feeling really strange mentally and disconnected from cardiophilia and kink like I’ve had some shit experiences lately and it’s just giving me anxiety and making me feel really uncomfortable

on a break I’ll be back eventually <3

lol been crying for like 3 hours solid i hate my life

wanna kms lol

kind a joking kinda not

imagine I go on 3 dates with a guy and HE RANDOMLY BLOCKS ME TONIGHT AFTER CONSTANTLY TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LIKES ME and wants to see me all the time and is falling in love with me?!! excuse me?!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUCKKKK

sorry to rant but yeah I am very much not mentally well atm so extending my hiatus, sorry

doing okay mentally now but still need a couple days to recharge ahhh sorry i will be back and i will reply to dms when I’m back <3

hi so the guy i went on a date with ghosted me lol i knew it was too good to be true 🙃

mental health is horrendous sorry if I’m a bit absent, really not coping

BPD + anxiety + autism + ADHD= one hell of a ride lol and I am really not well right now, sorry

I’ll get back to everyone’s messages soon I’ve just busy sorry!!

🩷

yes yes yes yes YES

Don’t you just want someone to take you by the hand into the bedroom, and they pop out their stethoscope, and you lay down on the bed, with your bare chest just ready to be stethed and you know that your heart is ready to be listened to?

i feel the same way!

genuinely so grateful for all of you, this community is so accepting ❤️ i always thought i was "weird" for being so obsessed with something like this but i'm glad to know i'm not alone. you're all very polite and you make my days better :)

Btw sorry if I take a while to reply to anyone, I’m playing The Sims *3* (best Sims game, facts) rn and I get really absorbed and lose track of time ahahah ADHD life!!

I want someone to choke me so hard that I stop breathing and my heart starts to struggle, and only let go of me JUST before my heart gives out and stops beating

but everyone I’ve suggested to is like “no that’s crazy I’m not doing it I’m not risking an abuse or manslaughter charge” lol boringggg

my pretty little pump has calmed down now I’ve had some rest, a warm long shower, and have a nice full stomach lol and I’m cosy in my bed. she’s still beating hard, as I expect there’s still drugs in my bloodstream oof. but she’s slower and steadier now. I will protect my heart don’t worry, will be doing drugs a lottt less frequently because of my physical and mental wellbeing.

I wish I had someone with me rn to ear steth me and tell me in detail about every beat they hear, with a hand placed gently on my chest to feel my heart contract and expand, pumping blood through my body with every beat, keeping me alive. hearts are so fascinating and magical and I wish I had someone irl to enjoy this with me :( also I want someone to cuddle me with their head on my chest or belly, so they can hear my heartbeat and breathing (and belly sounds but that’s not something that turns me on at all, its it’s relaxing sometimes maybe idk I’m weird)

anyway, long ass ramble over. my melatonin is staring to kick in and I’m very sleepy. goodnight <3

throwback from last year 😎

Beats from this morning…sorry for any background noise, it was raining and there were cars going by. Also there’s static and it’s not great quality because i’m recording with my phone’s mic, sorry! <3 

sorry the quality is horrific you might have to turn up your volume to hear it. I really wanted to record my heartbeat for you guys but all I have to record is my phone mic so it's not great haha but hope you enjoy anyway...

I went to a rave last night by the way lol it was so much fun!! but I’m dealing with the consequences today haha

heart is racing and palpitating like crazy omg it feels like it’s going to come out, it’s really struggling rn because of ✨substances✨ lol oops I know I shouldn’t keep doing this and after today I’m going to stop for a long time. It feels good but also pretty uncomfortable lol

I do NOT feel good lol who wants to be my doctor? ahaha it’s my fault I feel this shitty but ughhhhh