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epiclamer · 5 hours

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This is the post you all have voted for… (i settled for smutty hurt x comfort since you guys were so close)

@save-the-villainous-cat happy two year anniversary baby <3

It wasn’t the end of the world, Villain had been injured in battle countless times before and it was never a problem. But, god, there was so much blood.

They weren’t a very optimistic person by nature, but things had never looked worse for them than at this precise moment. Stumbling blindly through friendly, neighbourhood complexes and past steadily blurring townhouses. Villain could practically feel their demise impending.

“Hey there, stranger~” The criminal gulped, eyes shooting around like a cornered animal looking for an escape. “You’re in pretty rough shape to be standing on two feet…”

Their eyes locked in on a figure—somewhere at the back of their mind they were flooded with a sensation of ease, though they couldn’t quite pinpoint why. They continued to stumble forwards and practically into the stranger’s arms anyways, for whatever reason it felt right.

“Easy— Easy there, Villain… just relax I’ve got you, I’ll take good care of you, huh?”

Warmth spread through the criminal’s mind at the sound of the other’s voice, then down into their muscles before seeping deep to their bones. They blinked and when they opened their eyes again they were laying in a tub, their feet resting at the tap where hot water poured down and into the bath.

For a moment they panicked, but a hand found its way to their shoulder and grounded them back to the present. They knew that hand, they knew that touch.

Hero.

“I’ve got you, baby~” They teased, grinning from ear to ear as they fiddled with the temperature to the water with their free hand.

It all came rushing back to the villain; the fight they had picked with their superior—on purpose—and whatever hope they had left dragging their feet to the hero’s house in a desperate attempt for attention survival.

Hero’s touch was warm where it laid by their collarbone, heating the skin to a feverish degree as it began stitching the villain back together. See, Hero’s powers only worked through touch (something the villain had learned a very long time ago purely on accident), but as much as their touch held only kindness, it did not extend to their healing abilities.

Because, god, did it ever hurt. Painful in some sick and horribly pleasurable way that Villain couldn’t seem to stop craving.

Their collarbone snapped back into place, the bone mending itself back together and their eyes flew open along with the sob that was wrenched from their throat. They flailed, partially to escape the hero’s torturous touch, partially to fall further into their grasp.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay… deep breaths remember?” The crime-stopper’s hand moved down their chest, giving their upper half the gift of a breath as they pained the rest of them.

The villain’s relief was only present for a fleeting moment, as they felt the hero’s fingertips trace the edges of the gash to their chest. Already the ripped skin pulled taught and their torn muscles seized up, under command of the other’s touch.

Villain knew what was coming.

They squirmed, the bath water submerging their legs in its warm embrace, Hero’s hand teasing at their wound, they couldn’t help but try and pull away. “Please—”

The hero shushed them, bringing their free hand to cup the villain’s chin. “I’ll be quick, I promise.” They pressed their hand flat against the gaping hole that should have been the villain’s abdomen, jolting them.

Villain screamed, it was dry and rugged, they recoiled from their nemesis but the only other thing there to hold them was the bath water. “Please, H-Hero, please—” Three more seconds and the criminal was sure to pass out.

Then it stopped. Before the villain could beg again, before they could lose consciousness, the pain stopped.

Cautiously, the villain’s eyes fluttered open, their enemy smiled sweetly back, fingertips now tracing the completely untouched abdomen of the villain’s. They looked normal, they looked okay, even after everything the hero had managed to restore them to their previous glory.

“You okay, gorgeous?”

Villain’s eyes met the hero’s once more, they were gentle yet somewhat mischievous. They nodded, brain completely fogged, maybe from the pain, most likely from the hero’s distracting gaze.

The area still pulsed with the ghost of a previous slash, but there was nothing, just the heat from the hero’s hands. It left a sweet aftertaste on their exhausted mind.

“Think you can handle another round tonight?” They waggled their eyebrows in emphasis, removing one hand to shut off the water to the bath as it began to cover the villain’s stomach.

Villain glared, but only for a moment, some of their usual snideness returning to their demeanour. “Can y-you be a little nicer?”

