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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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"Not you, but everything in life. I just want to move somewhere alone and come back 5 years later and everything back to normal. Does that make sense?"
"If i were to take this break it would be from all social media and friends, I'd focus on myself and my life. I don't want to end our relationship I just want time to fi myself."
You should've just said that you didn't want to take the time to talk to me and that you wanted to be able to live carefree as if you were single. That you wanted to play league with your friends without any interruptions like talking to me.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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that fucking picture of brianna with the bra on her head was posted on fucking february 1, 2015. i fucking knew that picture wasn't taken on new years eve like you kept trying to tell me. so this means that you were already doing shit with her before our break. nice.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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fuck this. i can’t accept that he would rather spend valentines day going out to a party and getting high and drunk with brianna and her friends than contacting his girlfriend and wishing her a happy valentines day or asking if she wanted to spend it together. the moment the plane landed in san francisco on the 13th, the first thing i did was check facebook to see if he messaged back, because even though i was upset with him, i didn’t want to miss out on not spending valentines day with him. but nothing. little did i know that while i was thinking about nothing else but him, he was out smoking weed, getting drunk, doing whatever he did at that party with others. but i guess i can’t compare him to myself, because we’re two different people obviously. everyone has their priorities. his priorities just involve weed, alcohol, parties, and brianna. he didnt even bother asking if I got home okay from my trip. it wasnt until three days later that he asked that. i can’t accept that i was out crying my eyes out ever since he called on the break but he was just on league happily playing with his friends. i remember spending the last week of my trip crying, refusing to get out of bed while my aunt rubbed my back and tried her best to comfort me. i remember wishing the plane would just crash so i didn’t have to go back home trying to convince myself that joe actually loves me all a while knowing he doesn’t. i can’t accept the fact that he can lie to me without even feeling bad about it. I can’t accept the mental image of him with Brianna and all those people, passing a joint and him drinking alcohol with all of those people. I can’t accept that he could tell me all those times that he would never ever smoke weed ever again or drink alcohol again because he didnt want to disappoint me ever again and that he didnt care for either of those things. were those just more ways to get me off his ass on things? I didn’t know that alcohol and drugs mean that much for him. I didnt know that Brianna would mean that much for him.
i know i can’t be there for him as much as i can, but i try my best. i know i’m not a cool girl who will smoke with him, but i try my best to be there for him, even if its just through facebook messaging. I’ve given joe everything of me, from my trust and my love to my virginity. He’s the only person in the world who’s gotten every single thing from me. But he can’t even give me his honesty and loyalty. it fucking hurts. it hurts so fucking much…
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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brianna is soooo much more interesting than me, so why does he even bother choosing me. i’m a boring piece of shit who doesn’t smoke or do drugs or drinks. i look boring. i am boring. she’s a cute girl who does all of these drugs and drinks all the time and has all these cool friends. if he went out with her then he could do all the drugs he wanted and smoke all the weed he wanted and drink all the alcohol he wanted.
it makes me feel like i should start drinking, start smoking, and doing drugs. maybe then joe will think i’m fucking worth it instead of doing all of this shit behind my back
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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what i just can’t accept is that he thinks its so hard to please me and make me happy. like, all i want is HONESTY AND LOYALTY. i’m not fucking asking you to lift a truck with your bare hands or to kill someone or buy me expensive shit or to sacrifice a goat to satan. i'm fucking asking for the BASICS of a relationship. Other girls wouldn't even have to wish for these things, because its just common sense. I'm not asking for the impossible here, just an honest, loving, loyal boyfriend. all i want is for him to be honest with me and to be a loyal boyfriend, not a boyfriend who fucking lies and sneaks around and prioritizes another girl and weed and alcohol instead of his own fucking girlfriend.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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how else should i know what he and that girl with fake brows did at that party? he was probably high and drunk lol. who knows if they kissed or made out or messed around or had sex or if he messed around with other girls at that party.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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and what’s even more fun to find out about is when your boyfriend skips out on valentines day to go out to a valentines day party with alcohol and drugs and shit and not even bother greeting you a ‘happy valentines day’ and that he went out drinking and smoking with a girl you don’t like and her friends multiple times during your ‘break’ is also so cool.
"i would never drink or smoke ever again, viena" my fucking ass
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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being told by soranny that she was surprised to learn that joe and i were on a break because on the exact day i told her, he was on league happily playing with everyone and laughing and stuff while i was crying my eyes out is so fun. i love being cared about so deeply.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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most of the time i think no one knows me and it really freaks me out when people say they love me and im one of their best friends and when they say that i am thinking “what do i do when im sad what is my middle name what happened to me when i was 13 what happened to me when i was 9 what were my pet lovebirds names why is my parents marriage the way it is where am i from how did i get my crippling trust issues whats my favorite place in the whole world”
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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it feels like my fucking heart is being stomped on and my head is pounding from crying so much this whole day.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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lol of course i would use breaking bad to make analogies towards my life. i'm fucking pathetic.
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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i feel like jesse pinkman. i'm always getting manipulated by you into thinking you're right or to think a certain way aka your way. you're really screwing with my head. i don't know what to believe anymore, i don't know what's the truth or what's fake and just made up. i don't know what real feelings are anymore or what pretending is. you keep fucking with my thoughts
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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i seriously just feel like going on the trip and just staying there. i'm so tired of everything and everyone here. i always feel so fucking unimportant and nothing but shit to everyone. they only care when they need something out of me or from me
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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i will NEVER be enough for you and i will never be as pretty as any of them
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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i am not good enough to be friends with my friends i am nothing special and i dont offer anyone anything everyone has something but i literally have nothing to give anyone except be extremely self destructive and regret everything i do and make people cringe because i’m that disgusting and that ugly when i stand next to anyone i feel myself shrinking because i’m so ugly and i wanna be important and lovely i want people to want to be with me and they’re never gonna and like i said i don’t deserve my friends or joe and i never will ever i just want qualities i want nice things about myself but i’m a horrible angry resentful person and i can feel that people know that and it breaks my heart because i don’t want to be everyone would rather be with someone else instead of me basically thats how its always been i just wish i was good person but it’s my fault and everyone’s too good for me and i’m really sorry i exist i wish i didn’t
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grumpyolddad · 9 years
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I’ve been thinking a lot about dying lately
like I think about my life and i just can’t imagine going another day and it seems likes such a chore and I have to work so hard just to not let things make me feel terrible that it just doesn’t seem worth it and I feel like such a burden to everyone I love and like they would really just be better off with someone better than me and that they don’t really like me that much anyways and I feel so guilty all the time because it seems like I can’t tell people when I’m upset without making them feel bad as I know that’s just because the things that make me sad are so stupid but for some reason I can’t stop them from making me feel that way and I can’t talk about them because I don’t know how to do that without getting in a fight or feeling like I’m making the other person feel bad and I feel so stupid all the time
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