ARTEMIS​

for  a  minute  ,    artemis  thinks  he  might  faint.    cam  is  pale  even  at  the  best  of  times  ,    but  he  looks  downright  pallid  now  ,    his  eyes  wide  as  he  processes  the  news.    or  ,    she    hopes    he’s  processing.    currently  ,    it  just  looks  like  she’s  broken  his  brain    —        kaldur  after  his  unfortunate  run  -  in  with  m’gann  springs  to  mind  despite  her  best  efforts  to  keep  that  particular  bit  of  history  in  the  past  where  it  belonged.    the  hands  that  find  her  shoulders  shake.    no  more  denial  ,    that’s  assured.    she’d  said  the  words  that  made  it  real    —        oh  so  real    —        and  cam  had  heard  her  ,    understood  the  gravitas  she  was  trying  to  convey.

and  she  had  broken  him.  

artemis  watches  as  his  gaze  lowers  to  her  stomach.    barely  noticeable  ,    barely  there.    impossible  to  know  what  to  look  for  without  being  told  but  it  was    there.    the  faintest  little  bump  that  hadn’t  been  two  months  prior  ,    the  last  time  his  fingers  had  skated  across  the  bare  expanse  of  skin.    and  then  the  apologies  begin.    frantic  ,    rapid  -  fire  like  the  still  racing  rhythm  of  her  heart  ,    the  words  spill  from  his  lips  and  threaten  to  drown  her.  

he’s  crying  and    she’s  crying  ,    a  fresh  round  of  hot  shame  igniting  within  her  as  more  drops  cascade  down  her  cheeks  to  replace  those  she’d  already  wiped  away.    they  surely  look  like  a  couple  of  unstable  lunatics  fresh  from  an  arkham  prison  break  ,    moments  away  from  being  chased  from  the  property  with  whatever  weapon  the  guy  behind  the  counter  had  on  hand    —        just  like  the  good  ol’  days  !!    —        when  ;    mess.  

he  called  it  a  mess.    and  again  ,    she  felt  like  it  would  have  been  less  painful  if  he’d  simply  slapped  her  in  the  face.    he’s  not  entirely  wrong  ,    it  is  a  messy  situation  ,    one  could  argue  that  their  whole  damn  lives  have  been  ,    but  she  had  no  intention  of    cleaning  it  up.    not  that  way  not    —        it  strikes  a  match  in  her  ,    catching  like  she’d  swallowed  gasoline  and  ,    though  the  tears  still  flow  freely  ,    her  brows  draw  together  and  the  familiar  fire  comes  out  ;  

‘    I’m  not  telling  you  so  you  can  help    clean  it  up.    ’      the  words  taste  like  bile  on  her  tongue  ,    and  she  reaches  out  to  grab  his  wrist  ,    to  place  the  hovering  ,    trembling  digits  against  her  belly  and  glare  ferociously.      ‘    I  thought  you’d  want  to  know  you’re  going  to  be  a  father  ,    cam.    ’        i’m  keeping  it.    she  hadn’t  really  given  it  much  thought  either  way  ,    not  until  then.    but  she  knows  ,    without  a  shadow  of  a  doubt  ,    this  is  what  she  wants.  ‘    I  don’t  expect  anything  from  you,  but  that’s  your  child  in  there    —      our  child    —        and  if  you  call  it  a  mess  again  ,    i’ll  march  you  right  back  so  you  can  join  in  on  all  the  fun  your  little  pals  are  having  right  about  now  ,    got  it  ??    ’

cameron doesn’t know which one is more nerve-wrecking :    the fact that artemis had,   without even a minuscule of hesitation,   pushed his palm right against the part of her that’s more   ...   significant now than its ever been,   like he had a right,   like it was okay to touch her there and be a little bit closer to the one thing he never thought he could have   -     or that she’d said it so clearly,   determinedly:   you’re going to be a father,   cam.

he’s never pictured it,  you know ?   never could’ve guessed that that was allowed.  which,  in retrospect,  is quite frustrating.   for so long,  he thought he’d been disappointing enough of a son to have finally broken out of the mold icicle sr have initially built for him.   turns out,   apart of him,  though subconsciously,  could never quite work out the nerve to think he would want another family.   he would deserve it.   little kids of his own with the same hair and eyes and maybe power ?  

fuck.  that’d be a nightmare.

with his criminal history to boot,  and the lack of security he could provide for the child   ...   he’s exactly the screw-up he’s always been.   he can’t put that on a kid.   and   -    maybe it helps that he’d never really thought about it.   no,   happy endings were reserved for the emotionally stable and functionally successful people.   if anything,  he thought for sure that his dad was right about one thing :  nobody could want him enough for it anyways.   so why bother ?

obviously,  icicle sr. hasn’t exactly put into the equation that crusher’s daughter just has her stubborn ways of sorta making this life bearable.   hell,   sometimes   ...   with artemis,   cameron feels like he can actually be    -     happy.

