what   house  are  you  ?

a house with teeth  .        you consume all things around you, taking them in and never letting them out. you've eaten your past self, consumed your doubts, letting them settle somewhere inside you. there is a hungry thing sewn into you and you look forward, always.

tagged by: @cosmicstrength​ ,  thank you ! tagging: steal it !

redemptioninterlude​ ,

Smoke a little; feel it burn. Sookhee’s already feeling a little antsy, but it’s best not to let it show - they love that. Making you uncomfortable… it sits between a power trip and feeling like you deserve it, innocence or not. And in this case, she can’t even be sure they even know or have anything on her - denial is the best defence, at least for now. Have an alibi, hell, have three, make sure you have yourself covered from END TO END when it comes to this business… what other choice do you have? Unless you choose to live as nobody, and to hell with that, she’s already spent too much of her life confined in rooms like this, no sky, no freedom. 

At least she has the cash for this, an emergency reserve that she keeps on hand, killing’s a lucrative business, but who wants to spend all their time doing just that? The cynical, the lost, she’s at least trying, now, realizing how HALLOW AND POINTLESS revenge spells itself. You kill the one who’s killed those that you love, and then, and then? You’re left to your own devices, set and cut loose of the purpose that once fuelled your rage. Adapting is what helps you survive once the strings that controlled you have been loosened. And for her, she finds herself drifting from position to position, she makes just enough, she survives, she soaks in her divine absence from humanity, and carries forward. Maybe something will change; maybe she’ll find herself being the change.

                           But she’ll never know if she’s locked up again.

They’ve stripped her of her freedom before, and called it patriotism. Painted her in blood, and named her brave. Truth was, everyone wants a convenient way to get rid of the people they felt were difficult, and better when you could pretend that it was for some grand cause and purpose. She’s seen it, felt it, lived it, left it. NO WAY IN HELL she’s going to let them catch her now. “Curious? I mean… regardless. I haven’t done anything wrong.” not in her mind, at least. She kills when contacted to get rid of the trash that people like those in here liked to ignore. Those with power, who did bad things tended to always manage to get off the hook, didn’t they? Sometimes you needed someone to pull the trigger for justice. Is that what she is now? Hell if she knew… it’s the closest she feels to redemption, though.

Can you afford me? Is how she translates this woman’s words, the parting of her red lips, that perfect, immaculate application of liner. Can you afford your freedom? Her own part; no laughter, just a dry pause before she nods. “I got your card from someone I trusted dearly. I suspect, whatever you charge will be worthwhile. Given how splashy the arrest, I FEAR I’LL NEED IT. But sometimes this town is more about the appearance than the actuality. I hope it’s all just for show.” and that you aren’t. Time to get started, is it? Down to the brass tacks, to business, to the crafting of a narrative. 

“I was out for a ride on my bike after visiting an art show. I wanted to get a drink by myself before going home.” the stage. “I barely even had my first drink before the arrested me. I think it was around… midnight? I left the show around 11:30, and was having difficulty with my bike along the way.” the set. “It’s new, you see. I was having a hard time figuring out how to get parts of it going. Takes time with a new ride.” distract. “I’d say… everyone at the bar saw? I go sometimes. I know a few regulars, but there were maybe… 12? People in there.” VOILA. “As for what they say I’ve done, even that hasn’t really been explained past the chilling accusation of murder.” and so? “Can you help me?”

- @fatalitc

          they  breathe  fast,  they  cry,  they  sit  there with their throats and eyes burning. It’s an institution for those behind bars, in windowless interview cells. It’s a museum for visitors with no other purpose than to take in the bleach-covered tiles, the charts. And to her kind, a goldmine. So long as you know which case will give you your benefits, the ones you know won’t fall flat on its face. You can’t expect honesty, she is well aware of that. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – plenty of words to call something a myth. But she has waded in dirtier, colder waters before, brought them all tumbling down, inevitably.

