You live in the house your mother lives in but you do not live together. Once you knew her (knew how she hurt you) but it’s faded into a dull knife embedded in yr gut. People exclaim as you bleed across their carpet; I am sorry, but I know no other way. You have regrown around the knife but that does not mean it’s stopped slicing. You look at her and wonder what dreams she would have exclaimed had you met her as a child. You look at her and see potential wasted. She asks about college plans but doesn’t know the name of any of your friends. You tie your hair in the same way she always has. How awful it is, to know, and to not.

i dont think im better than you i know im better than you 🙄🙄 (nearly sobbing and shaking like a wounded animal)

I miss him again

I think what npd abuse truthers don't understand is that narcissists aren't stupid. 99% of us understand base level human communication. mean = bad and I don't like you. nice = good and I like you. also being nice and having people thank me makes me feel like I'm literally a saint and God of morality why would I not do that.

Omg guess whaaaattt😁😁😁

seeing people under 18 go to therapy makes me so insanely jealous and fucking angry for no reason. like they were either worse than me and got more attention for it or they just had a slightly better relationship with their parents or they just were better at communicating. it makes me mad any which way

When I was a kid I was in a long term traumatic situation where there was nothing I could do but get really small and wait for things to be over. Cptsd often makes me feel like it's still that way. When I get triggered that helplessness comes back full force. I become small and the other person becomes big. In those moments I feel like I don't have the ability to stand up for myself or say no or ask for help or soothe myself or do anything. I freeze, I fawn, I wait. On the inside I feel the same panic I felt when I was a child.

I originally made this drawing after a therapy session that really triggered me, where my therapist became the big bad person. But really, anyone can fill that role in my head.

I'd like to slowly learn that it's safe and possible to do the things in the first drawing.

(kinda vent) transmasc NPD culture is being fucking eaten alive inside because all my trans friends and my boyfriend got to start hrt and medical transitioning before age 18; knowing i should be happy for them, and i am, but on the inside i feel so envious i could vomit because they dont understand how good they have it, to have supportive families and resources while i have to wait because my family doesnt know. wanting to rip myself to shreds because why does everyone get what they want except me? i would be so much more grateful, so much more deserving than them

npd culture is spiralling into endless envy and hatred of myself and others every single time im reminded that everyone else has what i want and i dont.

.

society if i could just kill myself for a little bit but then come back so that everyone would feel bad for me and I'd be loved again

i don’t fucking know how to communicate that i’m feeling neglected and unloved and like i’m the second favorite. like how do you say that without wanting to fucking die.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought I was fine.

I thought I could handle this but I can't.

im sorry it's all broken now and I can't be better for you

sometimes being a girl is all about thinking of places to hide once your dad comes home

every time I hear his voice my knee jerk reaction is always to smile. and then I remember The Horrors. I just wanna be free of him

posting this here cuz it's the realest thing I've ever seen. shitty quality makes it funnier 🫶

NO MATTER WHAT I DO I DTILL LOGE HIM.