on todays episode of npd: ”do all my friends hate and despise me or am I just having a major crash right now?”

sometimes it feels like egotypicals are gaslighting me because wtf do you mean its rude to be bored when the person you're talking to isn't being interesting anymore. that's a completely normal response what. we can all agree when things don't interest us specifically they get boring. why am I an "evil mean narcissist" for only caring about things that interest me.

Okay narc abuse this narc abuse that

How bout y'all share your favorite ways to cope with a crash

Here are some of mine

1. I join close knit communities involving my interest/s and am active in them frequently. After a while, the people start recognizing me and when I share something I'm proud of (even if I made it pre-crash) some people will notice and comment on it, which boosts my confidence a little! My art means a lot to me and I tie most of my self worth on it, so people complimenting my art by extension compliment me too. You don't have to be an artist for this, just doing anything you're good at and you love and having people notice this might help you feel a bit better

2. When I'm having a somewhat minor crash (or right after a major crash when I've ridden it out and am feeling a bit better) I go on sprees where I do good stuff for people, I give money to the homeless, I buy gifts for my family members, I compliment a stranger etc, people usually notice this and thank me for it which also helps me feel a bit better about myself (note - I do these things one and off without crashes, but I usually binge-do-good when I'm feeling especially low hahaha) (dunno how much this one works about actually upping your ego, but I personally tie worth as a concept to being a good person, so actively and provably being a good person immediately helps me with perceiving my worth as a human being)

3. Tumblr drafts 😭😭😭😭😭 I've noticed that journaling and venting in my notes doesn't help because nobody sees it and the lack of attention makes me get even worse, and venting to people drives them away from me and makes me uncomfortable so I've avoided venting and I bottle up my emotions a lot which usually actually drives me into a crash in the first place. So I started writing and formatting my vents as actual tumblr posts that I'm totally planning to post, and I tag them and everything, but then I save them as drafts. This way, for some reason, my brain sees this as "yes. You will now post about what's bothering you and many people will see this and like and reblog this!!! You'll be so noticed and cool and get so much attention!!!" Which makes me feel better in the moment, except as I get better I forget about the drafted post so I also simultaneously save my privacy while I'm at it looollll

I mean arguably, all of these are for some mild-er crashes and usually for some bigger ones I don't really have a coping mechanism so I just lie in my bed, shake and feel cold for weeks until I finally get the energy to get up, but honestly even if I can make it a little bit easier for me, I will

Anyway feel free to share your favorite coping methods too!

npd 🤝 ocd

making innocuous or even things that you like, triggers

Does anyone else with npd/aspd find themselves thinking rude things about someone they love?

I have this going on but i try to separate my feelings from my actions and i usually act against my feelings

Another bit of personal experience with NPD: de-intensifying thoughts.

You're probably going to have more luck with this in professional psychiatric setting because this entire process works better in guided and controlled environment, but it isn't necessary. Personally, I have a good amount of self-control and that helps. It might not work for you, just keep in mind there are other methods out there.

The idea is in diminishing intensity of emotions, thoughts, and conclusions once you notice that you're hit by a strong feeling or conviction:

"Everyone loves me" -> "There are people who love me and there are people who don't love me. There's also a great chunk of people who don't know me and it's illogical to expect them to like me without meeting/knowing me."

"Everyone hates me" -> "There are people who dislike me, but there are also people who cherish and love me. I am not worthless just because someone dislikes me."

"I failed at XYZ, which means I can't ever do anything right" -> "Failure is part of the process. The greatest minds of our generation had mistakes, bad days, poorly accepted art, etc. I am not talentless just because of one mistake."

"I haven't gotten supply in a while, I have to leave" -> "They might not know that I need attention as I didn't make it explicit. I can initiate spending time together or directly tell them I need to hear XYZ. I am not being fair."

"X disagrees with me, meaning their opinion is worthless" -> "They might disagree with me, but it doesn't mean they have no worth. If anything, someone willing to healthily debate with me is a person worthy of respect".

"Only MY opinion matters" -> "Actually, it will be really embarrassing if I end up being wrong. Very few opinions are worth dying on that hill. Keeping middle ground and establishing reasons why I lean towards X and not Y might be the best option".

"I have shown vulnerability, which means they see me as weak" -> "Most people do not consider vulnerabilty a weakness. In fact, me showing my true emotions most likely made them proud of me. I do not have to continue opening up if I'm uncomfortable, but it isn't a mistake that I did".

And so on. The hardest part is going to be to catch the emotion when it comes over. I don't have advice on how to become more mindful aside from actively paying attention to how you feel over the course of the day/week/month, etc. Maybe journal or create mind maps for your feelings. Whatever works for you, really.

This is loosely based around the general logic behind transference focused psychotherapy, which is something that can be used for treating NPD, as I recently learned. I am not a psychiatrist and my therapy is self-applied. With that being said, do your homework and don't trust me blindly.

P.S. Yet again, this is not universal advice so use your brain.

Forgive me if this is rude or disrespectful I really don't mean it to be! I'm completely new to this blog and it's contents but I'm curious. Would, hypothetically, a healthy thing someone with NPD could do be to recognise their disorder and take healthy steps to assure they don't accidentally hurt anyone, or get hurt themselves? Like.. would that be possible for someone with NPD? Again sorry if this is uneducated of me. I'd consider myself vulnerable so.. idk it'd be cool to know if it's possible for me and a NPD person to have a healthy relationship. Also I've just realised this ask is all over the place sorry! 😅

Hi there!

People with NPD can absolutely have healthy relationships! I (npd) actually just celebrated my 11th anniversary with my wife (npd and bpd) yesterday. But as with any neurodivergence, there are adjustments you need to make.

