gentlenina - Tumblr blog

gentlenina · 3 years

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Biggest sims mystery in the last decade.

Rosemow?

I’m starting to be more active on the Sims 4 forums, and one name always comes up no matter where or what I pose. Rosemow. I’ve known that name since I started posting on the forums years ago, but now I’m realizing she’s (he’s?) everywhere. What’s up with Rosemow?

For a while, I thought she was an old lady who spent her time playing the Sims. Then I started wondering if she’s someone with autism who just found her home on the forums despite not playing the game. Now I’m seeing theories that she’s a bot? Does anybody know what the deal with Rosemow is?

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gentlenina · 3 years

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Why do people call it poetry? It's just predictive text messages, how could it possibly be poetry? You're ruining the '#poetry' tag. Would putting it under 'predictive text' where it belongs be so bad? Sorry for my rudeness.

lol, forgot to post this. thank you for your feelings. your post is #poetry.

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gentlenina · 4 years

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You’re So Skinny

With cheeks gaunt and sunken

And speech slurred and drunken

You praised gods of Keto:

Fat sucking mosquitos.

They guess at the answer,

"I think he has cancer."

#poem #poetry #writing #keto #diet

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gentlenina · 4 years

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December 29, 2018

I dreamt I came to your part of the world,

where houses are purple and decorated like cakes.

It’s always summer there and going to work

is just part of the weekend.

I told you I’d come back for all my clothes

and the charger for my phone.

I walked back across the border,

no one asking me for my story,

and my old restaurant friends showed up in my scratched corolla.

The sky is black with rain here.

I tell them we need to go back.

My battery is low.

Please, before it dies.

Please, before I die.

I left so many things behind…

But we party at the local tiki shack,

with the apartments built above.

We party next to the angry sea -

they bang and bash on the hardwood ceiling.

We party in the rain, my tears camouflaged.

Why are we still here?

My phone has died.

The cake houses are thousands of miles

from my broken fingernails.

You have probably thrown my things over the balcony,

large womens’ clothes lazily draped over the steep steps of your home.

I woke up to photos from the wedding you didn’t invite me to

because you’re afraid of what I’ll do.

#wedding #december 2018 #writing #poem #poetry

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gentlenina · 4 years

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Games I Really Liked 2010-2019

Many people have done “best of” lists for the end of the decade. I honestly forgot to post this last month because who uses tumbltown anymore? Where do people even blog in 2020?! Livejournal? Wordpress?

Stardew Valley (PC, 2016) - This game was everything I wanted the new Harvest Moon games to be and more. Jabs at capitalism, 16 bit graphics, and a heartfelt callback to a series I loved as a teen weeaboo captured my heart.

Animal Crossing: New Leaf (3DS, 2012) - The 3DS had so many gems over its lifetime, but this one was my obsession in 2012-13. My then-partner and I joined a secret facebook group for friend code sharing and stalk market values. AC could’ve easily ruined my life but it was worth it.

Heavy Rain (PS3, 2010) - Pressing X to Jason brought me many hours of entertainment. This game is far from perfect, but the amount of joy I felt when playing this with Joe was worth the $59.99 I paid for it. (We also thoroughly enjoyed 2015’s Until Dawn, but I felt that Heavy Rain had more likeable characters and a more interesting storyline.)

Red Dead Redemption (PS3, 2010) - I never paid cowboys or the old west much attention until this game came out and holy shit was I missing out. This game is incredible. I went back and played it when RDR2 was released and it still holds up well.

Skyrim (PS3, 2011) - This was the first Elder Scrolls game I played and wow, what a treat. I played this game until my PS3 save file glitched out and I had to take a break from it. I restarted the game a couple of years ago on PC, which is the choice platform for this one. Great journey, 10/10.

Night in the Woods (PC, 2017) - Never has a game reminded me more of myself. I loved every sad moment of this little game. It’s worth everyone’s time to pick this one up. Gonna give honourable mention to both Oxenfree (2016) and Gone Home (2013), as they made me feel sad in a similar way, but NITW was definitely my favourite of the three.

Fantasy Life (3DS, 2014) - Keven and I were obsessed with this little gem. There are so many options for crafting, fighting, and foraging. I’m still impressed with this game 5+ years later and sincerely hope we see other games like this for the Switch.

Rayman Origins (PS3, 2011) - I played the Rayman Legends (2013) demo at PAX’12 on the WiiU and my Waif and I were like “holy shit this game is amazing.” I played through Origins, which I got for a bargain. These games are incredible. The multiplayer is also great if you have friends.

Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (3DS, 2013) - Ocarina of Time is still my favourite Zelda; it helped me overcome my video gaming frustrations as a kid. Link Between Worlds is a very close second and I imagine if I’d grown up with Link to the Past instead of Ocarina and Majora, this would be my number one Zelda. (No offense to Breath of the Wild - it’s a beautiful game. It’s just too much for me at this point. Yes, I know, I’m wrong.)

Mario Odyssey (Switch, 2017) - I fell in love with Super Mario Galaxy on the Wii back in 2007. It was a great call back to Mario 64, which was the first 3D game I ever played. So nostalgia plays a huge part in why this one is here. That being said, the soundtrack is great, the controls feel awesome, and who doesn’t love a Mario? (3D World was also a great title, but I think I was more infatuated with Odyssey if I had to pick one.)

Big honourable mention to The Sims 4 (2014), which is ultimately the weakest edition of The Sims, but I still play it religiously like a goddamn drug addict. (Sims 2 for life, son.)

Another honourable mention to Pokemon Go (2016), which is barely a game and more of a pedometer that reminds me to go outside. This is important. Thanks, Pogo.

The systems listed are not necessarily exclusive; they’re just how I played the games. I realize that Skyrim is on everything.

#video games #lists #best of #2010s

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gentlenina · 4 years

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Selenius

You fumble through the creases of your pockets poking and prodding at the odd seams of your jacket as if it belonged to someone else. You didn’t lose anything important on your way here.

“I used to be…” you start. Nobody listens. You wonder if your parents paid them to be your friends. They look at you with fleeting attention, laughing at your jokes without expression.

The party used to wait for you but now you slither in halfway through the evening, already drunk and belligerent.

After the party, your disgusting selkie body escapes the spandex stockings of your 9-5.

#writing #poem #poetry #selenius

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gentlenina · 4 years

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Property Tax Season

A constant parade of wrinkled elders sluggishly limps towards the finance department. It’s property tax season and a faint odour of decay hangs heavy in the air. A wrinkled face with strained vocal cords asks if this is ICBC and tells me she’s eighty years old, as if I couldn’t tell. I point her in the right direction, and like every other curmudgeon, she goes the wrong way, walker scraping the tiled floor. She’ll probably find ICBC, but if she doesn’t, it’s one less hazard on the road. Another one approaches, inching across the scuffed black floor. “I’m eighty three years old as of Sunday,” he tells me, “and I have prostate cancer. My wife is eighty two years old.” I put my bullshit face on and tell him happy birthday and I’m sorry about his cancer. “You have a nice face,” he says, “that’s why I’m telling you this. Sometimes I cry when I look at my grandchildren.” I can see tears starting to form in the old man’s eyes; this happened to my grandfather as well: inexplicable tears. Maybe it has to do with watching things change and grow and fear of not being there for the next big change. The old man is incredibly pale and speaks with just a hint of a South Asian accent. He tells me he was glad he got to talk to me. I begin to question whether people’s ability to talk to me is a gift or a curse as the sad cancer man makes his way down to finance.

A woman with a pink streak in her hair and a frantic look on her face awkwardly pushes a man in a wheelchair. I recognize them immediately. The woman somehow managed to trap herself in the elevator because she couldn’t maneuver the electric wheelchair out the door. The man drools onto a bib that looks to be permanently fixed to his clothing and lets out some gasps and moans. I wonder how aware he is of his surroundings. I wonder if his body is truly a cage. Has he always been this way or was there an accident or an illness that brought him to this stage? Does he remember a time before the wheelchair and the breathing apparatus? The frantic woman rushes to me and says, “His name is Gary and he’s deaf. Do you know sign language?” Immediately, I fear that Gary has become my problem.

“No, sorry,” I admit. I don’t want to tell her I only know profanities in ASL.

“It’s fine, I just… I’ll come back up in a minute… taxes!” she blurts. She scribbles something down on the miniature whiteboard that sits on Gary’s lap before sprinting downstairs.

I smile at Gary and wave. I don’t want to offend him with signs for “abortion” and “sex.” He drools and makes a few questionable gasps. I really hope he doesn’t keel over. I know I shouldn’t feel bad for him; being alive is a gift even for people in these situations. He really doesn’t look too jazzed about his situation. The gasps intensify and more drool coats his bib. I find myself looking over at him every few minutes to ensure he’s still alive. I google the cost of making a will and check into the legality of putting people down.

