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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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At the end of every day - every one - he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack - if I put souls on. If I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn’t do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn’t. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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I made it my goal today to mix Dean’s ‘sex is’ speech from Rock and a Hard Place with all the best audio of him breathing heavily and grunting and basically making pornographic sound effects and well… this happened.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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Okay I wanna talk about this. A lot of people have mentioned Dean being suicidal, but I’ve seen people referring to his recklessness and his drinking and other bad habits which is all part of it, don’t get me wrong. But in 13x05 he legitimately commits suicide. Not just like, overdoses to get into the veil, but he actively wants to die. Even with Sam being alive, he does not want to live. Some dialogue from his meeting with Billie:

Billie: You’ve changed. When you bargained with me just now, you could’ve asked to go back, to live. Dean: Well, I figured with you in charge, there’s no getting back for me. (ambiguous but definitely shows how hopeless he’s become)

Dean: What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Billie: Don’t you? Dean: I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I can’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down. So I’m not going to beg. Okay, if it’s my time, it’s my time.

This is not him “accepting his death.” He purposefully did this knowing it could kill him for good, and then when given the chance to live, he out loud says “i don’t want to, the world would be better off without me in it.” This is an extremely low point for him and it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

So to be clear when I say Dean has been suicidal, I don’t mean that in any kind of vague way, or mean that he just doesn’t value his own life (although again that is true), I mean that at his lowest point he did not want to live and he actually literally committed suicide. So yeah, I am NEVER going to be okay with him “accepting his death” in 15x20 because to me that just reads as someone who was getting better, was starting to see a reason to live again that came from his own self-worth (now that Chuck is gone and he doesn’t have to save the world) but when faced with death again, faced with his deepest insecurities (that hunting is all he’s good for, that he’ll be alone forever, etc) he reverts back to the hopeless state he’d been in for so long and decides it’s not worth being alive anymore.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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That’s “My Dean”

The other day, I posted a primo fucking GIF set of Dean Winchester in Slack and @lastactiontricia replied with “that’s my Dean” and it brought tears to my eyes. Because holy shit, that’s a mood, amirite?!?

Dean Winchester is a lot of things.

My Dean is smart, quick-tempered, brave, guarded, protective, cynical, warm, spontaneous, resourceful, generous, and stubborn. I could go on, of course.

This is one of those snapshots of My Dean. This was the moment I sold my soul. I can see this Dean in earlier season now when I rewatch, but this was the first time I saw My Dean for real.

Whether it’s that look that Jensen gets in that moment that makes you feel safe; or that line by that one writer (or yourself!) that you wanna make out with; or that GIF set or quote or line exchange that makes you wanna run away with him and never look back at your real life, share it with me?

Tell me about your Dean and tag other Dean lovers with the hashtags #ThereHeIs #ThatsMyDean

Let’s get those creative juices flowing!

Keep reading

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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i was talking to @andromedaskyline about how we just know whatever this ending is gonna be will be—well, a punch to the gut at best, but then it got us thinking about what kind of ending we want for dean and listen. listen.

when all is said and done, dean is alive and well, and he drives off into the sunlit horizon, and at the end of that road after however much time he needs to recover—

he starts a halfway house.

a halfway house for hunters, yes, but mostly for kids.

kids like claire and krissy and josephine, and alex and patience. kids that fell out of their normal lives and into hunting, with no feasible way back out. kids like dean.

it’s a place to crash and recuperate, where there’s a roof over their heads and a bed to call their own and a food-stocked pantry (it never runs low. dean never lets it run low.) but also: a waypoint.

dean’s still got sonny’s number, and if there’s one person who can help a kid find a future or a family or a purpose, it’s sonny. (it’s also dean—but he’s not used to advertising himself; it’ll always feel like overselling.) he sits up late at night working through college applications, scholarship applications, to help these kids through the nightmare that is lying convincingly on paperwork. he teaches these kids all the things he had to learn by his lonesome: how to cook, how to clean and mend clothes and treat wounds and hustle pool without getting decked in the face. and if they’re set on hunting—and he gets it, he does, because retiring was never an option for him when there’s lives to be saved, and he knows how—then he rolls up his sleeves and he teaches them.