Hero hummed, eyes glued to their own hands as they made their way down to the inside of the criminal’s thighs, their hands beginning to resume their previous healing glow even under the water. “Really? I thought you liked it rough?”

The villain’s cheeks turned red, but they didn’t have time to retort before the hero placed their hands back against their skin and shut them up with a moan.

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epiclamer · 2 days

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Anytime 🫡

Hey if anyone is ever looking for a fun whump idea, please note that jumping from a height, landing in a squat, puts a TON of pressure on your ankles and knees so if your whumpee is escaping by jumping from a high height, the next morning walking, climbing, jumping, running, will be next to impossible or just horribly painful!

#OWWWW #I AM IN P A I N #I BOUGHT SOME KT TAPE TO HELP #BUT IM ACTUALLY DYING #epiclamer

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epiclamer · 3 days

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The duality of a man (me)

#SOMEBODY SEDATE ME #😭😭😭😭😭#GET RID OF ME #ARGH #WHAT THE HELL ME #no writing

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epiclamer · 3 days

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Hey if anyone is ever looking for a fun whump idea, please note that jumping from a height, landing in a squat, puts a TON of pressure on your ankles and knees so if your whumpee is escaping by jumping from a high height, the next morning walking, climbing, jumping, running, will be next to impossible or just horribly painful!

#smileys #my knees hurt rn #no writing #hero x villain #whump #whumpee #whumper

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epiclamer · 6 days

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hi you're amazing thank you for being the catalyst to my writing hobby and motivation to continue my wips when i feel horrible

take care:))

Awww thank you so much!!! I really appreciate it!!! And keep working on your writing! Sometimes it gets difficult but that doesn’t mean you have to stop, it just means you need some encouragement or a new source of inspiration!! You’ve got this!!

#no writing #thats very kind of you thank you—

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epiclamer · 6 days

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“I wish we could start over.” Civilian mumbled through tears, trying to earn themselves one more look from their hero ex-lover, but Villain saw right through them.

Protectively, they wrapped an arm around the crime-stopper’s deflated shoulders, before they retorted.

“You don’t deserve a second chance.”

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epiclamer · 14 days

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Hero shot up, the first thing they knew was that they couldn’t breathe, the second was that it was because they were vomiting. Or, at least, their body was trying to.

They keeled over the side of their bed, clutching their spasming abdomen with one hand while the other held desperately onto the mattress. Their blanket swamped their legs, their shirt was glued to their back with sweat, and their hair was plastered to their burning forehead.

Again, they couldn’t breathe, every muscle in their body squeezed relentlessly as it tried to rid itself of the contents of their stomach. They gagged, shook, and breathed, then the cycle repeated itself. Over and over again, Hero hadn’t even realized it, but they were begging.

Please, please, please, please—

Begging someone or something to save them, to stop this. They convulsed again, eyes rolling back, mouth open, but nothing came of it.

Eventually—after another thirty seconds or so—it stopped. Hero wheezed, their whole body was sickly cold and yet somehow also sweaty, their head was reeling and they couldn’t hold themselves up anymore, they just collapsed.

They had expected to hit the ground head first with a thud, their grip on the mattress was loose and they knew what was in store for them, instead, two arms swooped them up before they could collide, pulling them in close to the stranger’s chest. Hero’s first instinct was to pull away, fight, claw themselves out, but then they recognized this feeling, those arms, and that chest.

“Villain?”

The light on their nightstand flicked to life with a dim yellow glow and with a good twist of their neck Hero could see their nemesis as clear as day.

“Hey, Hero.”

Unwillingly, the hero’s body relaxed, practically melting into the criminal’s arms as they were hauled back up to their bed. Once they could see the villain again, Hero noted the sad smile they were sporting. They looked tired, definitely not as tired as the hero did, but there were bags under their eyes nonetheless.

What time was it anyways? Hero turned to check their alarm clock, it was four in the morning. What the hell was Villain doing in their house?

“Do you know what… that was?”

Hero startled out of their thoughts, eyes meeting the villain’s once more. They nodded, slowly but surely and with some weird ever-growing shame gnawing at their gut. “Nightmare.”

The villain let out a small chuckle, “That is what your nightmares look like?” Their expression however was one of fear.

