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An unfinished cereal bar
I just found it laying there and I don't even remember setting it down. I remember starting to eat it and getting up and walking to do something. And then I was outside at some point wondering what I had eaten today and that was it and convincing myself I finished it because it had disappeared. I forgot to eat for another 6 hours lol.
Why is my brain like this
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ADHD things that NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT
-Getting frustrated at not being able to do something you want in the way you want it
-feeling so so tired and drained all the time
-getting overstimulated and not knowing what to do with yourself
-having so much noise in your head that you cant turn down or force away
-people complaining how loud or soft you talk and you cant explain that you have a hard time controlling it
-having a really hard time making friends and keeping them
-you can never find something that interests you for more than a week
-executive dysfunction is something that almost never goes away
-having days so bad you cannot get anything done or done well
-feeling so angry for seemingly no reason
-you cant get to sleep easily and staying asleep is even harder
-being the last person to finish a project almost all the time
-when you do find a special interest, youre made fun of for it so you lose interest
-Always forgetting things and coming across and uncaring
-just…the way people see you in general
-you’re really smart! Too bad you cant find a good way to exhibit your talents in a way that actually makes sense to you
-you have to be doing something else to pay attention (ex: drawing, fidgeting, etc etc)
-when theres too many people talking its so overwhelming
Theres more but…. Feel free to add it yourself if you can think of more
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The Freaky Ass Furniture of Catherine The Great
This is Catherine The Great. She was a legendary Empress of Russia and ruled longer than any other leader, and she did a damn good job by all accounts. People loved her, she worked hard, she was smart, and she was also one of the proudest motherfucking freaks in HISTORY. She proved to the world that just because you look a little like Lady John Lithgow does not mean you are undesirable, and just because you’re royalty does not mean you can’t be a horny goddess of filth.
There’s this rumor that Catherine’s biggest conquest was a literal goddamn horse, but historians believe that it’s just a sick rumor that some hating ass bitches made up because they were intimidated that a woman could not only be in charge of a country but of her own sexual predilections. HMM, THANK GOD TIMES HAVE CHANGED???
Anyway, Catherine used her money to finance this fuck pad room in her castle that was an homage to doin’ the nasty. Catherine’s Pinterest board must have looked like a fucking PornHub screenshot because this is what that beautiful proud slut decorated her lair with:
A chair that is so classically beautiful and…oh my damn…what in the hell..
IS THAT CHAIR SUCKING A DAMN DICK?
THAT IS THE DEVIL AND HE IS EATING A PUSSY LIKE HELLFIRE’S GONNA SHOOT OUT OF IT
YOU NOT A BAD BITCH UNLESS YOUR OFFICE CHAIR HAS A PANTALOON-LESS VULVA AIRING ITSELF OUT ON IT.
THERE ARE GIANT WANGS GROWING OUT OF GIANT CHI-CHIS HOLDING UP A CORNUCOPIA OF FINELY-CRAFTED, CLASSICAL ASS, BAROQUE ASS, ROCOCO ASS GENITALS, WITH THEIR TORRENTIAL EJACULATIONS. HOW THE FUCK YOU GONNA GO TO IKEA AFTER THIS SHIT?
I wish there were more pictures of the original pieces, but in the 50′s some uptight German Army dipshits destroyed her collection because it gave them shameful boners or something. An artist has recreated her utilitarian odes to fuck, but it is truly sad that we cultured skanks can never appreciate such high art in its original glory. Damn, Cathy. Respect.
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This is something that I did not realize was abuse until the last year. My parents still do it to my sister and I as adults for the most basic things. My mom is big on giving people things too so while she is giving me groceries or a particularly thoughtful gift - bitch finds a way to make me feel ungrateful and like I ruined her day for her spending money on me that she offered to spend on me. Which is why I am so afraid of accepting any kind of gifts or kindness from anyone. Like, what strings are attached to this?
abusive parents will go off about how expensive it is to keep you around and how they have no money and what a fucking burden you are and they don’t see the irony?
dude. you MADE me. what the fuck were you thinking. stupid idiot loser. go back to that moment and don’t have sex. problem fucking solved. what the fuck do you expect me to do, die now that you decided having kids is inconvenient? wow. maybe you should have thought this thru.