hunters are a special kind of people, too rebellious for their own good, but he knows not to push. anyone can leave, but anyone can also stay. and when they do, he’s got things to tell them: the fastest way to decapitate a vamp and torch a wendigo, where to park their getaway car, which weapons to always have on hand and which to leave in the motel room, never to leave a case too early to miss something or late enough for the cops to get you. who to call when they do. basic skills, survival skills, but there’s nothing basic about them anymore when they’ve amounted to his entire life and he’s perfected them, had to perfect them to stay alive through it all.

he’s seen things, butted heads with things that go unmentioned in even the thickest of lore books, and he makes sure they know how to take all of them down, or else how to sweet-talk it back where it came from. he makes sure every kid knows the vampire antidote by heart. he also tells them about purgatory, and to think hard before mercy-killing anything into an existence of blood-slash-blood-no-rest-no-peace. some things can save themselves: if they want to, let them, but make sure they follow through. it’s about the saving, not the killing, and if the two of them become muddied you have to save yourself first.

dean has a bed for you, in that case. a bed and a mean burger and an ear tilted in your direction.

sometimes, sam calls: dean lets it go to voicemail, and that’s a gift to them both. dean will leave a voicemail of his own, in time. he’ll talk for however long he wants to, about whatever he wants to, answers the questions he likes and doesn’t answer those he doesn’t. talks about the kids, all the time, about how much he wishes he could’ve done this for kevin. there’s no interrupting in voicemail, no pointed glares, and the new routine is maybe the healthiest they’ve ever had.

he still goes out on hunts, as a teaching outing with the kids or to let off steam or because it’s an all hands on deck sort of thing. he can’t let himself get rusty, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t indulge: memory foam on his bed, a monthly road trip in the Impala planned and followed through with, a nice, slim pair of new boots perhaps more often than he needs. it’ll take a while, but someday in the future, he even goes to the beach. leaves the united states to do it, and comes back toasty and bug-bitten and about fifty tons lighter by way of his soul.

it evolves, as kids leave and new ones come in, because no one can leave dean’s house without his number. it becomes a hub. dean makes sure there’s a weapons arsenal in the garage, stakes of various obscure woods and silver bullets by the thousand and machetes besides. they’re all for borrowing—he’ll get new ones if some don’t return. the rest of the garage is divided: the impala and all that’s needed for her upkeep, and a workbench, a visor, a torch. he works on side-projects. lets his inner inventor out to play. EMFs that can detect hex bags, glasses that fracture the light just weirdly enough that no ghost can slip past the wearer unnoticed.

that’s how, in ten years, he’ll reinvent the Colt. he makes as many bullets as he can, and it’s expensive, slow work, but it’s the largest ace any of them have ever had up their sleeves and he wants it to be available to anyone who needs it.

knowledge isn’t something to hoard, not when it can save lives. and fuck if holding the world together with his bare hands more than once, more than twice, didn’t leave him with some unconventional wisdoms, some hard-earned truths and bits of trivia that could never end up being useful but also very well could. he’s prepared for that. makes sure his kids are prepared, too.

it’s not just the kids anymore, though, not when the hunters among them have branched out and met other hunters and the world knows his name, anyway, for all kinds of reasons, good and bad. his is not a name that slips someone’s mind when it’s mentioned in passing. hasn’t been for a long, long while, and that was never a good thing until this: until it just grows around him, not murder-plots or resentment or a heathy dose of fear of being associated with him, not like a snare drawing tight but a garden. (he keeps one, out back. hasn’t really got that much of a knack for it, but some of the kids like ripping roots out of dirt, and hell, so does he.)

it’s not replacing bobby. he doesn’t pretend to be the FBI superintendent or social services or someone’s lawyer, not when he’s not out there in a suit. when a phone rings, the person on the other end always knows his name.

