I know im the problem but ALL I FUCKING WANT IS TO HAVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION AND NOT HAVE TO ASK FOR IT
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Every time she says she loves me all i can think is “why would you?” I fucking hate myself so much i dont know why shes dating me. I have zero redeeming qualities, i have nothing to offer, and on top of that im absolutely disgusting and vile. I cant even look at myself without getting nauseous. Every single part of my body is gross. God i fucking hate myself.
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no one talks about the depressive episodes that come along with eating disorders
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I know the sex usually chills out farther into the relationship but i keep thinking about how i was at my skinniest when we started dating and she couldn’t keep her hands off me and now she barely ever wants to have sex and is always more interested in a book or her tv show. We used to kiss constantly but now its just a quick peck we don’t kiss like we used to. And now i cant stop thinking about how its probably because I’m 20lbs heavier and gross. She probably finds me revolting and i feel guilty even being affectionate or holding hands. Every time we’re physically touching i just want to cry because of how disgusting and obese i feel. I let myself go and this is what i get. The only way i can get back to how it was in the beginning, when she was excited to see me and thought i was beautiful, is to lose weight.
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i need to be skinny, I really need it.
if I'm skinny, everyone will praise me and tell me how pretty I look. my clothes would fit perfectly fine.
I would be happy.
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Hiiii I'm back, need to follow more ED blogs cuz my dash is real empty :( please like or reblog if you're an active ED blog for a follow! I plan on starting a posting schedule soon :)
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Me trying to convince myself that the terrible low calorie meal i just made tastes good
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Restaurant Safe Meals
here is my list of safe meals at various fast food restaurants. each includes a "spontaneous" option for when i can't plan ahead and need to stay under my limit and a "planned" option for when i know i have to eat out and i can make it my only meal. this will be updated as needed and is based on terre haute indiana nutrition facts.
McDonald's
Spontaneous: 4 piece nuggets w/ spicy buffalo (200 kcal)
Planned: cheeseburger and small fries (520 kcal)
Burger King
Spontaneous: cheeseburger (283 kcal)
Planned: whopper jr. and value fries (537 kcal)
Arby's
Spontaneous: roast beef 'n cheese slider (240 kcal)
Planned: roast beef w/ arby's sauce and snack curly fries (625 kcal)
Wendy's
Spontaneous: 4 piece spicy nuggets w/ honey mustard (230 kcal)
Planned: jr. cheeseburger deluxe and small fries (600 kcal)
Subway
Spontaneous: 6" sweet onion chicken teriyaki on italian (300 kcal)
Planned: 6" buffalo chicken melt (450 kcal)
Jimmy John's
Spontaneous: little john #3 tuna salad (250 kcal)
Planned: 8" BLT (590 kcal)
Panda Express
Spontaneous: kid's teriyaki chicken w/ super greens (270 kcal)
Planned: kid's orange chicken w/ fried rice and super greens (625 kcal)
Taco Bell
Spontaneous: chicken chipotle melt (190 kcal)
Planned: crunchwrap supreme (530 kcal)
Starbucks
Spontaneous: grande nonfat iced café mocha no whip (200 kcal)
Planned: venti iced caramel macchiato (350 kcal)
Einstein Bros.
Spontaneous: half asiago with onion and chive (210 kcal)
Planned: asiago with onion and chive (420 kcal)
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~90cal cucumber/Creame cheese snac
(my all time favorite snack)
You need:
-200g cucumber (32)
-25g cream cheese (mine was about 60cals)
-spices(optional)
How to:
Just cut the cucumber into slices, add the cream cheese in between and (if you want) sprinkle some spices on top:)
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