‘    okay,   ’    he whispers,   his eyes   -    bright and blue    -    still sting with tears.   he doesn’t feel any particular changes as he presses his hand more firmly against the stomach,   but it’s warm anyway,   the touch of it.   it feels like a ticket out,  a breath of fresh air,  and something fragile but precious all the same.   it’s scary.    ‘    okay,  i won’t    -    m’not gonna call it that.    i’m sorry.    ’      her words keep ringing in his ears,   i thought you’d want to know you’re going to be a father.

a father!   a father   —    cam can’t picture it,   but he also knows nothing will keep him away from artemis now,  for as long as she wants him around.

he hugs her again,   kissing her temple once more.   scared,   he’s scared,   still shaking,   but he’s squeezing her tight,   arms around her to pull her in.    slowly,   he manages,   trying to be brave,   mouth moving against her blond hair :   ‘    can i   ...    is it okay if   -    if i meet ‘em sometimes ?   the kid ?   i’ll be good to ‘em,   i swear.    ’

ARTEMIS

his  silence  is  deafening.    artemis  can  hear  the  rapid  -  fire  beat  of  her  frantic  heart  as  he  stares.    he  stares  and  stares  and    stares.    and    —        when  she  feels  like  she  can  absolutely  take  it  no  longer  ,    feels  as  though  she  would  splitter  and  crack  into  a  million  pieces  if  she  was  subjugated  to  another  second    —        he  speaks  :  

‘    c  -  congrats  ,  babe.    ’      and  he  might  as  well  have  sucker  punched  her.  

congrats  ,  babe.    it  forces  all  the  air  from  her  lungs.    moments  ago  ,    his  silence  made  her  want  to  crawl  out  of  her  own  skin  ,    now  ,    she  longs  to  step  back  into  it.    congrats  ,  babe.    it  plays  unbidden  on  a  loop  ,    shoving  it’s  way  into  her  thoughts  like    a  runaway  train  on  a  downhill  slope.    he  doesn’t  know  ,    he  doesn’t  get  it.    congrats  ,    babe.    so  far  from  any  expectation  she  could  have  possibly  had  for  this  conversation  ,    this  night.    but  that  was  cameron  for  her    —      always  keeping  her  on  her  toes  …  

but  it  gets  worse  ,    of  course  it  does  !!    because  cameron  couldn’t  possibly  settle  for  a    ‘  congrats  ,  babe  ’    and  move  right  along.    or  give  her  a  second  to  catch  up  ,    to  explain.    no  ,    he  had  to  keep  swinging  this  particularly  devastating  wrecking  ball  and  artemis  had  no  choice  but  to  remain  right  in  it’s  path.    so  he  pulls  her  in  for  a  hug  ,    a  kiss  pressed  to  the  side  of  her  head.    he  asks  about  whether    wally    knew  and  artemis  fears  for  a  few  ,    tense  moments  that  she  might  vomit  again.    he  thinks  it’s  wally’s.    some  borderline  hysterical  part  of  her  wants  to    laugh    at  how  ridiculous  this  all  is  but  mostly  ??  

mostly  she  wants  to  melt  into  the  embrace.  

it’s  been  so  long  —      too  long    —      since  the  last  time  they’d  hugged.    since  she’d  done  what  she  was  doing  now,  wrapping  her  arms  tight  around  his  waist  and  burying  her  head  in  his  chest.    she’d  missed  this  ,    missed  him.    and  he  thought  she  was  having  another  man’s  baby  ,    thought  she’d  come  to  pull  him  away  from  his  cronies  in  the  middle  of  the  night  to  tell  him  the  good  news  :    surprise  !!    wally’s  gonna  be  a  father  !!  

she  wants  to  scream  ,    she  wants  to  cry.    it’s  the  latter  that  wins  out  ,    a  weak  sob  forcing  it’s  way  from  her  lips  before  she  could  ever  hope  to  stifle  it.    hormones.    she  remembers  those  are  a  thing  ,    that  pregnant  women  often  cry  over  nothing  ,    those  stupid  animal  commercials  on  the  tv.    ‘    It’s  not  wally’s  !!    ’      she  chokes  out  ,    but  it’s  so  strangled  by  her  tears  and  muffled  by  his  chest  that  she  doubts  he  heard  it  properly.    besides  ,    he’s  made  it  abundantly  clear  that  she  is  going  to  have  to    spell  it  out  for  him  ,    and  this  time  there  will  be  no  miscommunications.    or  she  might  just  melt  into  a  goddamn  puddle  right  in  front  of  him.  

artemis  forces  a  shaky  breath  into  her  lungs  ,    pulls  back  enough  that  she  can  swat  any  remaining  moisture  that  hadn’t  already  absorbed  into  cam’s  shirt  from  her  cheeks  and  meets  his  eyes.    her  hands  press  against  the  sides  of  his  face  to  be  sure  he’s  locked  on  ,    that  he  knows  she’s  serious  ;      ‘    it’s  not  wally’s  ,    ’      she  says  again,  and  she’s  surprised  at  how  little  her  voice  trembles.      ‘    it’s  yours  ,    cameron.    ’

he doesn’t even think about how long it’s been.

he couldn’t    -    it’s not his place to be sentimental,   and cameron’s learned long enough to not think too much about the past,   even if there’d be times when he couldn’t help it.   the past would just   ...    it brings up so much issues;   so much could’ve been’s,   so many what if’s.    to do what he had to do,  to survive what he had to live through,    he just finds it bearable not to ponder on it for any longer than he needed to.

artemis is warm in ways only another’s body heat could be warm,  and that   -    that brings up flood of memories he can’t really afford to hesitate on while he’s like this.   because it’s   ...   whatever they have,   it’s over,   isn’t it ?   it’s done.   it’s over,   just another event wrapping up nicely with a bow.   or as nicely as two difficult people with a messed-up history could manage.   and cameron can focus on this  -   just the fact that he can hold artemis,  the fact that he can share in the joy,  sincerely offer his congratulations.

but it isn’t carrot top’s kid that artemis is pregnant with,  it turns out.

whatever traces of guilt,  or longing,   or even happiness blanks away into this acute whiteness of things.   into nothingness.   cameron’s eyes are wide,   the blue of it the size of twin plates,  as he pulls back,   hands that had never quite shivered from his own iced power slowly trembling against his childhood friend’s shoulders.   it’s yours,  cameron,   artemis claims,  her cheeks wet with tears,   but  -   he knows she wouldn’t lie about this.

she rarely lies as is,   but about a kid ?   about anybody fathering it ?

