just to be clear, I’m staying here as long as this site functions. I have 0 intentions of deleting this blog, I will go down with this ship if only to see exactly how bad it gets

New guy at work: “Oh, you were in the Army?”

Me: “Yeah.”

New guy: “Thank you for your service!”

Me: “It was bullshit. It’s all bullshit. You ever heard of Smedley Butler?”

Bookworm Problems #31

Friend: hey what’s your favorite book?

Me: bold of you to assume that I have just one

Yesterday a man came into my work, all scruffy and dirty with a big backpack on his shoulders, and as he was leaving I told him to stay dry because it’s been raining almost none stop for a few days. 

He stopped and turned around and laughed, and then he showed me his new shoes that he just bought and said “I’ve been walking the perimeter of the United States; these shoes will last me another month, rain or sunshine.”

We talked for a bit and he told me about how he’s walking around the perimeter of the entire U.S. to raise awareness and money for the homeless. He told me about some things he’s seen and the places he’s been so far. Before he left, he gave me a big smile, said “God be with you,” and walked out the door with the happiest strut I’ve ever seen. 

He started off in Virginia and made it all the way down here to Florida on foot, and he’s still got a long way to go. He was very kind and very optimistic. 

I’ve never met someone like him before, so I want to try and spread him and his effort here on tumblr. 

He isn’t very popular yet, but I really want to try to spread his word and raise awareness of the homelessness issue here in the U.S., and try to help him raise money for this cause. 

His name is Leroy Bailey and if you want to follow him around the U.S. his facebook is here. 

I didn’t get a photo of him so I took this one from his facebook

“I am so afraid of disappointing the people I love, I often forget that I am someone I love too. And I need kindness just as much as I believe the people I love do.”

— Nikita Gill (via wordsnquotes)

Somebody was just telling about this video like 2 days ago.

‪Essays I've written that had absolutely no business scoring as high as they did‬

- A literary analysis claiming that Jekyll was gay and strongly insinuating that Hyde was his drag persona‬ ‪- 500 words on how Despacito has changed the American music industry (in Spanish)‬ ‪- Literally didn’t even write an essay just turned in a picture of that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the cartoon angels are playing the trumpet w their asses - We were supposed to make a ‘diary’ from the pov of a character in Romeo and Juliet. I chose to write as a gay servant who was hopelessly in love w Romeo and plotting to murder Juliet. It’s entirely handwritten w my left hand and stg every single word is spelled wrong. One page just says ‘today I saw a geese’. There are no fewer than 6 thinly veiled sexual innuendos.

u know what’s weird.. that i’m going to like.. keep getting older.. and like i’m going to change.. experience personal growth and character development and shit.. like that’s wild

whenever somebody responds with “I beg your pardon?” assert your dominance by announcing “Then Beg.”

I want my husband to have this accent

so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???

and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”

I ordered a blonde flat white from Starbucks while on my break and the barista must have been having a long day bc he goes “that would be my stripper name” and there was like five seconds of dead silence between us before he looked up realized he said that out loud

Here’s my cat patiently waiting for me to throw her toy after she brought it to me

Now here is her reaction when I ask her if “she’s ready” before I throw it. She knows what it means.

She’s ready guys

I want to be politically informed and educated but I also wanna have a good day and be in a good mood. Do you see my problem?