bittibunni
Itti Bitti Bunni (18+)
Bunni, presently consumed by a monster of consumption, has found themselves resembling a conglomeration of melted gummy bears. To defeat the beast they’ve become, they must stop consuming. This is their story. 5’8”CW: 192.2lbs | GW: 185lbs | UGW: 130lbs HW:250lbs | SW: 200lbs | LW: 165lbs Weigh-In Wednesday Goal: 192lbs24y.o. ❤️ b.e.d 🧡recovery 💛 restriction 💚 purge
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Got forced to eat yesterday but I took my weight loss pill last night and now I’m drinking weight loss tea for breakfast. Also forgot about family birthdays so I can only fast for four days before birthday dinner. Gonna do my best though. Currently 198.4lbs, wanna be 185lbs by next Friday.
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Who has two fingers and had to visit family and has been binge eating and is getting on the scale for the first time in forever tomorrow and has something to do in April 30th and is gonna fast until then?
Meeeee
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Day 11:
My favorite thinspo blog is my own. It’s my place for me. I don’t really like getting to attached to anything, and it takes me a lot to get interested in other people.
Day 1.
5’8” | 199.2lbs | GW: 130lbs
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April 11th, 2021
weight: 192.2 (-.2lbs)
goals:
🌱 don’t eat until 4pm
🌱 stretch
🌱 go outside
input:
rice, tofu, and veggies @ 300 calories
output:
diary:
10:16 AM
i know I still lost a lil weight but i can’t help feelin disappointed in myself :/ this is just what I earned with every tiny poor decision I made yesterday. I really wanna be 190lbs tomorrow morning but I guess we’ll see. Going to stay locked up in my room today for the most part, and just read manga and watch anime so I can’t even think about eating. At least I’m almost at my goal for Wednesday based off of losertown, but I really wanna always be ahead of that schedule. I want things to happen faster because I’m doing better than intended.
might be heading to the beach this upcoming weekend and i can’t help but feel gross ~ hopefully by the time I go I’ll less disgusting. We shall see. At the very least I’ll be rewarding myself with a derma roller so I can tighten up any loose skin from when I let myself get huge so long ago... wow, it’s been almost a decade since then. Wild.
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Day 6:
Yes I do binge. It definitely got worse after trauma, so I think it’s some primal flight-or-fight response sorta thing, as well as a form of self harm. It’s not as bad as it used to be at it’s peak, but it’s still rough. I think BED is the one i struggle with most tbh, which is embarrassing.
Day 7:
My parents don’t really know that I’m trying to lose weight. I’m not close to them and I’m an adult so I don’t open up at all. Plus my mother would just try to sabotage me if she actually knew, so it’s best to keep it private.
Day 8:
My current workout routine is not at all structured. I find I work out best and most when I don’t force myself to do anything in particular. I try to just do activities I enjoy that happen to be exercise, like skateboarding or video games that require a lot of movement. I do try to do yoga every morning though, I really just need to unless I want my body to feel like shit constantly. At my peak I was waking up to do yoga, going on a walk, exercising at work, then coming home to exercise with cardio & weight training for 1.5 hours after work. Good shit.
Day 9:
Yeah, people have made comments about my weight in a negative way. One of my earliest memories is my mother telling me that nobody would be my friend if I was fat. I’ve been called a whale by kids at school. Whatever.
Day 10:
The hardest thing I gave up trying to lose weight was my sanity. I’ve been stepping on scales and calculating calories since I was a child. It took me into adulthood to find out that it wasn’t normal to like... be able to look at a food item and know the caloric information off the top of one’s head. I’ve cried while asking partner’s to eat food with me so that I didn’t feel guilty eating. I’ve wasted tons of money just so I could chew something up and spit it out again. I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay, but it’s been this way for so long that I find it stupid to lament over who I could have been if I weren’t like this.
Day 1.
5’8” | 199.2lbs | GW: 130lbs
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April 10th, 2021
weight : 192.4lbs (-3lbs)
goals :
🌱 <800 calories
🌱 stretch
🌱 go outside
input:
complete cookies @ 150 calories
tofu & vegetables @ 450 calories
misc @ 150 calories
alcohol @ 100 calories
output:
10 min yoga
diary:
10:58 AM:
ahh got so much rest, how lovely ~ I also woke up part way through and did my yoga routine. My body has been so tight lately it’s crazy, especially since I’ve been longboarding without stretching much 😅 happy for the exercise though~
i’m once again down to 192.4lbs after that stupid binge. With nothing to do this weekend, I’m really hoping to get to or under 190lbs by Monday morning. Under would be amazing, but we shall see~
I’m also talking to another really cute person rn (i know i mention having a partner- our love system is very uniquely open even within polyamory, so it’s all good). They like all the same music I do and seem really cool. I probably won’t be able to meet up with them for over a month if things go well, so I wanna try n loss as much as I can by then. Would love to wear one of my pleated skirts when we meet up 🤍
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“I’m not really disordered” I say, refusing to drink water so I don’t lose the water weight loss provided by a night of bingeing drugs and can wake up lighter tomorrow
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April 9th, 2021
weight: 195.4lbs
goals:
🌱<500 calories
🌱stretch
intake:
hash browns @ 125 calories
inari avo toast @ 150 calories
avocado @ 150 calories
umaibo, puffs, & chocolate @ 175 calories
output:
20 minutes of long boarding
diary:
12:14PM
I’ve been absolutely disgusting lately. Seeing my partner triggered such a binge cycle in me it’s ridiculous. Thankfully yesterday I was able to take some addies and dxm and cut my binge day in half, leaving me at eating a normal amount of food for the first time in days. I can’t stand how ugly I feel though. I took pictures today and I feel absolutely grotesque, like every part of my body is wrong. I can’t believe I put them through this, or had the audacity to say something positive about myself yesterday.
Thankfully they ended up asking me if I ate today, since I mentioned that I hadn’t eaten since yesterday at noon outside of a hash brown my room mate bought me at 7:30 AM. Getting asked if I’ve eaten is such a big goal for me, which I know is fucked up. I shouldn’t be causing concern in others for my own benefit, but here I am. I don’t want to eat now, knowing that they’re worried- that there’s some part of me that says “skinny; not gluttonous; not grotesque”. I want to be able to answer to “No” with confidence every time, and hear the love in their voice as they gently remind me to eat. That’s fucked up, but whatever. I’m fucked up.
I’ve slept like maybe an hour today and I’m so dehydrated and I wanna stay that way. Just lay in bed and cleanse myself of my filth and my sin. I ordered some night time weight loss pills so hopefully those will help me. I think I’m gonna go drink a cup of weightless tea now.
1:29 PM
“why don’t we spend our extra money on low calorie foods?” “How about we don’t spend our money on food at all because that’s calorie free!”
At least I genuinely have 1.5 - 2 weeks until I see my love this time~ I could get some real work done in two weeks. I need to be under 190lbs by Monday morning, then with any luck I’ll be like 180lbs by the time I see them again. I don’t think they’ve ever seen me that skinny before and I’m so excited for it 🤍
11:20 PM
Day one of my partner worrying about me eating and they go out of their way to text my roommate immediately and have them make sure I eat :( makes me wonder if they’ve dealt with someone like me before... regardless, I felt it was so sweet that they cared that much. Hella tired and heading to bed. I look forward to weighing in tomorrow. G’night ~
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Today I have binged on:
boba
Mac n cheese
Chili
Kit Kat
Pretzels
Mac n cheese again
Avocado
Chinese food
Ramen noodles
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I don’t know why I save eating disorder memes- who are they for? There’s nobody I can talk to about this.
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