fuck.   cameron’s gaze goes to the belly,   suddenly finding that part of artemis’ body more significant than it was seconds ago,   before he returns it to drink in artemis’ expressions again.   shit,   what did he do ?  how could he  —    artemis was finally  —    he ruined her.   he did.   what else could it mean ?    a justice league member carrying a criminal’s kid,   fuck.   that kid’s gonna  ...    shit.   would the league punish the baby ?   artemis ?

cam’s heart pounds.    why was he so fucking stupid ?    ‘    i’m so sorry,   oh no,   i’m so —    ’    his hands shake over the tightness of the tigress’ uniform,   just above the stomach,   but he doesn’t touch.   couldn’t.   what right does he have ?    ‘    art,  baby,  i’m sorry,  i didn’t mean  —   i’m so sorry,   baby,   i’m sorry.   i   -   are they gonna target you ?   shit.   fuck.    stupid.   i   ...    ’    his view is glassy;   cam realises with a painful ache in his throat that he’s crying.

‘    i’m a piece of shit,   sorry.   both of you don’t deserve   ...   ’    this time,   it’s him who wipes at his own eyes,   still staring at the stomach.   at the baby there that’s his and artemis’,   and how elated he is for a stupid nanosecond despite the panic,   thinking about how nice it is.   to hold the child,   to tell them they’re loved,   and that their mother is great.   cam goes quiet,   not continuing,   and then,   more determinedly :     ‘    tell me what you need from me.   i’ll    -     i’ll help.    i’ll clean up this mess.   ’

ARTEMIS

he  bought  the  medicine.    even  after  she’d  told  him  not  to  ,    and  artemis  can’t  even  find  it  in  herself  to  be  surprised.    she  hadn’t  even  fully  registered  it  until  they  were  back  in  the  summer  heat  ,  and  cameron  had  pushed  the  box  into  her  hands  along  with  the  bottle  of  water  they  had  agreed  upon.    the  scoff  is  immediate  ,    accompanied  with  a  shake  of  her  head  as  she  tries  to  give  it  back  ;      ‘    I’m  not    sick.    ’      not  like  he  was  thinking  ,    easily  rectified  with  some  medicine  ,    plenty  of  fluids  and  bedrest.    no  ,    it  was  a  lot  more  complicated  than  that  …      ‘    I  told  you  not  to  worry  about  it.    ’

she  doesn’t  even  remember  if  she’s    allowed    to  take  anything.    the  doctor  had  run  her  though  some  shit  ,    but  everything  after  that    ‘  congratulations  !  ’      had  been  a  blur  ,    like  she’d  stuck  her  head  into  the  fish  tank  in  the  lobby  and  tried  to  listen  ,    under  water  and  upside  down  with  blood  rushing  to  her  head.    she  needed    her    mom  ,    her    sister    —    people  she  could  trust  ,    who  had  gone  through  this  to  tell  her  what  to  do  ,    warn  her  before  she  fucked  it  all  up    before  the  baby  was  even  born.    but  jade  was  back  with  the  shadows  ,    far  more  difficult  to  pin  down  than  cameron  had  been.  and  paula    —      well  ,    artemis  is  terrified  of  disappointing  her.  

I  want  you  to  have  the  life  I  never  could.    artemis  had  been  fifteen  years  old  ,    with  the  chance  to  go  to  gotham  academy    —      a  school  for  rich  brats  ,    that  looked  good  on  college  applications  with  it’s  high  academic  standards  and  it’s  prissy  uniforms.    no  place  for  gotham    trash    like  her  ,    and  she’d  known  it  then  ,    knew  it  now.    but  paula  had  cried  ,    and  artemis  had  bucked  up  like  the  good  little  soldier  she  was.    and  she’d  soldiered  on  to  stanford  ,    toed  the  line  of    normalcy  …    then  ,    dick  had  shown  up  on  their  doorstep  ,    artemis  couldn’t  jump  on  his  crazy  plan  fast  enough.    and  it  was  all  downhill  from  there  …  

but  cameron  has  to  be  first    —      third  ,    if  she’s  getting  technical  but  if  it  hadn’t  been  for  the  kid  ,    who  knew  how  long  it  would’ve  taken  her  to  realize  …    cameron  first  ,    then  paula.    it’s  only  fair  …

she  does  unscrew  the  plastic  top  of  the  water  bottle  and  takes  a  long  ,    grateful  swallow.    her  stomach  tied  up  in  it’s  uneasy  knots  ,    but  she  laughs    —      actually  laughs    —    and  it  sounds  strangely  foreign  to  her  own  ears  ;      ‘    if  I  wanted  you  in  jail  ,    I  would’ve  left  you  there  ,    cam.    ’      it’s  not  that  simple  ,    would    never    be  that  simple.    deft  fingers  fiddle  with  the  cap  of  her  bottle  ,    screwing  and  unscrewing  it  idly.    it  keeps  her  hands  busy  ,    her  eyes  downcast.    the  humor  of  the  situation  evaporating  like  water  on  a  hot  summer  day.  

‘    I  have  to  tell  you  something  …    ’      throat  tightens  ,    breathing  shallow  and  rapid.    it’s  not  the  best  time  ,    the  best  place  but  if  she  doesn’t  say  it  now  ,    she  might    never  ;      ‘    I’m  pregnant.    ’

she’s stubborn  —   always is.

it doesn’t surprise him;  it’s kinda cute,  actually.   in ways that reminded him just how fierce his childhood friend actually is.   strong,   determined.     it’s   -   endearing,   is what they call it right ?    yeah.   the kind of feeling that makes you ache a little inside from how much you recognise the habit or movement or emotion,   but there isn’t much you could at present.   just know it’s there,   this feeling;   just know she has a hand at putting it there.

