Having to trow up a couple of times in the last weeks due to travailing and food poisoning made me miss my eating disorder and I know that's so messed up on so many levels, but it's the truth

Suddenly I'm so sad again. All the time. Without any reason. I just start crying. Gravity is stronger than it was 2 weeks ago. It's pulling me down and it's getting harder to do stuff again.

The worst part about mental illnesses is that even when life couldn't be better, when you're surrounded by great people, get stuff done and do great in most aspects of your life, you still get depressed and anxious and I'm out of options. Nothing will help. I just have to keep going and don't know if I'll ever be truly okay

The strong desire to self destruct whenever life is going good is still strong. Does this mean my life is going really good or that I'm slowly getting worse again?

Whenever I don't feel so good my first thought is that I forgot to take my pills. Then I remember that I'm not on medication right now and I'll just have to deal without

I kind of always feel guilty. Most of the times I don't try to figure out why, because in my experience it just makes things worse.

I'm so happy right know and it's almost to much

The good news is: after every low there's a high

The bad news is: after every high there's a low

I think about sh almost everyday and at moments I really miss it. It's been so long and sometimes I don't see a reason not to relapse, but it would fuck up so much and although I miss the misery, I don't want to miss out more because of my mental health. I guess I'm just always going to be addicted to pain and fighting against it.

I wish I could go back in time and hug my past self. Tell her that one day things will be alright, tell her she's not alone, tell her she doesn't deserve how people threat her, tell her to run, tell her she's loved. Hug her tight and catch all the tears she doesn't let anyone see.

One day I'll have to return to the place where my life fell to pieces, but I'm not ready. I may never be. The location wasn't at fault, the people were. It still hurts way to much to even think about it. Even after all those years.

I guess the disire for pain will never truly stop. Once you know the feeling you can't forget and sometimes I miss it like crazy.

I guess my brain will never stop proposing the possibility of not being alive whenever things get a little bit difficult. It's just the first thing I think about even if I'm doing okay, my brain will always try to find the easiest solution

I fucking hate my dad's girlfriend, but if I refuse to see her, I'm not going to see my dad and that's not fair to him or to me. But she's bad for my mental health, so I guess I'll see my dad less

It's always kind of sad speaking to people from your childhood and listen to all that they've been doing. Realizing once more how much mental illness has taken away from your youth, the times you could have had and the "best years of your life"

Sharing Trauma is freeing for five seconds, then you're just filled with regrets

I feel the warm blanket of depression wrapping itself around me again. It sucks, but it's kind of comforting