Did your heart break the same way mine just did?
Is this how you felt when I told you there was someone else?
When we both decided not to speak about our feelings?
When we both lied to ourselves about not having feelings for each other?
I wanted to kiss you, you know that
You wanted to kiss me, don’t lie back
But we never did, not again, not one last time, not at the end
And I still think about that
I wonder if you do too
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It's so weird when a friendship ends. I mean I saw it coming. I knew it was due. I knew in my heart it won't last. Of course it hurt when it ended no matter how much I thought I was prepared for it, it still came as a shock to me.
And even after all this time, I still miss her. There's a hole in my heart where she lived. Everything else has faded. My hurt, my anger, everything. All that remains is a faded memory of that pain she caused.
And you know what that's not even the point. It's the fact that she was my best friend and that despite having new friends, I still long to be around her. I still want to tell her all the happy news first. I still long to just randomly videocall her and catch up with her. It still stings when someone mentions her name and they mention something abut her and I have absolutely no idea what they are talking about because we are that distant now.
I hate her and I blame her for the end of our friendship. I hate how she gave up so easily. I hate how she just stopped caring. I despise her. Loathe her.
But I miss her. And it's so confusing and infuriating to have such complex feelings towards someone who is not even here.
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I wish I could go back to that summer
When you and I were one
When I was oblivious; blindfolded
Yet happiness never tasted so good
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ending a long term friendship feels like:
i miss you. you were so mean to me. are you okay? i feel like hating you forever. you understood all my best jokes. i'm blocking you. make awkward eye contact with me in the hallway. i cry when i look at pictures we took together. do you miss me too? what should i do with all this stuff i know about you? where do i put the stories when they aren't ours to tell anymore?
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You made me promise to stay
And I did, I did everything I could
But at the end of the day, it was you who stabbed me
And it was you who left me to bleed
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I always hear about broken hearts and trauma from romantic relationships
But I barely hear how friends can completely destroy you as well
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You used to tell me you loved me
Yet you showed me otherwise
Now I can’t trust anyone
I keep thinking they all lie
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I still hate your face
But at least life has given your name another meaning
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