Bard: Words will never hurt you? WRONG. Death spell!
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Wizard: How to cite a dream/hallucination in APA 7th?
Artificer: What?
Wizard: I want to include something that was revealed to me in a vision in one of my research papers. But I do not know how to cite it.
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Barbarian: Artificer, please tell me you’re not experimenting with those old Underdark poisons again.
Artificer: I only paralyzed you for a week, Barb. You need to let that go.
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Monk: stop your addiction to being right
Wizard: good advice for everyone who isn’t me
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Artificer: I'm a scientist.
Wizard: A scientist? What kind?
Artificer: I'm sorry, I don't understand?
Wizard: What's your field of study?
Artificer: Science.
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Cleric: You need to eat healthier.
Fighter: No.
Cleric: The last person who didn't eat healthier after I told them to died.
Fighter: Oh my gods.
Cleric: In a fire storm.
Fighter: That sounds unrelated.
Cleric: I cast the fire storm. Do not disobey me.
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Wizard: It's our job to instruct and inspire.
Fighter: You just wanted to show off.
Wizard: When I show off, it IS instructive and inspiring.
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Paladin: It must be a liberating thing for you all, not to be blessed with a moral compass.
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Rogue: Come on, you have to sacrifice your life. I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn’t do.
Fighter: You? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of everyone else?
Rogue: No, I'd sacrifice YOUR life for the good of everyone else.
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Artificer: Ah, the Scientific Method. Step One: Fuck around. Step Two: Find out. Step Three: Record your results. Step Four: Confirm, or fuck around again.
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Rogue: What's the vital thing to remember in a duel?
Paladin: Honour?
Rogue: Not getting killed, right? Biting, kicking, gouging, it's all good.
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Cleric: Why are you always trying to get yourself killed?
Barbarian: It's my job.
Cleric: It's a hazard of your job. At least for most adventurers. For you it seems to be the purpose.
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Bard: How did you get Rogue to co-operate with you?
Warlock: I threatened to reveal their dark secret.
Bard: Which is what?
Warlock: I have no idea, I was bluffing, but it must be something horrible.
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Rogue: I saved a life: my own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say… but, yes.
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Paladin: Warlock is a good person, if you ignore all the things they do on purpose and concentrate on all of the things they do by accident.
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Ranger: It's so cute! I have to pet it.
Cleric: It has three heads.
Ranger: So?
Cleric: It has three heads and very sharp teeth.
Ranger: Still a dog to me. C’mon, let’s go say hi.
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