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evendeadlmthehero · 3 years

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Looking at the Past

Summary: Loki gets captured by the TVA and gets to see his past were he finds out that he had a lover; you.

A/N: so I watched the first episode of Loki and it inspired me to get out of my writers block and write a story about Loki looking back at his past and sees someone that loved him. So trigger warning VERY EMOTIONAL AND LOKI EPISODE 1 SPOILERS

Loki had never felt so far away from the concept of control until now. He never felt so lost, so helpless and so purposeless until he stepped foot in the TVA. He hated the feeling, he hated feeling this way, he hated the Avengers but most of all, Loki hated himself.

At first, he thought it was a joke. That this place was all a front, that he was a God and a God was the most powerful being. However, after visiting Casey and finding the multitude of infinity stones used as paper weight, he realised that the TVA was no joke. The TVA was in fact the keepers of time and all the choices his made were choices that was already written.

Except him running away of course.

Loki looked at the projector that was playing before, paused on all the Avengers. A thought had slowly crept into his brain. The thought of looking at his whole life. He shuddered at the thought. He was scared. Mobius had told him his life purpose was to create pain and suffering for others so that they can achieve the best version of themselves. Had that been true? Was his whole life just pain and suffering? Had his life been a meaningless void filled to aid others to the betterment of themselves while he crumbled to nothingness?

Loki let out a sigh, thinking to himself how he might as well see how horrible his life was. He sat down on the metal chair, letting out a breath. His shaky hand went to the player, fast forwarding it to his mother’s death. The death that he had caused.

A single tear rolled down his cheek as he realised that his mother’s death was on him. He never thought Mobius was telling truth, that he was lying to manipulate Loki. But the infinity stones in Casey’s drawers had reminded him about the awful fact that he did indeed kill his mother. He was the reason why his mother had died. In an effort to gain control of his life, he lost the one thing that mattered to him the most; his mother.

He fast forwarded it but paused when he saw an familiar face, your familiar face. He was confused, you were the one who fought against him with the Avengers, why did you show up again? Did he come back to Earth?

“Loki, you are not responsible for your mother’s death,” you spoke, walking around to face him. He could see the skyline behind you, realising it was the Avenger’s Tower. Apparently he had returned to Earth after his mother’s demise.

“I led them to her!” He heard himself yell, chucking a glass. But you didn’t flinch. “I led them to her! I killed her!”

He watched as you walked closer to him, grabbing his hand. “You were in your lowest state, vulnerable to your weakest intuition. Your father had imprisoned you. Even though someone had been torturing you to do the things you had to do to New York.”

Loki flinched at that. Were you guys that close that he told you his deepest darkest secret? About how Thanos had tortured him and imprisoned him to get the other infinity stones?

“How did you know about that?” Loki yelled at you.

Apparently not.

“Because I can tell when someone has been tortured and manipulated by monsters,” you replied back in a calm voice, your eyes tearing up. “I know Loki. I know how it feels to helpless, to feel lost and unwanted and-“

Loki stopped it, his breath trembling. He fast forwarded it, not wanting to hear anything else as more tears fell down his face. He paused again, seeing a provocative image fill the screen and his veins filled with curiosity.

“Loki,” he heard your voice moan. He watched on as he saw himself not fucking you, but making love to you. He watched himself, his eyes filled with love and adoration at yourself.

He watched as your bodies molded together so perfectly, how you were both moving in synchrony. He watched as none of you broke eye contact, as both of you moaned in pure bliss.

“I love you,” he heard himself tell you. Something he never realised he would ever tell anyone. And by the vulnerability in his eyes, he knew future him had a hard time even saying it. He looked at you as if he was scared he had frightened you, as if those words had pushed you away.

But it didn’t. It had made your bright and beautiful smile broaden even more.

“I love you too.”

He let out a breath, not stopping himself from crying this time. Had he finally found someone who loved him for himself? Had he really been that lucky? He paused it again, looking at you. How your eyes looked at his. How calming and serene you two looked together.

He fast forwarded.

“How could you do that!” He heard himself screaming at you. Your face was in tears, looking back at him. “How could you be so idiotic, I told you to go back!”

“Why are you so mad, I’m still alive aren’t I?” You yelled back, clutching your stomach.

“Barely! God you humans are so daft!” He yelled back at you, his hands brushing his hair back. “Humans are so fucking daft and fucking pathetic!”

“Oh I’m sorry God Almighty, forgot you were immortal!” You yelled back, letting out a groan as your stomach was fighting against your screaming. “I’ll take the thank you later.”

“Thank you? Thank you!” Loki yelled back at you. “That weapon would’ve barely scratched me! You didn’t need to risk your life to stop it! You didn’t need to almost die just so you get to play hero and-“

“Don’t you understand that I can’t lose you!” He heard you scream louder than ever before, making him go silent. You let out a sob, shaking your head. “You’re the only- only good thing that has ever happened to me. And and- fuck, it scares me how much I love you. I love you Loki Laufeyson. I love you so much that I’d go through hell and back just to make you smile even if it meant I wasn’t alive to see it!”

Loki paused the video, letting out a sob before shaking his head. He couldn’t even fathom it. He thought he was an unlovable monster. Yet it seemed that you were blind to all of it.

He fast forward.

“I bought you a house,” Loki heard himself again.

You two were lying on bed, looking like you were in a private room on a spaceship. Both of you cuddling under the the sheets, Loki’s fingers drawing shapes on your skin.

