huff, “I don’t think you have any friends,” you grumble, using the other jacket to wipe some of the blood from his body.
“don’t need them,” he replies, eyes slowly trailing over the stranger. was she coming back from a party? her shirt was sticking to her pretty chest, adorable bra visible. as for her skirt, it was drenched resting high on her upper thighs as the rain showcased the pretty skin exposed to his lustful eyes.
“what about those guys?” he nods over to the men that lost. “not gonna clean em up and act like a good girl?”
“no,” you mumble, eyes flickering up as you rose to your feet. “i thought you were strong?” fucking brat, he thinks, yet he can’t contain his interest and stands up, your fixing the jacket on him, not bothering with yourself considering how drenched you are, and your body trembling just a bit, it was like you were dunked in an a ice bath.
you move to take his hand, leading him away from the mess only to feel a warmth drape around your shoulders. you look up seeing the man cover you with the jacket, leaving him once again naked from the waist up.
“you can’t just copy me,” you fuss, cheeks puffed. “you’re injured, crippled, broken—“
“that’s enough,” he snaps, “it’s not my blood.” he concludes, allowing you to get another look at his body and he was right. from what you could make trying your best to ignore his inked body, aside from the cuts around his knuckles, the rain swept away the blood that had drenched him, not a single trace of a cut on his body. yet you still go to grab another jacket and drape it on the man. trying your best not to stare too long at the intricate tattoo designs that covered his entire biceps and chest, some even peaking out of his waistband .
“there…matching,” you smile, holding his hand and leading him out of the alley. he watches you closely, are you not scared? his thumb brushes your hand for a moment, your hands really were cold, but also split at the knuckles.
you finally bring him to a small hotel, he doesn’t necessarily know why he follows inside. he has business he should probably attend too, but instead he wants to see where this is heading. he stands in the entrance as you go over to the front desk. his eyes watching as your skirt sticks high up under your perky ass, rising up as you lean over the front desk.
“just one room, please,” there’s a sudden swell rising in his chest when he sees the clerk man drag over your form, obviously eyeing your chest that was so so visible in your drenched shirt—
“here’s your key—“ you blink as you feel a grip suddenly around your shoulder, hand closing your jacket as the man snatches the key card from the clerk.
“oh, you angry or somethin, loser?” you mumble to him as you raise a brow at him, his hand still holding your jacket closed. he’s so strange.
“you’re fucking annoying,” he huffs, “not a loser. toji.” he lets go of you as he walks away from the desk man, not before sending him a glare that immediately had him pissing his pants. fucking gangsters.
you scratch your cheek as you take his hand again “whatever you say, loser.”
“toji,” he corrects through clenched teeth.
“to…” he looks at you. “…loser.” you lead his fussy ass to the room. once you arrive you open the room and hold for him to enter. so this was so you can sleep together? were you going to strip now, show off and ask for money? whatever…i guess he wouldn’t mind some sex right now. letting off some steam after a fight was always a good feeling. you didn’t look like an escort though, was this your first time, is this to pay for college as some side hustle? you didn’t look like you were going to ask for money. should he ask?
the small hand in his had his eyes wavering. no…it wouldn’t hurt to just sleep with someone for himself. especially if it was you—
“there you go,” you perk from the door. he looks over his shoulder seeing your hand extending the key card out to him. “so you’re not resting in some cold alley and getting yourself into more fights.” what’s happening?
“you—“
“I booked it for two nights, that’s all I have for now,” you let out an gentle laugh. “i have to go now. be good, though. don’t go making scary faces at everyone or you won’t have any friends. bye bye loser!” he was too stunned to say anything in return which allowed you time to escape before he had time to process.
he would’ve been grateful for this room if it was him a couple years ago. but after selling his innate talent for fighting in exchange for money, he could’ve just gone back to his well furnished apartment. yet, you didn’t even bother to ask him if he needed a place to sleep. maybe you didn’t want to embarrass him, or assume things? was it really just kindness? but it was hard to tell with your stubborn attitude.
however, when he went to the front desk to check out the next day, he found out you left the hotel room under your full government name. at first he thought it was too easy, but he guessed you really were just helping him.
y/n l/n…pretty.
nevertheless, as much as the man wanted to search for you, he didn’t have the time to go digging into some random girl’s life. as if he had any time for anything other than this life, if you can even call it that.
the nicotine circled his lungs before he exhaled out, dark lashes closing for a moment to savor the addicting sensation, before flicking the cigarette right before dodging the knife that was lunged at his face.
his fist colliding with bone, the snaps and cracks of the falling men ringing in his ears, gaze glanced unbothered at the splits decorating his knuckles with each jab. he wondered what you’d thought when you took his hand. you didn’t say a word. your hand took his like it was nothing at all, as if the blood didn’t also taint your hand. were his hands rough, disgusting…?
“can loser’s be gangster?” the sudden voice had the man looking up. the figure in the distance covered by the rain suddenly had his mind short circuiting. “your blood or no?” your lips pursed as you slid your lollipop to your right cheek.
“you live around here?” toji rubbed his temple, how is this happening again? coincidences cannot be that frequent.
“I think I have some money for food, not another room,” you take the lollipop from your lips. toji quirks a brow, taking a cigarette out only for the rain to remind him it wasn’t possible at the moment.
“you think I need yer allowance from daddy?” he snickers.
“i do.”
the man tsks, glaring at you. “go fuck off before you get lost,” what was he thinking? all he’s been doing was thinking about you and now that you were here it only confirmed, this was not something he needed—
“huh?” your nose scrunches in annoyance. “you sensitive or somethin? embarrassed to take money from a girl?” you roll your eyes and all the man could think was how cute you looked right now. he could almost laugh at your attitude, yet he also felt a stir to press back.
“i don’t have time to play with some college kid,” he brushed past you, unbothered by the steam that left your ears.
“whatever, like anyone would come and— hey! you’re walking away! hey!” your voice easily fell deaf compared to the loud thuds of the rain hitting the pavement and buildings. what did stop him was the group of men he walked past.
“I saw her come this way! I swear it, she quickly came rushing after her shift. she looked so hot in the cafe and when I found out she works there too! I’m going—“
“you? as if she’d open her legs for you. I told you to shut the fuck up and just stand and keep watch. how many fuckin times did I say I’d be the one that’ll take y/n’s sweet innocence—“ the words were immediately knocked out along with a couple teeth.
toji’s chest was suddenly heaving, blood pure red as it sizzled in his body, eyes completely dark. all he could see was red, wet dripping red.
“hey! why’d you run away! I said I’d get you food!” your voice suddenly rounding the corner had his eyes snapping back. he was unsure if the two men on the ground were even alive. “hey! loser!”
“why’re you always yapping ?” he suddenly appeared just as you turned the corner. his large frame covering the little incident behind him.
“huh? whatever, I forgive you so let’s go eat,” your soft hand easily slips into his rough ones like it was second nature. your lips moving as if you didn’t feel the blood that was tainting your clean ones, even if the rain easily washed it away.
“it’s okay,” toji ignores you as he drapes his coat over your shoulders.
“everyone’s staring at you,” his jaw clenches, but you misunderstood. heat suddenly crawling up your neck. there it was, again. you couldn’t explain it. he made you feel hot even when the rain was cold. is this normal?
toji sat across from you. his hand running through his wet hair, slicking back the long dark bangs that dripped on his face. his eyes never leaving you as you moved around in the booth. his cheek resting in his hand watching as you ordered for him. his brows pinched, noticing a small cut on your bottom lip.
“you’re not getting anything?” he voiced with a slight edge.
“I said my treat,” you take out another lollipop.
“that usually means you treat yourself and the guest,” his eyes half lidded as he notices your brow quirk and your arms cross, not before taking the lollipop out to wave around.
“now that doesn’t make any fucking sense,” you scoff, only causing toji to scoff in return, leaning back against the booth. his black dress shirt stretching across his big chest, material still wet from the rain only accentuating his big figure.
“don’t scoff.”
“I don’t think people that fight in rainy alleyways know what treating someone means,” you meet toji’s glare with your own.
“I can see your bra,” toji glances down at your chest, even though the jacket covered, you knew he’d already seen the wet silhouette of your body earlier.
“so?” you roll your eyes. “never seen one before?”
“don’t worry, princess, I’m used to taking them off,” toji sits up as the food arrives, smirking to himself at your flustered state.
“perve,” you mutter as the waitress leaves, but not before she makes eyes with your guest, who gives an easy laid back smile as if this sorta thing happens every day.
“if you want me to flirt with you, just say so,” toji takes a bite of the burger, his thumb wiping the sauce from the corner of his mouth, slipping it back in between his lips, sucking it clean. your legs unconsciously closed.
“I don’t need anymore of that,” you reply in distaste. suddenly grabbing the man’s attention.
“anymore?” he felt the sudden stir from earlier return. the men’s voices from the street echoing through his mind.
“do you like the food?” you’re leaning forward, smiling as he ate with no complaints. your finger coming up to your face as your eye closed as the other gave him the cutest fucking smile ever. “it’s okay to admit defeat again, loser. I know I have great taste in food.” you tease, but so fucking sweetly.
toji couldn’t stop his heart from beating a bit quicker than before. the air just abruptly leaving his lungs as he coughed aggressively, almost choking. the sight was something that sent his mind short circuiting.
“what happened there,” toji points to his own lip, calming himself a bit. you touch your lip, your eyes hesitant for a moment before your usual smile returns quickly.
“I was biting at the skin…exam season,” it was hard to tell, especially as you laughed oh so lightly he could almost faint, yet your body stood up. ready to return the jacket and leave, that is until a large hand wraps around your own cold one as you stood beside his booth. you felt your body heat up like a fire burning under your skin.
“don’t like owing someone twice,” he mutters, retracting his hand. you feel the paper in your palm. “keep the jacket.”
you left. again.
he did owe you, that’s why he gave you his number. there was no other reason for that. was he going to admit that maybe he was worried. maybe the sudden loss of control he had in the alleyway scared him. that the thought of this ‘not being a first’ kept him up at night. what job? what happened to your lip? what was bothering you?
he didn’t know you. but he answered every unknown number. every call that could be a spam risk, every single one until it was finally your voice that rung into his ear.