‘   pretty sure the pinnacle of health doesn’t come with vomiting,   sweetcheeks.   ’    he tells her earnestly,   distracting himself with the way his tongue accepts the little sting and burn of the explosive candy.   it’s sour in just the right amount;   cameron doesn’t really taste as easily as the others,  after all.   comes with daddy’s gift of making him a meta and all.     he doesn’t follow artemis’ reply up with,   you know with you it’s different.   you know with you i’m always gonna worry,  even if i don’t say.

she’s quiet for a while,  chugging   -   before she snorts,  tells him that she hasn’t really dragged him out to send his ass straight to jail.   which  ...   well,  weird.   cameron is about to protest that he doesn’t rat anything out   —    even if he changes sides.   he doesn’t share information on the villains when he was with artemis and he won’t do it now.   not because he’s particularly attached or fancied the life,   but only because he’d known what the criminals would do to snitchers if he’s caught.   

his dad and the whole troop never exactly lets him forget.

but artemis isn’t talking about trading some secret information or some super criminal’s whereabouts.   oh no.   cameron’s got this whole thing wrong.   his blood rushes through his ears at the news,   and he doesn’t know how long he’s stared at artemis,   but it must’ve been a while,   because by the time his hand reaches over to close his mouth,   it’s dried up.   fuck.   fuck.   this is big.   this is —

‘   c - congrats,   babe.   ’    cameron tries to smile,   but he just feels like any air that’s trying to get in are blocked somehow.   stuck in his chest with no way in and out.   he tries picturing artemis in this whole white-picket-fence dream with the hero boyfriend,  and the dog,  and the kid  —   who’s gonna have artemis’ eyes and the boyfriend’s smile or something.   very romantic,  very wholesome.

and cameron will be the guy who’s probably gonna get beaten up by the side of the road or in his prison cell.

but jesus,  he’s so   -    he can’t help it.   apart of him feels delighted,   or relieved,   just like it had been when he was sixteen and he heard that crusher’s daughter switched sides.   he’s so glad artemis made it out.   he’s so glad she’s   -    she’s moved on,  in her own way,   even after cameron probably screwed up her chance there with the redhead for a while.   that she can have a family,   where it’s safe and the kid will grow up healthy and they can go to school and artemis can be a mom,  a good mom,  a great one.   cameron’s happy.

‘    does red head sonic know ?    ’     if i can’t make it,  i’m glad you could.    he doesn’t say,  but it shows,   cameron reaches out,   and hugs   -     genuinely,   gladly,   kissing the side of her head.     ‘     oh,   i’m thrilled,   art!    you’re gonna be a great mom,   the kid’s damn lucky.   i’m so happy for you and freckles.    ’

ARTEMIS​,

it  occurs  to  her  then  how  half  -  cocked  this  plan  actually  was.    how  little  thought  she’d  given  to  the    after    —    after  she  got  cam  to  come  with  her  ,    after  they  walked  away  from  the  warehouse  …    honestly  ,    artemis  hadn’t  expected  it  to  be  this  easy.    expected  the    fight  ,    the  resistance.    plan    a  ,    b  ,    and    c    reserved  for  that  particular  possibility  but  now  ??    now  she  feels  hopelessly    lost.    her  operation  ,    yet  cameron  was  beginning  to  call  the  shots  because  she  finds  herself  stuck  on  auto  -  pilot  and  at  war  with  herself  ,    the  impulse  to  simply  blurt  that  which  she’d  come  to  say  wrestling  with  her  own    denial  ,    fear.    if  she  says  it  ,    that  makes  it    REAL.    more  real  than  the    two  heartbeats  ,    the  ultrasound  picture  that’d  looked  like    nothing    to  her  untrained  eye.    

there  was  no  putting  this  cat  back  in  the  bag  ,    once  the  words  leave  her  mouth  ,    things  would  never  be  the  same.    for    better  ,    for    worse.    and  artemis  hasn’t  quite  mustered  her  courage.  

so  she  does  as  he  suggests  ,    tucks  the  mask  into  a  pouch  at  her  belt  and  slides  the  elastic  back  onto  her  wrist.    it  does  not  matter  ,    she  thinks.    in  the  grand  scheme  of  things  ,    artemis  barely  has  a    secret  identity    anymore  ,    and  this  is  gotham.    it  has  seen  far  weirder  than  a  pallid  looking  woman  in  spandex  meandering  the  aisles  of  a  convenience  store.    ‘    I  zeta  -  ed.    ’      she  explains  with  a  shrug  ,    which    did    have  it’s  complications.    namely  ,    that  she  couldn’t  use  the  same  method  on  the  return  trip.    but  she  hadn’t  expected  this  ,    hadn’t  expected  to  drag  her  feet.      I’m  pregnant.    it’d  all  seemed  so  simple  when  she  hadn’t  been  staring  him  in  the  face.    

the  florescent  lights  do  her  no  favors  ,    trails  behind  cameron  as  he  heads  for  the  frigerated  section  towards  the  back  of  the  store.    it  all  feels  familiar  ,    like  when  they  were  kids  scrounging  for  something  to  pass  the  time  or    —      when  they  got  even  more  adventurous      (    and    hungry    )    —      sneaking  off  like  this.    to  a  gas  station  ,    a  street  vendor.    paying  with  coins  pulled  from  couch  cushions  or  ,    when  that  option  failed  ,    resorting  to  petty  theft.    candy  bars  stuffed  into  pockets  ,    up  their  sleeves.    running  from  angry  clerks  when  they  got  themselves  caught.    artemis  leans  against  one  of  the  sliding  doors  ,    eyes  drifting  closed.    