A newer client now, and she dimly wonders where it will really lead. Amy runs in the back of her mind, panicking over tapes, realizing that the client hadn’t lied all that well. But she doubts it’s a lie. Evasion, at its worst, but it’s near impossible to get another read on this one.

She crosses her legs, a knee over another. Clothes rustle, the notepad ruffling, her pen clicking, clicking, clicking.

What will you pay for your freedom?

“And I’m not insinuating that you have.” A hand lifts, gesturing at a controlled pace. Best not to seem agitated, it’s crucial to ensure that your client trusts you, after all. More crucial for you to trust the client, but she’ll keep her reservations. Makes it all the more easier to switch her approach. “I meant taping this, for future reference, and analysis.”

No mention of motive. No confession. The interrogation leaves her curious, it’s one part of the discovery that’s classified as yet to be disclosed. The prosecution will have the first copies of the transcript, the tapes, she’s sure. She rifles through the lumpy, yellow parcels, attention briefly directed elsewhere. A tactic, but she’d love to have all the info. The story. No need for nasty surprises in the midst of the trial, is there?

A card from someone. A former client, she guesses, not that she minds. More clients for her, at any rate. Working pro bono for someone carries its risks.

She’d rather not have her reputation marred.

“I usually go with retainers.” Fees. Another headache, but she’ll cut Sookhee some slack. “But we’ll go with standard case billing minus the retainer- which leaves us with a total of fifteen grand, which is liable to increase depending on the development of the case. How’s that sound?”

No room for negotiation. Pagan doesn’t mind retracting herself, no, not all. 

Move, move, she glances down to the files. Six minutes into investigation, and there’s already a R/O insistent on establishing the death over the incident. 

“Where was this art show?” Important, important, it’s there in the file, but it never hurts to verify. Regulars. Around eleven or twelve. She presses her tongue to the roof oh mouth, her head titling down to the notepad. “Tell me a little bit about the bar itself. The name, the location, and so on.”

A regular. She hopes there isn’t a bad reputation of sorts.

“They didn’t have an arrest warrant, nor did they properly explain their reasons, is that correct?”

Was Sookhee seen? Identified for certain? Was she expected there or was there an informant, a snitch? Where is the warrant? Too many missing things, but the uncertainty can be used. Turn this on the prosecution, make it into a federal issue, call it a miscarriage of justice.

            Can you help me? Ah.

“Certainly.” Smile warm, smile bright, Pagan exudes confidence for a brief moment, before steeling herself. “Don’t worry about the verdict.” Worry about how you present yourself. “I’ll be getting back in touch with you when I’ve run an investigation, but — ”

A pause, she lets the room, the quiet, the information sink, sink, sink further in.

“Were you interrogated by the police, and did you tell them anything?”

casketdweller​ ,

“They do, but it’s based entirely on the probability and chance – much like the statistical of say, a surgery or an organ transplant. It’s never consistent, even with the advancement of medicine.” It had made the leaps and bounds that many would consider groundbreaking, but to the renegade shinigami, it was child’s play. “It could be a lie, it could be a truth, but really – it’s all by chance.”

After all – making life from death was precisely what he set out to do.

He glanced to the alleyway, a bit amused, “Humans are creatures of habit. They’ll always find familiar haunting grounds.”

           “  but  you  can  lie  with  statistics. ”  Ah, bright take on this world, but she has been on the other side. The liar. The businesswoman. The inconsistency. She supposes she should feel a bit bitter, and she doesn’t. Pleasant, rather, a change of pace. Light, almost. It’s a conversation outside of the maddening crowds, the cars, the champagne.

“In the case of an organ transplant or lightning, however? Maybe not. That would dismiss progress in the field.”

Habits.

The newspapers scream in bold and italics. Elections, a star’s death, the construction of a government building. He  talks in the way that words can slip between lines. Detached. True. Dark eyes flicker down the street, and to him, yet again.

