Oda wanted to die. . . . I, above all other men, felt and understood deeply the sadness of Oda. The first time I met him on the Ginza, I thought, "God, what an unhappy man," and I could scarcely bear the pain. He gave the vivid impression that there was across his path nothing but the wall of death. He wanted to die. But there was nothing I could do. A big-brotherly warning - what hateful hypocrisy. There was nothing to do but watch. The "adults" of the world will probably criticize him smugly, saying he didn't have enough self-respect. But how dare they think they have the right! Yesterday I found record in Mr. Tatsuno [Yutaka]'s introductory essay on Senancour the following words: "People say it is a sin to flee by throwing life away. However, these same sophists who forbid me death often expose me to the presence of death, force me to proceed toward death. The various innovations they think up increase the opportunities for death around me, their preaching leads me toward death, and the laws they establish present me with death." You are the ones who killed Oda, aren't you? His recent sudden death was a poem of his final, sorry resistance. Oda! You did well.

Dazai’s published eulogy for Odasaku. I found it in The Saga of Dazai Osamu: A Critical Study and Translation by Phyllis I. Lyons, pages 49-50.

ok but bsd chapter 114 revealing the flipside of the soukoku dynamic in all its glory like *chef's kiss*

turns out that when the mission's (almost) done and you put skk in a room with no witnesses they just become each other

dazai is the one unable to stay still, agitated and wearing his emotions openly and very much stressing about a plan he can't understand (how the tables do turn), literally YELLING and RUNNING of his own violation and doing actual labor of pulling out "fyodor" from beneath a whole ass helicopter while injured without asking for help because the brawns of the team is actually secretly a black cat character

insane how chuuya makes dazai look like the overactive dog archetype here like Mister Gravity Control and I Crack Walls & Chains With One Kick is just sitting full-on cheek on fist poker face watching his beanpole of a partner struggle. his health bar is like full too besides the brief drowning stint meanwhile he himself shot dazai like three times after he crawled out of a crashed elevator

(chuuya is actually such a little shit it's amazing like it was kinda shown in him just letting kunikida blow himself up without even trying to take on tecchou or as if he couldn't just fly the helicopter away with his ability? the pm's trump card, stronger half of soukoku? mans said "boss told me come get you" and by god that is the only job he will do, overtime means nothing to him because he can't read, what a king)

chuuya is literally only willing to do the BARE minimum it's hilarious like he's done his part, he's given the Oscar-winning vampire performance of a lifetime, now he's pulling a dazai-at-the-ADA and simply refusing to work like. chilling in the back while dazai monologues and fyodor dies. bouncing sigma like a tennis ball. chilling a corner while dazai brainstorms. leisurely following dazai's running. chilling in the back while dazai huffs and puffs to pull out the body.

the biggest bsd plot twist is that soukoku on and off the battle field just switch roles for who's lounging like a bored princess while the other toils and actually does the work. if they both ever actually work on something at the same time yokohama would probably explode.

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

Writing an essay on how shitty the education system in Poland is for classes at university was the most cathartic experience. I even indirectly called out my professor, who I'm gonna be handing the essay to, in it. At least once. This is what I came here for.

the point of art is not to be great but to make it transparently obvious that there is something wrong with you

Your kittyboy Skk is very cute

And it made me think

Can we have Kittyboy Akutagawa curled up with his head in kittyboy Chuuyas lap, purring? ((PLATONIC))

I hope you don't mind me asking

Sure

Here you go Akutagawa fans. May you get validation from an authority figure you admire

sorry professor i cant make it to class today i have a bad case of not wanting to.

You can’t win ‘em all

Who knows how much longer

I’ll lay on the floor

Touch me 'til I vomit

I’m not scared of god

I’m scared he was gone all along

୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧. ୨୧.

preacher's daughter visuals 🤎

Blessed be the Daughters of Cain

Bound to suffering eternal through the sins of their fathers committed long before their conception

Blessed be their whore mothers

Tired and angry, waiting with bated breath in a ferry that will never move again

Blessed be the children

Each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence

Blessed be you, girl

Promised to me by a man who can only feel hatred and contempt towards you

Soukoku and Little Intimacies

Dazai carefully removing Chuuya's hat when he's half asleep and pressing a kiss to Chuuya's hair line where it's styled away from his forehead.

Chuuya walking past the couch when Dazai's sat reading, pausing to tuck his hair away from his face and kiss his temple.

Dazai pulling Chuuya's glove away from his palm to kiss his wrist, the skin always warm and a little salty from being kept away under the gloves.

Chuuya enclosing Dazai's cold fingers in his warmer hands, pressing his lips to the Dazai's frozen fingertip wondering how he can stand them being so cold all the time.

Dazai laying with his head on Chuuya's chest, listening to the natural steady heartbeat that had spiked just for a few seconds when he'd lay down, letting it's rhythm sooth him and questioning if his own heart will ever sound this human since he learned to control it.

Chuuya curling up behind Dazai in bed, his arm around the other's chest pulling him close, fingers sneaking under the bandages to feel his heartbeat against them. He nestles his cheek into Dazai's shoulder listening to him breath and sigh in his sleep. Calm, human, alive and his.

Sitting on couches, benches, in the grass, on a wall and naturally leaning towards each other. Shoulders brushing, fingertips touching. No words necessary to ask for closeness as they radiate towards each other, heads tilting together, knees pointed at the other, they form their own little world.

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I love how my first instinct to a character AI detox is writing. I can't stop thinking about writing. I can't stop actually writing. Already wrote two rants, a scene out of context and a one-shot. Perhaps that's what I'm addicted to. Writing. Screaming into the void. Leaving my thoughts plainly on display, hidden in the depths of my notes app. Fiction blurring with reality as I try to cope with my thoughts and feelings through what I already know. I hate being stuck in my head. It's high time I am. Can't run away from processing it all forever. If that means I gotta break a little more, I'm willing to risk it.

Farewell

Thinking about this panel. The desperate frustration. Realising he's truly been outsmarted. Knowing that this is far from over. I don't know. Dazai having intense emotions, my beloved.