“why did you give me your number?” the rain made it a little hard to make out your voice, but he could manage. it was probably the one voice he’d be able to hear even if it was miles away.
“why did you call?” he could sense the hesitation on your end. should he push you— “where—“
“the bus stop,” your location was easily given to him and his body was already turning his motorcycle around, cars honking as he swerved around. he didn’t need any explanation nor did you feel the need to give one. your heart was beating a bit too quickly, a mix of feelings circling inside.
the roar of the motorcycle was covered by the late night traffic bustle. but he could make you out, along with the three other men that stood a bit too close even as you continued to shuffle away from them and yell at them to stop. his grip almost broke his bike’s handles. the rain drenched your clothes through. body shivering as the water dripped from the ends of your little skirt, shirt stuck to your body as your arms hugged your chest for some warmth.
“cmon, we spent the night let’s continue this date sugar—“ distracted one of the man’s hand slowly crawled up— just then a motorcycle suddenly stopped in front of the bus stop.
“you’re pretty fast,” your smile almost broke his heart. the relief that swept your features, the forced smile that reached your sunken eyes, fuck! your shoulder still tense, your grip still tight on your bag had toji’s chest clenching. the men that were surrounding you, immediately stumbling back at the appearance of the big scary looking gangster on the motorcycle.
“nothing I can’t handle,” toji teased back, teeth peaking as he gave you a grin, he took off his helmet watching your pretty lashes flutter from the pouring rain, eyes rimmed red. he couldn’t stop himself anymore. his hand reached out, cupping your cold cheeks letting his hands warm you up as you looked up at him, breath stopping.
“hey, who is this—“ one of the men had the courage to step forward, but toji was just quicker, pulling you into his firm chest, arm circling your shoulder as he suddenly took the role of your protector.
“don’t fucking look at her,” your fingers tightened around his shirt unconsciously, his voice was deep, if looks could kill….. toji immediately pulled away, unzipping his coat and putting it over your shoulders, zipping the big jacket as your arms went inside. that immediately grabbed the men’s attention as they noticed the intricate tattoos that decorated the man’s thick arms.
“ever been on one?” toji teased, pulling an extra helmet out of the seat and placing your bag inside as he helped you clip it on.
“you think I’m some lame nerd?” you scoff a bit too sarcastically.
“nerd isn’t the word, not when you’re running into dark alleys alone and picking fights with gangsters,” he sits on the bike, extending a hand to help you behind him. “i know you’re a tough one.”
“so you admit you’re a gangster!” you shout standing up on the bike.
“don’t shout! and sit down!” toji scolds, gripping your thigh. “hold onto me!”
“don’t yell!” you immediately yell back, yet your arms circle his firm waist, hugging him close, pressing your chest against his back.
“I’ll kick you off!” toji huffs, only to curse himself once he feels your arms only tighten at his words. should he be yelling at you right now, but he can’t help it.
“you’re so grumpy, that’s why you’re always fighting,” you scoff, toji can feel your eyes rolling, which only has his lips curling up. you weren’t that easy to break. cute.
once he began driving, your words slowly fizzled away. now your body was the only thing that spoke to him how you were feeling. he felt your hand grasping his drenched shirt when he’d go a bit faster. his hand would go to your exposed thigh at stop lights, gently rubbing the skin in reassurance. his jaw clenches when he felt your body trembling from the cold.
“you’re not gonna tell me where to take you?” toji rubbed gentle but firm circles against your wet thigh as you held him closer burying your face against his back. “loss for words?” no response. “….that’s a first.”
he didn’t need much after that. he didn’t understand why he knew what to do, but it almost felt like he understood you. understood you enough to know that you’d feel comfortable when he parked his bike in the unfamiliar parking lot. his fingers drifting to your thigh again.
“gonna hold me all night?” he jokes, but he maneuvers off the bike, unclipping your helmet pulling it off with his. your eyes are casted down, toji felt his chest tighten. he didn’t like seeing your face so sullen. what was going on? he knew absolutely nothing about this girl.
“is this where you live?” you brush the strands that stuck to your face, all messed up from the rain and the helmet pressing it.
“were you expecting some box under a bridge?” he helps you off the bike, practically lifting you off the bike and placing you in front of him. your eyes gaze up at him, breath warm as you tried to calm your beating heart. there were too many things going through your mind, you couldn’t even respond to his comment. instead you opted on following him into the building.
“wanna talk about it?” toji cringes at his own words. talk about it? since when has he spared anyone his ear…ever?
“no,” you’re still holding his arm, staying close behind him as he maneuvers around his spacious apartment, picking up some leftover garbage lying around.
“you hungry, then? I can order some—“ his breath hitched.
“don’t wanna,” you’re suddenly pressing your face to his back, arms circling his torso catching him off guard. he couldn’t wrap his head around you. a missing piece was dangling in the rain and he just needed that one piece to put you together. yet here you are.
“don’t wanna?” he felt your fingers grip his shirt. he could feel your body trembling against his. “can ya talk to me?” he’s getting a bit frustrated now. turning around in your hold, you bite the inside of your cheek as his hand brushes your cheek, forcing you meet his gaze. his eyes seem a bit feral, desperate to hear anything.
you’re silent.
“fuck, y/n,” he swears, he takes a deep breath calming himself. soon noticing the way your body is trembling. “you’re gonna catch a cold,” he takes your hand, leading you into the bedroom.
he waits outside until you step out in some dry clothes. the sweats were big, but the sweater felt so cozy. it smells like him, your body seems to relax as toji dries your hair, he felt uneasy not hearing your annoying voice.
“what’s this?” toji’s voice was low, thumb brushing the bruised skin on your shoulder, his fingers slid to push the collar down only for your hand to stop him.
“you’re really not gonna say shit?” he pushes, what else can he do? he picked you up, brought you to his home, gave you clothes…was it so bad to ask what the fuck is going on, especially now??
“it’s none of your business,” you snap, fingers gripping your his sweater. “you don’t hear me asking about your gangster fights or whatever.”
“that’s all you ask about,” he deadpans.
your cheeks puff out. “i can just leave,” you move to stand up, only to get pulled back by the mysterious man, your body falling in his lap, as he holds you close.
“did I say you can leave?” his evergreen eyes seemed too much to handle as you looked away. “you can stay,” he rubs your back soothingly, his voice deep, clear he’s had his own long day.
“i…” your voice fizzles as you bow your head, jaw clenched as your fist tightened. “thank you,” your throat feels dry. “thank you,” your voice hitches.
“yeah, yeah,” toji sighs, accepting your broken self as he pulls you to his chest, knowing you were desperate to keep composure in front him so he allowed you to bury your face in his chest. “you’re one fucking piece of work,” he sighs, stroking your back soothingly as he brushed the back of your head, trying to compose his own helplessness as your body shook quietly.
he hadn’t even realized the night came to end until his phone started going off like in the next morning. he groaned, turning over, just to hit the ground with a loud thud.
“fuck,” he sits up, cranky attitude looking around to see himself in the living room. the events of last night slowly flooding back. he hadn’t even realized he’d knocked out holding you. “y/n?” he rubbed his face, only to hear his phone again. groaning once more as he looked around for his cellphone.
“what is it?” he snaps sharply, standing up as he rubs his chest under his sweater, yawning as his feet pad to the bedroom. his eyes scanning the room. he searches the entire apartment, only to sit back in the kitchen, call ending.
where the fuck did you disappear too?
his thumb hovered over your number. would you even answer? his jaw clenched, fuck! he has to deal with some business first. he’ll call you later.
your jaw was locked, body completely tense with fury. your breath was shaky as you felt a hand brush your leg.
“what’s wrong, honey? i won’t give you another tip if I don’t see you drink with me,” your customer sat in the booth with you, sitting a bit too close for your liking as his colleagues also littered the table.
“sorry, sir, if you’ll excuse me, I just need to run to the ladies room,” you felt his grip on your wrist. your entire body reacting, only for your face to relax as you forced the instinctive smile that had every customer swooning. “I’ll only be a minute,” you reassure.
“I’ll be waiting for you, sugar.” you shuffle through the loud atmosphere, passing by other hostesses and drunk grabby customers, until you made it to the stairs, moving up quickly. your fist was colliding with the door at the end of the hall.
“you promised I didn’t have to come in today,” your chest is heaving, desperately trying to keep composure. your boss sits behind his desk, the tension felt suffocating as he glared up at you.
“that was our deal, but when you throw drinks on customers, the night cancels out,” he refers to the incident last night.
“they were touching me! that’s against the rules!” you snap, completely furious. the loud crash of the boss’s chair startled you. his grip was painful on your jaw.
“every other bitch lets their fucking customers touch them except you,” he seethes. “you’re fucking lucky I gave you this job. be grateful for what you have!” he seemed more angry than usual, but that didn’t mean you were going to hold back any punches either. which seemed to be your mistake.
“your interest increases every week, if you don’t want next month’s payment raised, you’re going to fucking take these vip customers,” he seethes, ushering in some security.
“I have a booth right now,” you snap back, only to get cut off by the stinging in your cheek. he lets out a deep breath. at least he wasn’t wearing rings this time, you think, brushing a hand where he’d just slapped you.
“don’t fucking talk back to me. they’ll fuck off and you’ll take these ones. my men like the young ones, and sadly you’re one of the three that’s working tonight,” the old bastard lights a cigarette. “Don’t worry, sweets, you won’t be alone; and I’ll be joining in a bit.”
you felt your stomach churn, you couldn’t think. your brain pounding the back of your skull as you were escorted by the security to the vip room. you held your stomach, calming yourself, not able to afford an increase in your shitty debt. even though you were supposed to be working at the delivery service tonight, this still paid more, so suck it up!
“Ah yes, come in darling,” your knock was welcomed with a booming voice. you slid the door, stepping in, eyes on the ground as you immediately bow, introducing yourself with a gorgeous little smile.
“I’m happy to be one of your hostess for the night, I hope I can do my best to serve you all—“ you straighten up, only to feel your entire world stop….you could practically hear your heart dropping, body running stone fucking cold.
the deep forest eyes were dark as night.
