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grotesquebellamy · 2 years

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AMONG THE STARS

Character/s: Bellamy Blake x Fem!reader, mentions of other characters

Summary: Bellamy tries to live on the Ring without the love of his life.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, post-death wave, pre-valley

Word count: 1,999

Note: Written for @velvetcloxds’ 600 follower writing challenge! Congrats Monique! Based on/inspired by Saturn - Sleeping at Last

Masterlist

No matter what the others told him, Bellamy knew your death was his fault.

He knew, without question, that you would be by his side right now if he had tried a little harder. If he had pushed you a little more, convinced you that it was dangerous and someone else should’ve done it, maybe you’d be safe in his arms. Maybe you’d be laughing at how, after all the time you’d spent trying to get away from space, you ended up right back on the Ark. Maybe the grief wouldn’t be weighing on him so heavily, tying him to his bed like an anchor.

In the beginning, the others had tried to pull him from under the covers, to try and eat some of Monty’s algae and interact with everyone, to see that there were still people who cared about him. They stopped trying when he threw his food at the wall and yelled at Clarke.

Bellamy was aware that the others were avoiding him. Hell, he would’ve done the same if he was in their position. But he just couldn’t help it. He could barely look himself in the eye, let alone Clarke. After all, the guilt of wishing it had been her who went to the satellite instead of you was crushing. He should’ve been glad that most of his friends were alive, and that his sister and his people were safe in the bunker, right?

The good of the many outweighs the good of the one. That’s what you told him, time and time again. It’s what you told him and yourself to help get past the grief of losing Finn, to shoulder the weight of the deaths of the innocent people in Mount Weather, to stomach the loss everyone faced after taking down ALIE. But this was the only time that the phrase served no comfort to the man. Not when it came to grieving you.

To Bellamy, you were a force of nature; beautiful and kind, loving and nurturing, a fighter, right to the last moment. You taught Bellamy more than he could��ve ever imagined, gave him more than he thought he deserved, showed him more than he ever thought he could see. He felt like the luckiest person in the wide expanse of the universe for just having met you, but knowing you and loving you - and receiving your love in return - it was a divine feeling, one that couldn’t be put into words.

The life Bellamy had before he met you felt dull, repetitive, and tedious, every day being the same as the one that came before it. Before you, Bellamy felt… lost, like he was simply wandering the halls of the Ark with no true destination, looking out at the same stars every day without purpose.

And then he met you, and everything felt brighter than ever before.

“There’s more out there than just stars, you know,” you brought up one day, seemingly out of the blue.

Bellamy had no clue what you were talking about. Before you spoke, the two of you were enjoying the moment of silence that engulfed your room as you laid together, the man’s head resting on your chest as you toyed with the curls that were so often slicked back with gel.

“What?” He asked, looking up at you as you paused your hands’ movements through his hair.

“The stars,” you repeated, jutting your chin toward the window across from your bed. “Everyone thinks they’re just stars, balls of gas that burn out long before we ever really see them, but there’s more to it than that.”

He considered your words, sitting up when you wriggled out from under him to grab a book from your desk. His eyes followed you as you crossed back to the bed, sitting cross-legged next to him, knee brushing his thigh.

You peeled open the book, flipping to a certain page before explaining what you meant. “People used to tell tales about the constellations that they saw on Earth. There’s a lot of them, and a lot of myths connected to them.”

Bellamy simply nodded, turning toward you, as if it would help him understand the stories you read to him more. He listened intently, recalling some of the stories his mother told him, watching you with wonder in his eyes as you became enthralled in the myths, the courage behind the heroes and the wonder in the stories.

“My favorite is the story of the Pleiades,” you said, looking up from the book and meeting Bellamy’s loving eyes.

“I think my mother told me about that one before,” he recalled, “that’s the one about Atlas’ daughters, right?”

“Yeah. There were seven daughters, and one of the stories is that they felt so sorrowful that their father was being punished to carry the burden of the world on his shoulders, Zeus placed them in the stars with him.” You recalled. “But people also say that the daughters were so beautiful that Orion constantly chased after them, no matter how uncomfortable they felt. The Pleiades went to Zeus, who pitied the daughters and turned them into doves, allowing them to fly so high up into the sky, that they stayed in the stars.”

