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cucumberlumber · 15 minutes
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The Leering Lurker
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cucumberlumber · 3 hours
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idk if im actually bi or nit but i have an 8 am class tomorrow cant worry about that
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cucumberlumber · 4 days
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cucumberlumber · 4 days
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most notable times of being hit on by customers:
guy who tried to impress me with card tricks and failed every single one of them
old man who attempted to get my number when his wife walked away and slipped me his email address ending with “@ aol.com” when i said i don’t do that
cute gay couple that came back to tell me i was cute and then called the shop to ask me out
older professor who i talked to about folklore and told me he dressed as a wizard for recitals saying “this is really embarrassing but umm.. i’d love to get to know you more..” and gave me a receipt with his email address on it
dude in his 40s asking me on a movie date and me saying yes but then he kept starting text conversations with “ahoi hoi”
military guy who said it’d be hot if i killed him with a baseball bat
most notable time a customer did not ask me out:
a man who i knew had a wife and children getting really flustered and saying “um. ive been, uh.. idk if you remember me but um. i come in here a lot and ive uhhh haha umm ive been wanting to ask you for a couple weeks now.. um. have you read the green lantern issue i recommended??????”
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cucumberlumber · 5 days
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cucumberlumber · 6 days
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she was initially formed out of pottery clay but came to life because it was her true hearts wish to be friends with everybody in the world and the princess of the faeries helped her
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cucumberlumber · 8 days
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I CUT MY FINGER ON MY CHEX MIX????
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cucumberlumber · 9 days
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molding his big stupid head like clay
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cucumberlumber · 11 days
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cucumberlumber · 11 days
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cucumberlumber · 11 days
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cucumberlumber · 11 days
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cucumberlumber · 11 days
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Yo (friend in passenger seat is fast asleep, hits him on the shoulder) YO check this out bro, the billboards in North Carolina are DIFFERENT i swear
friend: whuh-(he wakes up & glimpses us passing a billboard on the side of the highway with his face & full home address)
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cucumberlumber · 11 days
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cucumberlumber · 12 days
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dude stop
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cucumberlumber · 12 days
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kid in the library just said "a VILLAIN who lives in the MOON is after us" so keep an eye out for that today guys
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cucumberlumber · 12 days
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People who fuck around on their laptops during lectures are so important I'm watching someone in front of me play tetris online enraptured
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