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clownsecret · 15 hours
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Durge, sitting on Gortash's lap: good news, honey! Father says I'm allowed to wait and kill you last! Gortash: Wonderful! How are you going to do it? Tell me everything, darling, no detail is too small. What kind of weapon are you going to use, or will you use your bare hands? Please tell me you're going to kill me with your bare hands Ketheric: You guys can we please work on the project
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clownsecret · 16 hours
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ketheric hating durgetash is like that one meme with ted from scrubs:
Ketheric: I am totally over the death of my wife. Yep, totally over it.
Z’rell: Sir, we found you throwing rocks at Gortash and Durge in the park.
Ketheric with his head in his hands: Why should they be happy?!?!
Ketheric: The rock throwing was coincidental with the anniversary of my wife's death. I also only burned down Gortash's house because I was drunk, not because I was sad and drunk and I saw he and the Dark Urge were living together for some fucking reason, as if you can domesticate a bhaalspawn. I also wasn't the one who buried the Dark Urge's clothes and weapons in the shadow cursed lands because they left them strewn around moonrise like the fucking whore they are. That was someone else, not on my orders. I get a long just fine with my coworkers. Stop talking to me, go torture someone.
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clownsecret · 16 hours
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durgetash can and has driven many a man mad, just thinking about all the things left forever unsaid in their relationship.
"I cared about you more than I've ever cared about anyone. I didn't even know I could care for someone."
"you made me feel fearless. powerful. unstoppable. I was afraid before, and unsure, but with you by my side, I feel that I can do anything."
"I despise this world and every living thing in it... except for you. everyone calls you a monster and tells you the world is better off with you dead... but they're wrong. or at least. I'm not better off with you dead. I need you here. I want you here. Please stay."
"I thought I knew what my purpose was. I knew what my destiny was. But you... complicated things. You made me wonder if I could be someone else. do something else. it's only a fantasy, but it was a good one. it was a good thing, in my world of bad things."
"sometimes I looked at you and wondered what would happen if we both walked away. I knew you would never do it, and neither would I, because our tragedy was etched into the stars, but I thought about it. I dreamt of it and it made me happy. you made me happy."
I am the number one victim of durgetash.
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clownsecret · 16 hours
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Sceleritas Fel Disapproves (of any significant others Durge decides to have)
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clownsecret · 17 hours
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Durge: I killed Orin
Gortash: You are so precious & perfect, lethal, ferocious etc... your father must be proud of u, my dear vicious murderer 💖💖💖
Durge: Actually I refused my father and now I am free of his influence
Gortash: *Without missing a beat* Wow you are literally so powerful, good 4 u babe, we can still rule side by side, & with me you won't need to bow down to any master 💘💘💘 also kiss me on the mouth maybe?
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clownsecret · 17 hours
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right in front of his dead daughter salad
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clownsecret · 17 hours
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Maybe I could post this here too? 👀💦
Anyway, Durge and Gortash and...diplomacy✨️
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clownsecret · 17 hours
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Baby Cravings
Love that Durge eating babies is canon (im like 99% sure). Horrible being. Gortash might have started planning for the future but he's reconsidering lmao
anyway i am becoming less of an enemy with backgrounds every day, slowly
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clownsecret · 17 hours
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Did I create this whole thing because of one throw away line in a letter?
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Yes, yes I did. I'm sorry and I'll show myself out.
(I just imagine it's something they constantly tell each other when proven right. Also ignore my Durge's bad outfit. I wanted to give him plain clothes because I think Durge only wears the most practical plain shit you ever saw especially compared to Gortash who dresses well..."fashionable" is a word I guess, so I tried drawing a modified sorcerers outfit but maybe it has gone a bit too boring)
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clownsecret · 17 hours
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okay but durgetastarion with evil-end durge taking over faerune with gortash and astarion and at first he and astarion just hate each other. like so so much. there's jealousy. there's bitchy little sniping comments over the breakfast table. there's secret battles for durge's attention, affection. and one day one of them is taunting the other like "ho ho, i just went down on durge, maybe if you beg i'll let you lick the taste of them out of my mouth" and then they're just. kissing. violent, bloody hatefucking. and durge is just watching this going down like, "yeah i could fap to that"
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clownsecret · 18 hours
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Sooooo there’s this murdererrrr…
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clownsecret · 18 hours
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durge getting injured defending gortash from some would-be assassin and gortash gently, lovingly nursing durge back to health. feeding them little bits of raw meat by hand. maybe even little bits of the assassin.
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clownsecret · 1 day
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getting married to the love of my life (gortash) and drawing up an elaborate wedding invitation and then sneaking into the temple of bhaal to set the invitation ablaze on the altar so papa knows he's welcome to come to the ceremony
big brain time: confessing to daddy bhaal that i'm dating his enemy's favorite, but bhaal supports it because i told him it's really pissing bane off
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clownsecret · 3 days
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I'm sure my butler will cover for me
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clownsecret · 3 days
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please be kind i am but a humble murderclown peddling its humorous and horny wares
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clownsecret · 3 days
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i found it i found a /withers fic!!! truly god IS merciful
someone out there on ao3 is writing porn about withers and by GOD i am going to find it
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clownsecret · 3 days
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me, talking to the altar of bhaal in my bedroom as i eat my dinner: anyway i hope that i did okay with that last one, i told him he was dying in your name, i recited the whole prayer and everything, but the urge to kill him was so strong that i really rushed through it all and i'm not sure he had the time to comprehend what an honor it was to die for the glory of the god of murder me: oh and these are his kidneys i'm eating, sceleritas made this really good thing with pasta and cheese and sauce and you know i normally eat my food raw, straight off the corpse, right? but sceleritas has been going on about scurvy and vitamins and now he's trying to make me eat more vegetables me: thank you for sceleritas, by the way, he's great and i don't know what i'd do without him. get scurvy, probably orin, passing by in the hall: oh my god, shut the fuck up already- some of us are trying to sleep! me, shouting back at her: you shut the fuck up orin. holy shit i'm trying to talk to dad in here fucking hell are you a goddamn animal or what me, turning back to bhaal's little statue: sorry about that, orin's never heard of manners- sarevok is way too lenient with her and she's a spoiled brat me: anyway, tell me if that last guy wasn't enough, i'll go out and kill another guy for you. i'll kill ten guys. a hundred. i'll kill the whole world for you daddy i love you so much
big brain time: confessing to daddy bhaal that i'm dating his enemy's favorite, but bhaal supports it because i told him it's really pissing bane off
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