Bellamy’s brow pulled taut in contemplation before he asked, “Why is that one your favorite?”

“I like the idea of it,” you explained, “Thinking that, somehow, I can escape whatever may be troubling me or causing my sorrow, and live in the stars… It makes me think I can do anything, if I’m being honest. Because the stars are always gonna be there when I need a place to hide.”

“That sounds nice,” Bellamy agreed. “There’s nowhere for us to hide here. I can see why you’d want to hide in the stars.”

Slowly, you closed the book and took Bellamy’s hand, lacing your fingers together and squeezing, smiling when he squeezed back. “I want to see the constellations someday. And not in the pictures in the book, but in the sky. You can’t see them here.”

“I’ll make sure you see them, somehow,” Bellamy promised. And even though it was empty, that there was no way for you to see them, it was a nice thought to have.

He covered the window in his bedroom a long time ago. Bellamy couldn’t bear seeing the stars anymore; a love you both shared for something so simple, made complex by man, tarnished by your death.

Eventually, he made good on his promise to show you the constellations. Months after you returned to the ground with Kane and the others, when you finally had a chance to breathe and take a break, he led you out past the gates of Arkadia, where you laid in the grass and spent half the night pointing them all out.

He had never felt more content in his life than he did that night, laying on the cold grass and watching your eyes light up with every constellation you recognized. If he could, he would spend his whole life in that one moment, with you, under the stars instead of among them.

There was nothing else - no one else - that could come close to making him feel as happy as you did. Bellamy found happiness in everything you were. Every breath, every word spoken, every beat of your heart. No matter what, Bellamy would always believe that he was the luckiest man in the world to exist with you, to love you and feel your love in return, even if he felt like he didn’t deserve it.

In the growing expanse of the universe - the occupation of both Earth and space - there was nothing Bellamy wouldn’t give to hear your voice one more time. To tell him the stories you loved so much, to whisper how much you loved him in his ear when you thought he was asleep, to capture the soothing tone of your words that brought him so much comfort and hold it close, his grip never faltering.

All he longed for was one last moment with you, for you to tell him all those things you said in Arkadia. How lucky you felt everyone was, how lucky you felt you were, that out of the infinite possibilities of life, to be able to exist and be alive at the same time that all these important moments were happening. To experience history being made, and to experience it all with Bellamy by your side, experiencing a whole new culture and way of life, making history with every step you took.

Bellamy loved everything about you, but the thing he loved most was your wonder. The wonder you held at the reality of life, the gamble of outcomes that came with every word spoken, every decision made. How, out of all the lives people could’ve lived, in all the time there was in the world, you found it enchanting that you could live a life of discovery and love and wonder.

“It’s all so beautiful, Bell,” you said, eyes glued to the world around you.

The man laughed, watching you spin slowly in the forest, taking in the unique beauty of Earth, the fresh smells, and subtle sounds. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how much you’d love it when I got here.”

You stopped, tilting your head to meet Bellamy’s eyes, a wide and beautiful smile spreading across your face. You crossed the space between yourself and your boyfriend, resting your hands on his shoulders as you glanced at the world around you.

“This is gonna sound cheesy, but I believe that we were meant to see this.”

“What do you mean?” Bellamy asked, brows furrowed despite the smile on his face.

“I think that we - the 100, the Arkadians, whatever you want to call us - were meant to see this. We were meant to see both sides of it. The sky and the ground. I believe that our people, that you were meant to see so much of the universe, Bellamy Blake.” You told him. “I don’t think that just anybody deserves to see such wonderful things. Selfless people, kind people, were the ones who needed to see all of it. People like you. So they can reshape it, make it better than those who lived before us.”

“I’m not-”

“Yes, you are, Bell.” You interrupted, knowing what he was going to say. “I know what goes on in that head of yours, what you think about yourself. It isn’t true. I’ve never met someone as brave, as selfless, or as kind as you are. You are the kind of person this new world needs, someone who can make it forgiving and nurturing.” You smiled, brushing a curl from his forehead, watching it fall back into place. “I don’t want you to forget that, Bellamy. And if you do, I’ll be right there to remind you.”

