Glasses
Please hurry back.
I was turning those three words in my mind over and over again for the last five minutes, ever since my phone buzzed in the middle of my meeting. My private phone, that is, the one that he gave me in case he wanted to reach me. In cases like…..this.
He never used it though, he never texted me, he was typically content to periodically check my location indicator blip on one of the plethora of screens he was glued to. So, what now? What’s wrong?....
I tentatively raise my hand, mortified. “Excuse me…”
“Yes, Miss Archer?” The chairman looks at me over his gold-rimmed glasses.
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry, but I really have to go. It’s an emergency.”
“Can’t it wait for another half an hour until the deposition of the witness is taken in full?”
“I’m truly sorry,” I plead, already fumbling with my things, “it really can’t. Thank you for your understanding…” I add, in an attempt to salvage whatever face I can still hope to preserve here. “Je suis vraiment désolée,” I offer meekly to the witness, who sits there dumbfounded, caught in the cross-fire, “il va falloir reprogrammer le plus tôt possible….”
Please hurry back.
Three little words, like three little ice shards in my heart…or so it feels like, as I jump in the first taxi I can find and give the driver the address of a coffee shop near the hotel, as instructed. Never park directly in front of the hotel, always enter one coffee shop or another similar establishment until the car leaves...but today I have no time to spare for these, even if he clearly had a purpose for insisting upon them. The hell with all these rules, I seethe to myself, furiously biting at my already abused nails.
I hum and nod absent-mindedly to the driver’s feeble, but commendable attempts at small talk, which gradually die down in the absence of any feedback, apart from my constant urging to go faster. Not that the silence that ensued is much better than the previous semi-friendly chatter – it allows me too much opportunity to think. To think of all the horrible ways in which I could lose him, of all the dreadful scenarios in which I would arrive too late, and he’d be….
As soon as he pulls over, I stumble out of the barely stationary car, my knees skidding harsly against the sidewalk. I only allow myself one second to inspect the bloody mess I thought I’d never see again past the age of 5, and I hiss in pain as I force myself to walk at a normal, albeit rapid pace towards the coffee shop. Thankfully, I never make it to the door – the taxi takes off, melting into the heavy metropolitan traffic.
Please hurry back.
I want to run, to fly – the few hundred meters to the hotel seem like an eternity away, time whooshing past me as I move too. damn. slow through the sea of unbothered, oblivious faces. Once inside, the concierge shoots me an alarmed glance, taking in my less-than-put-together demeanor and my new ‘bloody knees’ fashion statement, but he has the sense to keep silent – he knows me well enough.
Moments later, heart pounding achingly against my ribs, I hurricane through the door of the suite, expecting fifty shades of catastrophe to unfold.
“L? You here?”
No answer. Oh my god, what if I’m too late?!....
But no. He’s in the main room, sitting quietly in the dark in his usual chair, his eyes for once not glued to the monitors. In fact….is he sleeping?....
“L?...” I approach him quietly. “Are you alright? Did anything….”
He frowns, gripping his knee with a little more force than usual.
“…you’re here. Good.” He mutters in a hushed tone, not bothering to look up or even open his eyes. “I will need you to listen carefully to the next set of instructions that you’re about to receive…”
I sit down next to him. “L, what’s wrong? What is this about?”
He frowns again, jaw clenching as if he’s in pain. Wait, is he?!
“Please just listen to me,” he breathes. “There’s a file in your partition containing detailed instructions as to transferring the database concerning the case I am currently handling onto a server you need not concern yourself with. You will need a set of codes which I’ve….”
I feel a chill running down my spine and I can’t suppress a shiver. “Please don’t….talk like that. What’s happening to you?...” He doesn’t answer. “Should I call Watari?...”
“Watari is on his way here as we speak,” he finally offers, his eyes still averted. “He is coming to drive me to the hospital….”
“Hospital?!” I kneel down in front of him. “For gods’ sake, L, what’s wrong?!”
“…and I expect my stay there to last over a reasonable period, that is why I need you to transfer the data to….”
“Please stop!” I place my hand over his own and I feel him trembling. “Please talk to me. Why are you….why do you need to go to the hospital?...”
He sighs. “I suppose it won’t do to keep this concealed from you after all…. I arranged for the top neurosurgeon in the country to be present there because…I am fairly convinced I have a brain tumor.”
I feel sick to my stomach. “L, but…why? What makes you think…..” I trail off, as I refuse to let these words touch my lips.
“I’ve been having….these headaches,” he speaks again after a long pause, his voice shaky and small. “Bad ones. Like an iron band tight around my skull. It made it…..difficult to concentrate on the case, or anything much really.”
….It’s true. I do remember seeing him rubbing at his forehead lately…But, oh god, a brain tumor?!...
“…..after a while,my vision gets blurry too….as if…I can’t focus enough as to read the reports I’m sent…” he continues, and my heart breaks to hear the vulnerability in his voice, resembling the fear of a child hoping for a miracle. I tentatively put an arm around his shoulders, and, a moment later, he leans into me with his whole body, his hand gripping my own for any semblance of comfort I can offer him. I can feel my own vision becoming blurry with the bitter tears I feel welling in my eyes, pooling up behind my glasses…
Wait a damned minute…..
“L, where exactly does it hurt?” I ask him, shifting a little so I can see what he’s showing me.
He grimaces. “My forehead, mostly. And behind my eyes…” he sighs, as he brings up a hand to physically illustrate his words. “And before you ask, no, I haven’t taken any medication, that would only mask the symptoms, making harder for the diagnosis to actually be reached in any reasonable int….
I reach up to touch his lips, stopping the torrent of words he’s rationalizing his anxiety behind. Then I move up to caress his forehead, smoothing back the unruly strands of hair shadowing his eyes from the world. With a sigh, he leans against my touch, my cold hands seemingly offering him a shard of relief.
“L…” I softly call out to him. “Have you considered other….possibilities? Other….explanations for these symptoms?...”
“Such as what?” he groans, face still buried in my palms. “There is no other diagnosis that can encompass these manifestations, other than….”
“Other than you needing glasses”, I finish his sentence.
He halts abruptly, the screech in his mental processes almost audible, as he finally opens up his eyes to give me an absolutely horrified look.
“Gla..sses?!” he utters, his voice a shocking two octaves higher from his usual monotonous vocal fry, making me bite the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood – don’t laugh, Maeve, I keep myself in check, whatever you do, don’t fucking laugh.
“It’s not that bad, L,” I cannot suppress a smile, as I point to my own rims resting awkwardly on my nose now. “Sure beats having a brain tumor, if I may say so. And….” I lean towards him to whisper in his ear, “you can always get contacts. No one will know.”
He pauses for a whole whopping minute. Then he uncoils to his feet, reaching for the phone with one swift gesture. “Watari, it’s me. No, everything is fine. I just need you to cancel my neurologist appointment and transfer it to ophtalmology instead.” He pauses, as his lips curl into a smirk. “Not a word, Watari. Not a single word, if you please.”
(Write it badly, they say. Well here it is, my first attempt at writing something. Badly. But it's something. Also, inspiration from @gorkloum as for the glasses image)
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