“is everything alright, darling?” one of the men spoke, catching your attention as you turned, breaking into your smile as you gave an light laugh. the six men and two hostesses sat on the tatami mat on the raised platform around the center table, drinks already littering the place.
“of course, my apologies,” your sweet smile had the men around the table swooning as they immediately forgave you. “come join us here.” the same man made room for you. the two other hostesses already sitting beside some—
a drink suddenly slammed on the table, starling the hostesses and men. your eyes met once again. you felt a cold sweat break out.
“sit here,” toji. you gulped, nibbling on the inside of your cheek.
“c’mon toji, we’re all here for good time!” one of them had the courage to speak up, laughing as he had his legs spread. the four other men agreeing as they coddled up with the other two women.
“are you asking me to repeat myself?” his words seemed to cut like ice, immediately silencing the table. “sweetheart,” you felt your breath hitch, you had used an alias when introducing yourself just now, he knew it was bs. you bit back your tongue as you stepped out of your shoes and walked onto the platform around the table, before taking a seat down beside the man. “how was your morning?”
your mind was moving too fast for you to keep up. this was so humiliating, was it because you didn’t want this life colliding with the other? or was it because you felt so degrading being seen in this kind of place? but then again, you had no idea who this man is. why do you care what he thinks?
the table seemed to ease once toji started speaking to you as they returned to their conversations and drinking games.
“what’re you doing?” his voice close to your ear, it sent a chill down your body. he was leaning on his arm behind you, practically brushing his face in your hair as he spoke.
“serving you,” you smile with your face, eyes closing a bit as you force yourself to get through this night. but all you could think was what was he doing here? you didn’t want him to be like everyone else? you definitely had a different image of him that you were feeding yourself. did you really think he was different?
“y/n—“ your body tensed immediately.
“don’t say my name,” you snap under your breath.
“then fucking answer me,” the hushed whispers received some glances from the men sitting close by. toji didn’t care, especially when he noticed the slight bruise on your cheek.
“what’s this,” his fingers brush the bruise.
“don’t touch me,” you speak through clenched teeth, turning away from him, chest rising as you feel the room start to close in on you. this was too overwhelming.
“let’s talk business men!” your boss immediately yells as he steps into the room. the men standing to greet him immediately, toji remained sitting.
“boss, we’ve ran through the data and I think it’d be wise to expand our reach to shinjuku,” one of the men starts rambling, but all you could hear was the boss. did these men work for that bastard? toji looked down, eyes narrowing at your shoulders tensing.
“hold on,” toji picks up his drink, arm resting on his knee perched up. “I couldn’t give a fuck about your expansion. we had a deal, so let’s talk about that shit first, then you can beg me for another fuck job,” your brows pinched. you didn’t want to be here. you couldn’t keep your composure, it was difficult at times, but you usually pushed through. but this time around, this time, it felt like new scars being made, why was your heart hurting?
their voices blurred in the back of your mind. your eyes blank as you stared at the table. hearing toji’s voice close to you, your boss talking, the men around the table. how much longer do you have to live like this? what’s the point in being here? you’ll be dead before you can pay off this shitty debt your uncle left you. should you give up? working this job, working four more, barely getting any sleep? what kind of life is this? but what about your dreams? don’t you have ideals? you can give up? is there a life after this? is it even possible—
“you seem agitated toji, you don’t think I’ll go back on my word do you?” your boss grins, shining his gold teeth with a laugh.
“I need to use the restroom,” you suddenly stand up, immediately catching toi’s attention, hand coming to yours only for you to pull away. you quickly make your way to the exit stepping off the platform, until a hand tightens around your wrist, a yelp escaping.
“sit your fucking ass down, bitch,” your boss sneers, his grip on you making you wince in pain.
“i need to use the bathroom,” you whisper through clenched teeth, blood boiling, but the entire room is staring.
“you have customers, sit back with mr. zenin,” he was a hefty old man, probably three times your size, so his grip felt like it was about to snap your wrist in half.
“I’ll take her with me,” toji’s grip was tight on the boss, causing him to let go with an embarrassing whimper. your wrist sore as toji pulled you away from the man, arm around your shoulders. the boss looking up with a raised brow.
“they’re hostesses, not escorts zenin,” your boss looks at you. “as much as she looks like one…besides her shift isn’t over. you don’t need to step in—“
“I’ll take my payment as her,” you felt your heart stop. what is he thinking? buying you so easily? “this is my last time working with you. these shit delays in payments is fucking embarrassing.”
“waste of good money,” your boss scoffs, glaring down at you, before brushing off the private hire and turning back to continue his business.
“what the fuck is wrong with you!” you snap, the early night breeze sent goosebumps down your exposed arms. you winced now feeling the bruise on your wrist.
“you couldn’t tell me this? really?!” as if the man was going to hold back from yelling at you. “tell me! he gave you that cut on your lip and those fucking bruises, right?” he was practically seething. his teeth could draw blood from how hard he was struggling to keep it together.
“I’m not saying shit, so just leave it alone,” you huff, turning on your heel.
“y/n!” his hand mistakenly takes your bruised wrist causing your body to wince as you yelp in pain.
“let go!” you shout. “everyone’s always fucking touching me!”
“did he break it?” his grip loosens, but he still holds it to check.
“it’s fine,” your tremble, holding your wrist to your chest. “it’s probably just sprained.”
“do you trust me?” toji had to calm down right now, but it was difficult. it really fucking was.
“no,” you answer bluntly, eyes narrowing at his as he glares back.
“well, trust me.”
“that’s not how it works,” you look up at him as he steps forward, hand cupping your face again, eyes looking at the small bruise ghosting your cheekbones. you hated that you couldn’t bring yourself to push him away. why was his touch okay?
“that’s how this is going to work,” he’s speaking much softer right now, and you feel the warmth around your shoulders. another coat….asshole, he knows what he’s doing.
“hey!” the shout has you looking over your shoulder, toji also checking in the distance, both noticing the three men charging down the street. “you fucking bitch! ya had us kicked out?! for what?!” you immediately recognized your table from earlier that night. “I fucking paid for you, so I’m getting my fucking moneys worth—“
the moment he came into reach, toji pulled you into his chest, back pressed against him as his hand came up covering your eyes. your breath hitched, “close your eyes, y/n.”
toji easily swinging directly at the guys face. you heard the grunts and the movement from toji as he held you close.
your cheeks were flushed as you pushed him away. “close my eyes?” your cheeks puffed, eyes locked on his. “I told you stop fighting!”
toji felt his heart almost beat out of his chest as he looked at your flustered expression.
“cmon let’s go,” your hand once again easily slips into his, leading him away from the mess you didn’t bother to look it.
“you live pretty close,” toji steps into your little apartment, the door needing to be pushed a bit harder to close.
“well, it’s because the old bastard found it for me,” you spit, going over to the kitchen “needed me close by,” you pull out some bandages. toji immediately comes over grabbing the supplies from you and pulling you to sit on the couch as he kneeled on the ground. “I can do it—“
“you’ve got one hand,” he snaps back, you huff looking away with an annoyed pout. he found it pretty easy to move you around how he pleased, tying the bandage tight on your wrist, causing you to wince. “it has to be tight.”
“I didn’t say anything,” you roll your eyes again, toji looks from under his long dark lashes. you were leaning back against the couch, knees closed as your dress sat bunched up on your flush thighs, your brows furrowed—
“can you tell me now?” he’s now holding your hand gently, fingers grazing your own as he sits at your feet. his own eyes seemed to be filled with concern? your stomach swarmed with butterflies, seeing this big man on his knees—you look away.
“what part of it’s none of your business— do you not understand?” you meet his eyes again, only to see them darken. your skin felt hot, mouth dry as you licked your lips. “just because we’ve met a couple times doesn’t mean we’re friends.”
“why’d you buy me food then? the motel room?” he presses.
you scoff, “i was just throwing cash.”
“you don’t look to be in a position where you can afford that kind of spending,” you roll your eyes, heat crawling up your ears from embarrassment.
“you don’t know shit, I’m an impulsive spender,” you shrug, crossing your legs.
“but can’t afford to buy yourself new shoes?” his calloused hands glide down your calve, brushing your anklet as he lifts your foot up, displaying the worn out heels.
“I couldn’t find any other ones like these…they’re my favorite,” you lie, as toji hums.
“you do look very pretty in them,” his fingers glide down your foot, his other hand pulling the shoe off. you feel your breath start to stagger. eyes wavering as you watch his hands glide to your other foot, taking off the other heel.
“have some kinda foot kink or something,” you roll your eyes, trying to calm your beating heart.
“you like cracking jokes,” he lifts your foot, placing it on his shoulder as he leans close, lips pressing against the inside of your ankle. he slowly begins to lean in, pressing wet kisses up your soft leg, until your knee was bent over his shoulder, his warm hands stroking your thighs, before they held your waist. his body pressed close to you.
“toji,” his dark green eyes never leave your own. watching your lips part just a bit as you take a deep breath, your working hand covering your face, too embarrassed to look at him.
“I thought you weren’t an escort,” he clicks his tongue.
“don’t be mean,” you look at him, his eyes still on you. “what?” you were growing more and more embarrassed.
“nothing,” he shrugs, fingers still brushing your leg, the other rubbing your side. he hasn’t even done anything, yet you felt like he was surrounding you. you’ve only known how scary it was, but it was him—and it felt okay.
“you’re looking at me like that.”
“like what?” he raised a brow.
“like, you know!” you’re growing annoyed.
“like I wanna fuck you?” your breath hitched. his grin already splitting his face, tongue swiping at his scar as he sees your stunned expression. “isn’t that what you were saying.”
“I didn’t say it like that,” you snap, embarrassed.
“that’s what you meant though,” he leans closer to you, his breath fanning close to your lips as your cheeks darken. “tell me what you meant, then.”
“i dunno,” he’s so close! your mind was scrambled. he was doing this on purpose!
“you can’t answer me now?” his lips press against your bruised cheek, his chest tight at the small wince, he moves down to your jaw kissing you again, now under your ear, your neck, your chin, your body was squirming, you’ve never experienced something like this, you couldn’t help but let your fingers move up his neck, holding the back of his head as he sucked and panted, almost laying on you.