Bellamy was sure that you were one of the only people that had truly believed in him. You had given him so much, in every way possible. You gave him life, something to fight for, a reason to make the new world better. But the most important thing you gave him was belief. Belief in himself and his worth, belief that the world could be better, belief that he could make it better.

And there was nothing more dangerous than that. That was something Bellamy knew all too well.

There was a time in his life where Bellamy wouldn’t have believed that your story would end and his would continue. He liked thinking that, despite everything, you would persevere, and build a new world together, just like the world you’d imagined he would make.

He only wished that he had written the words to your story down. That he could make sure you were remembered after him, to give you the ending that you deserved. The only regret Bellamy Blake had was leaving you without a proper ending - an ending among the stars.

Permanent taglist: @simonsbluee @sapphicwriting @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @mazerunnerrose @theboldandthebootyful @miraclesoflove @queen-asteria04

Bellamy Blake taglist: @glorykaterina @johnmurphyisqueer @thanossexual @jemimah-b99 @allinfangirl @moatsnow @mariecoded @suranne-doesstuff @weasleystwinswife @jessimay89 @hehehehannahthings

Taglist form in my navigation!

#this was so good!!!#fic rec #bellamy blake

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grotesquebellamy · 2 years

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What We Deserve

asked anonymously: Could you do 24. "you deserve better" with John Murphy please? warnings: minimal proofreading and bad editing :) word count: 1276

To say John Murphy was coming to terms with the relationship the two of you shared was somewhat of an understatement. First he was angry about it, like most things in his life, and he lashed out because of said anger. Picking fights, saying rude things, doing everything in his power to cool that fire that burned in his chest every time he thought about you.

Your relationship started not long after the two of you made it to Earth, you being the caring person you are had checked on him after one of his petty little fights with one of the other delinquents. That one time turned into sneaking into his makeshift tent every night and having conversations until the sun came up.

Murphy is infatuated by you, completely and utterly smitten with every bit of you, not that he would ever admit it. He refuses to acknowledge the blush that takes over his cheeks whenever you're mentioned or the way his heart pounds a mile a minute when you're near.

You two became nearly inseparable even with his lack of commitment, he called it close friends, and you called that bullshit. You know you're not just friends, friends don't look at each other the way you look him and friends don't open up like he does when he's with you. And well, friends don't stop to make out in caves during hunting trips, which you admit is probably the most irresponsible thing the two of you could do, considering the grounders that are currently hiding out in the woods, but that never stops you two.

Although now, nothing is going to stop you, you're going to tell him about your feelings for him, you're going to tell him about how tender he makes your heart and how hazy he makes your mind by doing nothing but being around.

You make your way to his tent at your normal time, taking a second outside to get yourself ready, this could make or break your relationship with him, and honestly, you're nervous to lose him after everything you've been through.

But the nerves seem to fall away as you enter his tent, and you see him in all his glory, shirtless and already laying down, as if he was waiting for you. When he looks up at you his smile is like a sudden beam of sunlight even with it being pitch black outside.

"Hey," is all he says as he beckons you over to him, his arms held out to you. Your body easily molds to his as you lean into his chest. He was only ever like this when it's just the two of you and everyone else is asleep, and it makes you question what it would be like to really be his.

"What happened?" Your finger reaches up and lightly sweeps across his cheek that's adored by a purple and black bruise. But he's quick to brush you off with a shake of his head.

"Nothing, hunting trip gone wrong, don't worry about it," he doesn't seem very interested in talking about it, and you're not one to pry. "What're we talking about tonight?"

You fidget slightly where you're leaned against him and push yourself up into a sitting position, "I have something to tell you." You do your best to sound confident but the nerves are starting to come back to life.

Murphy nods as he falls back against the blanket he uses as a pillow and stares at you expectantly.

"Well you see, I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now," your heart is racing, "and I'm hoping you feel the same way," your cheeks are starting to heat up under this stare, "but I like you John Murphy, and I think I'm starting to fall for you."

He stays there for a second, contemplating his next move, he's never been in this situation before. Yeah, he's had relationships before, but nothing like this situationship, nothing as deep as falling.

He rolls over onto his other side, putting his back to you and essentially forcing you away from him, "I think you should leave Y/N." And your heart shatters.

