bass makes a dollar. i make a dime. that's why i think about lesbian sex on company time

losing my mind at this

alternative means of income

save me winter elliott stardew valley... winter elliott stardew valley save me......

Reddit makes dumb decision -> I finally decide to check out Tumblr -> meet cool people on the 196 tag and become mutuals -> I discover one of them lives in Aus too -> I fly like 1000km and we fuck and cuddle

marriage proposal no mermaid pendant required

the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be killed on sight

I got this dialog for the first time so naturally I had to go and look what the hell was in there

Between this and the fact his room is full of pictures of half naked dudes and muscle magazines... like the boy is just gay

What if I was a Catholic Nun who was in love with Satan and you were Jesus and we made out sloppy style?

And we were both Girls?

being good friends with evelyn and george but barely knowing alex is so funny. like bro i didnt call for you put your grandparents on the phone i have a recipe to swap with granny and a news broadcast to complain about with peepaw

You order a package off Amazon. When the Amazon delivery guy shows up to your door, instead of giving you the package you bought, he beats the shit out of you. Then, when he sees that you are not dead yet, he calls all of the Amazon delivery people in the area and they all proceed to beat the shit out of you. Miraculously, you survive. Another miracle: a friend in your neighborhood caught the assault on video. After a month of recovery and extensive hospital bills that you have no idea what to do with, the video has gone viral. You read the comments below. “This is what happens to people who fuck with Amazon!!!” Someone says. “I’ve never been beaten up by Amazon employees, and I’ve been using them all my life!” Someone else comments. Later, you start to see articles popping up about your story. They all mention that when you were 17, your license was revoked for reckless driving. In a Facebook post on your mom’s feed, someone is going on a rant about how not all Amazon delivery guys are bad, and that if you look really close, the “bad” ones are just stressed out. Your name is trending on Twitter. Jeff Bezos films a response to your attack, denouncing the video of you getting beaten to within an inch of your life by his employees as becoming “a symbol of hate towards Amazon.” The people who attacked you still deliver packages around your neighborhood. You saw one of them just yesterday as you were watering your plants. You still can’t pay your hospital bills. Your phone dings- Twitter again. “Maybe if you didn’t order from Amazon,” someone pipes up, “this wouldn’t have happened!”

in the stripped club. straight up "jorking it". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. yuor arms off