I  will  do  better.    my  child  will  have  better.  

being  a  mom  scares  the  hell  out  of  her  ,    but  crusher’s  low  fucking  standards  wouldn’t  be  terribly  hard  to  beat.  

‘    don’t  worry  about  the  medicine  ,    cam.    ’  eyes  land  on  him  again  ,    notes  that  he’s  been  successful  in  finding  a  bottle  of  water.    nods  in  the  bottle’s  direction  ;      ‘    I’ll  pay  you  back  for  that.    ’

cameron knows it’s a little too late to say this   —     but it’s pretty fucked up,   how they turn out.

not in the sense of their respective fields,   necessarily,   although he isn’t in any business denying that that may play a major role too,   but just   -   the general situation they both seem to always be in,  these roles that they play.   how artemis is preaching about a few small changes and some convenience store-level pills that he’s purchasing like they’re ordinary people with ordinary office jobs working through an awkward encounter with as much politeness and grace they could manage before life,   as life does,   make them part their ways again.

as if he doesn’t love her,   when he was eleven,   and she was the only person who’d ever cared to look at him for more than his powers.   as if he doesn’t admire her,   when she manages to find herself out of this hellish life that they were thrown in because it’s never easy being the local gangster’s rat,   let alone a whole ass traitor.   as if he doesn’t want her,   every day during that time when she’d allow him to have her,   grown and scarred and perfect.

‘   nah,  ’   is what he says,   shaking his head,   as he pushes the medicine he’d found, the water bottle,  and that candy that pops right in your mouth across the register.   the guy behind it rings it,   barely giving them a glance.    cam tosses the wrinkled money,  apart of him half-ashamed by the state of it  -   so he tries to smoothen them out,  not succeeding.   the cashier hardly cares.

when they’re out,   the summer heat hitting them even when it’s night like damn,   he hands her the bottle and the medicine.

cam itches for a smoke.   he’d stopped them   -   or had lessened them,   because he was around artemis and brucely too much back then,   and he didn’t want the justice league or paula to judge arty for what he’s doing   -    but now that he’s back with the old gang,  it’s  ...   it’s a shock how easily bad habits can slide right into your life again.   cam hates it,  that the worst parts of his life was something that was easy to return to,   but whatever.   he supposes he has it coming.

he supposes that was always what was going to happen to him.

so he takes the candy  —  a swap for the cigarette,  but also probably the few things he can have without having to fistfight someone for it in prison   —    and opens the packet.   pour in the first few ones in his mouth,   not really meeting her eyes.    ‘     so what now,   pretty ?   it’s hands in handcuffs,  or you’re knockin’ me out right here ?    ’

ARTEMIS

prison.    the  word  makes  her  blood  run  cold  ,    and  everything  else  that  falls  from  his  mouth  comes  through    muted    like  he’d  dunked  her  head  beneath  the  water.    of  course    artemis  knew  that  it  was  a  possibility  ,    that  if  cameron  had  gotten  grabbed  by  whatever    alpha  ,    omega  ,    delta    team  that  kaldur  decided  to  send  out      (    she  had  stopped  listening  before  he’d  gotten  to  that  part  ,    doesn’t  even  know  if  it’s  the    big  leagues    or    one  of  the  team’s  squads    —      hero  politics  have  gotten  far  too  complicated  for  her  taste    )      it  was  likely  that  cam  would  be  heading  to  the  slammer.    and  that  would’ve  complicated  things  further  ,    made  him  easier  to  find  ,    perhaps.    but  what  she  had  to  say  to  him  shouldn’t  be  said  with  a  sheet  of  plexiglass  between  them  ,    a  prison  phone  receiver  pressed  against  her  ear.    but  there  was  something  else  she’d  failed  to  consider  until    just  then.    until  his  hands  were  brushing  against  her  sides  and  that  damnable  word  rings  in  her  ears.    

suddenly  ,    she’s  seven  years  old  again.    two  parents  left  the  apartment  ,    and  only  one  returned    —      if  artemis  had  been  able  to  pick  ,    it  would  not  have  been    him.    arms  folded  against  her  chest  ,    she’s  bare  -  footed  and  the  tile  of  the  kitchen  floor  turned  her  toes  to  ice.      ‘    where’s  mom  ??    ’      she’d  demanded  ,    chin  jutting  defiantly.    anger  to  cover  her  fear.

‘    gone  ,    baby  girl.    ’      crusher  barely  spares  her  a  glance  ,    doesn’t  seem  eager  to  elaborate  further.    but  his  youngest  is  planted  ,    frozen.    he  gives  a  shake  of  his  head  and  ;      ‘    they  got  her.    she’s  goin’  to  the  clink.  ’

and  her  life  had  changed  that  night.    it  had  never  been  normal  ,    being  a  child  of  huntress  and  sportsmaster  pretty  securely  removed  that  option  from  the  table.    she  hadalways    been  meant  to  be  a  weapon  in  her  father’s  arsenal.    but  paula  had  kept  things  in  check.    kept    him    in  check.    sometimes  ,    artemis  allows  herself  to  wonder.    if  the  roles  were  reversed  ,    if  it  had  been    crusher    that  had  taken  the  fall  ,    maybe    —      maybe  she  would’ve  had  a  chance.  

what  she    hadn’t    considered  was  cameron’s  potential  forced  absence  in  his  child’s  life.    stupid  ,    perhaps.    he    doesn’t  even  know  ,    she    doesn’t  even  know  if  he  wants  any  part  of  this  but  her  hand  falls  protectively  to  her  stomach  regardless.    to  that  small  ,    easy  to  miss  bump.    hopefully  ,    it  just  looks  like  she’s  attempting  to  settle  any  remaining  nausea.    artemis  shifts  the  melting  ice  cube  in  her  mouth  ,    remembering  to    blink  ,    to    breathe.    then  she  pockets  it  in  her  other  cheek.      ‘    we  need  to  talk.    ’      but  doing  it  here  is  …    not  ideal  ,    not  when  all  hell  is  about  to  break  loose.    not  when  she’d  just  puked  all  over  the  place.    so  she  starts  walking  again  ,    with  no  real  destination  in  mind.