The next few days are spent with nothing but your longing eyes being stuck on him as he walks around camp and his cold demeanor ignoring anyone and everyone. The nights are harder, no more conversations about your passions and connecting with him on a deeper level, not to mention the warm cuddles that would put you to sleep without fail.

Now you have plenty of sleepless nights that always seem to get colder as they progress, but maybe that's just the lack of his sunshine smile in your life that would warm you from the inside out.

One morning you're woken up to some commotion outside of your tent, and you're quick to make your way out there. You were considered one of the peace makers of the camp and what was happening right now does not sound like peace.

You find Murphy on the ground with his eyes closed and another boy walking backwards shaking his fist, as if he had just punched someone. Which by the look of Murphy's face, he was the one that got punched, and hard too.

The other boy looks ready to come back for seconds, and Murphy still hasn't stood up, he was in no condition to fight with a bloody lip and bruised eye. You're on the ground in a second, your hands finding his face, pressing along his cheekbones, checking for broken bones or fracturs, and he's groaning under your touch.

"Come on," you pull him up onto his feet and into the direction of your tent, where you quickly close the flap behind him as he takes a seat onto your makeshift bed. "What the hell Murphy, what was that all about?"

Murphy groans again and falls back onto the bed, his head landing softly against your pillows. "He's a dick." is all he says.

You roll your eyes and sit down next to him, "And you're not?" You're partly joking, everyone knows Murphy as the camps resident dickhead, you wouldn't be surprised if he thought you were serious.

"Why are you helping me?" he completely ignores your earlier comments.

"You know why," you counter.

He sits up, puts his head in his hands, and mumbles something into them. When you just stare at him instead of answering, he removes his hands and tries again. "I wish you didn't like me," he can tell his words hurt you by the look in your eyes and he does his best to do damage control, "you deserve better, don't you get it? You don't need me, but I need you. You're the only thing in this world that is worth being here for, you mean everything to me. Is that better?"

You're taken aback by his words, completely and utterly speechless as you try to fully take in what he just said. You never expected this from him, he wasn't one to admit his feelings or even say he was wrong, and now he's doing both. A smile starts to break out across your face as you fight back tears, this is everything you've wanted for the longest time and now you have it.

You take his face in your hands once again, minding the bruises that adorn his cheeks and lean forward. He seems to get the gist of it and leans in too, and when your lips connect, it's like fireworks exploding within you. And you know this is exactly where you're meant to be.

a/n: not a fan of the ending but really wanted to get this out as the request has been sitting in my inbox for a while. Anyway hope you like it nonnie!!

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grotesquebellamy · 2 years

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Updated Masterlist

last updated: 5/17/2022

request: open

The 100

Scattered Memories | B.B.

Absquatulate | B.B.

What We Deserve | J.M.

prompt list

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grotesquebellamy · 2 years

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Scattered Memories

Word count: 1901

Bold font is a flashback! I changed a lot to make the story fit oops.

Asked anonymously: ALSO SO FOR A REQUEST, to maybe get some of your Bellamy feels out. I was thinking like Bellamy x grounded reader maybe from like Trikru or Azgeda since they’re the most common clans everyone knows using 8. kill me, 20.how do you think this ends, and 26. you promised. I was thinking like maybe stupid season three Bellamy when he’s like “gRoUnDErs BaD” but he fell in love with this grounder girl and he’s all *morally conflicted*. No actual death maybe just angst and a lil classic Bellamy regret™️.

requests: open

Blood dribbled down her face, the starting point lost among the various cuts that adorn her from the chin up. Her teeth grind together, her head turned completely, trying to hide her tears from the Sky people. Lincoln, the man she thought of like a brother, was just murdered, not just murdered executed right in front of her. She wanted to be strong, to hold herself with the warrior defiance that she was taught, but her heart begged her to go to Lincoln.

“There will be no more executions for today.” Pike announced to the group, satisfied with Lincolns death. He felt as if he was being merciful to the Trikru girl, giving her more time to make herself useful to his people. “Lock her up.” Pike commands to the guards behind him, holstering his gun and watching the girl struggle.

“Kill me,” she seethes, anger taking over her body as the guards haul her away. She passes Bellamy on the way, the man who had told her he loved her just days before, the man who promised her safety. She struggles relentlessly, staring down the man who once had her full trust, the man who could have destroyed her single handily. He can’t even look at her.

