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glittergutts 6 hours
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Tomorrow I've been clean from benzos for 2 entire years 馃帀馃帄
I need to gather my thoughts on this because it's a lot but I'm really proud of myself and I will be having cake with my family to celebrate:)
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glittergutts 7 hours
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I'm never awake this early anymore and it's been kinda nice to wake up slow in the dark.
I'm trying to figure out what I can get for my kids' Easter baskets, I'm never prepared on time, and especially this year, I feel kinda caught off guard. I think I'm just going to get them some candy and like one small thing to go in their baskets. There's a book Ellie wants that I can order with my groceries, and I know she'll be super excited because she keeps checking the library and can't ever seem to find it because it's always checked out. Ellie reminds me so much of myself at her age with her love of books and music and taking walks. This is the first year I've let her walk the neighborhood without me or anyone else, and she's been loving the freedom.
I wanted to cook a nice Easter meal, but I'm feeling really stuck on what I should make, and Google isn't helping.
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glittergutts 21 hours
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I've been feeling a little weird today. I tried to clean up a little, which definitely lowered my anxiety. I tried doing an art project, but it just wasn't helping, so I went to bake muffins, and I'm hoping some food will make me feel better. I'm less tired and heavy feeling today, probably from the salt bath I had before bed last night. I want to take another salt bath tonight, and since the kids don't have activities tonight, I'll be home and have plenty of time for self care. I've been making hot tea and that's been making me feel nice.
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glittergutts 2 days
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I've been struggling to have a decent day despite feeling like shit. Chris ended up going to Ellies dance class, and I cooked dinner and didn't cry about it. After they get home and we finish dinner, I'm going to do some girl therapy and take a long bath or something so at least my brain will feel better. I tried some rhodiola for my energy, and it just hurt my stomach. I think the fact I'm plagued with nightmares is just making me exhausted all the time because I never getgood rest. Maybe tonight I'll make it to bed a little early and have some sleepy time tea.
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glittergutts 2 days
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Literally crying because I feel like shit and I just want to go to bed. Ellie has parent observation in her dance class tonight so I've got to get there early otherwise I'll be stuck standing for an entire hour with my already fucked up body. And the worst part is that I want to, want to go I just feel so bad I don't know how ill survive it. And I know Chris doesn't want to go and with his hip problems it wouldn't be anymore fair for him to go. I just hope he can make dinner so we're not having dinner at 9 pm because I will probably cry again if I have to stand up and cook or clean up a mess afterwards.
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glittergutts 2 days
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I've been having a fibromyalgia flare up for a few weeks and today is so bad I can hardly stand to be awake. I feel hungover and I haven't touched alcohol. The amount of effort I have to put into moving my body at all is killing me. I'm so tired of living like this it's so frustrating that I can't do anything besides feel like shit and it's got me in such a bad mood. I try not to feel bad fir myself but seriously what did I do to deserve this bs
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glittergutts 2 days
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I had a good day yesterday. I bought some new plants and I love having things like plants and pets and kids to take care of. It makes me feel good. I got them in pots but I might move them around depending on where the light hits. Chris got one of the hallways painted, it still needs a second coat bit it looks so good and bright and clean I love it.
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glittergutts 3 days
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The building is a little creepy not gunna lie but the water omg so pretty and warm
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glittergutts 3 days
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I'm supposed Togo for a 90 minute appointment with a new psychologist and I do not do not absolutely fucking for not want to.go. I hate doctors, I hate new doctors even more. I've got to be there (30 minutes away) at 9 and my family that was going to drive me are still sleeping.
I'm going to have to reschedule it I can't fucking do it today.
I was out all day yesterday. Chris and I went to the hot springs and everything was going great until loki (who was at my mom's house without for the first time) ran off and could've ran into a super busy road. It was a Hella bad 20 minutes of my mom trying to find and catch him. I got so anxious I felt totally numb for a good while which was also exhausting.
I just want some extra time at home today and the kids have co-op in the middle of the day already so yeeahh fuck that appointment I'll make it for a more sensible time of day. It's not like I needed anything from the doctor. My PC just wants me to have them on board, and that can wait.
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glittergutts 6 days
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I've been getting things done all day. I'm almost done with my chores then I'm going to do homemade lemonade. I'm really excited for the weekend I need to go on an adventure and reconnect with Chris.
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glittergutts 7 days
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I've actually been feeling pretty good today. I've been focused and not on my phone much. I've gotten some chores done, so tomorrow will be easier. Either way, i love fridays and getting the house all reset for the weekend. I still want to fold a few loads of laundry and put my makeup on because Lola has gymnastics tonight, and I have to go out in public. I'm really looking forward to the weekend, I hope things go well like I've been planning. I've got to go to the grocery store to get a few things for the picnic. I'm going to attempt homemade strawberry lemonade and some other cute stuff. Also my birth control should be effective this Sunday and that's kinda exciting:)
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glittergutts 8 days
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I hate how much time I waste doing nothing because I don't feel good. Working against my anxiety feels like a full-time job. I've been making my room dark and laying down for a few minutes with loki and that's been really helpful. I tried listening to music but it was just making me feel more overwhelmed.
I'm glad it's the evening time, Chris is working late but hopefully he'll be off soon. I'm ready to start doing stuff to get ready for the weekend. I'm not sure if Chris has to work on Saturday or not but I would love an extra day together.
I never put a bra on today, and I'm still wearing Chris's shirt I slept in. I did do my skincare and brush my teeth though so I don't feel too bad about myself. I got some banana toothpaste that's really good.
I'm going to take a soak with some Epsom salts in the bath. I'm hoping it helps with the generally heavy and sore feeling that won't go away.
It hasn't been the best day but if put enough effort that it wasn't total shit either and even though I had a short panic attack I was able to calm myself down before I started crying and that's progress for me
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glittergutts 8 days
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I've been getting anxiety every afternoon for weeks and I'm so done with it.
I'm tired of being tired and over medicated
I'm getting really frustrated with the way I've been feeling and I don't know how to change things because I keep trying everything I know to do after years and years of therapy and hospital stays and I still feel like fucking shit.
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glittergutts 9 days
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I've pushed myself to stay awake and fight my bad mood. I've been laying under my blanket with the black out curtains shut for probably 2 hours now. I'm finally starting to chill tf out a little. Im ready for nighttime and hopefully a better day tomorrow. I'm going to do some more cleaning before bed and take a good shower or do something to make myself feel nice. I need a good dinner because I've been hungry all day and whenever I eat I get full after a few bites and idk something is wrong with my stomach and that's definitely not helping my mood
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glittergutts 9 days
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This week is going to be hard. I've been dragging for like a week feeling heavy and tired and sooo unmotivated. This weekend is Chris and my 7th wedding anniversary so we've got some stuff planned and I'm really excited which is making the time between then and now feel extra long. We're going to hopefully go back to the hotsprings and have a little picnic in the forest after.we also got a lego set to do Saturday night. I really hope I start feeling better before then because I would seriously rather sleep for the next 4 hours than do the rest of today.
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glittergutts 12 days
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I'm having a good low key day. I'm about to go take one of those everything baths where you scrub and shave and use all the fancy lotions and stuff. Then soon Chris will be home from work and we're just going to chill at home and hopefully have sexy time because we haven't been alone in 2 weeks.
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glittergutts 13 days
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Today my husband told me I've been more fun than we've ever had recently and I know it's because I'm not on the pills and if us having fun together isn't a sign of life going right I don't know what is.
It's so good to not be pissy all the time
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