it starts out messy, and it’ll always be messy, but it becomes more structured as they go. a demon case comes in: they’ve got people specializing in that, send them out. a rugaru: the same. and if it’s something that’s truly Out There, they send dean, and he’ll handle that. when he comes home, he’ll make sure that next time, it won’t be just him who knows what to do.

some kids start penning down comprehensive lore books, his dad’s journal with the volume turned up, with only the stuff that’s true and none of the fluff, the muddied waters. dean contributes to that more than he expects, at first, and suddenly they’re crowding and crawling around him, eager for his input. turns out he has a lot to say.

not enough for the kids, though, it seems, because they keep sneaking carver edlund’s books into the house when he has banned them, has made it a bold point on his penned-down list of house rules. he finds them stuffed under mattresses and as pdfs on phones. he burns what he can. but he also says, okay, all right, i’ll write a fucking memoir if that’s what it takes to get you people to stop smuggling this trash in. and he lays down the basics: azazel’s plot and meddling angels, an apocalypse or two, what’s there besides the earth and how to make sure you never go there. nothing warranting gaudy pulp covers with half-naked men on them. if anyone wants to know which brother did what, they’ll have to be damn good at reading between the lines, because dean’s too over it to point fingers, especially not when his words might stick around for other generations to read and judge and point their own. he doesn’t put his name on it. leaves it anonymous.

what he doesn’t count on are the notes in the margins, the whispered conversations after dinner or the glances he’ll get: that he’s the hero of that story, he’s just too humble to write it down.

he only yells about that once.

in the end, it’s like this: there’s no american men of letters, but there’s people of action, and they all cluster around the heart of the country where the drive is about the same to each coast, and at the heart of that is dean.

in the very, very end, it’s like this: his memoir goes into print, and there’s a preface telling his name in bold letters, and clarifying the details he had made sure to leave extra vague. if you’re in a roadhouse bar somewhere—and there’s more of them now, run by those who wouldn’t stay but wouldn’t leave, either—there’s a solid chance you’ll run into a dean or deanna or ten, and they can tell you exactly who they were named after and why.

but right now, it’s just a chance, something to build out of nothing, something he wishes he had back when. something to turn his north towards, to pour all his strengths in that have grown from pain and weakness. they do always say the best leaders are those who never wanted to lead. out of all the rubble, something that’ll hold up without him there to keep it together, though he’s the heart that beats in it, anyway. he’s the home it grew up in.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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the fact that they not only killed dean off early in the episode but did it in the way that completely contrasts his character arc and development. he always thought he'd go down swinging and that's exactly why he shouldn't have, because the blaze of glory speech was always a defense to hide his fear, because he shouldn't have to cater to his father's ideas, because the whole point of the season was defying destiny and yet here he is, fulfilling the one event he always believed he was destined for.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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Dean's life was full of pain, full of trauma. It was quite literally one traumatic event after other with little reprieve in between. A lot of us identified with Dean because we know what it's like to go through trauma, what it's like to wake up without hope every single day. We saw Dean and we wanted to push through life, we found inspiration in his indomitable spirit.

By killing Dean in such a manner, the show spit on the faces of people who find Dean inspiring. Who dare to fight back in the face of hopeless odds, who are too damaged yet try to smile. The message here is clear. Dean is too broken. Too much trauma. Doesn't have any value outside of him being a soldier. No value in him other than what he could do/be for others. So it's better for him to die than to live and heal. It's better for you to die if you've C-PTSD, if you're broken. Just die so that others (Sam) could be free.