this is weird.

weird only because artemis hasn’t said anything   —     nothing snarky to rebuke him right back,   nothing angry from their last fight,   and nothing smart to confirm that she’s really leading him right to slaughter.   a prison,  or an interrogation room,   whatever you call it.    she isn’t saying anything about it being true:   that maybe this whole thing is a trap,   and that cameron’s just the idiot who willingly walk right into it.

in fact,   he thinks she could barely look him in the eye.    is the guilt from their affair,   or had their months together softened her so much that the thought of dragging him back behind bars weighed on her more than it should ?   if it is,   cameron wishes he could nonchalantly offer up a small chortle,   dismissive and flirtatious:   tells her it isn’t her fault.   none of it is.   he chose this:   the life of a criminal.   he knew the risks,  the consequences,  and still walk the same damning path.

the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,  right ?

(   and maybe it’s safe too.   affirming.   when he’d come back,   when he’d accepted the job and return to the nitty gritty of the wretched sides of human activities,   it was so easy that cameron sometimes gets lightheaded thinking he could ever leave it.   thinking he could ever have a chance.    that small aparment,   artemis in his arms,   a dog who likes him,   a stable job.   who was he kidding ?    who was he trying to fucking fool ?   )

yet  —   cameron doesn’t stop her.   just one instruction,   and he’s already at her heels.  like this,   from behind,   he can almost imagine them as kids,   sneaking around warehouses and dingy places their dads had placed them.   any adventures and forgotten toys left by the kids’ neighborhood,  they would scour them,   take it as theirs for as long as they’d stay there.   artemis was always so brave,   so determined,   then and now.

he gets it,   why carrot-top couldn’t resist.   hell,   he couldn’t either.   god,  cameron just wishes   ...   that artemis didn’t have to come back at all.   she had the perfect life  —   why is she still here bothered with him ?

‘    take off your mask,   ’    he finally says,   a request.   his tone is hushed,   maybe a little tired  -   but don’t tell his employers that.    ‘   let your hair loose.   there should be a gas station five blocks from here.   let me buy you some water,  hm ?   some   -   i don’t know,   gastric pills or something.   you really came to get me without a vehicle ?   maybe you need to report this to the leagues’ management or somethin’.   i could’ve easily run away,   you know.    ’    a small joke,  but that’s all he could say.

ARTEMIS​

fuck.    

it’s  hardly  a  surprising  turn  of  events  ,    artemis  has  been  dealing  with  this  particular  brand  of    bullshit    for  a  few  weeks  solid.    a  bucket  at  her  bedside  for  quick  and  easy  access  ,    ducking  into  bathrooms  ,    her  head  in  trash  cans  as  her  stomach  makes  it’s  fury  known.    morning  sickness.    mentally  scoffs  once  more  at  the  sheer  inaccuracy  of  the  name  and  what  it  implies.    christ  ,    she’d  gotten  a  whiff  of  zatanna’s  perfume  a  couple  days  ago  and  it  was  enough  to  rid  her  of  the  lunch  artemis  had  only  just  paid  for.    but  she  thought  maybe    —      just  maybe    —    she  could  manage    this.    

and  maybe  she  could’ve.    if  it  hadn’t  taken  so  long  for  opportunity  to  present  itself.    in  and  out  like  a  ghost.  unseen  ,    unheard.    because  she  couldn’t  afford  any  complications  ,    not  when  she  has  it  on  good  authority  that  his  pals  aren’t  exactly  fond  of  her.    and  ,    if  they’d  been  clued  in  weren’t  likely  to  let  her  walk  off  with  cameron  in  tow.    not  without  one  hell  of  a  fight.    or  maybe  ,    she  was  simply  doomed  to  such  a  fate  from  the  start  and  some  cosmic  force  in  the  universe  was  enjoying  her  suffering.    with  the  way  things  have  been  going  lately  ,    it  seems  entirely  possible.  

artemis  is  acutely  aware  of  his  hand  on  her  back  ,    the  gentle  way  he  holds  back  her  hair.    and  it’s  nearly  enough  for  the  dam  to  break  ,    for  a  flood  that  she  had  no  way  of  stopping  to  be  unleased.    it’s  embarrassing.    how  touch  -  starved  she’s  become  in  the  weeks  without  him.    how    soft    she’s  become  when  she  was  meant  to  be    iron  -  clad.    only  further  cementing  crusher’s  disappointment.    good  ,    the  vindictive  part  of  her  snarls.    but  it  would  be  nice    —      supremely  nice  !!    —      if  she  could  avoid  melting  into  a  fucking  puddle  at  cameron’s  tender  touches  ,    his  kindness  she  isn’t  sure  she  deserved.  

his  fingers  on  her  skin  ,    forcing  her  gaze.    his  thumb  at  her  mouth  like  nothing  had  changed  and  taking  care  of  her  was  still  his  responsibility.    artemis  wants  nothing  more  than  to  bury  her  head  in  his  chest  ,    arms  tightly  wrapped  around  his  middle  and  sob  until  she’s  blissfully    empty.    instead  ,    she  gives  her  head  a  shake  ,    not  trusting  herself  to  speak  and  ,    when  the  ice  cube  is  conjured  up  ,    she  quickly  pops  it  into  her  mouth.  