They nodded, their nightmares had just been getting worse and worse lately there was no use trying to hide it. For whatever reason Hero hoped that being honest would get them some comfort from their lifelong enemy.

A silly thought at best and utterly ridiculous at worst.

Villain pulled the blanket up to Hero’s shoulders, tucking them in carefully. “Are they all like that? Or are some just worse than others?”

“It depends, yeah. This one was one of the more… difficult ones.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” It came out faster than the Hero had expected, almost like the villain had been keeping it on the tip of their tongue this whole time.

The villain’s eyes met the hero’s once more, they locked and finally Hero could see that their nemesis was actually worried. Not scared, or sad, or tired, it was worry. Hero had to fight to keep down whatever emotion bubbled up at the thought of someone actually caring enough to worry about them.

“It’s just violence. Senseless killing, or running from being killed, or chasing after someone to kill.” Their cheeks burnt up in shame, they were a hero, they weren’t supposed to have dreams like these.

They must’ve been deranged, it was the only plausible answer. Heroes were peace-keepers, not killers, clearly, their subconscious hadn’t gotten the memo.

“I’m sorry.”

Hero’s thoughts skidded to a halt. What.

“I’m sorry.” The villain repeated, placing both of their hands against the blanket as if they could read the hero’s mind. “That sounds terrible. I-I can’t imagine what it feels like…” They trailed off, somewhat lost in thought.

Hero’s stomach clenched again, this time out of pure nerves. The worst part of this was that the villain seemed so genuine; Hero was smart enough to know they didn’t deserve that.

“You should really be apologizing for breaking into my house—” They chuckled and even though it was a last-ditch attempt to lighten to mood it seemed to have worked.

Villain scrunched their nose in response, shooting a glance over their shoulder at the pile of notes they had been filing through just a moment ago. Suddenly coming back to the current situation and the realization of what they were doing—caressing their nemesis in bed.

They stepped back and Hero shot up, reaching for the villain before they could stop and think. Tears welled up in their eyes, their breath quickened, the horrible thought of being alone again to manage their own dreams struck them like a blow to the head.

“Wait, wait, wait, please— please stay, Villain please don’t leave me—” They were blubbering, they could feel it, but it didn’t matter; they were desperate. “Please, just stay for one night, please…”

Villain only thought about it for a second, they didn’t need any more time to decide to crawl under the duvet.

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epiclamer · 14 days

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#helpppp meeee #scheduled post today btw #real #no writing #hero x villain

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epiclamer · 15 days

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I DID NOT.

I SAID “the noises my husband makes WHEN HE TALKS”. WHEN HE TALKS. WHEN I TALK.

Do u like maneskin? :3

“You should say: ‘My favourite noises are the noises my husband makes.’”

-epiclamer

In other words: not really a fan. Some songs slap.

#STOPPPPPPP #GUYS PLEASE #no writing #😭😭😭😭

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epiclamer · 18 days

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I’m the ginger 😭😭😭😭

you and epic clammer were in my dream last night and y’all were lecturing me about the dangers of pneumonia.

also you were ginger.

HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK ABOUT US??? AND I AM NOT GINGER!!!!

@epiclamer

#pneumonia is scary fr #no writing

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epiclamer · 21 days

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ITS TRUE. YOU JUST DON’T SEE IT 😭😭😭

HELP imagine being a hero and thrn finding out that your Super Scary And Intimidating™ rival is falling for you pathetically like why r u such a dork . what a loser -🐏

Yeah basically Epiclamer he told me yesterday that I AM OUT OF HIS LEAGUE LIKE WTF

He’s a loser but I love that about him tbh

#ahhh #ima loser for my wife #no writing

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epiclamer · 21 days

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More flirty villain x flustered hero i know i know, you’re all fed up I get it.

‘Click’

Hero froze, whole body going rigid in under a second at the sound coming from behind them. Gingerly they began to raise their hands into the air, bringing them to their ears before they even considered turning around.

Slowly, the hero twisted to see their assailant; the villain’s signature sweet smile and the barrel of a gun were the only two things to greet their gaze.