“are you scared?” his breath was fanning against your ear. your finger still tangled in his hair, one leg hooked in his arm, but the other unconsciously spreading as it was propped up on the couch. you shake your head. “you lying?”
“I’m not,” you mumble, holding his head close, almost hugging him.
“what do you want me to do?” his tongue laps at your ear, your head tilting as you squirm.
“you’re taking advantage of me,” you mutter, toji hums.
“why do you think so?” he sucks another bruise on your neck as you whimper.
“you’re obsessed with me after I buy you a meal and give you shelter. that’s what stalkers do,” he suddenly break into a laugh.
“if I remember you pulled me to those places!” he’s laughing hysterically.
“I was being nice,” you let go of his hair, rolling your eyes.
“really?” his voice suddenly serious. you held your breath. “why did you come down that alley?”
“what do you mean?” your voice is low.
“you say you hate fighting, but you walked into an alley full of bleeding men, some dead, and yet you sat in front of me?” you look away for a moment.
“i was checking if you were alright—“
“don’t!” the sudden rise in his voice startled you. “don’t lie to me,” he calms. he looks down, your bandaged hand resting on the couch. “you saw me fighting, right?”
your chest was rising, lips parting, but you look away. your eyes were glossed over. “it doesn’t matter—“
“you wanted my help, didn’t you?” the slight hesitation in your eyes immediately told him.
“help with what?”
“just ask me,” his lips return to your cheek, lips close to your ear.
“ask what?” you sigh, struggling to hold back. your free hand was tight on his shirt.
“ask me,” he presses again, “ask,” he chants in your ear, littering your face with his feather like kisses, unbothered as he feels the small trickle of your tears kissing his lips.
is it okay? is it okay if you ask? would it be possible to see a future? to live a life instead of surviving. are you allowed too? he was scary, but you were never scared of him….
“save…me…” that’s all he needed.
“of course,” his lips crash into yours. more tears flow down your cheeks as he opens your lips for his tongue, deepening the kiss. it was so wet, his lips were desperate as he kissed you with everything. your lips parting, panting as he continued to play with your tongue, you did your best to keep up, which he found adorable. immediately understanding how skilled he was in comparison. but you didn’t care, not one fucking bit.
your eyelashes kissed your cheek as he watched you with half-lidded eyes as his tongue stuck out once he pulled away, smiling when you obediently copied him. his tongue kissed yours. your lips wet with his spit as he closed the space again. his body moving up, lips still locked with yours as you felt him moving. you pulled away to look up.
“where’re you goin?” your hand is tight on his collar.
“now you can’t let me go?” he teases, pulling his shirt off, that you hadn’t noticed had some blood on it.
“I wanna kiss some more,” you pout under your breath. his eyes snap to you, practically seeing hearts as he grabs your face with both hands and kisses you hard.
your whines are muffled as you squirm, holding his wrist. he’s slowly leaning you down on the couch only for you to push him back.
“what’re you—“ toji stops as he watches you crawl on his lap, hand stroking his cheek as you lean to kiss him. god she’s so fucking cute! he almost screams. arm wrapping around your waist as he rubs your side, hugging you as you play with him. you were absolutely drunk on this man’s lips, every few seconds you pull away to catch your breath, your thumb caressing his scar for a few moment. lips just millimeters apart so toji can just tilt his head and graze your wet lips.
your eyes almost sparkle as he sticks his tongue out waiting for you. his free hand trailing up your dress, pushing the material up so he can feel the globes of your ass, squeezing the flesh. you let his hands wander as yours stay in his hair or hold his face kissing him like there’s no tomorrow.
“you gonna let me eat ya out?” he pants, almost out of breath with how much you’re kissing him. his lips a bit swollen making them all pink, matching yours.
“want it inside me,” you kiss him again. toji raises a brow, eyes looking at you as he caresses your ass.
“what’s your experience, sweetheart?” toji mumbles, easily pulling your dress off, your hands going up to help, before quickly returning to him. your fingers touch his scar, smiling at the pinkish swell from how much you were kissing him.
“none,” you kiss his scar, sighing as you kiss it again and again as toji rocks his bulge against your clothed heat, pulling you higher up his lap as you sigh.
“then I needa open you open, pretty girl,” he grunts as he finally gets some friction after being hard the entire time you guys were making out.
“I don’t wanna,” you pull your panties off, before getting back on his lap, tongue inside his mouth as he groans, his hand moving down to cup your wet heat, his eyes almost closing at how much you were dripping.
“fuck, you’re leaking,” you whimper as he rubs his thick fingers through your folds, your lips on his cheeks panting from the subtle touches, until you pull away.
“i want you to fuck me now,” you start to unbuckle his belt, tossing it to the side, desperate to get his pants down.
“it’s gonna hurt if you don’t let me stretch you,” he holds your hand trying to slow you down. “you can’t rush this.”
“I’m not. I’ve waited forever for this,” you huff, finally getting his pants down just enough to pull his boxers down for his hefty length to spring free.
“It’ll hurt—“ your lips cut him off, again. whining on his lap as you push his pants down to his thighs but struggling. his arm wrap around your waist as he stands up. your body immediately holding him so you don’t fall. “fucking impatient,” toji grunts, kicking his last articles of clothing until he’s bare. you don’t waste a moment to latch your lips back onto him. he hums, squeezing your ass before giving it a hard spank.
“I wanna put it inside,” you whine, tugging his hair, waiting impatiently for him to sit back down.
“can’t give me a fucking please, just gonna whine like a brat?”
“ya,” you huff, licking his jaw, as he sits back on the couch facing the full length mirror. what was he expecting? every interaction you’ve had together was always a push and pull. he plops down resting his back as he holds onto your ass giving it light spank, informing you.
“let me open you,” he tries another time, but you just push his shoulders, leaning back as you stare down at his thick cock.
“ ‘s fine,” you mutter, biting your lip as you start to get jittery, toji clicks his tongue, spitting in his hand first and bringing it down to his dick. “wait I want it inside—“
“common sense baby, lemme just make it wet so it doesn’t hurt,” he cuts you, grabbing his heavy cock and stroking himself. you watch in amazement, pupils dilating at the sight of toji jerking off, his cock only growing in size, especially with how you’re looking at him (but that wasn’t to your knowledge).
“don’t cum,” you order, seeing his pants get a little heavier.
“so bossy, fucking brat,” he gives your ass a slap, letting go of his dick. “let’s see what you got,” toji looks over at the mirror behind you. watching as you lift your ass up. “don’t hurt yerself.”
“I just slip it inside?” you ask, holding his tip making him grip you tighter from the unexpected swipe you give at his leaking slit.
“ya, then just slowly sit down on it,” he holds your ass apart, eyes locked on the mirror, looking at his cock brushing your wet pussy, already leaking onto him.
“right here?” you pant gently, his tip pushing at your little hole.
“ya, right there, pretty girl,” he squeezes your ass, as you unconsciously hold your breath, trying to sit down on him. “you’re too tight,” toji grits, your eyes half lidded as you barely get his tip in.
“let me do it,” you huff, almost out of breath just by trying to push his tip in. toji spreads his legs further apart, causing your own to spread some more, gripping his shoulders for balance. he’s slowly starting to loose patience as you barely go down, only teasing his tip as you whimper in his shoulder.
“you haven’t even got the tip in,” he swears giving your ass a slap as you latch your lips onto him.
“I’m trying,” you mumble, lost in his lips to not notice his hand rubbing down your ass until he was lifting you off his tip and instead sinking in his finger. “ahh,” your body pressed forward, breath catching in your throat.
“arching your back like a good girl,” toji laughs, pumping his fingers inside you causing your voice to raise a pitch. “squeezing my fingers so tight.”
“I want your dick,” you choke out, eyes rolling back as your body moved with each pump of his fingers, his other hand caressing the arch of your back, before stroking the back of your head.
“can’t take it if you’re all tight and nervous,” he swears, hearing the squelching of your wet pussy as he fucked his fingers faster, curling them against the gummy walls.
“toji don’t wanna cu—uh! please!” your voice was breaking as you whined and moaned, drooling on his chest as your body slid to arch even more for his hand.
“such a fucking slut, you like my fingers in ya?” he groans as he turns you over so you’re laying across his lap. “lemme get a look at this dirty pussy,” he spreads your ass as you arch some more for him. his pupils dilate at the sight.
“put it in now…want it,” you whine again, only to receive a harsh slap, your body jumping as you grip the couch. “toji!” you cry, breath hitching as you feel your other orgasm coming.
“stop the fucking whining or you won’t get anything,” he leans down, burying his face behind you, tongue lapping at your drenched pussy.
“ahh! what’re you—you’re hngh ahh!” your body’s trembling as he holds your pretty ass apart, your back arching to the max as he sucks your clit into his lips. “toji!”
he hums at your cries, your legs trembling.
“like spreading your legs for me?” he laughs, pulling away to watch your whines grow louder, you had absolutely no control in your voice. “too dumb to use your words?”
“you’re so annoying!” you huff, cheek pressing against the couch as you look back at him, brows pinched together — he could almost faint at how adorable you looked. instead he opted to give your pussy a harsh slap. your eyes rolling back as you yelped.
“what’d you say?” he waits for your reply as you catch your breath.
“said…” you’re panting. “said….you’re being a fucking….prick,” tears swell in your eyes at the slap. he was impressed you didn’t stutter. your body was burning as you unconsciously arched some more allowing him to get better access to your glistening pussy.
“dirty fucking girl,” he pulls your cheeks apart, tongue swiping at his scar as he leans down, spitting directly on your pussy causing you to moan. “so cute,” he couldn’t stop the words from slipping past his lips. especially with your pretty pussy shaking at the feeling of his spit sliding inside you. he easily dove back in, fingers pumping another orgasm from you.
“toj—jiii uh uh pleaseee,” you’re squirming as you cream around his fingers, desperately trying to catch your breath as you feel his lips latch back onto your heat licking you up.