Pink hair woman returns and laughs, “He’s drooling at you.”

I smile and wave, but on the inside I feel fear and sorrow.

#municipal government #customer service #story #writing #short story

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gentlenina · 4 years

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Birth

Your hand scales ooze with clear liquid. It’s been your fate since childhood: eczema. Your old manager tells you it’s because you only eat pasta and sandwiches. You don’t care - you like pasta and sandwiches. The ooze touches your computer mouse and your hand sticks to the black plastic. There are crusty spots all over the mouse from past times when your eczema wanted to attach itself to inanimate objects. Thank god your friends never come over, you think, as you get a potent whiff of the dishes you swore you would do last week.

Your phone buzzes; you can’t remember if the speaker is broken or if you just hate ringtones enough to disable them. It’s work asking if you can cover another Saturday. If you don’t answer, you’re not on the hook. You answer anyway and can’t say no to some kid who would rather get trashed this Friday than make a meager twelve dollars an hour baking shitty croissants. You were that kid. You probably still are that kid, somewhere underneath the layers of depression.

“Thank you so much!” the kid hangs desperately on the word ‘so’. You shrug off that they sound ingenuine, tell them it’s no big deal, anything for them, and you love them. You tell everyone you love them, even people you hate. You check your phone again; it’s already after nine. Time to lay sleepless on your cheap, foam mattress. You haven’t had a real bed in a year, thanks to the infestation. Sometimes you still see them out of the corner of your eye. You scratch phantom itching.

The alarm on your ancient clock radio screeches 4:30am. Saturday is here and you don’t remember falling asleep. This is why no one can ever live with you. You slip into some dirty shortalls and an ugly band shirt you got as a teenager. Your feet ache already and all of your bones feel weak. You haven’t even gotten in the car yet.

The world is still dark outside as you throw in the second batch of vegan muffins. You don’t even remember driving here, let alone unlocking the door or mixing the scones. Nobody is on the road this early anyway, which is great because you still haven’t passed your practical driving test. So far, nobody has died.

The day slithers by. Your wrists and knees feel like they’re about to disintegrate. The drive home is a blur and you hope that bump you felt was a speed bump or a pothole and not a person. You make an executive decision to not check your back mirror. Your cracked hands bleed and stick to the steering wheel as you turn into the garage of your rotting apartment. You sit in your car for a few minutes with your eyes closed, hands adhering to the wheel. The pus and blood sticks like octopus suckers and leaves residue when you finally decide to head up to your home for another 5 hour nap.

You wake up to your hand throbbing. It’s as if something is about to be birthed out of your sores. Blood pours from the cracks between your scales; something is moving beneath the skin; it pops the collections of newly formed blisters as it stretches your skin. You want to scream, but you can’t. Even if you could scream, no one would come running. No one helps the drunk, homeless guy in the alley when he screams.

Light shines through your window as you feel your skin rip apart, birthing a blood-soaked slug-like creature. Its first alien roar sends you into a state of shock and it opens its mouth to finally devour what remains of you.

#short story #story #writing #birth #eczema #aliens #baking #gross

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gentlenina · 4 years

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My Name Is Your Name

I lost our photos in the fire

That my tears couldn't extinguish.

And they tore down the mall where we met

And demolished your first apartment

To make homes for these new people

They keep expecting.

Like my aching heels,

I keep thinking of you

Even when I don't want to.

I try not to scream out in anguish

As I stare at you

Through the screen of my phone.

I try not to blink -

What if you try and stare back?

What if I miss your desperate gaze

Reflected in the black of my eyes?

I scroll through photos of your parents

Dancing at your wedding.

You’ve exchanged me for a bigger cup size

In a flesh-matching pink dress.

She towers over you

Like you towered over me

When I felt unintelligent,

Uneducated, and useless

At the rooftop LA bars

Among the other pretenders.

“You’re a big fish in a small pond,”

Your words swirl around in my head for hours.

The unfortunate pink dress sashays by;

I wonder if she lets you talk to her that way.

Your sisters post yellow smiles;

Oh the pride your family must feel

When their only son finally buys a girl a diamond

That was too expensive, too important for me.

You delete yourself from my atmosphere

And I try to assemble your existence

From your sisters’ posted snapshots.

I’ve forgotten your smell, taste, and sound;

I wonder if you were ever there at all.