His eyes are downcast, he refused to let her see his regret, refuses to let her see how vulnerable her pain makes him. He can’t be vulnerable anymore, he can’t love someone like her anymore, that’s what Pike told him. If he loved her, he was betraying his people. Self-hatred washed over him, but he pushed it away, into the back of his brain.

“Stop,” the girl that they had captured and tied up along side the man that saved Octavia mumbled, the first word any of them had heard from someone of their kind. Her head was pounding, blood running from her nose thanks to Bellamy’s elbow. She couldn’t watch Lincoln be tortured anymore, she knew he was starting to lose his fight and she was over these egotistical sky people.

Bellamy walks over to her, grabbing her by the hair and making her look up at him. “Tell me what you know.” He stares at her for a moment, waiting for a response before he brings his knee up to her face, the sound of her skull hitting his knee cap echoed through the dropship. He once again brings her head up, her eyes now closed and more blood running from her nose. “Now, grounder.”

She sickingly smiles at him before spitting blood onto his face. But the smile is gone as soon as he drops her head, pain taking over her form. She can’t wait to get her hands around his neck.

She continues to struggle as she’s taken into the Ark, most likely to the holding cells. He use to adore her fight, her determination. His thoughts are interrupted when Pike walks up to him, “You’re on the right side.”

Bellamy takes in a shacky breath, knowing that he now betrayed the two most important people in his life, “I hope so.”

With the sky kids now being somewhat allies with Lincoln and Y/N, Bellamy felt the slightest bit safer, but he still didn’t trust them. He rubs his hands on his face as he tries to rid her from his mind, something about her caught his attention. Maybe it was the way she walked, with power, knowing she could kick any of their asses, including his. Maybe it was her eyes, such a beautiful shade that he compared to every color he sees now, nothing even coming close. Maybe it was just her, she tested him, his leadership, more than anyone else in the camp. She flirted shamelessly with him even though he had a knife to her neck just days ago. She was a firecracker and he was determined to set her off.

Bellamy wallows in self pity as he sits in his room, his mind at war like the clans outside the Ark walls are, except Bellamy knows he’s going to lose this one. He huffs, slamming his forehead into his hands, trying anything to stop himself from going to see her. Why couldn’t he stop himself from thinking about her, she’s just a girl, someone around when the voices got loud, or stress was high. Even as the words floated through his mind, he knew they weren’t true.

They had set up a meeting in the woods, Bellamy and her being the only one allowed to be in attendance. He trusted her surprisingly, he knew she would respect the privacy of this meeting. They wanted peace, she wanted back Lincoln.

A whistle stops him in his tracks as he looks around, not knowing where the sound came from. He feels a breeze go by him and feels the sharp point of a dagger placed at his back. “Never leave your back exposed,” she whispers right next to his ear. Seconds pass as they stand there and then a melodious laugh passes her lips.

He can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips, her laugh released what felt like dopamine, happy signals radiating from his brain. He turns around to see her putting her weapon away, something he didn’t expect from a grounder. “You’re not like the rest of them” he points out.

Her eyes meet his and then move down to the freckles that look like constellations along his skin, “What’s the fun and being serious all the time?” A wink accompanied her word and Bellamy knew he was fucked.

He lets his hands run along the walls of the Ark as he walks to where she is being held, he knows he shouldn’t do this, he knows this is a bad idea for everyone involved. He stands in front of her cell, he can barely see her form where she sits in the shadows with her head leaned back again the metal that are her cell walls.

“Y/N,” his voice sounds like a plead, needed her to understand just how sorry he was without saying it. He opens her cell door, making sure to close it behind him in case she tries to escape, and stands in front of her hunched figure. “Please,” he doesn’t know what to say.

He stares at her as she turns away from him, his eyes begging her to stay with him just a moment longer. “Come back with me,” but they both know that was never going to happen. She fixes her shirt as she turns back to the man, the man she had grown closer to over the past few weeks.

“Now why would I do that when our arrangement is working just fine.” She saunters over to him, running her hands along his bare abdomen when she gets close enough. Her hands make their way up to his face, holding his cheeks as if he is the most delicate thing in the world. She leans forward, placing one last kiss to his lips before beginning to walk away, further into the forest she called home. “Do me a favor? Don’t die.” Her heart clenched at the thought of his camps impending doom. One she could not help with.

