my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

i'm making my partner, who is a 39-year-old man with very little knowledge of Twilight, watch Twilight. i will be adding things he says over stills from the film.

Write a horror story in the format of an Internet search history

when i die i hope i come back as a beautiful microscopic granule of sand

has anyone else noticed that we must go on

Jonathan, between meals probably: “Are you sure I’m meant to eat an entire garlic bulb as a palate cleanser?”

The locals, sweating, trying their best to low-key vampire-proof this boy: “Yes. Absolutely. Very traditional.”

yknow what? i’m done *turns into this and never comes back*

🌿 Gardenfolk Grab Bags are live 🌿

(Apparently they were live all night because I published the listing instead of saving it for later lol, thanks to the peeps who snagged one overnight)

Just six gardenfolk types for now, but please let me know if you have a favorite type you'd like added in the future!

what the hell ever. swamp rabbit ^

hey everyone it's been 15 years since twilight. taylor lautner is married to taylor lautner. robert pattinson is a fucking bird. and kristen stewart is doing the dykiest photoshoot imaginable for a rolling stone magazine cover.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏᴏᴅꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ꜱᴡᴀʟʟᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʜᴏʟᴇ

Oh and if literal grass-touching IS viable, I also advocate for touching invasive grass. Many parks in the US have invasive plant removal volunteer work days. You get some air and some exercise and you can talk to other volunteers if you want or you can just march off into the trees on your own and start wreaking havoc with various hand tools. If you want to do something that is both useful AND destructive, I have found nothing better

Another room. Another attic. Another hall. When can I leave?