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cantchoosemyaesthetic · 9 months
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one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.
- via duckbunny
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Jamie Varon
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Warsan Shire, from “Midnight in the Foreign Food Aisle”, Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head
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I think the obsession with identity and aesthetics skyrocketed bc of social media, specifically social media that discourages anonymity like tiktok and insta. It's this weird need to turn people's lives into bite sized content
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I hate that the stock response for "I'm lonely/I feel undervalued by my loved ones/I want a romantic partner" is "well do you value YOURSELF? You need to learn to enjoy being alone!" as if lonely people aren't very intimately familiar with being alone. Self esteem and love are important but they're not substitutes for companionship or friendship or romance and pretending that loneliness is a personal failure that can be fixed by self-improvement feels not only delusional but pretty cruel
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I’ll never get over that one scene in 500 Days of Summer when he’s listening to There Is A Light that Never Goes Out in the elevator, and Zooey Deschanel is like “Omg I love the smiths” and he’s GOBSMACKED. He acts like that’s some obscure band no one’s ever heard of, and she’s INSANE for knowing them.
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“There is a Light That Never Goes Out” is the love song though. All I want in life is to dance to that with somebody while my dress twirls around me.
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Virginia Woolf, A Writer’s Diary, August 18th 1921
[text ID: And so this August is wasted.]
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It’s 1 AM, I’m scrolling through Pinterest on my iPad, the moon just came out with clouds constantly moving over it and I have a candle lit. Cigarettes after sex + beach house is playing in the background. Crying about how happy I am. I haven’t felt this at peace since Summer’21.
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“Promise me not to hide yourself when you’re in pain, it’s unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone”
— Unknown
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Virginia Woolf, from To the Lighthouse Susan Sontag, from Reborn: Early Diaries 1947-1963
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sometimes i’m sick with it like….. the, i wish i knew you as a kid i wish we could have run in the field together and sat in the dirt and i wish i could’ve heard you sing at the top of your lungs and maybe we would’ve ridden bikes together…. it’s the, i love you so much it’s spilling over so i’m loving you in the past present and future ohhh i wish i knew you when we were kids
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social media has really warped our perception of creativity and hobbies. Stop doing things to post them. Just write. Just journal. Just sketch. Just read. Just annotate. Just sing. Just crochet. Just do the thing you’re going to do with the assumption no one will ever see or know you did it. Stop performing. Just enjoy it.
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Albert Camus
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Jamie Varon
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has a breakdown about what a lonely life it is. goes for a walk with headphones in. purchases a beverage at the supermarket. you know how it goes
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Mary Oliver
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