#unrequited love #poem #poetry #writing #social media #california

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gentlenina · 4 years

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My jaw aches from trying not to feel

Sorrow beating at my throat and chin

I barely knew you.

You once said to me, feel the fear and do it anyway

So I read your book and I tried but I'm still afraid.

I keep pushing myself.

It's hard to fathom wanting to go already.

Maybe the party has quieted down

Or there is a lull in the conversation

So I pick up another drink

And you've gone and disappeared

To somewhere you'd rather be.

9:00 am on Saturday I'm heading to a wedding

Church bells ring for the both of us.

#poem #poetry #writing #death

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gentlenina · 4 years

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Shirt Shopping

The girl with the pearl earring haunts me. She was there in San Francisco some years ago, shyly eyeing us from across the park. Her judgements went unnoticed by you with your wistful, hung over, black eyes. But I saw her. I could feel the burn of yesterday’s whiskey shots and Chinese Mai Tais. Poorly recited Allen Ginsberg drifted through my head, City Lights buzzing and flickering in the backdrop as I stared back at her. Now, here she is again, defaced on some cheap, polyester garment worn by the dirty, fresh-faced, summery youths. Her stare pinches me without mercy And I drown in a one-sided memory.

#poem #poetry #writing #shirt shopping #san francisco #rose coloured glasses #memories #the girl with the pearl earring #relationships #past relationship

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gentlenina · 6 years

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Season 11 ended a few weeks ago, so I’ve tacked on some of my faves from this season. To be truthful, I really disliked the My Struggle episodes. They’re completely disjointed and out of touch. For example, medically raping Scully seems pretty goddamn unnecessary and the end of Season 11 basically negates the entire journey of the last two seasons... The MOTW episodes are class acts, though! So just don’t eat the shitty bread Chris Carter made and make yourself a gorgeous X-Files salad from the beautifully crafted innards of Season 11.

Season 11 (The Search For Baby William! Kind Of. Ugh, Just Don’t Watch Any Of The “My Struggle” Episodes...)

11-3 Plus One Twins, twins, twins, poop jokes! 11-4 The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat Darin Morgan’s self-insert fanfiction! 11-6 Kitten Skinner was in Nam with Haley Joel Osment? 11-7 Rm9sbG93ZXJz Evil sushi robots vs. silent film versions of Mulder and Scully. 11-8 Familiar Witches and evil Teletubbies; hide your kids, hide your wife.

I would like to point out that I missed the three X-Files games. I can’t attest to the merit of playing the first PC/PS1 game simply titled “The X-Files.” It might be okay, but I’m not much for point and clicks from 20 years ago. As for the PS2 game, “The X-Files: Resist or Serve,” I’ve spent far too many hours shooting the endless fire zombies. It feels a lot like a Resident Evil/Silent Hill ripoff, so if you enjoy silly horror games with poorly rendered graphics and mediocre voice acting, check it out. It brought me a lot of joy getting Scully stuck on blades of grass and beating up cop zombies with my gun because I didn’t know how to aim and shoot properly. 14 year old me was madly in love with this stupid game... but enough about that. “The X-Files: Deep State” came out pretty recently on mobile. Not a huge fan... poking the screen feels tedious and I don’t care because Mulder and Scully aren’t hanging out with me. (Maybe they hang out with you later? I only played it for about a minute before getting bored and playing chicken anagram game.)

I realize there are also books that are (probably?) canon but I haven’t read any other than the comic versions of the early seasons. If anyone has read them/has anything to say about them, go ahead and reblog with your review. I am genuinely interested in the books if they’re decent/interesting fanfics.

A Chronological List Of My Favourite X-Files

“What X-File I Watch?” you ask. I curate list. You watch. You. Watch. Especially the Darin Morgan episodes.

Season 1 (Think Of It As A Really Long B-Movie)

1-1 Pilot When Mulder met Scully 1-2 Deep Throat Not porn 1-3 Squeeze Scary contortionist liver harvester 1-8 Ice Field trip to Alaska featuring ear worms 1-11 Eve Clones, clones, clones 1-13 Beyond the Sea Scully’s first big loss of MANY 1-17 E.B.E. Meet the Lone Gunmen 1-20 Darkness Falls Scary invisible bugs take over the North Shore 1-21 Tooms Return of the liver harvester 1-24 The Erlenmeyer Flask Look how pregnant Gillian Anderson is

Season 2 (When The Show Got Really Fucking Good)