“what is it, babygirl?” you’re trying to twist around, arm extending out for him as you lay on your side. “so needy,” he cooes, huge body crawling up allowing your arms to wrap around his shoulders pulling him down to your lips.
you hum in satisfaction, eyes fluttering as you play with his tongue. you’ve never tasted yourself, but his lips and chin and even nose was drenched in you. you’re hugging him close, whining in his mouth as his teeth bite down on your bottom lip.
“think you can take me now?” he swipes his cock between your folds, teasing your clit as he grips your jaw. “gonna be a good girl?”
“I’m always good,” you reply, tongue hanging out for him which he follows for his thumb to glide inside your mouth, rubbing down on your tongue.
“are you know? where’d you get that idea?” he taunts, his dark green eyes following the movement of your lips enclosing around his thumb. you were humming, practically purring when his other hand caressed your cheek. “fuck me,” he shivers at your confident submission.
your eyes flutter arms resting on the couch over your head, pretty tits nice a perky for him. toji pulls his thumb out, holding your chin as he pulls your lip down, lolling your tongue out. he hums in satisfaction, tilting your head up as he lits a glob of spit fall into your mouth.
your cheeks burst, eyes closing as you audibly whimper. he easily manhandles your body so you were folded in half, pumping his dick aggressively as he watches you swallow his spit in time to feel him pushing his tip inside your tight leaking hole.
“ah fuck, you’re still tight,” your back arches, head thrown back as he pushes inside you, your eyes rolling back. “fuck,” toji laps at your perky nipples, latching his lips as you suddenly start panting, hands pulling his face.
“wai—wait! ahh uh toji! wait!” your eyes are filled with tears and your face is burning with embarrassment at the reaction to him barely inside you.
“you were begging for it, and now you’re crying about the tip?” he grunts pushing further in, his hands planted on the couch beside your head, your legs over his shoulders as you hold his face.
“it’s—ah!” your lashes flutter, lips parting as drool slips out. “kiss me,” your wish was his command. his lips crash into yours, swallowing your pathetic little cries. fingers digging in his hair as pulls his hips back, and slamming them back in. he feels your tears coat his face as he slowly but surely pushes his hefty cock into your squelching cunt.
“did ya just cum, pretty?” he pulls away as you shiver, burying your face in his neck as you cry. your lips pressed open mouthed kisses. you were squeezing him so fucking well.
“more, want more,” you babble, and surely you feel your body being hoisted as he sits upright, turning you around and hooking his arms under your legs. he easily picks up up, standing as his dick goes back in and starts thrusting into your drenched cunt.
“this what you want?” he groans as you grab at his forearms, nails digging into his flesh as your moans get higher and higher with each snap of his hips. “you lookin at yourself, pretty?” his lips press against your ear, watching your eyes flutter open to look at the mirror in front of you.
“to—oji—“ your face flushes as he moves closer, fucking you in front of the mirror watching your glistening pussy suck in his fat dick as your juices flowed down his balls and thighs. you turned your face, looking away.
“what’s wrong, getting shy now?” he clicks his tongue, leaning to bite your cheek, unbothered as he easily handles you to lift you up and down his impressive size.
“ahhh! ji—ung uhh—“ you could no longer form words, growing dumber and dumber as the sounds of his cock squelching inside your wet insides sent your mind fuzzy.
you couldn’t open your eyes, you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it if your eyes open. toji raised a brow as you moaned and cried in his neck.
“sweetheart,” your breath hitched as you felt him lift you higher, his tip just barely inside you as he fully pulled out. “open your eyes!” he accentuates his final words by dropping your entire weight down and pushing his full entire length inside you.
“ahhhhh!” your scream pierced the air as you immediately felt your insides snap.
“shit,” toji is laughing in your ear as he doesn’t stop his movements, arms flexing as his fingers dig into your under thighs. “who knew you were a squirter,” your eyes are blurry from your tears. “do it again,” he commands, “and watch closely this time,” his voice was deep it sent shivers down your spine as you tried to blink the tears away to look.
“your little hole is all red from how much I’m moving in and out, see,” your eyes look at the mirror at where you’re connected. and of course, your pussy hole was red. “taking my dick like a big girl,” he grins, as you flush at his words. “squeezing me whenever I bottom out, inside you princess.”
just as he bottoms out again, your pussy unconsciously squeezes him earning a shit eating grin from him. “see? you’re pretty cute sucking me in,” he cooes in your ear as you squeeze his arms. “so shameless shaking your pussy for me earlier,” he clicks his tongue. “it’d be a shame if I didn’t show you how cute this little cunt is.”
“hhngh—ahh don’t wanna see—“ you whimper, too overstimulated by his words as you pant, tears running down your flushed cheeks. this feels so good! “ ‘s —ahhh deep— filling me up!”
“ungh fuckk—“ toji groans, jaw clenching as he feels your pussy squeezing him unbelievably tight. “you really like this mirror thing, huh?”
“ngh! ahhhh oji—uhhh, uh uh—“ you’re eyes are crossing as you drool feeling your body build up, you felt him deep in your insides kissing your cervix harshly ; you were going to pass out.
with another snap of his hips, you felt him so deep your body snapped, back arching away from his chest as your pussy squirted.
“hngh!” toji audibly groans, unexpectedly shooting his heavy thick load inside you. you’re clenching his cock, panting as you whimper.
“fuck,” he bites at your shoulder, muffling his groans as he spurts more and more cum deep inside you. “fucking squeezing me to death, pretty girl,” he pants, your head turning as your hand comes up to his cheek, moving his face to meet your lips.
his body immediately melts, still holding you up as you devour his lips. moaning and shaking as his cum slides down his cock to his frothy base of cream. the mirror dirty from your own surprised squirt.
you don’t even feel him sitting back on the couch until he’s picking you up to turn you around, only for his load to slide out of your swollen pussy. your eyes cross as he pushes back inside you once your facing him, legs on top his thighs as you lift your body up.
“there ya go, keep going, pretty angel.” his head falls back, relaxing his muscles for a moment as he slaps your pretty ass.
“good—‘s good toji—feels uh uh uh—“ your nails dig into his shoulders as you ride his big cock, pat pat pat the sounds in the small apartment were lewd. squelching and unbothered with making a bigger mess as more of him spilled out the faster you tried to bounce.
“so much stamina, good girl,” he spreads your ass watching your back arch into his chest as you bite his neck, arms circling his neck as you kiss him some more.
“toji,” you pant into his lips, it was the only thing you could think of, the only thing you could say, the only thing you wanted—toji!
he was suddenly pounding into you from behind. you didn’t even remember him moving to the bedroom. kneeling behind your ass he ruts into you. your grip tight around the sheets as it soaked your dumb tears.
“making a mess, ungh cumming everywhere,” toji grunts, slapping your ass as you fuck your hips back into his. “squirting on the mirror, the couch,” he grunts, head tilting back. “good fucking girl—fuck!—gonna fuck you all night,” he leans over your body, hand holding yours as he kisses your cute flushed cheek full of tears.
“toji! wan’ more cumm—ah—“ you’re just babbling at this point, nothing coherent anymore as toji feels his stomach constrict, kissing your cheek and sweaty shoulder as he starts moaning loudly.
“fucking you dumb, can’t even finish yer sentence, huh?” your eyes roll back at his filthy words. it’s been hours of fucking you, he was surprised how long he was going for as his body tingled from the overstimulation. but you were just doing so fucking good for him, he can’t remember the last time he’s had such a good fucking girl.
“shit, you can still squirt, baby,” toji breaks composure for a moment as he feels you gushing around him. “I’m gonna spill everything—hngh—“ a loud strangled moan escapes his lips as he buries his face in your shoulder; his thrusts get sloppy feeling him twitch deep inside you, until you felt a load of warmth swell in your belly.
“uh shit pretty—take it all,” he groans with each broken thrust, ignoring the shivering of his own body as you whine. panting uncontrollably.
you’re body is limp as toji continues to shove his hips into you, his big cock still spurting his heavy seed inside your abused hole. your hand comes up, running through his hair as you lead him to your lips.
“shit baby,” he sighs against your lips. completely out of breath as you kiss him, his own moans slipping inside your lips from the aftershocks. your lips are sloppy as drool runs down your chin. you were so ruined. his body shivers as he feels you clench around him, his hand instinctively comes to your hips halting your movements. “one sec, baby,” his eyes close for moment, chest rising as he’s hovered behind you. his lips agape as you stroke his face.
toji carefully pulls out, a whine leaving your pretty lips as he inches out, his cum oozing out as he falls to the side. your body trembles at being empty again, now so used to the feeling of him inside you, your body was clawing for him again. he’s unbothered as he wraps a strong arm around your torso completely, pulling you into his side as your arms circle his neck, littering his face with kisses. his body completely sinking into the mattress as he allowed you to do as you pleased.
“stay with me,” your voice was hoarse, the night of screaming and whining finally scratching at your throat as you pant softly. his rough hand gently caressing up and down your back. his broad chest, rising n falling as he laid on his back, your body leaning over his.
“you’ve gotten so needy, pretty,” he teases, free hand coming up to hold your cheek. your eyes half lidded, so completely exhausted, as he gently pulls you to his lips again. the kiss much softer, as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, feeling the damp tears. “i promise.”
his body was so warm, the cold apartment suddenly felt cozy, his embrace was reassuring. before you knew it, you were drifting off to sleep.
the memories of the night were printed in your mind. so when the sunlight spilled into the small bedroom, the first instinct was to reach an arm beside you.
“to…ji?” your voice groggy as you rolled to your side, rubbing your face in the pillow, opening your eyes. “toji?” was he using the bathroom?
you sat quietly. if you moved it will be real. no…just stay here for a little while longer. just hold onto to last night for a little bit more…..no….don’t cry…..your teeth pierced the skin of your trembling lip, scratching at your cheeks, no you weren’t crying!
he wasn’t different. how could he be?
“y/n, table 7 is asking for you!” the diner manager snaps. you can’t even respond as you move over to table 7. the day moving how it should always. from the first job to the next and the next and the next. no sign of him. it’s for the better. one night is better than anything you could’ve asked for….yes…you should be grateful. stop complaining, y/n. at least you’re alive…..
