Steve: Alright team. Let’s put old Mother Hubbard back in her cupboard. Bucky: *sighs* Nat: *groans* Sam: Man, it seriously hurts to listen to you sometimes.

Peter: *bursts in* My day was just made. Tony: *smirks* What kind of dog was it?

Loki: I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you a moron. I really thought you already knew.

Andrew!Peter: It’s all happening and I need an adult and I need an adult and I need an adu-- Tobey!Peter: Peter you are the adult. Andrew!Peter: … Andrew!Peter: Nooooooooo.

Pepper: I’m begging you, just be cool. Tony: Hey. Who’s cooler than me? Rhodey: Everyone.  

Andrew!Peter: Again we meet, Peter. Tom!Peter: This is true, Peter. Tobey!Peter: *raises an eyebrow*

Steve: You really put everything aside and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Nat: Several traffic violations. Clint: Three counts of resisting arrest.  Thor: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Tony: Also, that’s not our car. Bruce: I have never been so terrified in my life.

Peter: Anxiety is literally just conspiracy theories about yourself. Tony: ... Tony: Wow, kid. That’s deep.

Ned: What happened in 1812? Peter: The War of 1812. Ned: When was it? MJ: 1812. Ned: What happened then? Betty: War.

Tony: I’m so tired I could eat a horse. Peter: I identify as a horse and this offends me. Harley: I identify as offends and this horses me. Morgan: I offend horses identify me. Pepper: Hold on.  Pepper: *turns to Tony* Why would you eat a horse if you were tired?

Yelena: Ugh. There’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.  Yelena: *glares at Nat* Nat: Well forgive me for having morals!

Tony: Hey Pet--why are you on fire? Peter: This is just how my day’s going.

OMG this is a perfect addition! Thank you for this, and for your historical accuracy!

Tony: Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision. Steve: … Steve: No. Bruce: I mean, he’s technically not wrong. 

Tony: Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision. Steve: … Steve: No. Bruce: I mean, he’s technically not wrong. 

Peter: Well, it can just be hard to find a relationship ‘cause…I’m asexual. Tony: So? Peter: Well, a lot of people aren’t super cool with that. Tony: Fuck ‘em. Peter: *raises an eyebrow* Tony: Metaphorically, not literally. Peter: *giggles*

Sam: What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? Bucky: What? Sam: A shoe. Bucky: …I hate you.

Stephen: Alright, who the fuck broke the toaster? Tobey!Peter: It was Peter 3. Tom!Peter: Yep. Peter 3 did it. Andrew!Peter: … Andrew!Peter: You promised…