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Can we have an ADHD character with the ability to freeze time because that would be literally the funniest and most epic thing like can you imagine??
“Need more time to finish my assignment? Not to worry!”*time freeze*
“oh no! I can’t find my car keys and I have to be at work in 2 minutes!” *Time freeze*
I mean like they would be unstoppable like I’m sorry ADHD who’s that?
Okay I’m done now resume scrolling 😂
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I'm so afraid of bringing things up to people that I know need to be discussed.
Pretty typical. I know. I think of how everything can escalate and every possible scenario of them becoming hurt or angry at what I want to talk about. My friend J has a kid I babysit. I have never asked for compensation. Lately, he has been a fucking monster and he triangulates my husband and I and J when we are all together. He just becomes worse when there's more authority around. J is so incredibly depressed and sensitive to anything preceived as negative and often she shuts down. I get it. We have had a couple of discussions that became fights and from those I just am too terrified I will hurt her again without meaning to.
Basically, I feel like she doesn't want to hang out with me when her kid is around and she uses hanging out as a way to compensate me. So I only see her before/after sitting for her. I feel used and sad and I don't know how to bring it up.
I want to separate our friendship from my sitting so I want to ask her for compensation that isn't hanging out and why is hanging out being used as compensation? I don't like it. What is she decides I can't babysit anymore and then I just never get to see her?
Other details. Kid has adhd and odd and I can see it and she barely accepts it. She's going through a divorce and is using him for emotional needs of her own and they have zero healthy boundaries as parent and child. A lot of "oh he's just so young" kind of excuses so he "doesn't get it" but then she projects her very adult feelings onto him and assumes he "gets" those?
J is on the road to traumatizing her child in a cptsd way and that child is on the road to being a manipulative and enabled psychopath like his father. And I just have to watch it happen.
It's re- traumatizing for me at times. At what point to I stop? How much can I handle witnessing and holding back?
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I feel uncomfortable with feeling validation.
signs that your family is abusive:
you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable
you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry
when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault
you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you
you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults
you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you
you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you
you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you
you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way
you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you
you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them
you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up
you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them
you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life
you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway
you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing
you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family
you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped
you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place
you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it
you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself
holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy
you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people
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“They turned her into a weapon and then complained when she learned to defend herself.”
—unintended consequences
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Yaaas
This came from a Snapchat discover story, and how true it is.
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My mom tried guilting me for not texting her back right away, and I did the thing where I actually put my foot down. I told her I am allowed to be busy and not respond right away. Now she's emotionally blackmailing me for it. (: no matter what, I still feel like shit.
abusive parents will act like most selfish, spoiled, tantrum-throwing children and then insist on their children acting like adults
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This. Paired with my adhd, I have no idea how to handle or where the feelings are coming from a lot of the time. Is it the hyperarousal or am I triggered? In all honesty they feed each other. I don't want to think about it. But I have to.
I stonewall the shit out of my husband after having the rage moments (he is a very internalized cptsd victim so with me being an exploder it can get ugly and it's all my fault) and I know I shouldnt but I can't get the fucking words out.
Misplaced Anger.
Sometimes I notice myself being overcome with rage at little to no provocation.
Rage is absolutely terrifying when you can’t see it coming.
I find myself having breakdowns over small irritations or lashing out at those I love.
Trauma repressed an anger within me that’s forced to find alternate ways to be felt.
I’m so inherently angry for events I often refuse to accept, that I end up fixating on insignificant things to artificially ease my pain.
It’s much easier to be angry than it is to feel grief.
This misplaced anger fractures relationships, creates a perpetual anxiety, and is yet another source of overwhelming guilt.
And yet, confronting the source of my emotional distress is far more terrifying than embracing my rage.
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I haven’t been on meds for almost 3 years now, and I keep having the recurring thought that maybe I should be again. Blaaaah.
This has been a public service announcement
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My therapist posted this today. I’ve been seeing her for a number of years now, and I still can’t answer, “who are you”? and “who do you want to be”? I always think I disappoint her, but she’s pretty reassuring that I’m not. I just wish I could answer her sometimes.
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succulents make me happy
pastel succulents mood board
-Pastel
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