“huh,” your movements halted. the hostess club was closed, policemen and ambulances surrounding the block…. “what’s going on?” you ask one of the hostesses.
“I don’t know, but they’re saying they’re all dead!” she freaks, hand over her mouth in disbelief.
“what? who?” your heart was beating in your ears.
“the boss! all his men!”
your body froze. what….what’s going on? was it…? no! it couldn’t…. save me…. the words were flooding back to your head. did you let this happen? was it your fault that they’re dead…no, he wouldn’t—
your eyes freeze, because there he was. shoving random shit from your room inside the duffle bag in the middle of your apartment. the sound of the front door slamming behind you, immediately grabbed his attention.
“where the fuck were you?” he snaps, but he stops noticing your pinched brows, and trembling hand. “wh—“
who cares? fuck it.
so your body moved. running across the room and jumping into his arms. toji stumbled back, holding you up in surprise. your legs wrapped around his torso.
“you said you wouldn’t fucking leave! asshole!” you yell, causing the man to wince.
“shit baby, don’t fucking yell in my ear—“ your lips cut his shouts.
“fuck you,” you wipe your tears, toji humming as he brushes your cheek as well. you can’t help but kiss him again.
“what is it now?” he rolls his eyes, waiting to hear it.
“I said no more fighting,” toji meets your eyes. you know…
“it was a last goodbye,” he grins, watching you reciprocate the same one, wiping the last of your stupid ass tears. god, how much you hated crying.
“what now?” you hold his face, wiping the dried blood on his forehead.
“we’re leaving.”
“Is it that easy?” you raise a brow. toji winks.
“yes, that easy. I am a master a my job. we don’t have to leave if you really like it here—“
“no!” you stop him. “I wanna leave!” you say eagerly.
this was it. the only thing you needed was him. and he knew it so fucking well, that he couldn’t care about anything else other than you. so he pulls you to his lips and mutters so surely….
where to?
omfg!! the way this fic took me a fcking century to finish cuz uni started! sorry for the wait guys :’)
I also wanna runaway w toji 😫😫😫
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"geto's body fought back against kenjaku; not because he was alive, but because protecting gojo satoru came easyㅡit was all muscle memory."
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i’m so lonely and all i wanted was this man (i’m gonna cry now🙃)
I’m absolutely obsessed with college bf Simon, could we get some more little snippets? maybe just some fluff and a little bit more saucy stuff if you are interested 😗
headcannons for college bf!simon (the loml)
i’m back from beyond the grave🤓
***
sfw
• hot, awkward gym bro (dw he never skips leg day) so big arms and hot back
• simon’s love languages for giving are quality time and acts of service.
• he likes spending time with you even when you’re doing completely separate things, he just likes being around.
• not a huge talker but if you are he’ll listen and i mean ACTUALLY listen while you ramble on.
• sometimes if you're spending time together you'll catch him staring at you and when you look up at him he tries to play it off
• he loves the sound of your voice, sometimes he asks you how your day was just because he knows you’ll go into extensive detail about little things.
• and he’ll literally do anything you asked, most of the time you don’t even have to ask him though he’s like a mind reader.
• always hungry, he's just always ready to eat whenever and if you can't finish your food don't worry because he'll help
• he has one of those north face backpacks with a million different pockets and he has a special place for everything in each pocket and it’s a system only he understands.
• i just have this feeling that he has like 3 games on his phone that he’s had since middle school and still plays them religiously; flow free, unblock me, and jet pack joyride please tell me y’all know what i’m talking about if you don’t you’re not welcomed here
• falls asleep within 15 minutes of any show you put on unless it's something fantasy because he gets wayyy too invested in those
• when he sleeps on his back he sprawls out like a starfish and it’s the worst because he takes up 90% of the bed
• he’s like a giant hot water bottle when you’re sleeping, he just runs hot and radiates heat
•blanket hog!!!! omfg and he always complains that it was too hot like if it was sooo hot why are you wrapped up in the blanket??!?!
• loves being little spoon, he even asks you to do it sometimes but he prefers just turning over and scooting back into you until you get the hint
• has weird beef with your favorite stuffed animal, at first you thought it was a joke but after a while you started to suspect it was serious
• strictly uses blue pen and somehow it never smudges like he must have struck a deal with the devil because he never has blue ink on him and he never had smudge marks on his paper
• he tries to take you out to somewhere nice at least once a month but he’ll also sprinkle in little casual dates here and there but he’s a broke college kid so he tries with what he has
• he has 37 followers on instagram. his posts get 6 likes and he posts whatever he wants and doesn’t care about making his page look nice, he just slams down that post button whenever he wants and has no poster’s shame at all.
• also he never captions his stuff and when he does it’s like “this is a picture of me and my friends at a bar” and the picture is so poorly lit so you can’t even see anything
• he wears mainly black and grey because “it goes with everything” and owns two pairs of dirty white sneakers
• gets annoyed when you steal his socks and then kick them off and leave them scattered around but really it’s his fault because his place is always cold like the arctic
• thigh tattoos!!!!!! and he’s working on a patchwork sleeve but he’s very picky so he only has one thing done his left arm
• listens to the music in his headphones at the highest volume setting
• he keeps up to date on all the pro soccer and rugby news
• buzzes off his hair when it gets hot out :(
• dog person because let's be honest he's emotionally damaged so he needs to be loved unconditionally and dogs do that
• falls asleep with his phone in his hand and it’s playing a video on loop while he’s snoring
nsfw
• giver!!! HUGE giver!!!
• he prefers giving over receiving because he feels like he has more control, he likes seeing how every movement of his tongue makes you squirm
• calls the shots in the bedroom, he's in charge and he gives 110% every time
• that doesn't mean he doesn't like it when you "take control" (he's still in control but he's letting take the reins just this once)
• it makes it a million times harder if you pull his hair while he goes down on you
• his favorite position is cowgirl but he helps a lot and runs his hands all over you while praising you
• he likes taking his time with you so at lease 2 orgasms before he's even out of his pants
• even though he's usually quiet all the time, when the two of you are fucking he suddenly can't stfu, he's talking the whole time telling you how amazing you feel and how good you're doing
• not a huge fan of quickies or doing it in public, but if the two of you are desperate he'll literally fuck you anywhere
• WHIMPERER!!!!
• ...... spit kink
• if he's fucking you in doggy, he'll pull you up by your neck so your looking back at him with your back arched so deep and then he'll spit in your mouth
• wraps his whole hand around your bicep when he needs leverage
• you kinda have to tell him you're going to give him head because he'll never ask and he even asks "are you sure??" like a million times
• likes when you swallow though
• he can't look you in the eye when you're giving him head because he'll cum on the spot, he's done it once before and then didn't talk to you for the rest of the night because he felt embarrassed
• loves taking dirty pictures before/during/after and keeps them in a locked folder, it has a few very short videos of you suck him off or you when you're riding him
• everything is from his point of view and he watches them when you're away from each other for long breaks, sometimes he sends them to you and he'll write "reminiscing 😪" or something stupid and corny
• his aftercare is top notch, he cuddles you for a good while after and then helps you get cleaned up and he even gets you a little snack with your water
• always down to try something new if you ask
***
please let me know what you think!!
i love a good college au so i’m always dying to talk about this heartthrob (this is code for please attack my inbox with college bf!simon asks🫣)
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me when. memeee wheen me whenn me wHEN ME WHEN ME WHEN ME WHENBNN
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I love your situationship fics with ghost!! I think you characterize him really well.
How do you think he’d react if the reader broke things off with him completely and started trying to move on?? Personally I think he’d pretend to be fine but as time goes on he’d start losing it and would want her back at any costs.
Tbh I think the “You fell first, but he fell harder” trope is perfect for them.
hii i’m so glad you like it!! thanks for the ask, i really appreciate knowing you’re invested in this au<3 i hope you like this one!
i think it’d go something like this ..
also read : ff!fwb!ghost headcannons | the bf/gf talk
angst central !!
you got into another huge fight that week. he didn’t even listen to what you had to say, he decided he had enough of the conversation a left you there in tears. you didn’t hear from him or call him for a few days after that.
it hurt your heart, but you knew what you needed to do now. almost a full year of letting him jerk you around and play with your feelings like you were nothing.
when he wanted to he could be so sweet, looking at you like he needed you in his life always. and when he wasn’t feeling that way he made it very clear that you were just temporary thing in his life.
you called him finally, telling him to come over and not giving him any context. you knew he thought this was you caving and letting him waltz back into your life to ruin again. your stomach felt like a huge knot while you waited, anxiously pacing around.
his heavy knocks on your door made you feel stiff. you let him in, subtly dodging his touches as you let him inside. you didn’t say anything and kept your distance as you followed him back into your apartment.
he sat down on your couch with a grunt, sitting in the same spot he always sat in. you watched him from the kitchen for a second, convincing yourself that this was the right thing.
he was talking to you but you weren’t listening, until he called your name. “what’s wrong with you?” you finally met his eyes and felt small under his stare. “come sit over here.” he demanded in a surprisingly gentle way.
you sat down next to him, keeping some distance because you knew as soon as you touched him you’d be back to putty in his hands.
“i don’t think i want this anymore,” you finally spoke. “i think we should stop seeing each other.”
he sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand, “what are you talking about?”
“i don’t like the way i feel when i’m with you,” you swallowed hard to stop yourself from crying. you were lying of course, you loved him almost to the point of saying it a few times. the real thing that hurt you was watching him treat you like he felt the same way one second and then like he couldn’t care less about you the next.
he said your name and reached for you but you pulled away and continued, “we keep having the same argument over and over and i'm tired of it. i mean seriously, simon, what are we doing?”
he looked at you, this time is wasn’t anger or anything you’d seen before when you argued. he was looking into your eyes searching for something, some hint of doubt to tell him this wasn’t actually the end. but there was nothing there for him.
he had leaned up was resting his elbows against his knees then he tsked and nodded, looking down into his hands. “you don’t want me anymore?”
it shocked you, how sad his voice seemed like he never saw this coming in a million years, like he was the victim in this situation. but this wasn’t a question of if you wanted him or not, you’d let that part of you win too many times and it always left your heart broken.