“Hello, Hero~”

“Villain.” They choked out, face already going hot.

The criminal eyed them up and down, dissecting them, undressing them. Something the hero had guiltily enjoyed far too many times before.

“Long time no see.” Villain grinned, licking their lips like they were going to devour the hero any second now.

Hero cleared their throat, but it didn’t help ease the nervous knot in their voice. “Indeed.”

The villain’s eyes raked down the hero’s body hungrily. “I see you’re still wearing the same clothes from our last encounter… is that because you think it’s attractive to be dirty or because you don’t have a choice?”

“Are you always so intensely focused on my fashion choices?” Hero squeaked, beginning to sweat. Villain’s eyes always somehow managed to send their interior heater to blast.

“Mmm, no. Rather what you hide underneath.”

The hero almost fumbled over their own tongue. “I’m undercover—”

Villain raised a brow, studying the way the hero anxiously gnawed on their lip and how their eyes kept flicking over to the door behind them. “As am I, but somehow I still manage to change…”

Hero attempted to clear their throat again, almost choking on their spluttering breath this time around. “Superhero and I— We, have both been very… preoccupied, they don’t have time to go clothes shopping.”

“Hmm…” The villain began to circle the bed that separated the pair from each other until they were face to face. Or, at least, face-gun-to-face. “Well, that just won’t do, now will it?”

Before the crime-stopper could even think of a response the villain switched the safety off their pistol, with another silence-inducing ‘click’.

“Strip.”

Hero’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me?”

A smug smirk made its way to the villain’s lips. “I said; strip.”

In any other of the hero and villain’s private encounters the entire ordeal would be done buck naked. But, this was business, this whole trip was for business and Villain was not upholding their part in professionalism.

That, however, did not stop the hero from unbuttoning their shirt, their pants, and from shedding all their top layers into a pile on the floor next to them in a measly few seconds.

It was a laughably fast transformation. Yet, that seemed to be one of the villain’s favourite things about the hero, their obedience.

The villain hummed, stepping back towards the desk in the corner as they rummaged, barely holding the hero at gun point anymore. Their hand emerged with two zip ties, and their face wore a triumphant smile.

Tossing the pair of plastic ties to their nemesis, the villain gestured towards the closet with their weapon. “I won’t have someone as high-ranking as the Superhero, embarrass my enemy this week because of their own laziness.”

Hero swallowed, hard, their signature splotchy blush climbing its way up their body as they stepped towards and then into the closet, both zip-ties in hand.

“But, I will admit this is partially for my own enjoyment as well.” They smirked and Hero could practically feel the way Villain’s eyes traced their every curve.

“You wouldn’t need a detective to find that out.” Hero snorted, the first plastic tie was easy to snap onto their wrist and then around the rack to secure their arm above their head. The second one however, had the villain dropping their gun to their holster to help.

“Mmm, funny. I’ve always liked that about you.” Villain spoke, tightening the zip-ties all the way to the beam above.

The criminal’s lips just barely ghosted across the hero’s neck, and then up their jaw until they were able to press a feather light kiss to the other’s lips. They watched as the hero pressed for more, but they pulled back, hands fluttering across the hero’s bare torso.

“Unfortunately for you, funny doesn’t make up for dirty. Text me when you’ve showered and Superhero buys you a new pair of clothes.” They winked, backing away and scooping the hero’s clothes off the floor as they whisked themselves out the door, leaving no room for protest.

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epiclamer · 21 days

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Yo someone has to jail SJ Clarkson for Madame Web because wtf did I just watch 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#what the hell even happened #like two hours of my life gone #and for what?#no writing

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epiclamer · 22 days

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yoooooo handsome

Mmmmmm who are you hm?

#no writing #gorgeous girl

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epiclamer · 24 days

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“Please, Villain—” the hero struggled, wrists cuffed behind their back by their very own power suppressors. “T-This, this is humiliating—”

The villain on the other hand looked far too cheery for a criminal only two steps away from their nemesis. Their smile was radiant and they were practically bouncing off the balls of their feet.

“Maybe you should have considered that before you came to me for my help~” They announced, almost licking their lips watching their new prisoner wriggle helplessly on the floor beneath them.