“It’s irresistible, isn’t it? The return, the want. But not everyone has a choice.”

cosmicstrength​ ,

feeling things meme||  Pagan x Faye

❛ hey, sometimes you gotta kill a guy. ❜ @fatalitc​​​​

The gunfire halted abruptly, her opponent suddenly goes down twitching, ventilated by the shots fired.  The trigger clicks empty .. just in time. She exhales from her concentration, at ease.  A gun fight could only go two ways, after all.  Just as she’s finally taking a breather, and gaining her bearings, she realizes she’s not alone. A voice from behind. Faye’s not usually a jumpy person, but the unexpected presence of another from behind startles her. Her head jerks, instinctively taking aim with her pistol (currently, useless) and in an instant, it becomes apparent to her the woman doesn’t have a gun aimed at her. She didn’t present any danger, or doesn’t appear to. Her shoulders loosen. Faye stands up straight, takes another moment to get a grip, withdrawing her hand. She’s surprisingly quick when it comes to resilience, keeping her cool, or rather, restoring it. Judging by the woman’s lack of any panic or fear upon witnessing a man being shot down right before her, it’s evident she’s no stranger to it either. 

“Didn’t know I had an audience–” her poise recovers, finishing with a hand on her hip. 

        a  not – so – humble  death  in  the  afternoon.  Quite the way to go about your day, no ? A small, small part of her had recoiled in alarm, and another had plastered itself to the windows of her morbid curiosity. Dark eyes dart to the man sprawled in the grapefruit shade, and to the woman ahead in the wide, dull grey street. An altercation, self-defense, something, but that isn’t too uncommon in this area. Unfortunate perhaps, but not something she could care too much about. Pagan smiles, smiles in a way that is clipped and blurred in red. 

“An audience of one,” she clarifies, her head tilting, not yet approaching. Best to be safe than sorry, despite the sheen of mundanity this incident wears. A coat she’ll remove by the end of the day, hand it on the hat stand of her insignificant, dirty secrets. And at least she isn’t on the receiving end of the gun. “But not for long, you’re a quarter-hour away from rush hour.”

And still, her statement stands.

                  You just have to kill a guy at some point.

“And you don’t strike me as the sort to like that kind of attention.”

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) dir. Michel Gondry

@redemptioninterlude​ :  BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you’re supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out.💕💐🎉🎈🎁

Um??? This is so sweet?? I’ll say that you are an incredible writer and you’ve   definitely influenced my writing a fair bit. And it’s absolute delight to see you on my dash and to talk to you. Anyway, thank you for yeeting my soul into the void with this, and I hope your day ( or night ) ahead is wonderful.

Hedy Lamarr as Sandra Kolter in ZIEGFELD GIRL (1941)

vampire bite necklace for the dark academics 🥀

(message me to purchase)

Aye, aye.

@flightofaqrow​​ :  Hey. Hey. Hey. It's been awhile. Just a reminder that it's ALWAYS VINI LOVING HOURS in this heart.

And it’s always Ray Loving Hours in this heart ♡♡♡

@casketdweller​   ,    on the docket .

        “  statistics  has  a  nasty  habit  of  lying,  doesn’t  it  ?  ”  Lies, damned lies and statistics, but even that so-called study could be bogus. There is a ruffle, the newspaper is turned, and her eyes briefly dart up. “I suppose the same goes for when you don’t  literally  mean it.”

A gloved hand gestures down to the rain-swept street, almost empty, but not quite. 

“The same alley continuing to witness muggings after several arrests, for instance.”

Blood is, of course, one of the greatest fashion statements.

Your honour. Members of the jury. Police security man guy. The Defendant. Me. The lady sitting in the fifth row with the weird hat. no I am not stalling for time

𝟻𝟶 𝙳𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙿𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝚀𝚄𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴𝚂  ,  accepting !

@obeysword​ : 19 & 47 !!