You laughed at him, not taking him serious. But his face didn’t change, stopping your laugh. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“Mhmm,” Loki replied back kissing your knuckles. You giggled at him, and Loki’s smile widened at your laugh. Even the Loki who watched on felt himself smiling at the sound of your voice giggling.

“And how did you get the money?”

“A god doesn’t pay.” Loki replied, laughing as you slapped him in the arm.

“Where’s the house? On Asgard?” You replied back jokingly. “How convenient for you, it’s in ashes now.”

“Earth.” Loki pushed your hair back. You looked at him in disbelief.

“Earth?” You questioned him, your face in bewilderment. “I thought you hated Earth, which is why we decided to visit Asgard instead.”

“But you love it,” Loki replied back, kissing your forehead. “And if you love it, then that’s enough for me.”

Loki fast forwarded it, unable to handle it watching it anymore. He needed to see how this played out. So he went to the end.

The hairs in his forearm rose as he stood up from his seat at the site of Thanos. He felt a cold shiver run down his spine, your bloodied face in the back.

“Please,” he heard you wheeze out, tears uncontrollably running down your face. You tried crawling over to Thanos, trying to find mercy within the Titan. “Please.”

“I am feeling generous today,” The Titan said with a smile before picking up Loki by the neck.

“No!” He heard you scream. It was as if all the energy in your body came out all at once as you got up to run, only to be locked down by pieces of metal from one of the children of Thanos. “No! Let him go please!”

“So I’ll only kill you, and I’ll spare your brother and the girl,” Thanos said, before snapping his neck.

Loki let out a deep breath, his whole body shaking. He heard you scream in agony, a shriek that can only be described as a mother losing a child to war. He watched as you flung your body on him, trying to protect him from the explosion of the ship. He watched as Thor begged you to leave, but you yelling that you weren’t going to leave him alone, that he was not dying alone. And then he watched on as the words ‘End of File’ were etched on the screen.

Loki shook his head, before he started laughing. Laughing at himself. Laughing at his life. Laughing at how just as life was getting better for himself, just as he started making amends, he died.

“What's so funny?” He heard a voice say behind him. Loki smirked, turning around. The women looked at him weirdly, his face all tear stricken.

“Glorious purpose.”

•

“Loki?” Mobius called out to Loki who was sitting down, his hands on his face with the tesseract next to him. “Nowhere left to run.”

“I can't go back, can I? Back to my timeline?” Loki asked, feeling helpless. Feeling sad. Sad because he will never have a story with you, a life with you. “I don't enjoy hurting people. I- I don't enjoy it. I do it because I have to, because I've had to.”

Mobius slowly walked over to Loki, feeling a bit more motivated now that Loki was opening up to him more. “Okay, explain that to me.”

“Because it's part of the illusion,” Loki explained, letting out a sigh. “It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear.”

“A desperate play for control,” Mobius finished for him, a smile tugging on the corner of his lips. “You do know yourself.”

“A villain,” Loki scoffed. Mobius shook his head.

“That's not how I see it.” He then looked at the tesseract that was near Loki. “You try to use that?”

“Oh, several times,” Loki laughed, looking at the tesseract with now lost interest. Men and women have died for this. Have started wars for this. Yet compared to the sacred timeline, these stones were toys. “Even an Infinity Stone is useless here. The TVA is formidable.”

“That's been my experience.” Mobius peeked an eye on Loki, feeling sympathetic. He let out a sigh. “Listen, I can't offer you salvation, but maybe I can offer you something better. A fugitive Variant's been killing our Minutemen.”

“And you need the God of Mischief to help you stop him?” Loki had asked him.

“That's right.”

“Why me?” Loki asked confusedly, arching an eyebrow.

“Because the Variant we're hunting,” he paused, looking Loki in the eye.

“Is Y/N”

•

You let out a breath, watching the minute men as they walked out of the portal. You hid back in the darkness, looking as the scene played out in front of you.

“I think some jackass found himself a time machine, came back here to get rich,” one of them spoke. You let out a small laugh, shaking your head at their laziness. The TVA might be powerful, but god their workers were indolent.

“Should we fan out and look for him, sir?” A smarter minute man asked.

“Nah. It's not worth the paperwork.” The minute man turned around, looking at the other worker. “Just prune it. Let's bail. Set a charge.”

The minuteman was about to set the charge but before he did, he made eye contact with you. You raised a hand up, purple light seeping through your fingers. “Wait. Someone's out there.”

“Who are you!” The minute men spoke, pointing their weapon at you. You know walked towards them, a little coy smile on your lips.

“I’ll make this easy for you guys.” You pointed at the device. “I want that. Give it to me, and I’ll spare you.”

“No you can’t just walk in here and-“

“Fine,” you sighed, rolling your eyes. Your finger lit up an even brighter purple spark, before pointing it towards the oil and lighting it up in flames.

You watched as the minute men burned into flames, slight twinge of guilt seeping through your veins. The Avengers would be so disappointed in you. But that thought disappeared as soon as it came to your head. You wanted Loki back, no matter what the cost.

You would walk to hell and back just to see him smile.

So you walked over to the device, picking it up before transforming back into your true form. The form you took after the final battle against Thanos. The form you took after you snapped your fingers, after taking the gauntlet. You didn’t care if you died when you wore the infinity gauntlet, you already lost Loki. But you didn’t died. Instead…

You became the Infinity Witch.

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