hakeem0n
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I haven't felt myself since a lifetime.
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As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.
All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:
My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.
I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.
My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.
I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.
I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.
I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.
My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.
I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.
As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.
I have inherent rights just because I exist.
I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.
Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.
If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.
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Vicente Aleixandre, from Sound of the War; A Longing for the Light: Selected Poems, 1979
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At this point I just want to lose weight until I dissolve myself from life
#ana friends#pro ana#pro mia#not pro just tags#low cal ana#bulimia#anorexia#an0rexia#an0rex1a#bonespo#thinspo#th1nspo#deathspo#malespo#ed#tw ed#4nor3xia#anorex1a#skinny#bul1mia#bulimic
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> Digital Aphorism / Minus Space (2022)
digital art by takada.exe
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Abusive parents make sure their children always act like everything’s okay. That’s one of the first things you learn there: don’t let the neighbours hear you scream, don’t cry in public, don’t show your marks from being beaten to anyone, don’t talk about things that go on at home, show that you’re okay, don’t be a weakling, don’t let people get the ‘wrong’ idea. You learn that ‘acting’ okay and making sure nothing is suspicious about your appearance comes way before your needs or your well being; keeping the family’s secrets is imposed on you before you even know what’s being asked of you.
There’s almost unspoken rule to not ask for help; in fact if you do, you’ll be punished, so asking for help will feel as the same thing as asking for pain and humiliation, something highly inadvisable to do. So on top like feeling that most of the abuse is your fault just because you never said anything or showed symptoms, you learn not to ask for help, ever. The mere thought is humiliating and like you’re making yourself weak and a target for bullying, even when it would be okay, even preferable for anyone else to ask for help in the same situation.
It’s not your fault if you can’t ask for help. If pretense of normalcy was ingrained into your mind since you were a kid, that’s not something you can fight. Trauma conditioning is powerful and it created a real barrier between you and anyone who could possibly help, just to keep you abused in secrecy, to make sure you’re keeping it secret, isolated and alone in it. This is not something you could have done to yourself, or chosen, it’s inflicted, and none of your responsibility.
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Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was. I told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful.
Secretary (2002) dir. Steven Shainberg
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If you are a mentally ill person who struggles with violent urges, impulse control, disassociation, anger control, psychosis, or other stigmatized and demonized conditions you are so fucking important and you matter and your needs matter and you deserve better
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"low support needs disabled people are often not believed to have a disability at all and therefore struggle to get accommodations."
"high support needs disabled people's accommodations are often seen as 'too much' and therefore are not met."
"neurodivergent people's needs are often dismissed because nothing is physically wrong with them."
"physically disabled people people often cannot physically access buildings and people refuse to do anything about it."
"invisibly disabled people are seen as lazy by society."
"visibly disabled people are ostracized from society."
IT'S ALMOST LIKE THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE DISABILITY
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How does being safe ever feel? How does it look like? It is real at all?
#trauma#vent#traumacore#actually traumatized#venting#actually ptsd#complex ptsd#cptsd#cptsdsurvivor#actually cptsd#actually abused#actually mentally ill#actually addicted#childhood abuse#childhood trauma#trauma survivor#ptsd#tw ptsd
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I'm grieving for a life I could never have.
#cptsd#cptsdsurvivor#childhood abuse#traumacore#child abuse#childhood trauma#mental illness#actually ptsd#trauma#trauma survivor#complex ptsd#actually traumatized#actually mentally ill#actually addicted#alcoholism#alcoholic#addicted#addiction#substance abuse#csa tw#sa tw#eatingdisorder#edblr
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