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maybe its easier to love you like this
only in my mind
Clear your mind here
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well, its time to pick myself up again.
i just hope people realized that heart that has been broken will still beat. but the crack will still be visible.
if you cant live with the crack, then handle with care
menyesal pun tak guna. seribu kali doa pun takkan jadi invisible, unless, of course you buy new.
but for me, one phone to another is not the same, walaupun sama brand.
what makes its so difference is, it has been with me, my memory is within it
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& now im lost
I can relate to this
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This time
You reach for me
I need to know im not the only one feeling this
If
Im the only one feeling this
Then let me suffer thru it alone
If you care
Sit beside me
Not because i asked you
But because you knew
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Redhalah aku akan rindu ini
Terbuang aku di sini sendiri
Menunggu kau menerima ku kembali
Dalam hidup mu
Dalam hatimu
Andai diri ini sudah tiada erti bagimu
Andai sudah tiada rindu buat ku
Redhalah aku akan rindu ini
Terseksa dalam keindahan ini
Saksi lah
Hatiku masih inginkan dia
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FAMOUS AUTHORS
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MATH AND SCIENCE
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Prize-winning books online: Use this directory to connect to full-text copies of Newbery winners, Nobel Prize winners and Pulitzer winners.
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1. Do not be afraid to feel. Be soft, be gentle, be a roaring hurricane if that’s what your heart is telling you. You are an intricate creature of emotion. Do not still your flames.
2. Set your alarm 5 minutes early. Give yourself 5 minutes to lay there in resilience. Then get up and go.
3. Do not forget the importance of those who ask you how you are. Who ask you how your day was. Notice those who check in on you. The world can be a dark place, surround yourself with those who care.
4. You may not look like that girl in the photo, or the girl you just walked past in the street. But that does not make you any less beautiful. You are simply a different kind of flower.
5. Do not be ashamed of your interests and your passions, the music you like, the books you read, what you enjoy doing on a Sunday. Be proud of the light in your eyes when you speak about it.
6. Understand the difference between good and bad attention. There are those that see you simply for what you offer on the outside, but there are also those who are fascinated by the miracles you offer on the inside too.
7. Don’t take yourself too seriously. You are only human. Forgive yourself when you need to and laugh at yourself often.
8. Despite how it may seem now, your family will not be around forever. Make the effort while you can. These people are your blood, your life source, your first friends.
9. Never stop learning. This world is full of wonder. Be curious about what it holds, the nature, the history, the people. There will always be something new.
10. Make good stories. The present is the youngest you’ll ever be again. There will come a day where you look back upon your life, and memories will be all you have left. Go make some.
mesmer-ise, writing prompt #62: list 10 pieces of advice you’d give yourself
(via wnq-writers)
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1. It will get better. I promise all these problems will be stories one day and you’ll laugh at them thinking how silly you were.
2. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If their laugh isn’t music to your ears or you don’t see the whole world in their eyes, don’t promise to love them forever.
3. Your grades don’t define you. The test you almost failed won’t matter in 10 years, what will matter is how good of a person you are.
4. However, don’t ignore your education. Education is one of the most powerful weapons you can ever have. Read as many books as you can and never ever stop learning.
5. Listen to your mother, I promise whatever she advises you is probably the best for you. No one truly wants the absolute best for you as much as your mother.
6. Never ever comment on anyone’s appearance, if they can’t fix it in 5 minutes. Criticisms stick and they will see that there’s something wrong with them everytime they look in the mirror, even if it for a split second.
7. Compliment people as much as you can, kindness goes a long way in such a cruel world.
8. Never ever forget where you came from no matter how high you reach, be as humble as you can, because you can lose everything in a second and you won’t have anywhere to go except back home.
9. If they want to leave for no reason, hold the door open for them. If they think you don’t deserve an explanation for why they’re leaving, then they don’t deserve a second of your time.
10. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself. I can’t stress this enough, it is a long process, but every time you see a flaw in yourself, learn to love it, then watch yourself slowly change it.
Reem, writing prompt #62: list 10 pieces of advice you’d give yourself
(via wnq-writers)
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How do i get the guy
I don't want someone's husband
I want my husband
Am i not worth it?
Can't You give me him now?
Pretty please
With cheery on top
& maybe whipped cream
Caramel syrup as well?
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who is that person you want to seek forgiveness from?
i would like to say
I’m sorry
to myself
For being wrong.
I know that medicine has always been the ultimate dream. its not only- oh yeah, for the sake of you to understand my story, after spm, i went to egypt, specifically tanta, to further my study in medicine. its a 6-years course, i came back for good after 3 years. i didnt finish.