19. do they prefer to present themselves more masculine or feminine?

Feminine, not  because out of an obligation for a standard, but simply because she likes expressing herself that way. She doesn’t have anything against presenting herself in a typical masculine way, because as far as she is concerned, it’s a social construct. And you can simply present yourself however the hell you want to.

47. did she ever do something just because she was told a girl couldn’t do it?

Yes.

She had briefly taken to playing the violin around the age of fourteen, simply because her initial interests (albeit lukewarm) in it were dismissed by her father, since he deemed that the piano was more appropriate for a young lady.

Needless to say, a young Pagan Lee did not take that remark too well. She instead set out to on a journey to become an immaculate violinist, with her uncle’s help.

𝟻𝟶 𝙳𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙿𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝚀𝚄𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴𝚂  ,  accepting !

@casketdweller​​ : 4 / 12 / 28 / 31 / 48 / 50

4. has your muse ever struggled with their relationship to womanhood and femininity?

She has had her doubts, and she has struggled with what can be considered an internalized concept of what it takes ‘to be a woman’, and this has caused her to have some body-image issues in the past.

It’s less the problem of being able to connect with her being a  woman, but more the issue of having to accept the restrictions that come with it, as a result. However, she is much comfortable with accepting what she knows will let  her grow how she wants to, and rejecting the rest.

Clothing, certain activities, professions, why not indulge in some pleasures and love yourself a little for being you? It’s not like there ought to be anyone who gets to say what makes you a woman and what doesn’t. 

All in all, she is currently comfortable with who she is, how she is, and with her take on her femininity.

12. does she tend to surround herself with women or men more?  is there a particular reason for one or the other?

Outside of her professional setting, Pagan is frequently found with women from the neighboring areas. While she will take to like-minded company, she doesn’t have so much of an objection with mingling with other women with different opinions. She simply feels more comfortable with them. Most men are kept at a distance, though she does have her friends among them, too.

28. is there a female figure from history, or current times, she looks up to?

She admires Naomi Parker for being a major influence in fashion, and has sometimes attempted to replicate her looks.  Hedy Lamarr’s co-invention of a radio guidance system immediately gained her admiration.

31. if she has a period, how does she tend to deal with it?

Comfort is her first priority. She doesn’t get time to be off her feet, as much as she would like to, so she’s usually armed with hard-boiled candy and an extra pack of Tampax ( the 40s were not known for comfortable or super durable products ).

Pagan makes it a point to keep herself occupied, since cramps aren’t exactly possible to deal with at every other point of the day. She does use the old lemon tea tactic to relieve some of the pain, and might take an extra shower to keep herself feeling more fresh.  

48. what does her relationship with men look like?  how does she view the current state of patriarchy in her time setting?

She gives them a reasonable amount of respect, like you would give any other human being, but will not adhere to their standards. There have been men who expressed an interest in her, but as opposed to cutting them off, or outright entertaining them, she maintains a balanced state that will offer her advantages.   To sum it up, she gives them respect only if they are worthy of it, but she will be more intent on treating them as an equal, professional or otherwise. She will not sacrificing her self-respect, or her dignity, or her beliefs for the sake of the norm.

In other words, fuck patriarchy.

50. give me a headcanon that has to do with their identity, whether it’s gender, sexuality, race or a mix of it all!

While Pagan is of the belief that she is a bisexual ( with a fairly equal preference ), she is still open to exploring other aspects to herself, and how she feels about her sexuality.

She wasn’t entirely accepting of it at first, and was mildly worried about how it would impact her image and safety. However, she has learned to feel more comfortable with it, even if she can’t express herself outright.