“this is unhealthy simon,” you gestured between the two of you. “we have to stop, it doesn’t matter what we want because look where that got us.”
he lifted his head to face the ceiling and then stood up. he made quick steps towards the door and slipped his shoes back on. you followed him, calling his name one more time.
“you know you can’t come back, right?” your voice was soft as you held back your own tears. “i won’t let you back in.”
he finally turned to look at you, his eyes were red and glassy but his nose was flared like he was angry, “you take care of yourself, ok?” you both nodded at each other, then he left.
you cried for days after, it wasn’t technically a real break up but it still left you in pieces. for months you had to stop yourself from texting him and calling him when you felt lonely. you tossed the things he left at your place in a box and slid it under your bed, but that didn’t stop you from getting out one of his t-shirts to sleep in so you could be surrounded by what was left of him.
———
simon was different, less chatty if that was possible, shorter with his coworkers. he pushed everyone away, spending most of his nights trying to find the same comfort he found in you at the bottom of a bottle. it was never the same, he couldn’t feel you skin against his anymore or listen to you talk his ear off about your new book.
he checked on you still, taking walks so he could pass your building in hopes of catching a glimpse of you. months of doing this passed, he felt pathetic like a piece of himself was missing. he swore that if he saw you again he’d get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, a second chance, anything. he needed you in his arms again.
he rehearsed his apology over and over again during his walks, went over each time he should’ve said yes to you instead of leading you on. he was horrible to you and you still looked at him with nothing but those hopeful eyes. he took advantage of your feelings, made you feel small when he should’ve made you feel safe and adored because it’s what you deserved.
he was going to tell you that, tell you that he loved you and wanted to hold your hand and take you on dates and that he’d do anything you asked.
when he finally saw you outside your apartment, your smile was wide as ever. he felt his heart pick up and his palms get a little sweaty, this was his moment. he was going to prove himself to you.
then simon saw him, your fingers intertwined in his as you pulled him along. simon watched you turn around, the man’s hand came up to tuck some hair behind your ear and then kiss the hand that was in his.
he felt sick, like his brain was hot and his chest felt tight. he took a step back, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. of course you moved on, you had no obligation to him. you weren’t going to wait for him to get his shit together, especially not after the way he treated you.
he turned around, glancing over his shoulder one more time to see your smile rather than the tears from the last time he saw you. he had so many chances to change, but he fucking blew every single one.
***
i love angst🤭
pls reblog and comment!! i love seeing your reactions! also feel free to leave asks in my inbox so i can write more stuff you wanna read!
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Hello! Could you please write a stubborn, jealous hc for Miguel o'hara? Thank you!!
I had the brainworms, so I hope this is what you were looking for! Thanks for the ask <3
Jealous!Miguel O'Hara Headcanons
(AO3 Mirror), Main Masterlist
pairing: jealous!Miguel O'Hara x reader
summary: stubborn HCs for jealous!Miguel O'Hara.
a/n: this was meant to be a drabble and i basically wrote a full fic. i have zero self control lmfao
warnings: smut (fingering, f receiving oral, slight brat taming, etc) right at the very end, 18+ from then onwards, the rest is more pg-13
wc: 3.5k ish
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long story short: he's a stubborn little shit.
Pig-headed as fuck and it shows up in little things.
Let's say you first met as coworkers, and you were a lab technician at Alchemax.
Think: unstoppable force meets immovable object. He likes his labs just so, with very specific equipment in a very specific configuration.
It drives you crazy, regularly having tiffs outside the labs; much to the chagrin of your coworkers.
"Jesus." Your coworker mutters, wincing at the seemingly heated argument by the water cooler.
"Ignore it, Maeve." Another coworker rolls their eyes, nudging Mave with a snort. "They're at it again . S'pose they'll tire each other out by the end of the day."
Not that they were wrong. But this time, it wasn't your fault: dealing with O'Hara's bullshit had really taken it's toll. He was insufferable, prone to nitpicking and just plain mean. You could hardly be blamed if you gave him some of your own choice words.
"My notes were basically paint-by-fucking-numbers! How could you mess up a simple distillation? When I specify precision glassware , you don't think that's fucking important?"
"Your notes ," You draw air quotes pointedly at him. "-are illegible, you fucking cretin! Maybe if you didn't write like a goddamn pre-schooler-"
"- preschooler? Oh , fuck you!"
"Get your nose out of that highschool Chem textbook, O'Hara, this is a fucking job."
"Yeah? Stop using it to wipe your ass and you might learn a thing or two."
"Oh , so that's what we're doing?" You laugh in his face, so angry your hand curls into tight fists. You get close, staring him down as you look upwards through your lashes. His own face is contorted into a grimace; bushy eyebrows furrowed into deep shadows around his eyes. You can feel his steady breathing before he speaks, low and rumbling.
"I could do this all day, princesa. "
You scoff, ignoring the way his words weaken your knees. The one time you asked for a break during a long lab and he won't stop calling you a spoilt princess. His laughter then stings in your ears now, the ghost of a smirk on his face as you storm off. Miguel O'Hara: smug bastard. He would be the death of you, you're sure.
~~~
You spend many a late night with him, unwittingly, and find out he's more than a stubborn little shit.
You find out he's funny, and shares the same anti-Alchemax tendencies you do: both preyed upon by the company immediately after graduation, young and naive.
He's kind, even though he'd never admit it, often finishing up the lab notes and doing more than his fair share of work so you can go home at a reasonable time.
You both still butt heads, but it turns into a tentative friendship - coffees in the morning hidden as blaise convenience, covering for each other at work, and defending the other when office gossip goes too far.
That's why when he comes back to work after a week-long stint away - something about a blow up with the boss, an issue described as 'miscommunication, promptly smoothed over' by anyone official - you notice… something's different about him.
You first noticed something was off when he walked in without a snide remark. You left a mug overnight at the counter, something that would usually draw a sarcastic comment at the least , but he gives you… nothing. Blank, glassy eyes as he opens up his workstation - clicking away at the keys without so much as a glance.
"O'Hara?" You call, but he doesn't even look up. You walk to his workstation and knock at the desk. He jumps. God, he looks worse for the wear. Heavy bags under his eyes and a bruise blossoming under his collar.
"You okay?"
He rubs his temples, eyes flitting up at you. "Yeah, just…. just a long week, s'all."
You put a hand on his shoulder, and you swear he leans into your touch. "We can reschedule, tonight. The calculations can wait, Miguel."
He gives you a weak smile, but a smile nevertheless. "S'okay. Need to make sure you don't fuck it up."
"Don't push your luck, O'Hara."
~~~
As you get closer, you notice just how stubborn he is to admit the growing tension between you two.
Late nights at the lab turn into takeout at your place, morning coffee turns into a pleasant 20 minutes on the rooftop away from the hustle and bustle - just you and Miguel, talking and joking with a cup of shitty coffee in hand.
Wholly, he seems more assertive at work, not as quick to roll over.
It's hot, you have to admit; watching him fight with someone else other than you.
You're at work drinks with the other technicians and engineers, nursing a watery beer when another colleague makes small talk with you at the bar.
You’ve never been that close to him, and the conversation is amicable enough, but you’re almost bowled over when you see Miguel, in the corner, staring straight at you with a stormy look.
You suppose it's a little pathetic, getting all dressed up for a casual drink. Lips shiny with gloss and gently powdered with makeup, you feel a little out of place. For all your talk at work, actually being here was another thing. Suddenly, your blouse is too tight and your skirt too short. With a manicured finger, you trace the lip of your glass filled with watery beer. You sigh. You don't want to admit it, but you were only here because of Miguel. He said he would come, and now you're sitting on a barstool counting the chips in your glass.
It was probably for the best. You sink into the absentminded chatter of your colleagues around you, until there's a tap at your shoulder.
"Is someone-" He clears his throat; a tall man dressed in a sharp suit nodding gracefully towards the empty chair. "-is this seat taken?"
You shake your head, grateful for the company. He's handsome, sharp features curving into a wry grin as he calls for a drink.
"...and something other than shitty beer for the pretty girl, too." It makes you laugh, light and lilting in the bustle of the bar.
He stretches out his hand, and you take it.
"Eddie Crouch. I work in marketing."
Eddie…. as in… head of the most profitable division of Alchemax? Your eyes widen involuntarily and you try to clamp down your immediate shock, somewhat unsuccessfully. He narrows his eyes as you tumble over your words.
"Y-Yeah, same! I mean, not same , I just work in the l-labs and I thought it was just for us guys, working behind the curtain, y'know? Not that we're not thrilled to have you here, because we a-are." You spill out, wincing. "....Is this about the performance reviews? Because I know output was down this quarter but our projections are-"
"I'm not here to talk about work." He chuckles. You squint, not convinced. As if to alleviate your concerns, he loosens his tie and undoes his top buttons with a flourish.
"Can I tell you a secret?" He leans in, and the air becomes thick with expensive perfume. He twirls the signet ring on his finger, a ring probably worth more than your monthly paycheck.
"Your boss invited me," Discreetly, he stretches a finger at your boss; a man ruddy cheeked and red-faced with alcohol. "Guess he thought it would boost morale. He's a fucking idiot if he thinks having me, the one guy that could fire your entire department without recourse, exchange empty platitudes would boost morale. But, I digress. So here I am, dragging my feet to this bar, thinking I'm gonna get in, read the lines and get out. But then, " He pauses with dramatic effect. "I see the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on, just sitting by the bar. Like everyone isn't already falling over themselves to talk to you."
The irony is palpable. It's sickly sweet, and a line that wouldn't usually work on you. But usually, you weren't pining over a man so prickly and stubborn, you shouldn't have feelings for. Here you were, bright cocktail in front of you and a moderately attractive man by your side. He wasn't quite Miguel, but in the words of one of the greatest thinkers of the past age: country girls make do.