I wanted to do medic not only because i want to help people, the course itself is vast & fascinating. its one way to understand how we, the complex creature, is made. i always has something for medicine.
depression introduced itself to me on my first year when i failed 2 of my subjects. at first, it was only sad, negative vibe, nothing much. Approaching the end of 2nd year, i develop anxiety, i got really sick few days before exams and i cried. a lot. During that 2nd year, egypt was having revolution. remember the arabs spring. i was there. I was there when egypt declare what do you call, darurat. i was there when the curfew is 24/7. even Egyptian was not out when the sun shine so bright outside. no shops open. i was one of many malaysian that go evacuate to jeddah. we have to wait for almost a week there before we can go back home that experience is interesting & worth telling, but thats not my point today.
on my 3rd year, after the egypt is done with its revolution, i came back to continue my fight. i cried at every chance i get. of course only when im alone. thats why i dont like being alone. im an introvert, i love having my own space, but what choice do i have than to be with friends, when that personal space of mine has been invade by monsters that i do not know how to defeat yet. why i cry? i cry for the damnest things. i think thats the hardest to explain when depression is involved. i cant seems to stop crying, i even wonder to myself, just how much tears i have in my lacrimal gland
i give myself kata dua. which i regret until now.
if i want to continue medic, i need to seek help from professional for my depression, because i dont know how to fight this heads on. if you dont want to seek help, quit medic
the thing that i didnt know that time is even if i quit medic, depression will still be there to torture me. nobody told me that depression is like a house guest that didnt know when to leave. i thought if i eliminate the source where i get to know depression, it will be gone as well. i didnt know i was so wrong.
Admitting i have depression is easy. but admitting that i do not know how to control my depression is extremely difficult. i thought to myself, if i didnt know how to handle it, how is you gonna help me do that. you do not know it. im trying to protect you from it.
i tried to describe my hopelessness in just breathing at the presence of depression. everything is pitch dark, my limbs are amputated, i cant even mengengsot to move, i cant do anything to move. the earth seems spinning, but i cant seems to move. so i give up in moving. in hope, i will be let go.
when i tried to describe it, my best friend told me, dear, everyone has depression. it was like a stab to my heart, i know she meant well, i dont hold it against her. im telling not so you can identify with me, im telling because i want you to help me kill the beasts. i hv nothing on me, i cant even make a sound. my voice has been taken by depression. i just want everything to stop. help me. kill that beasts for me. free me.
when she told me that, i stop asking for help
since i do not want to seek help, i quit medic.
it was not the end of depression.
i got a place to do my degree in acc & fin, i secured a place in this course and also land a job before my grad ceremony. it seems like im fine. but im not.
during my degree in acc & fin, i develop a suicidal thought. do you want to know how i would want to kill myself? i never like the idea of hurting myself. i have experience enough hurt. i just want to go easy. i just want to leave unhurt
close all the doors & windows. open that aircond. light up my fave aromatherapy candle. did you know that if you light up a candle in an air cond room, you gonna be suffocate? i thought thats the nicest way to go. death in my sleep. without feeling any pain.
i am a mess. even with everything i have so far, which is not that much but okay lah i earn some money, im actually a wreck. last sem, during our final exams, my career is taking off fine, seniors & boss is noticing me, i got exams but im fired up. so i thought wth, i can do this. i can bring this down.
until my ex starts with his soon marriage on fb. he’s an ex, i dont really care. until he told me that he has not move on from me yet. All this time, i thought he was not interested, org dah tanak, kita nk paksa buat apa kn. so i put my heart at rest. but bila dia ckp mcm tu, my heart, its tetibe... i guess this heart of mine still thought him as idk. how do you convince yourself that that someone is a future that never gonna happen? i was devastated upon learning that.
i immediate call my friend. i cannot handle this alone. i cant do this. i dont know how to nail this. im afraid depression gonna grip me hard this time. i need someone to catch me first and make some sense out of these. so i called my friend. a friend who is as crazy as me, bcoz only like-mind can make me understand & understand me without me saying much.
Alhamdulillah, everything went well. if you guys tak buat study group, stay at hotels, i dont know what kind of result im getting. i dont even know if im going to show up. you may not know how important your role is at that point of my life, but i pray to God everyday that you will be blessed for the rest of your life. i got 3.59 i guess, so thank you. thats more than i could ever ask for, given my situation.
i did sign up for professional session, following the situations. but i cancelled last minute. the dr asked why. i told her the truth, that im not ready yet.
so you see, even after 4 years since i left medic, im still struggling. had i knew that i will still be struggling either way, i would have never let myself let go of medic. i could have been a dr rn. maybe we will meet under very different circumstances.
im sorry that even after all this years, i still cant take care of us. im sorry that im not strong enough. im sorry. im terribly sorry for not ending this misery already. im so sorry.
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