Vodka & Me.

I'm locked in my room for the rest of the day w/vodka. No, I'm not looking for answers at the bottom of this bottle, just a temporary mental vacation. No: Arguing Stress Interviews Responsibilities Cooking Cleaning Chauffeuring Worries Just Vodka & sleep.

I'm ready. I'm afraid but I'm ready.

I hate that I'm sitting here confused, angry & feeling sorry for myself. Lord, what do I do?

I have so much on my mind, I need to clear my thoughts so I can see again. I feel cloudy and muddled.

Revenge is being happy, successful and enjoying life. I will not let them win by becoming a bitter, resentful old woman that is too consumed by hatred to enjoy and love life. You will lose.

Me.

I will not let your inconsiderate behavior or choices change my character. I will also not allow you to take advantage of me.

Me.

I am seriously thinking about this move. I can see it being very difficult but beneficial in the long run. Jesus, please give me clarity.

I seen my sister yesterday. I am glad I had been drinking. Otherwise, I may have been really rude. I think its sad that we live in the same city but don’t talk or see each other. It just has to be that way though.

I went to visit my uncle yesterday too. I think my grandmother would be appauled if she knew I didn't go check on my family like I should. Family was very important to her. Now, it'll be important to me to reach out to them on a regular basis.

Weight

I lost 26lbs. I feel like I can at least breathe again but I want to lose another 30 by July and another 30 by October. I can walk comfortably again. I felt so good when I lost 63lbs 2 years ago. I gained over half of that back now I want it gone and then some.

People take jail too lightly. They play with other's freedoms because they think its a joke. Its all fun and games until its their turn. And it WILL be one day.

I was caught up in my feelings yesterday. Feeling some type of way about getting left high and dry, again. Feeling some type of way about all the sibling posts because I don't have any. Feeling some type of way about not knowing what's going to happen with my living situation. Feeling some type of way period. I know I have much anger and resentment for many people. I am trying to figure out a way to let these feelings go. I get angry/agitated at the smallest of things and they send me into this emotional rollercoaster ride. I want to be more balanced but its not possible until I get rid of the anger.

It seems that no matter what, my Life revolves around others.

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

Sigmund Freud (via rasputinmaxim)

I wonder what would happen if I stopped using Facebook so much and used Tumblr instead. Let's try an experiment. I can LOOK on Facebook but not POST on Facebook for an entire week. I can only post my thoughts, photos, etc here on Tumblr. The next experiment will be to not even LOOK on Facebook for a week. This challenge begins at 6:30pm 4/10/2015 and ends 4/17/2015 at 6:30pm. Let's GO!!

Friends

Never there when I need them but I TRY to be there when they need me. It actually bothers me when I can't be. I guess I've used the title a bit more loose than I thought because I cannot think of one person in the world that has been a real friend, consistently. That's sad. Maybe it speaks of MY character and not their's?

Every tough battle, trial and tribulation I've endured it has been alone. I am not sure why I still doubt my strength. I won't anymore.

The term hater is vastly overused.