And so you make lazy conversation with the man. So lost in a tipsy haze, you barely notice Miguel walk in; dark jacket on his shoulders and deliciously loose slacks. You're drawn to him, his eyes seemingly searching the room, and you sigh into your drink. Technically, he looks like shit: eyes dark-rimmed and sunken, a cut at his brow. You think he is gorgeous, eyes tracing the slope of his nose and plush lips. Like he can sense it, he glances over in your direction and you look away hastily. He's watching , you can feel its burn as you turn, pretending to listen to the man besides you. A little cruelly, you lean into him, not breaking eye contact and curling a hand around his arm to laugh at a stupid joke. Eddie laughs with you, oblivious, as you glance behind him.
Miguel stands with a drink thrust into his hands, looking straight through him, eyes low and gazing at you.
~~~
He insists on walking you home, a steady hand on the small of your back as you stumble through the streets of Nueva York.
You make light conversation, tipsy and giggly from the alcohol. Miguel seems a little more put together, but his chest still creaks with rumbling laughter.
He definitely walks on the side of the pavement nearest the street, because he thinks it keeps you safer.
He walks you up the stairs and by the door of your apartment, like a gentleman. You watch him get nervous suddenly, and he hesitates, stubbornly digging in his heels and pausing you from opening the door and coming in.
You don't want it to end, opting to take the walk up the stairs as opposed to the lift. It's one of your more questionable decisions as you stumble up the stairs, almost tripping over your own feet. Miguel is quick to catch you even though he was just as drunk. Arm around your waist, he leaves searing touches to your hip. You giggle despite yourself, and he can't help but smile at your clumsiness.
"If you break your legs I won't carry you, princesa ." A lie and you both know it. He would carry you to the ends of the earth like a blushing bride, if you asked him.
You both stagger to up the stairs and through the corridor until you reach your front door. You rummage around your bag for your keycard, it's contents click-clacking in the quiet of the hallway. Miguel watches, quieter than he was in the journey. If you looked up now, you would see something else behind his eyes - a storm of apprehension and tension.
You find your keycard, and look up to find Miguel placing a careful palm on the door. He's surprisingly still, eyes on your lips as he steps closer. You look everywhere but to meet his eyes, tracing the curve of his collarbone, the slope of his exposed forearm, and the tempting juncture of his strong jaw. You watch it tense, as he brings a gentle hand to your chin. His thumb swipes over the fat of your lip.
"Got somethin' right… there." He mumbles, before tucking his hand away. You can barely breathe. Without thinking you take his hand in yours, lacing your fingers together like a gentle hug. You bring his hand to your waist, and he squeezes, ever so gently. Your hand drops and he moves his slowly, knuckles dragging along the smooth silk of your blouse, and then sending shivers when he reaches your bare neck.
He has to bite down the plethora of things running through his head - his drunken brain threatening to spill all his thoughts. You are so beautiful and soft it makes him short-circuit, desperate to pull you close. Instead, you do: hand inching up his chest and laying to rest on his shoulders.
He kisses you, finally ; a little messy and impossibly soft. Like his lips on yours would shatter you both. You deepen the kiss and wrap his arm tighter around you, angling your chin to drink up even more of you. You both come up for air, panting in the heat of one another. Miguel's eyes are full of lust and blown out.
"Do…do you want to come in?" You whisper.
Something catches in his throat and his expression changes, like he just woke up from a dream. Do you just want to sleep with him? He's not built for one night stands, can't do just sex, especially if it's you. No matter how much he wants to, he can't, he won't, "....I shouldn't."
The disappointment on your face is palpable. You want to ask why - after he kissed you like that - why doesn't he want you? Instead you nod dejectedly. He gives you a chaste kiss on the forehead, lingering, and a shaky smile.
You open your door with a buzz, and slam it in his face.
~~~
It takes Miguel some time to properly put a name to what you two have: not knowing if the kiss was a drunken mistake, animal attraction or something more.
He's not a grand gestures kind of person, he believes in action rather than words.
Which is why it takes so long for him to admit just how in love with you he is.
He steals glances at you all the time at the office, and tries to anticipate all your needs.
When you stretch and yawn in the morning, he happens to pass by your favourite coffee place and happens to buy one too many cups of your go-to order.
So imagine his shock when he arrives from his lunch break, churros and coffee in hand, and there's one of the top brass from the night at the bar perched on your desk - 2 polystyrene cupfuls of something half drunk on the desk.
He's never been insecure, but he can't help but feel possessive, something tense and tight growing at the base of his stomach.
"What was it you wanted to talk about?" You step into the equipment cupboard, Miguel close behind you. You rub your temples, anticipating an argument. "O'Hara, if this is about my calibration tests this morning, I swear to God -"
"No, no , nothing like that." He's quick to say. "They were… okay." He strains.
You raise an eyebrow. Okay? Since when did Miguel pass up an opportunity for a mindless fight? Your mind races with his actions of the past few days. He has been different since the night at the bar, a little nicer, sure, but nothing this out of the ordinary.
"That guy you were talking to. I saw him at the bar, and now here. Who is he?"
Your eyebrows shoot up. "You do not have the right to ask me th-"
"Are fucking him?" A pause, and you study his expression, deducing that he is completely fucking serious .
"Are you insane? You definitely don't have the right to ask me that." You make for the door, and he steps in front of it, blocking it with his body.
"I need to know. Tell me and then I'll leave you alone, I promise." His voice is low and thick with something.
You step closer and he wraps his hands around your waist absentmindedly. The pressure feels good, and makes your brain fog up.
He repeats himself, softer. "Are you fucking him?"
You look at him for a moment, before shaking your head. His facial expression is steady, just as unreadable.
"Do you want to?"
You hesitate, wanting to be cruel and say yes, just to see his reaction. Perceptive, he sees your hesitance and says something that almost knocks you over.
"I could fuck you better than he ever could," He kneads your thigh now, lips close to the shell of your ear in the tight space of the cupboard. " Princesa , look at me."
You look at him, almost whimpering and putty in his hands. He's like a siren and you are lost in the pull of his gaze. It may be the proximity, but you swear you see a tinge of red in his eyes, like deep pools of lust.
"Will you let me fuck you?" He pulls you closer so the meat of his thigh presses against your clothed cunt. Your stretchy pencil skirt rides up suggestively, and you rock your clit against him, searching for sweet pressure. You nod.
Miguel titters softly, a hand on your chin pulling your lips to his. You moan into his kiss, body aching. It's hot and heavy like the kiss outside your door, but he swirls his tongue around yours and expertly nips at your lower lip. He guides your hips to rock against his thigh, tensing to make sure it's corded muscle hits the right places. He wants to break you apart, leave you so cock-drunk, you wouldn't think of even glancing at another man.
You separate and he dips a hand under your skirt. He pulls it up and places a big palm at your pussy, with a well timed slap. You bite into his neck with the pressure. You definitely don't expect it when he rips open your stockings like they were paper.
"Fuck, Miguel."
"It's okay, baby, I'll get you new ones." Your eyes roll back as he slips aside the gusset to run a finger through your lower lips. Shamelessly, he slips a finger in, then two, basking in the wet squelch of your heat. You claw at his forearm, as he curls them into that sweet spot.
You press your forehead to his shoulder, chasing his fingers with your hips. His sharp eyes watch every movement, every stutter and start that his fingers pull from you. He's practical, a man of action, and he is desperate to show you how much he cares.
"I've thought about you… about this." He hisses as you cover your mouth to dampen your moans.
"Wanted you for so long, princesa. Want to know how you taste, what this beautiful pussy feels like. What you look like when you cum."
His wrist aches with the back and forth motion but his pace barely faulters.
" M-Miguel …"
He applies pressure to your clit, and watches in awe as you spasm, nails digging into his forearm.
" Oh, there it is. Right there, hmm? Does that feel good?"
You nod frantically with a stifled sob.
"Not quite, baby. Need to hear you say it. Or I won't let you cum."
"...fuuck you."
" Oh, you'd like that. Still not what I want to hear. Tell me how much you like it when I fuck you with my fingers."
"F-Feels good." You stutter. He stops, wrenching his hand out of your pussy to leave you clenching around nothing.You almost scream.
"You're being a brat, not my princesa , hmm? Only good girls get to cum."
" Miguel , please. I'll do anything." He guides you along his thigh, still lodged between your legs, and licks up your wetness on his other hand. "You m-make me feel so good. So good. And I want you so much it hurts, sometimes. I just want to cum, don't even need your cock. Fuck me with something , please."
"Miguel? Not asshole? Or fucking idiot, this time?"
"Please, Miguel ." Your pleas go straight to his cock. He throbs with need, cock rock hard under his slacks.
He relents, not able to bear your dopey puppy-dog eyes for much longer. He slips three fingers in, without bothering to prep you. He hisses at the tightness of your heat, pounding into you and knuckle deep with his fingers. Shamelessly, you fuck yourself back on them, hips rolling over his thigh. He can't tear himself away from the sight, palming himself through tented trousers.
You kiss and nip at his neck, as he whispers obscenities at you under his breath.
"Can you cum for me, princesa? Cum f'me, and I'll take care of you, I promise."
You clamp down on his fingers and moan into a kiss as you ride out your orgasm. It's intense: leg-shaking and leaves you shuddering in the aftermath. You were rusty, sure, hadn't had sex with someone in a while. But Miguel made you cum so hard you saw stars, with only his fingers. Your chest heaves with the thought.
You thought he would leave you, torn stockings and all, in the little cupboard. But he stays, to sink down to his knees and lap at your folds. You rest a hand on a shelf for purchase, head back in bliss. You cunt is still sensitive, throbbing at the orgasm he's just given you, as you licks you clean. He's taking care of you. You card your hands into his hair, tugging gently as he moans into your pussy.
He gives your clit a gentle kiss, and swipes up a trailing tear that rolls down your inner thigh. You watch as he pops his fingers into your mouth, cleaning off the cum. Your cum.
Miguel gives you a lazy grin in the bare bulb of the equipment closet. He seems completely unfazed by the fact his fingers were in you not a moment ago.
"Are you free after work?" He asks, and it takes a moment for you to process.
"Uhhh… s-sure. Probably?"
"Let me take you for dinner, somewhere nice."
All you can do is nod, dumbly, ripped stockings still around your ankles.
"And then I can fuck you properly, princesa."
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