50 DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS FOR FEMALE MUSES

note: please feel free to put in the tags if there are any of these you don’t want to be sent when you reblog.  1. does your muse like her name?  has she ever thought of changing it/goes by a nickname? 2. did she have a ‘not like other girls’ phase?  3. for trans muses, what was a defining moment in her coming to terms with her gender identity?  4. has your muse ever struggled with their relationship to womanhood and femininity?  5. if your muse is a woman of color, how does her cultural and racial heritage impact her?  are there gender based traditions she takes part in?  6. also for woc, are there aspects of how her gender intersects with her race that she struggles with?  what parts of it are special to her?  7. for any female muses with a connection to their cultural heritage,  what is something about that heritage and her gender that has always been important to her?  8. how is her relationship with her mother? 9. how is her relationship with her father? 10. if your muse is genderfluid,  what aspects of womanhood do they find joy in? what aspects of it do they have difficulty with or don’t find identity in?  11. how are her relationships with other women?  friendships/familial/romantic etc.  12. does she tend to surround herself with women or men more?  is there a particular reason for one or the other?  13. tell me about an aspect of internalized misogyny she had to tackle unlearning.  14. has she ever faced harassment?  15. is she outspoken about equal rights and feminism? is she intersectional in her feminism?  16. if your muse is queer in any way, talk about how that impacts their view on womanhood?  17. what makes your muse feel the most comfortable in their gender identity?  18. was she raised in a progressive or sexist household? was it more neutral? 19. do they prefer to present themselves more masculine or feminine?  20. for wlw muses, when did they first realize their attraction to other women? did they struggle with this or accept it easily?   21. for wlw muses, did their family accept them when they came out?  22. for wlw muses, how does this impact their relationship to womanhood? 23. for trans muses what is their favorite aspect of being a woman?  24. for trans muses how do they like to present themselves? what gives them the most gender euphoria?  25. for queer women of color, how does their identity intersect with their racial heritage? are there experiences and aspects of it specific to that intersection you want to share? 26. for queer women with specific cultural ties, has it been a point of contention or celebration within their cultural identity?  are there aspects of their queerness that intersect with their heritage?  27. is there a female role model in her life?  28. is there a female figure from history, or current times, she looks up to?  29. does she prefer to be perceived as cute or sexy? does she not want to be viewed on an attraction basis at all?  30. is there a hobby or interest that she was discouraged from pursuing because of her gender? did she continue anyway? 31. if she has a period, how does she tend to deal with it? 33. has the way she dressed ever been influenced by a male gaze, whether it’s trying to deflect OR appeal to it?  34. as a teenager,  did she struggle with feeling competitive with other girls?  were there ever instances of bullying she had to deal with?   35. how does your muse deal with sexism in the workplace?  36. does your muse tend to be confrontational? or do they try to appease and make peace. 37. how do they view motherhood? 38. do they ever overcompensate due to misogynistic stereotypes placed on them?  what does this look like if so?  39. are they particularly attached to their womanhood? or do they feel more indifferent to it.  have they ever struggled to relate to women around them? 40. if your muse is neurodivergent, how does this impact their relationship to gender and sexuality?  41. for neurodivergent muses, was their diagnosis delayed because of how they present?  42. for neurodivergent muses, are they self diagnosed or did they seek a medical opinion? if so, did they have to deal with misogyny from medical staff?  43. for neurodivergent muses, what aspects of womanhood do they identify with most? what aspects of traditional ideas of gender do they struggle to understand/relate to?  44. for neurodivergent muses, were they ever ridiculed for their behaviors because it wasn’t deemed “ladylike”? how did they respond?  45. for neurodivergent muses of color, how did these two aspects of their identity intersect?  any experiences you want to share? 46. are there any female fictional characters she idolizes?  47. did she ever do something just because she was told a girl couldn’t do it? 48. what does her relationship with men look like?  how does she view the current state of patriarchy in her time setting?  49. if your muse dates men, what is their process of vetting them?  do they have a checklist of things to look for to decide whether or not they’re safe?  any kind of tests or questions they use to make a judgement.  50. give me a headcanon that has to do with their identity, whether it’s gender, sexuality, race or a mix of it all!