Hero blushed and then stuttered, “I didn’t think you were going to do all this—”

Villain closed the gap between the pair, taking an extra step in order to press their heel into the small of the hero’s back. Effectively pushing them back down into the grime of the alley street.

“Sweetheart, I’m a villain. You’re the one who begged me to kidnap you for a week so you could take a paid vacation, not I. Did you really think I wasn’t going to take advantage of this opportunity?”

The crime-stopper huffed, blowing up some dust from their spot against the floor. “Well, I at least thought you’d be a bit kinder about it.”

The villain almost burst out laughing, it was clear that this whole thing was just a big joke to them. Not so much so to the hero, considering they only got four vacation days a year and could hardly keep from burning out. But maybe the change of scenery would be good for them.

They knew the villain wouldn’t kill them or horribly injure them—in fact, the hero considered the two of them almost friends at this point. All Hero wanted was a few days of peace and quiet, and what better way to get that than to stage a kidnapping?

“You really are as dumb as they say. I mean, you just handed yourself to me on a silver platter and now you’re acting like I don’t try to slit your throat every Tuesday and Friday morning.”

Hero rolled their eyes as the villain yanked them to their feet by their collar, shoving them towards the street. “Cut me some slack, will you? The Agency is pushing my limits.”

The villains hands were braced agains the hero’s shoulders in a second, steadying the other’s precarious swaying. “Oh my… poor little Hero, hm? Are those strong muscles getting sore?” Right on cue the villain squeezed the hero’s shoulders, hitting all the right spots and effectively stealing their breath.

“Or is it more so this genius brain you’ve got locked up in there?” Villain’s hands travelled up the back of their neck to their skull, teasing their touch-starved skin.

“Villain—”

“Or maybe it’s this hot ass that’s tired of the constant spotlight…” With a yelp, Villain’s hands met the base of Hero’s spine, grabbing a handful of their ass without a second thought.

The villain chuckled, pushing the hero up against their car door. They had always loved the sounds the hero made, how they reacted to the villain’s touch—how quickly they folded.

The criminal turned the hero to face them, pressing their bodies up even closer, eyeing them up and down. “I’ll have to teach you to respect your villains time and efforts during your stay, but if you’d let me, I’d love to teach you a thing or two about your body on the side.”

Hero hated the way their entire body lit up as if it had caught fire. They hadn’t expected the villain to be so direct about it, not that that deterred them any from answering.

“Could you teach me a thing or two about yours as well?”

The deal was sealed with a single smirk.

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epiclamer · 27 days

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Hiiiiii I’m alive again so I will do this :))))

Last song: The Suburbs; Arcade Fire

Favourite colour: green 😫

Last series: You

Sweet/savoury/spicy: spicy or savoury

Relationship status: married (somehow??)

Current obsession: the embalming process my beloved ❤️❤️

Last thing searched: cajun chicken pasta

@save-the-villainous-cat and whomever else

nine people to get to know better

ty for the tag @gudgercollege :)

last song: in my life - the beatles. i've also had the my fair lady soundtrack on loop for the past like two days lol

favorite color: usually say yellow but honestly i've been vibing with like dusty mauve lately. love me some muted pinks

currently watching: the latest season of jet lag: the game has me so engrossed i finally signed up for nebula to get new episodes a week early. playing hide and seek across an entire country is my childhood dream and i am living it vicariously

sweet/savory/spicy: savory babey

relationship status: single. hopeless romantic. trying and failing to get over a guy

current obsession: oh god. can i admit that, despite never having given a single shit about the british royal family, i'm genuinely obsessed with this missing kate middleton thing. it's pure concentrated schadenfreude to see how spectacularly the royal PR is fucking it at every possible opportunity. they've reached like bialystock and bloom levels of backfiring

last thing you searched: "audition monologues" because i love putting things off to the last minute <3 (the audition is on MONDAY and i still cannot find a decent one)

now for the final challenge let's see if i can find nine mutuals to tag (no pressure!) @the-common-pigeon @lemoncholy-stars @sparklyshakespeare @droughtofapathy @catboyrichardkarinsky @catboymoses @pealeii @ivorypiano @gingerpeachtea

#ahhhhh #tag game

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epiclamer · 27 days

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Yeah, this is smut interrogation style. I warned you.

