im-internally-screaming
A Little Messed Up
ADHD, Autism, Dissociative Identity, Anxiety. I came out wrong and only got wronger.
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Im not sure who needs to hear this validation today, but,
You do not need to experience blackouts to prove/affirm you're truly a system--greyouts also do count! It's only a different intensity of amnesia, which is still real and valid.
- j
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kaveh akbar, 'calling a wolf a wolf' // doc luben, 'love letters or suicide notes' // @/nutnoce, tumblr // 'my body's made of crushed little stars', mitski // @/ojibwa, tumblr // 'spring', mary oliver
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you dont need to be miserable 24/7 to be disordered or traumatized in case no one’s told you that today
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[Text: This system has too many Spotify playlists.]
Like/Reblog if you save or use
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its so unfortunate when different peoples neurodivergent traits clash horribly. like yes i totally understand that the man at the other table cant control his stimming and loud vocal tics and i think he deserves to have a nice day out at a restaraunt without judgement. however if i dont remove myself from the audible vicinity in the next 20 seconds i will explode.
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hey I'm sorry I stopped in the middle of that sentence my brain decided to flush its cache and I totally forgot what this conversation was
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we’ve made autism into a small insignificant personality trait/identity like being queer and that’s actually so fucking wrong and insulting
32% of autistics have an intellectual disability
30% of autistics are completely nonspeaking
most autistics will not be able to hold a job, go to college, or live on their own
autism rarely travels alone and has many medical comorbidities like epilepsy, mitochondrial disorders, and genetic disorders (which are the most common comorbidities - these aren’t rare complications.)
we can have discussions about autism and ableism and how society sees us without spreading misinformation.
autism is a lifelong, often debilitating neurodevelopmental and genetic disorder that affects how one communicates and interacts with the world. it is not “just being socially awkward” or “social anxiety.” it is a neurological disability. start treating it like one.
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fucked up that i can’t listen to a podcast, listen to an album, study, draw, read a book, watch a tv show, watch a movie, journal, facetime a friend, go on a hike, go on a run, and bake all at the same time 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 guess the only option is to do nothing
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To whoever needs to hear it, no that person online isn't hiding in your walls. They aren't watching you. They're not going to hurt you. They are just 13 and very lonely. You are safe.
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Plural culture is "I'm not the host. I know I'm not the host. But if I'm not the host idk who I am, so I'm the host"
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Plural culture is consuming media during The Horrors™ and actually feeling an introject forming
It's before the whole headache process too. It's just the "oh.. huh- FUCK NO GO BACK STOP- gOd dammit >:("
You really only understand if you've expirenced it, but if you have then you know. You know
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shout out to “gross” disabled people.
people who can’t shower/bathe
people who can’t shave
people who can’t wash their clothes
people who need help going to the bathroom
people who have nasty habits (biting nails, picking nose, etc)
people who can’t brush their teeth
people who can’t go to the doctor
people who can’t clean their room
people who can’t make their beds
people who vomit a lot
people who wet the bed
people who constantly have diarrhea
people who’s physical deformities are seen as repulsive
and every other kind of person I missed that deserves to be here too.
you are people, first and foremost. your thoughts deserve to be heard, discussed, acknowledged, no matter what. you are not lesser. you are just another person. you should never be ignored for what you can/can’t do. you deserve care.
to abled people: check yourself. make sure you listen. and you can reblog, just don’t derail. maybe don’t add on, either.
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Rocking chairs are proof autism and ADHD have always existed, there is no way a neurotypical person said “what if there was a special chair for rocking back and forth in”
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I'm also a person with DID who was abused/manipulated by someone who copied my symptoms/alters/trauma history irl & claimed to be a system, soon after meeting me. They eventually fessed up after almost a year. It's traumatizing as fuck to see someone mimic your suffering. I know what its like & hope you're able to heal from what was done & stolen from you.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
Experiences like that are disgustingly common in this community. I am so sorry you went through that as well anon.
The community push to condemn "fake claiming" ignores the fact that the ability, right, and knowledge to defend yourself against abusers involves facing the messy fact that yes. SOMETIMES PEOPLE REALLY DO MAKE SHIT UP.
I wish you nothing but peace with healing from that.
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"Not everything is about your autism."
Actually it is. My autism effects:
How I see the world, including light sensitivity
How I interact with the world, including difficulties with social interaction, speech difficulties and processing disorders
How I feel the world around me, including hyposensitivity or hypersensitivity to temperature, pain, or stimuli as well as proprioception which can make it difficult for me to physically navigate the world
How I feel my body, including interoception which can lead to missed meals, dehydration, and even urinary urgency (which is a problem just by itself) because I don't notice the signals my body gives
How I relate to those around me, due to my alexithymia, so often I feel nothing or can not work through the bodily sensations that indicate emotions.
How I cope with the world, including needing to stim, escape noises others may not hear, or requiring accommodations to help me survive an "average" day
How I rest after a normal day, including delayed sleep onset, reduced melatonin and increased cortisol, making getting to sleep a 2 hour long endeavour and staying asleep a task unto itself
So yes.
This is all about my autism.
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