He wanted to call for her, wanted to stop her, tell her how he wants her for the rest of his days, even if they had only known each for a short period of time. He watched her disappear, he didn’t know if they would have another rendezvous.

Her eyes were full of hatred as they finally met his, her hands held in fists next to her, ready to strike if he came any closer. But her face was tear stained and her body was folded into a ball, all of her fight being taken over with guilt. “You promised.” Her voice is light, making it obvious that no matter how much damage control he did, she will never forgive him for this. “You told me we’d be safe, told me we would make it out alive” new tears streamed down her cheeks, through the grime that had collected there.

He felt as if there was a knot in his throat, all he could do was look at her. “I love you,” he dropped down to his knees, inching closer to her, needed to comfort her, pain overwhelming him. “I love you” his words fell on deaf ears as he wrapped her in his arms, sobs bouncing off the walls around them as she let all of her emotions out, emotions that didn’t belong on her beautiful face. “I love you”.

“Bellamy,” relief flashed across her face at seeing him alive, even if he was a prisoner inside his own camp. The guards at the gate of the newly fallen Ark had taken her hostage when she had shown up to their gates asking for Bellamy Blake. His had never been more relieved in his life, she made it, they made it. As soon as the guards left the couple embraced each other, finding comfort in their shared holding cell, even if there were other prisoners around.

He kissed her forehead lightly, holding her close as he finally told her what he had been dying to say since their last meet. Those three little words slipped past his lips. Her heart stopped. His body tensed up, god why was he so fucking stupid.

“I love you” she said back, his heart had never felt so full.

She waited until he was limp against the wall, more worried about making sure she was okay than his surroundings. She sat up quickly, holding her makeshift dagger at him, ready to kill him at a moments notice. His hands automatically go, showing he means no harm to her. “What are you doing?”

“How do you think this ends” Her question catches him off guard, he didn’t know how this would all end. “You think I’m just going to fall back into your arms, you helped kill Lincoln, you helped kill me.” She backed up into the hallway, lucky that Bellamy hadn’t thought to lock the cell behind her. She took her chance and sprinted out of the Ark, needing to go back to the wood she lived in, the woods Lincoln trained her in. She was being irrational, thinking that nobody would try and stop her. She hears him behind her, hears him calling her name, needing her to come back, needing her to be safe.

Her feet slam against the ground as she finally escapes the Ark, the gate being in clear view. She takes one step, two step, she can hears Bellamy calling her from behind but she doesn’t spare a glance at him.

A gun shot rings through the air. Bellamy freezes as he watches her body fall to the ground. His body jolts into action “No!” His yells are heard across camp, his grief clear on his face. He catches right before she falls forward, her chest covered in blood now. “Medical!” He hopes someone will help, hopes they would use their supplies on her.

She coughs, blood coming out of her mouth. Her hand moves to hold his face, her eyes staring at his, they trek across his face, remembering each and every freckle she came to adore. His eyes are teary, his breathe heavy, his hold on her tight as her lungs stop.

Author Note: I hope you enjoyed reading this! I loved writing this one. When I first read your request, I thought it said “with death” so oops to the ending, I hope you still liked it! Feedback is very much appreciated!

#bellamy blake imagine #bellamy blake #bellamy blake angst #bellamy #octavia blake #bellamy x reader #bellamy blake one shot #the 100 #the 100 imagine #clarke griffin #the 100 angst #angst #john murphy imagine #john murphy

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grotesquebellamy · 2 years

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Absquatulate

absquatulate - to leave without saying goodbye

Ask: Hello could you please write an BellamyxReader imagine using 7,12,13 maybe the beginning of season 5 (Becho)? 🥰

Word count: 1931

Any big gaps are time skips btw.

requests: open

The Ring was supposed to be their safe place, somewhere that protected them from the radiation that took over Earth and from the people that wanted them dead. But for her, it was a prison, her own personal hell that consisted of her ex-whatever and his new lover. She hated how he still controlled her mind, how his smile made her feel high, how the slightest touch lit up her insides. That’s how she ended up by herself, hiding out in the part of the Ring nobody went to.