No wonder Dean's death hits so hard. No wonder it is so devastating on a personal level. No wonder.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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dean winchester lost his childhood to raising his brother and playing soldier for his dad, powered through numerous traumas and sold his soul and went to hell for love and for responsibility and he saved the fucking world over and over again while never getting as much as a thank you, despite everything he was a beacon of love, enough so that it changed the course of the universe more than once, he gave everything, absolutely everything AND FOR WHAT.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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let’s do right by dean.

in light of the upcoming series finale and the absolute travesty that’s this show’s treatment of dean, i thought it might be a good/uplifting idea for the writers among us to try and rectify some of what’s been done to his character—because who the hell else is going to do it? exactly. this could be a community exercise or just a way to get out some of that pent-up anger. i know it made me want to try to write something that actually does dean winchester justice, and if there are others feeling that way i think it would be useful if we had a collective ao3 tag for that sort of fic. #dean winchester deserves better is probably our best candidate.

a collective tag only makes sense if there’s some criteria to meet, but honestly i think it should mostly be up to everyone’s judgment, because i do trust the judgment of dean fans over anyone else in this fandom.

the no-brainer criteria however are these:

- it should be dean-centric. that means that whatever the plot is, if there even is one, it should be primarily concerned with dean and not go off the rails and veer into sam’s or cas’ or whoever else’s direction like the show is wont to.

- it shouldn’t romanticize/gloss over abusive behavior towards dean. it can absolutely include it, since it’s rampant in the show, but there’s a difference between portraying it and following the show’s example of pretending it’s normal or somehow dean’s fault. he deserves better than that.

- it can be set in any season, or pre-or post series. it should however take place at least partly in the canon universe, meaning that canon divergences are all right, but no-supernatural coffee shop AUs aren’t.

- all of them would have a sort of fix-it element to it, but that’s really a matter of perspective. anything you’re inspired to write for a tag called dean deserves better probably already matches that criteria. fix-it doesn’t mean it has to have an explicitly happy ending, or be happy throughout, or happy at all. there’s just something about it that treats dean better than canon does.

- ships are all right, as long as they are focused on dean, and do right by dean. i think there’s quite enough of those dean-finds-love-and-makes-the-relationship-his-whole-identity type stories, and this tag needs none of those. use your own judgement to decide if your idea fits. gen is more than all right.

that’s pretty much it. i think it would be great as a send-off to the character, given that we can’t trust the show to do anything right when it comes to dean. i know that i have too much love in my heart for him to just let him go quietly into that good night with things the way that they are. if you want to write something in this vein, i’d love to see it in the tag. it doesn’t have do be done and ready by any specific date. i just know i and plenty of others would love to know where to find it when the time comes!

thanks for reading! any suggestions you have are very welcome.

if you like the idea, please reblog to get the word out!

@andromedaskyline @goodbyedeanhellosoldierboy

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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15x20 - Carry On

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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Hey, I know I haven’t been around much but as you have seen, life got crazy. And I’m not one to open up but after everything, I think it’s time to just a bit. Now I am not gonna go chick flick, that’s not me but baby steps.

Life on the road was tough, and finishing off the journey Sam and I have decided to keep on going. Our lives were and won’t ever be normal, that’s just how it is. These last 15 years, I’ve learned a lot, died in various ways, had some interesting food finds and met amazing people. Amazing people like you, someone who’s watched me grow from that 26 year old boy soldier to a man, a family man. And although it may not be with a love interest and six kids, it’s a family beyond blood. A family of compassion and kindness, of different people who came together as one. Standing by us as we faced every case, from that weird shape shifter who looked like me to some ghost in Scooby Doo, ( which reminds me of Daphne…) but besides that, you’ve been here. And I hope you’ll continue to be here, whether that’s physically or emotionally. To me, you’ve got a special spot in my heart, one that Sam claims is bad because of what I eat but, you’re there.

So wherever you go, whoever you choose to be, remember to always keep family and that if you want to, you’re welcome to visit us anytime sweetheart. Just bring a bag of greasy burgers and pie. We’ll see you soon.

-Dean W.

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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“People have asked what’s gonna happen when the show is done and Dean is gone forever and I’m like: ‘Dean is not gone. Dean is right here. I got him. He’s right here.’” - Jensen Ackles

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dean-wnchstr · 3 years

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