it  helps.    the  frigid  nature  of  the  ice  helps  to  shock  herself  back  to  a  more  normal  rhythm  and  ,    as  a  bonus  ,    it  washes  out  the  all  too  familiar  taste  of  bile  from  her  mouth.    gives  her  head  another  shake  because  he  doesn’t  get  it  then    —      pushes  the  ice  cube  into  the  hollow  of  her  cheek  ;      ‘    they  didn’t    send    me.    kaldur  gave  me  the  heads  -  up.    so  I  could  get  here    first.    ’

he’s on auto-pilot,   one foot in the continuous chasm of knowing he’s fucked up somewhere,   and he’s terrified by it.    think about it:   he’s fucking everything up right now by just being here,  by trusting her too much that he’d followed her away when he has a job and a fist on the line if he doesn’t do it well.  the threat of the consequence like an iron grip,   it won’t let him go   —   and then there’s the other foot.   the one that doesn’t give a shit,   not really.   after all,   if he’d fucked up so much that it’d gotten him here,   what’s a little more ?

so cameron allows his hands to stay even though he knows he shouldn’t  —   it’s still easy though,  like he remembers.   cupping her face like this,   something their father had wanted to crush,   but cameron had loved it.   loved her,  in every moment they spent.   the dirty jokes,  the crazy bed hair,  and late night banh mi’s.  maybe up until that terrible fight when he’d walked out,   haunted in ways he didn’t think another living man could in the shape of a well-loved redheaded hero,   cameron had just   ...   loved.

but then again,  who is he kidding ?   ever since they’ve met when they were kids   -   has he ever stopped ?

‘    you didn’t have to go through that much just to kick me back into prison,   sweetcheeks,   ’   an easy tease ,  though cameron knows as much as he can feel how the joke lands flat;   his smile,  small,   never reaches his eyes.   his hands now roam her sides    —    so casual,  like he never fucking left,   what the hell is wrong with him  —     holding her steady.    ‘    not that i don’t appreciate the extra effort t’ make me feel special   ...    ’

a tight expression,   hoping it’s passed off as a stunted grin at most,   and not the ugly reflection of whatever insecurity that’s threatening to split him open.    fuck,   maybe there’s another meta power his dad missed after all.    ‘    what,   ’    cameron says low,   almost hushed;   half defeated.    ‘    carrot-top’s neglecting the princely duty or something ?   don’t think puking counts as a power flex   -    yet.    ’     you shouldn’t be here,   he means.   not if you’re unwell.

ARTEMIS​

she’d  expected  a  fight.    a    back  and  forth    that  they  didn’t  have  time  for  ,    venom  flying  from  his  lips  to  poison  her  slowly.    or    —    worse  ,    perhaps    —    that’d  he’d  act  like  none  of  it  ever  happened.    make  some  slimy  joke  or  lewd  suggestion  as  if  he  had  never  spent  time  in  her  bed  ,    her  shower  ,    her  kitchen.    as  if  he  hadn’t  left  a  cam  -  shaped  hole  in  her  life  when  he’d  left  ,    slamming  the  door  with  a  grim  finality  that  driven  home  just  how  fantastically  she’d  fucked  up.    instead  ,    he    nods.    and  the  relief  that  blossoms  in  her  chest  is  downright  overwhelming    for  a  second.    it  softens  the  hard  set  of  her  mouth  ,    smooths  the  harshness  around  her  eyes  and  slowly    —      slowly  ,    artemis  releases  her  grip.    takes  a  step  backwards  ,    then  slinks  back  towards  the  way  she’d  come  ,    glancing  back  only  once  to  see  if  he  was  actually  following.  

artemis  moves  like  a  shadow  ,    swift  and  silent.    crouched  low  ,    slow  and  steady    until  she  reaches  the  small  section  of  fence  with  the  damaged  barbed  wire  that  had  allowed  her  to  scale  up  and  over  it  without  being  hindered.    and  she  wastes  little  time  now  ,    climbing  as  though  it  were  a  rock  wall  at  a  gym.    up  and  over  ,    then  drops  down  on  the  other  side  of  it.    she  ignores  her  ankle’s  screaming  protests  ,    ignores  the  deep  seated  exhaustion  that  settles  in  her  bones  ,    the  budding  nausea  that  swirls  unpleasantly  in  her  stomach.    or    tries  to  ,    at  least.  

morning  sickness  my  ass  …  

she  inhales  through  her  nose  ,    exhales  through  slightly  parted  lips.    trying    —  failing    —    to  quell  this  particular  storm.    feels  the  race  against  time  even  more  acutely  than  she  had  mere  moments  ago.    her  hands  a  flurry  of  motion  that  ,    she  hopes  ,    signals  him  to    HURRY  THE  FUCK  UP.    and  then  ,    artemis  begins  to  walk  ,    trying  to  put  as  much  distance  between  them  and  the  building  as  she  possibly  could  before    —    

she  doubles  over  ,    as  if  she’d  been  punched  in  the  stomach  by  some  invisible  force.    just  barely  manages  to  pull  her  mask  from  her  face  before  spilling  the  contents  of  her    (    empty    )  stomach  onto  the  concrete.  

this is a bad idea.

not that junior’s ever been blessed with having excellent ideas that don’t backfire   —   but there is something to be said about having followed his childhood friend out,   someone he has actively been sleeping with until that relationship reach its inevitable end a few weeks ago   (   or has it been months ?  ) ,   who also happens to be a member of a league,  the good guys,   when he,   the bad guy,   is supposed to be at work,  and probably help monitoring the surrounding to which the rest of the bad guys are operating in.

it’s an absolutely bad idea,   and junior’s way in over his head   —   apart of him can’t help but to somehow think,  in its quiet,   childish way,   that this must be an ambush,   cause what else could artemis possibly lead him towards ?   —    but he doesn’t stop following her.   the curve of her back,  the stealthiness to which she carries herself.   maybe this was why the bad guys never quite win   :    when the heroes train,   they train to be the best.   when the criminals train,  they mostly want to beat each other.