She knows they compare her to Murphy, who somehow became her only friend, knows they worry about her, she worries about herself too. She’ll go days without food to make sure she doesn’t see the PDA that causes her heart to ache. Not just Bellamy and Echo, all the couples on the Ring. She missed that, she wanted to feel loved again.

Her self destructive thoughts are cut short by the sight of Murphy walking up to her, a new bruise adorning his face. He still manages to smile at her as he sits across from where she currently resides.

“You’ve been more distant than usual.” He actually sounds sincere for once, using the tone of voice that was usually saved for Emori. His eyes are pleading for her to talk to him, even if they hated each other in the past and he almost killed her a few times, they overcame that, they practically became each other’s therapists.

She ignores his comment, “What happened to your face?” but she already knows the answer. She knew Murphy liked to try and fight whoever brought them food or supplies, a game he plays at his own expense.

“Bellamy,” is all he says, watching her face scrunch up at the name. She nods slightly, looking back down at her hands, wanting badly to pick at the scabs forming over her open wounds from sparring with Murphy. “I think they’re trying to find a way back to Earth.” His uneasy look alerts her.

“Aren’t they always?” She wished they would just except that they’re doomed, they’re never going to get off the Ring, not that she even wanted to leave if she could. She felt better up here, away from the grounders, away from the radiation that threatened her life. When they stepped foot onto the Ring it was a breath of fresh air.

“Raven is planning to dock on a new ship, have them take us in.” His explanation is short and lacked details that she would have needed if she cared like she used to. He eyes her, her somber expression bringing his mood down, “Would you come?” He knew the answer.

She shakes her head. She has nothing down there; she was an orphan and the two people she cared about were gone. She didn’t know if Octavia survived, she used to look down on Earth and pray the girl she thought of like a sister was okay, alive and breathing. Bellamy, well he was a lost cause to her. He wouldn’t even spare her a glance anymore.

Murphy inhales sharply, going to stand, done with this depressing conversation. “They have a spot for you if you change your mind.” He sounds sure, like he was making a promise or pleading for her to come with them.

“Dead weight,” and with that their talk was over.

Her eyes flash open, the feeling of somebody shaking her erratically startling her. She expected Murphy to be waking her, maybe she was late for one of their sparring matches again. But the person she sees makes her blood run cold, Bellamy. His eyes are worrisome, his actions rushed. “Get up.” His voice commands.

She rolls her eyes, turning back the other way, not wanting to deal with his bullshit today. This happened periodically, he would come into her room and try to bring her back to the group. He’ll lecture her about how being isolated is bad for her and the others that care about her, and she’ll ignore him like always. He’ll leave and try again later.

“This isn’t a joke, Y/N. We’re going back to Earth, now get up.” He pushes her side, throwing her off the makeshift bed completely. She’s irritated, he can tell that, the people on the other side of the Ring can probably tell. She pushes herself off the floor, standing up and walking towards him with her anger on full display.

“Don’t touch me.” She’s seething when she falls back onto her bed. What gives him the right? They’re quiet for a minute, Bellamy still standing next to her. “I’m not going.”

His breath catches in his throat, “Yes you are,” it’s as if he made the decision for her. He wasn’t losing any more people; he wasn’t losing her. Even if they aren’t what they used to be, he cared for her more than he liked to admit. She was going, even if he has to carry her out of the damn space ship.

“No, I’m not.” Her mind was made up, she had thought of this conversation before, how she would tell him, how he would react. She hoped he would just let her go, let her have her peace after so long of fighting. But of course, that was too good to be true. “Why do you even care?”

The question hits him hard, his mind reels, wonders how she could possibly think he doesn’t care about her. After everything they went through, the drop ship, the grounders, Arkadia, Polis, Praimfaya, now here on the Ring. They were together through everything, she was the person he went to when Octavia got captured, the one he confided in, she knows everything about him.

Her next question is what really sets him off, “Do you even still love me?” His face turns to stone as his chest starts to burn, the burn he thought would be gone by now. He has Echo, he loves Echo. But Y/N, her eyes are drawing him in, her body like a magnet, pulling, pulling, pulling him into her orbit. The feelings he’s pushed away for so long hit him like a ton of bricks, if he doesn’t leave right now, he’ll do something he regrets.