“H-Hero— Please—” The villain’s back arched, desperately trying to escape the overstimulating sensations that suffocated them. “I-I can’t take it anymore, please, Hero—”

The crime-stopper grinned, but hardly paid any mind to their struggling nemesis otherwise.

“You can stop everything with one simple word, darling~” Their eyes wandered over the villain’s twitchy, sweaty, body and they couldn’t help but lean over top of their lover. Sadistically tracing shapes with their finger just above the criminal’s waistband, only occasionally letting their finger dip underneath to where the other was the most sensitive. “C’mon…don’t be shy…”

The villain practically convulsed, every muscle body in their body tensing and refusing to release as the hero tortured them. It was enough to make them cry out something a mix between a moan and a yell, until their body settled back onto the hero’s bed sheets.

Yet, that didn’t mean the pleasure pain stopped. It just kept going, it didn’t matter how many times the villain claimed they were finished, if the hero wasn’t done yet; neither were they.

“Y-You know I-I can’t give out S-Supervillain’s r-real name—” They interrupted themselves with a groan as their eyes rolled back and their hips bucked up into the air.

“Mmm, I know you think you can’t… but I also know you think you can last longer than you truly can.” Hero’s hand dipped into the villain’s pants and they squeezed, hard. “So be a dear and tell me before you pass out.”

Villain yelped as their hips shot upwards, but they couldn’t figure out if they were trying to escape or heighten what they were feeling. They didn’t know if it felt overwhelmingly good or horrible.

However, the villain didn’t really seem to mind either. The hero always took good care of them afterwards.

Villain could see the black spots dancing across their vision, they could feel the knot in their stomach start to build again and the pleasure start to be too much. They lasted about twelve more seconds before finally Villain couldn’t handle it any longer. “F-Fuck, Alex, it’s Alex— please—”

And it was over in seconds. That’s all it had taken to end the villain’s personal heaven hell.

They collapsed back into the pillows, eyes shut, body trembling, mouth agape, and breath heaving. Through the absolutely melted wreckage of their brain, Villain could hear the hero humming, all while slowly untying their bonds and rubbing their abdomen.

“Such a good little villain for me, hm?” Hero murmured, loving the way Villain couldn’t help but blush even after everything.

The hero moved up to untying the villain’s arms, lowering them back down to their sides, simultaneously rubbing the raw marks the fabric had left behind. Villain could feel the crime-stoppers lips ghosting against their red hot skin, softly kissing from the villain’s temple down to their waist, praising them every step of the way.

“I think that was the longest you’ve ever gone for without blacking out…” The villain couldn’t hide their smile, they were too exhausted and strung out to have any form of dignity left over.

“Y-Yeah?? How long was i-it?”

Both of the hero’s hands ghosted over the villain’s shoulders, gently rubbing into the knotted muscles after having been restrained for so long. “Mmm, thirty-four minutes, sweetheart~”

The villain moaned, throat hoarse as the hero worked their magic. “Personal b-best—” They choked out, squirming as their lover focused especially hard on a particular knot situated by their jugular.

The hero chuckled, helping the villain roll onto their back so they could get a better shot at kneading their soft skin. They straddled the villain’s lower back as they kissed up and down the other’s spine, ghosting their fingers across their sides to watch the villain’s goosebumps pop up before they went back to their massaging.

“Maybe next time we can try for forty…” The pair giggled, it sounded like a joke, but the villain knew their Hero was dead serious.

They were really going to have to up their game to top this show. Hero was an evil mastermind when the newspapers weren’t flashing blinding lights in their eyes and under all that goody-two-shoes act, Hero was any partner’s dream worst nightmare in bed.

Villain was going to have to find a way to turn the tables on the hero for when they needed information next and it would have to leave the hero bedridden for days.

Bur the criminal wasn’t worried. They had time, expertise, and practice with cracking their favourite superhero. Besides, when the hero found out in maybe two days time that the name Villain had given them was a fake, then and only then should they start to worry about one of them making it out of the bed with a body that still functioned.

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