i like when ventposts self censor in a way thats completely incomprehensible to anyone else like 'im so sick of ****** ******* ******' . im sorry that youre going through it. can i buy a vowel

Me: Okay guys remember that it’s important in improv to establish your characters at the beginning of the scene.

Students: ok

Student 1: Hello. I am the president of the United States.

Student 2: Hello madame president. I’m William Shakespeare and I’m here to assassinate you.

Can I just say how much I adore that Zack believes Marlene? I haven't finished the game yet, but that is such a perfect encapsulation of why he's an amazing character

If you love paleontology, make sure you stay in school and study hard. Do this and someday you could become a fossil.

do you ever hear people talking about something and you’re like. fuck. let me be real for a second. i’m too much of a commie to have this conversation

do you ever hear people talking about something and you’re like. fuck. let me be real for a second. i’m too much of a commie to have this conversation

cute gift horse dude. i dig, i dig. what's going on with its mouth

The best sex is like a game of Clue. Six people in attendance, no one's afraid to use a candlestick. Tim Curry is there.

When I was a kid I thought Deanna Troi was so cool and awesome and smart and amazing and then as a teen I discovered people on the Internet think she's weak, useless, etc. and I was like "huh...yeah I guess they're right 🙁" but now I'm an adult and I realized actually I was right the first time, she's a stone cold badass and the haters just don't understand her like I do 😤

Remember when Gollum told Sam to give it to him raw

On your second day of prison go right up to the biggest prisoner there and apologize for beating them up the day before, that wasn't very cool.

eat spicy food while pregnant. your baby will become a fire mage. yes i am a doctor

You have my gun

I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

Baby if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put D V O R A and K together because that's clearly a superior layout

Baby if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put D V O R A and K together because that's clearly a superior layout