2-1 Little Green Men Aliens! Puerto Rico! 2-2 The Host Darin Morgan as… FLUKEMAN! 2-3 Blood Darin Morgan tells us about subliminal messaging 2-5 Duane Barry Mulder goes for a swim, meets Krycek 2-6 Ascension Red Speedo part 2: Scully’s alien abduction

2-8 One Breath Red Speedo part 3: Scully’s return 2-9 Firewalker It’s basically Alien, right down to the chest bursters 2-10 Red Museum Fucking vegans 2-11 Excelsis Dei Ghost rape 2-12 Aubrey “I’ve always had a thing for girls named BJ” 2-13 Irresistible Sometimes the monster of the week is just a serial killer 2-14 Die Hand die Verletzt Evil teachers 2-15 Fresh Bones Haitian zombies 2-20 Humbug Darin Morgan writes another gem, Scully eats bugs 2-21 The Calusari Evil twins 2-24 Our Town Mad chicken disease

Season 3 (The One Where Mulder Dies And Is Resurrected For The First Time)

3-3 D.P.O. Jack Black runs an arcade 3-4 Clyde Bruckman Psychics, Darin Morgan, need I say more? 3-6 2Shy Internet dating culture in 1995 3-8 Oubliette Jewel Staite gets kidnapped 3-9 Nisei Aliens on a Train 3-10 731 Aliens on a Train pt. 2 3-12 War of the Coprophages Darin Morgan’s cockroach friends 3-13 Syzygy “Hate him, wouldn’t wanna date him.” 3-17 Pusher Brain tumors = psychic abilities 3-18 Teso dos Bichos Attack of the kitties 3-19 Hell Money Lucy Liu-kemia 3-20 Jose Chung’s Scully doesn’t swear, according to Darin Morgan 3-21 Avatar Skinner kills hookers 3-22 Quagmire Darin Morgan’s Ogopogo kills Scully’s dog 3-23 Wetwired Mulder is colour blind 3-24 Talitha Cumi Meet Jeremiah Smith and the alien bounty hunter

Perfection❤️😂

Deserves about a billion more notes

#x-files #xfile #david duchovny #gillian anderson #mulder #scully #season 11 #best x-files #lists #fandom #x-phile #skinner #mitch pileggi

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gentlenina · 6 years

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With the announcement(s) that Gillian Anderson isn’t down for season 12 and beyond, and that Chris Carter is willing to continue without Scully is... disheartening but also very interesting.

My theory on how Season 12 will go down? it'll begin with a reality TV style quest for a new partner for Mulder, like the FBI version of "The Bachelor." And Scully will die because the myth writers ignored Darin Morgan's episodes and don't see their beauty (and Scully's immortality) as canon. The Smoking Man will end up raising "his" son, William. The next season will tackle Mulder and (new female partner)'s uncomfortable age gap love and William's addiction to Morley Lights and evil.

What do you think will happen?

#x-files #x-file #mulder #scully #season 11 #season 12 #david duchovny #gillian anderson #chris carter

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gentlenina · 6 years

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Whenever I don't know what to say to someone, I tell them I love them.

It's working out well so far. One step closer to leading my own cult.

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gentlenina · 6 years

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Facebook hot dad stalking song clip.

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gentlenina · 6 years

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oh dear.

I read this comic online about long distance relationships and I know we haven’t been together in 3 years and it’s sick but I miss it. The skyping. The texting. The hating myself. Stalking every girl you add on Facebook. Trusting no one. Keeping my online dating profiles active just in case you never come back for me. Sleeping with strangers to feel their warmth. Closing my eyes until their face and body became yours. Ultimately realizing I would rather be alone.

It’s fine if you never come back. This place isn’t that great anyway. I’m not that great anyway.

Never love anyone. Never make friends.

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gentlenina · 6 years

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found this rad emo poem in my drafts.

We talked about the songs we would kill ourselves to When we got too useless and too poor. When the world flipped over. When the polar shift froze the oceans. When they removed the arts from public school curriculum. Broken glass cutting at dry, chapped lips Fading in and out of conscious conversation Knees crumbling under the weight of our numb, lazy bodies You breathe in the red smoggy air Wondering what we would’ve thought about While we sat there at your modest funeral Playing joyful minor keys With hints of 1960s tambourines Just a few months back When the world went black And I thought about believing in Jesus Just so I could hold on for a second While I combed the beaches for old memories But all I found were regrets.

#emo #poem #funeral #suicide #poetry #writing #god #sorrow #sadness #fear

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