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fuehlemichnichts · 5 months
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cw: vent/ mh/ ed/ general emotional vomit
idk whats wrong with me lately. i feel like i’m eating less than usual and i’m barely losing any weight anymore… i know it’s probably my metabolism and stuff but it’s annoying nonetheless. i feel so ugly all the time and not really sure how i look at any given time. i’m really awkward when out with friends because i suck at taking photos, i feel so unnatural, overweight and so weird-looking that i lose all motivation for it. i feel like i don’t know how to be pretty, or how to be happy and interesting. my friends are so beautiful and they make it look so effortless, even just in their mannerisms, whereas i look very robotic and uncomfortable in a lot of videos and in person too, i imagine. i’m not sure if these kind of posts come off as very self-absorbed but i feel like i can’t escape it, i constantly view myself in the third person and when i look in the mirror i see somebody very different to how i perceive myself. it’s hard to not ever seem to reach your goals and to always be just one step below average. i think it’s starting to affect my relationships too, because i can’t enjoy myself wholeheartedly and exist presently. i examine myself too much and how others may perceive me and i just feel stuck. anyway i hope if anybody reads this far (sorry) that you are doing well and if you feel weird too then that’s cool to know. <3
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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tw for ed thoughts/ thinking, ed habits etc..
i want to get into exercising properly… i mean having a workout/ routine i can do everyday really. i already walk everywhere and i cycle a lot, my eating habits are under control. i feel so much stronger and better when i eat well, eat less. seeing my bones become more prominent is the encouragement i need. i’m tired of just being viewed as slim, small. i want to be seen as skinny, as delicate and boney. the only thing about exercising “properly” that scares me away is the idea of building muscle, i don’t think i eat enough to gain muscle mass but i’d hate to become bulky. what made me become really focussed again was seeing myself in photos next to my friends. all i can see is the extra meat on my arms, my thighs. my face could be more defined. i hate my ankles, i want them to look tiny and not just normal or athletic. i’ll try and update here more regularly but i always fail to do so, it’s hard to try and summarise my mental state on a regular basis. people say you only have one life but wouldn’t it be so much better if i could live it skinny and beautiful?
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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i will be at least 100 lbs by summer mark my words
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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i am reaching my ugw!! idc abt anything else im so tired of feeling gross. i’ve been softer on myself lately w working a lot i think it’s made me feel like i’m hungrier than i usually am but any time i let up and eat i just feel worse about myself and like i’m getting further from who i rlly wanna be. i feel like i look so fat next to my friends it’s crazy. i don’t think there’s anything wrong w being fat at all but my brain is just stuck feeling terrible. i’m so close rlly but i just need to find that focus again, the motivation i had to lose those first few lbs. i know how gross i look when i eat and greasy/ carb-y food just makes me break out too which adds to how awful i look and feel. i’ll try and update my tumblr a lot more so i feel a bit more accountable again.
today:
- 30g pringles (158 cals)
- 2 tablespoons biscoff spread (176 cals)
- some orange juice (200 cals)
total: 534 cals
i’ve walked a lot today too so hopefully my net cals are lower than that. i want to try and stick under 500 in future and work from there.
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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i hate myself for eating. every time i am weak and i eat all i feel is guilt and self loathing and i feel like i’m failing myself. this is a promise to myself that i will fast, i will restrict, i will exercise self control. i’m so close to my gw and i owe it to myself to make it real, to feel pretty and happier. the sooner i begin, no matter how strict or difficult it might feel at times, the sooner i will feel and see the difference. the feeling of self hate will be drowned out by the sense of pride.
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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i ate
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fuehlemichnichts · 1 year
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as somebody who is nearing her lw/ might be there already rn (have yet to weigh myself again though.. v exciting) i can confidently say the best thinspo is your own weight loss. going from a size s to an xs in my jeans has given me a feral boost in confidence and motivation.
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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sorry for eating that wasnt very the skinniest and prettiest girl in school of me
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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it is kinda true that the more weight you lose the better you feel. the giddiness u feel looking at your hip bones become more prominent, the hollow look of your stomach and the sharpness of your rib cage and collar bones.. your clothes become loose on you and you look effortlessly beautiful. what clothes you have that do fit you, they fit perfectly. you have no uncomfortable fat peeking over your jeans, your body fits into any outfit you like. you get to look at your shadow and feel pleasantly surprised because it looks freakishly small, scarily skinny. people start to comment that they wished they had your waist or your wrists, they start to be kinder to you somehow. you get to feel a weird but deserved sense pride knowing you’re the smallest in the room. maybe i’m crazy but all of that makes the starving, the struggle, the stress all worth it.
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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if u want a cool and easy tip for quick weight loss, just gradually become so stressed out and self hating that ur appetite diminishes pretty much completely! ur ed will have already rlly kicked in full force for u, plus not eating anything at all for a few days here and there will b sure to make ur stomach so unsettled anyways that even when u try and eat bc ur so exhausted that u feel too nauseous to eat anymore than 2 bites! 🤪🤪
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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u know.. i could just never eat forever and ever and be beautiful so easy.. and maybe i’m decently drunk and overly optimistic but i’ll be the absolute thinnest bitch u have ever seen soon. by the end of august my goal is to lose.. 10lbs? get to about 90lbs hopefully. if u have diet posts lmk, sorry this post is a lil unhinged <3
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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sitting here in work at 11.15pm thinking about all the calories i’m not gonna eat tomorrow <3
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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Nirvana backstage in Springfield Massachusetts, 1993
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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ur daughter is not fine she’s on ed tumblr in 2022.
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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absolutely fuck these posts they fully prey on peoples paranoia. literally just fear reblogging. fuck whoever originally made this post x
Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.
I love my mom.
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I am risking nothing
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I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY
Will not risk.
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sorry followers :(
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fuehlemichnichts · 2 years
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i can’t wait to get so skinny that people are clearly concerned about me
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