First of all, communicate! It can be hard for pwNPD (people with npd) to know how you are feeling, or even remember that you’re feeling something different from them. Make sure to be clear about your emotional state. My wife would check in daily (at least) to see how i was feeling, because i never realized that i was really bad at talking about (or even recognizing) my own emotions. This helped them know i wasn’t mad at them, and me learn how to express myself in a clear way.

Understand that pwNPD often have very fragile self esteem. Compliments are HUGE for us, and mean a whole lot. Meanwhile, it can be tough for us to take criticism or be in the wrong about something. This doesn’t mean we should be allowed to get away with harmful behavior, but that it’s important to have these discussions in a constructive manner. I really like the “sandwich” method, where you say something positive, note your criticism, then say something else positive or reiterate the positive thing you said before.

Ex: “I’m so happy you found a game you really like! I was hurt when it seemed like you were paying more attention to the game than me when i was trying to tell you something important. But I’d love to play it with you after we chat!”

This is actually just general people-skills advice, but it is especially helpful when the person you’re talking to struggles to understand the perspectives of other people.

Another bit of general relationship advice that has really helped my marriage: never go to bed angry at your partner. You can take a break to calm down, you can take a nap or a shower or just go into another room until you’re ready to talk again. But you shouldn’t let your feelings simmer or develop into a grudge. It’s really important to communicate with your partner no matter whether they’re neurotypical or not, but it’s crucial when you’re interacting with people whose brains work very differently than your own.

Other narcs, please feel free to reblog with any other advice, and anon, please feel free to ask more if you have any specific questions you’re wondering about!

NPD tags are filled to the brim with people repeating the mantra of "narc abuse" not being real and while it's true, it isn't real, we've gotta focus on offering actual help to pwNPD. Destigmatizing NPD is great but let's talk about how to fucking handle it too.

With that being said, here's my contribution on how to prevent/lower the likelihood of a narc crash:

Journal or tell your closest ones about your emotions, even if they feel miniscule. Every negative emotion counts. This might seem obvious but pwNPD are very prone to ignoring our emotions in favor of getting supply. Look, I know you "can handle it" and "only weak people have emotions" but you're a person and you have fucking emotions. It's more embarrassing to handle the post-effects of your crash than to try to prevent it, trust me.

After a crash happens, reflect on what actually caused the feeling of insecurity/distress that led to it. Sometimes it's other people, unfair criticism, or both plus our inherent feeling of needing to match a social standard. Try to figure out what caused it and either distance from the trigger or find a way to limit its access to you. Maybe next time, you will be more prepared for the oncoming emotional flow.

Limit who can criticize you. I guess it's harder for those of us with public pages online but actually limit who the hell has a right to critique you. Not everyone is a good critic. Some people will tell you shit just to upset you. Sometimes people won't be obligated to give you any attention at all. It fucking sucks but limiting the number of people who have the RIGHT to affect you might help. For me, it was a rule: What I think and what my FP think matters, everyone else can disappear.

Find means of reminding yourself how great you are. Do you need to admire yourself in the mirror? Reread that sexy post you made? Look at your art again? Check the notes on your favorite aesthetic post? Do you need to reflect on how many people have admired you over lifetime or, maybe, how many compliments you heard last time you did XYZ? Be fucking vain.

Overall, narc crash isn't something that one can entirely predict or prevent, but it's how we react to it that matters. Warning your loved ones that you require attention/supply, taking care of your damn body so you don't overexert yourself for others, and being mindful of your own emotional reactions might help.

Not everyone is going to have the mental capacity to stop themselves from overreacting/communicating poorly, but as long as you learn from your past mistakes you should be fine. Good luck.

P. S. I hope you're all big boys and know I do not mean this to be some sort of universal advice. It helped me, and maybe it will help you too.

QPR but in the narc4narc way where normal relationship labels can't even begin to explain how special and superior our connection is

they hate me for my narcissistic traits that they would love me for if i was a fictional character

i dont think im better than you i know im better than you 🙄🙄 (nearly sobbing and shaking like a wounded animal)

I hope your little heart is okay💕🫂

This might suck to hear, but if you're a people pleaser that is motivated by praise and avoids disagreements, you are easy to manipulate.

When I was in therapy after surviving years of domestic violence, my therapist had to tell me that my personality was primed for abuse and we needed to work on that so I would be better equipped to see the red flags and respond appropriately in the future.

I'm still working on this, and it's been 8 years. If you tell someone how you want to be treated, what behaviors you don't tolerate in your life, what you're looking for in that relationship, and they react negatively, don't compromise yourself. Just move on.

This one's for all the praise-kink girlies: differentiate, self-actualize, stay sexy

hi, I'm nym!! I'm 24, queerplatonic fictoace, and multiply disabled. It'd be a ridiculously long list if I got into everything, but I'm hoh and experience chronic pain. I'm autistic, adhd, ocd, am part of a system, and have npd. I am largely self diagnosed but peer reviewed.

Other details about me, is that I spent most of my time either @poelya or @celestialwife. I have many lovely partners, including my queerplatonic partners that I adore very much and gush over. I'm also in a committed relationship with one of my headmates (married in every way but official).

"why all the poe dameron on this blog" you may ask? because he's my biggest special interest, one of my fictive headmates, and also my aforementioned husband. I love him a lot, and I also hc him to be just as disabled as I am! He's also why I know I'm disabled, so it feels appropriate.

What? You can't just go strolling into these situations without a carefully planned out script, can you? 👀

YOU should be at the club I should be in the arms of a fictional character