cameron doesn’t think anyone else could catch the difference,   but it’s there.   or maybe that’s just the lump in his throat,   a physical manifestation of how much he missed artemis,   making itself known.

he hurries over,  still not quite having the word in his mouth even though there are so many protests and questions and flirtatious remarks that his brain could conjure up as a means to compensate for the tension in the air.   it isn’t until artemis doubles over,   vomiting,  that junior pales up.   he sheds his ice form,  and it’s like the weeks they spent apart was never there,   before cameron comes besides her —

‘   fuck,  art —   ’    he’s not repulsed by the sight of the vomit.   when you’ve lived your whole lives being by the street,  surrounded by the worst of the worst,   there’s very little that can have you truly step back and evaluate your preferences.   so cameron merely lays a hand behind her back,  the other wraps around her hair,   making sure no blond strands are caught up in the expulsion.

‘    you’re okay.   you’re okay,   baby.   ’     she doesn’t like coddling   -   he knows that,   but he can’t help it.   he’d wanted to touch her since    ...      cameron doesn’t think about it.   he waits,  and only when it’s looked like she’s calmed down that he pulls her face  —   gently   —   so she’d turn to him.   he wipes at any trace of vomit left with his thumb    (   like he said :   this isn’t new   )   and asks,     ‘    hey.   you’ve got any water on you ?    it’ll make it less awful,  okay   -   the taste in your mouth.    ’

and of course they’ve got to me in the middle of fucking nowhere   —    not a convenience store in sight.    cameron thinks quick on his feet,   and produces a small,  cylindrical ice cube.   ‘   you think this will do ?    ’     and then,   pulling himself out of the shock,   cameron finally questions :    ‘   fuck,   why’d the league pulled you in if you’re sick,  art,   jesus.   ’    and then,  inwardly   -    if it’s just t’ get me   ...   shit,  i’m not worth it.

ARTEMIS

the  situation  is  hardly  ideal    —      her  in  uniform  ,    him  all  iced  up.    artemis  batting  for  the  good  guys  and  cameron  playing  defense  for  the  baddies.    it’s  not    easy    to  have  a  conversation  ,    not  when  he’d  fucking    ghosted  her.    not  when  they’re  supposed  to  be  fighting  ,    not  when  his  usual  crew  lurked  within  the  formerly  abandoned  building  that’d  been  recently  claimed  by  their  nefarious  activity  and    —    any  moment  one  of  them  could  get  wise.    realize  that    junior    had  been  gone  for  awhile  ,    that  tigress  had  pulled  him  into  the  shadows  ,    pressed  him  against  the  security  fence  and  pinned  him  there  with  the  hands  that  refused  to  lessen  their  deathly  tight  grip  upon  his  shirt.    with  her  dark  eyes  that  flashed  with  something  closely  resembling    desperation.    expression  remains  half  -  hidden  behind  her  mask  ,    but  there  was  no  missing    that.  

‘    shut  up.    ’      cuts  him  off  the  moment  his  jaw  begins  to  work  ,    her  own  voice  a  hushed  murmur.      ‘    you’re  just  going  to  say  something    stupid  ,    and  we  don’t  have  time  for  that.    you  need  to  come  with  me.    now.    ’

the fact that she’s here is already alarming enough.

the tension of what they had,   what cameron had thought they could be,   heavy in the air as soon as he spots her   —   but it’s also the added fact that she’s in uniform which,   well,   spells trouble.   in a lot of ways.   and he doubted that,  had it not been anything that’s related to the league,   artemis would’ve shown up with the whole arrow garb.   if artemis had simply wanted to find him,   she would’ve found something that can have her blend in,  and go away without standing out.   this,  though ?   this just means the villains fucked up   -    again.

for some reason,  junior doesn’t exactly make a beeline to raise this concern to anyone’s in charge.  no,  he’s too dumbstruck by the way artemis is clutching at him   —    just a few weeks ago,  he would’ve wrapped his arms right back.   would’ve leaned in,   teased her,   and kissed that mouth.   funny,   how quickly things change.

yet,  still  —   junior doesn’t move away.

and that’s the horrifying thing,  isn’t it ?   before,  he would’ve not given any shit if anything goes down.   sure,   he wouldn’t have preferred being locked up and sent away,   but if it comes with the job  -   it comes with the job.   junior ain’t complaining.   now though   ...    now it’s like the whole world could burn,  but if artemis had asked him to hold on,  he   ...   he would’ve had.   in a heartbeat.   he trusted her so much;   he’d never lost that faith.   that’s scary.

so he nods,   silent.   follows her.

Artemis calling Cam “Frostbite”

+ other nicknames

CREDIT.     you know i’m only alive because of this psd,   (  with a few tweaking to suit the aesthetics i desired !!!  )   thank you so much to @ashtynrph​ for making the resources available  -   i wouldn’t have enjoyed rping so much without the help !!!

The Dead Don’t Die (2019) dir. Jim Jarmusch

‘   hey there,   gorgeous.    long time no see.    ’     he’s a little cocky,   a little bold.   doesn’t intimidate him any less when he leans against the wall,   and smirks.    /    open.

Icicle Jr. in Young Justice

the glow up they don’t wanna talk about

this is an independent roleplaying blog for   CAMERON MAHKENT  /  ICICLE JR    from the animated series    DC’S YOUNG JUSTICE.    written by bella,   which you might’ve known cause i wrote this disaster ice man a lot on my multi.   come say hi if you’re an old friend !    this is a sideblog,  which means i’ll be following from my main,    halfkryptn,   thank you :)

pls be aware that this blog has high-triggering content including nsfw !

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