Tainted Love

School is always the best part of the day. Always smiling and making others happy. If i could i would stay at the school forever but as the saying goes everything must come to an end, this too comes to an end rather quickly. I hope the same can be said to what happens at my house. I feel like i am walking towards the cemetery. I can feel the coldness of their hearts before i could reach my house. I need to be the prefect child. Nothing less of perfection is accepted here and at times even that's not enough to escape my fate. No matter what she does i would always love her. I hate her the most in this world for hurting me in every possible way but i feel empty and lost without her recognition and appreciation. I feel like the only way to show love is through pain. Deep down i know this is not right but this is all i know.

You are the whitest light in my darkest night.

My heart aches to reach you,

But it trembles at the thought of tainting you.

-Kazi

Blood

Standing in the corner as usual I’m waiting for this mess called as family gathering to be over so that I can go back to being me. Just as I was leaving Aunty Silia calls my name and all I want to do is crawl under the table, but as the perfect daughter that I am shown around as, I walk up to her where she is standing with two more people that I don’t recognize. Putting on my fakest sunshine smile I greet her.

“I haven’t seen you this whole time, if I didn’t know better, I would have thought you were hiding from me. Surely you won’t do that to your own auntie would you?” she says.

I want nothing more than to run away screaming from this place filled with fake smiles and laughter. But I say, “No auntie, I was waiting to talk to you when you were free”. Lie rolls of my tongue as smooth as butter from all those years of training or as my mother likes to call ‘good manners’, but I personally like to call it as torture.

She smiles showing her perfectly arranged teeth, “For you I am always free darling. So, tell me about you, I heard your father is suddenly facing trouble in his business. Oh, that poor man, always was too good to notice greedy people” she says with her companion nodding as though she just explained rocket science in three words.

Today has been a particularly terrible day in the long list of terrible days and I’m barely hanging by a thread. Still, I reply, trying to keep up that grateful smile with all my strength “It is indeed a difficult time for us, and my dad is doing everything he can to protect our family. I am sure he will come out of this sooner.”

The next words that come out of her mouth are like scissors for my thread. “Oh, my poor thing. Look at you, you look so pale, when was the last time you had any proper meal. Looks like you are more than suffering” she says smiling at the two members behind her, but she doesn’t stop “I think you should start seeing suitable man for you lizzie, it’s the only way for you to be helpful before all of you fall”

I open my mouth to say that I do have a job and can take care. She speaks as if she read what was on my mind “Surely you can’t do much like a man can, can you? You need a man Iizzie. Only they can solve the problem. You shouldn’t be so strong, you can hurt his pride. No matter how much you work or how hard you try you will always be behind a man, always his shadow.”

This snaps something inside me so deep that I’m talking before I even realize what I am saying. “Surely auntie you will think this because you haven’t worked a day in your entire life and expect me to listen to you because powerful women scare you. If a man wants to feel strong, he must be strong and if me being stronger and better hurts his little ego that’s not my fault. I work double than any man present at this place and can stand quite good on my own. I don’t need a man to fulfill my needs and you should keep your worthless opinion to yourself Auntie”

She gasps “Lizzie, I am your father’s sister, your blood, you cannot talk to me like that, has your parents not thought you anyth-”

“I know enough to know what is right and what is wrong. Just because you are my blood that doesn’t make you any great. You need to earn your respect and it just doesn’t come because you are related to me. Yes, you are older but surely not wiser than me. You need to think before you speak auntie. Surely you don’t want the people around you to think that you are a fool, do you?” I say already turning my back to her and her voice follows me as I walk out of the hall.

-Kazi

lets start this blog today. Hopefully i will be active!!!