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cigsonvinyl · 1 year
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I always feel instant regret after $Hing but then the next day I end up doing it again and I don’t know how to break this stupid toxic cycle
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cigsonvinyl · 1 year
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I physically can’t handle all this pain I have inside it’s literally eating me alive
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cigsonvinyl · 1 year
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How much longer do I have to wait till things get better because 10 years should’ve been enough.
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cigsonvinyl · 1 year
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tw: mention of suicide
It's weird having suicidal thoughts.
You think. Should I call the helpline? But it's not like your actually going to kill yourself, you have to make a conscious choice to do it.
You lie in bed, you dread the consequences if you fail. A damaged kidney from overdose, becoming disabled after snapping your spine, or just two long shallow scars on your arm because you couldn't cut fucking deep enough.
what if I just killed myself now?
Nothing matters, what's the point of this, why the fuck are are thoughts so FUCKING CLICHE!
I DONT WANT TO BE LIKR OTHER GIRLS HEHE.
is it weird that I want to be put in a psych ward. No school, people just like me around me, you get to go on little outings with your ward.
But it's probably not as amazing as I imagined it. It never is.
Man I'm pathetic aren't I
I just want to keep writing so I don't have to go back to the real world but I'll end this rant here I guess.
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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i wish i could tell everyone how bad im struggling 
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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At some point they all going to hate me the way I hate myself
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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Today I relapsed in $H and it’s never felt so reliving
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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Thinking about when I first started my ed and was in the denial stage I genuinely thought I could stop whenever. But then it hits you how stuck you are and you can’t see your life without it. Its just becomes apart of you
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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If the only reason why im still here is because people in my life need me why do I feel so lonely all the damn time
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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I want to look as sick as I feel. so they know it's real
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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Wish I could give my life to someone who wants to be here
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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Eating is easy its the guilt thats hard
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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Im addicted to starvation
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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I wanna get so skinny this summer people are concerned
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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cigsonvinyl · 2 years
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I swear I’ve lost so much of me that my phone doesn’t even recognize me anymore
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