So that’s exactly what he does, he leaves, only turning around for a second to tell her, “We leave in 22 hours, be there.”

She was such a fucking idiot, what was she thinking, of course he doesn’t love her, their relationship had been over for years, he found someone new.

Her heart is racing as she enters the main room, she scans the group of people that occupy the space around her, seeing the people she used to be so close with. Murphy had convinced her to join him, to at least listen to the plan and then decide her fate. Raven is talking quickly, words that would never make sense to Y/N, she wasn’t an engineer or mechanic or scientist, or whatever Raven is now.

Relief washes over Bellamy as he sees her, a relief that he chalks to her being his friend, he would feel this way about anybody from the Ark. She was coming, she was going back to Earth with them. But that relief is short lived.

Raven finishes explaining the plan, she did her best at dumbing it down for those who wouldn’t understand the scientific terms she used. She starts to go over how they’re all going to fit and how oxygen will be divided before she hears the words that she dreads. “I’m staying here.”

The group automatically goes into savior mode, “You’ll die,” is thrown at Y/N a few times, there’s even a few, “No you’re nots”, thrown in, as if they could decide for her. But she knows what she wants.

“I have my reasons, just like you guys do. There’s nothing down there for me.” As much as she hates it, she looks into one person’s eyes while she says it. She doesn’t like this confrontation, doesn’t like her emotions being fully on display. But then again, she’ll be dead in 16 hours, so why not. Her eyes are downcast as she leaves the room, her hands shaking from where they’re balled into fists, she doesn’t expect someone to follow her.

“I’m not letting you stay here. You hear me? You can’t do this to us.” Raven says loudly from where she is behind her, following as quickly as she can. Once she reaches Y/N she grabs her shoulder, pulling her to stop and forcing Y/N to look at her. “What will Octavia think?”

“Octavia’s dead.” Y/N’s voice is full of hurt, her eyes already holding back tears at the thought of her best friend. “She’s dead, I have nobody.” Raven’s protests are quick, the brunette girls heart thumping quickly as she tries to save Y/N’s life. “Please Raven.” The protests stop at the pitiful words.

“You have us, I’m here for you. They all care about you. And you don’t know if Octavia’s dead, she could be down there waiting for you.” Raven words are hopeful, and Y/N wished she could believe them. “What about Bellamy?”

Y/N’s head snaps up, her tear-soaked face looking horrified, “What about him? We broke up Raven, he has Echo. He’s probably happy that he doesn’t have to see me anymore.” Her face falls again and her knees start to give out. Her back hits the wall when she falls, her head leaned back, tears escaping. “I’m falling apart, and he doesn’t even care.” When did she become so pathetic, it’s been years and she’s still stuck on him.

After her conversation with Raven, she decided staying in her room until they leave is the best bet, she could die here, she would die here. It scares her, not death but the fact that her impending doom is right around the corner and she doesn’t care, it doesn’t even faze her. And that sends her into overdrive. She hurriedly grabs her bag, the one Murphy had forced her to pack in case she changed her mind. She practically flies out of the room, running through the corridors as she makes her way to the launch point.

Raven’s eyes are full of comfort as she see the girl enter the room, stopping Emori from closing the door as a smile forms on her face. “We have company.”

Y/N quickly gets dressed in her designated space gear, hooking up her oxygen as fast as she can, she would hate to slow them down. She climbs the makeshift latter into the shuttle their using and smiles as Raven grabs her hand, a thank you.

Bellamy is the first one to move, grabbing Y/N into his arms, he can’t hold back the sigh of relief as she hugs him back. He doesn’t care who’s watching, although he’s dreading the damage control he’ll have to do with Echo later, if they survive this. Her laugh is music to his ears, his heart practically singing as he holds her tight, “I thought I lost you.”

Her head moves up to look at him, a smile stretched across her face, “You think I’d let you guys off the hook that easily.”

Authors note: Being completely honest I hate the ending of this one, it felt rushed and I might rewrite it in the future. Anyways, I hope you liked it Anon! And anyone else reading this. I appreciate the requests more than you’ll ever know! Feedback (good or bad) is always welcome and appreciated!

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