Hits Different (...'cause it's you) (1)
«« I trace the evidence, make it make some sense Why the wound is still bleedin' »»
PAIRING: kim mingyu x reader
SYNOPSIS: Kim Mingyu was the first friend your brother had brought home for dinner. Fast forward a couple years, his toothy smile and pierced ears would wedge their way into a permanent place in your heart. Nail to a coffin, never to escape.
or;
in which you get rejected by the only boy you've ever loved; a rejection you can't quite shake off.
GENRES: based off of 'Hits Different' by Taylor Swift, brother's best friend!au, brother!seokmin, fluff, angst, smut (in part 2) [MINORS DNI], friends(?) to lovers, university!au.
PLAYLIST: right here!
WORD COUNT (full fic): 40k (im actually embarrassed)
Part 1: 20.2k | Part 2: 20k
masterlist
WARNINGS : slowburn, angst, fluff, mingyus a bit of an airhead and an ass, reader has a hard time managing her feelings, lots of frustrated tears, one sided pining, user toruro x minghao make an appearance, swearing, there's another woman (gasp,,,,,but shes cool so), Nayeon is a darling, Seungcheol is kinda annoying here but we love him, smut tags in part 2
(Comments from @toruro): "oh shizzle", "yeah bitch", (on jihyo) "mother", "ME X HAO FIRE EMOJI", "men (derogatory)"
[A/N]: Tumblr is annoying and won't let me post the entire 40k in one go so i have to break it up (part 2 is out tomorrow!!!) i hope you guys enjoy this, thank you for all the love on the teaser, i hope this is able to live up to the hype, thank you so much for being patient with me <33 (ty @toruro for encouraging me when i felt shit ab this gkjnrgvkjrng and beta-ing ofc)
As someone who could vomit at the mere thought of throw-up, you tried not to stare into the toilet bowl as you emptied your guts in this questionable club bathroom.Â
It was proving to be easier than youâd anticipated, naturally, when your eyes were blurred with bubbling tears. Were they because of your wretching or the feelings that churned in your heart? You canât be entirely sure, nor can you find yourself having the mental strength to figure out. Thereâs a banging on the door behind you, one that sends your already aching head into a hurling spin.Â
âOpen the door, I have water for you, itâll help!â You hear Mika blare from the other side, concern lacing her voice.Â
You try to blink the tears away but they cascade down your cheek anyway, rubbing at them furiously before preparing to haul yourself off the disgusting bathroom floor. Taking a deep breath was a horrible idea, you realize when an atrocious mixture of scents hit your nostrils, cringing visibly.Â
Washing your hands at the sink took you another five minutes, scrubbing furiously at your palms and nails with the dollar store soap the club graciously placed in a fancy dispenser, pumping more than a normal amount to rid yourself of the paranoia of tainted hands.Â
Unfortunately for you, your palms were tainted with entities beyond mere soap and waterâs powers.Â
It was evident with the way you exited the bathroom feeling perhaps worse than you went in. Mika was nowhere to be seen in the hall, moving along to the private room where the rest of the group was to find her springing up as you enter.Â
âYou werenât answering, so I left. Here, water, I told you to be careful with what you drink; you havenât had a bite to eat either.â She reprimands.Â
âSorry,â you smile sheepishly, not having a reasonable excuse to give her.Â
Joshua peeks over her shoulder, âYou feeling any better?âÂ
The water is slow to go down as you sputter before replying in a hoarse voice, âYeah. Way.âÂ
To be fair, the water did help. But it was you who was the problem, blaming the alcohol for the behaviour all your friends knew perfectly well where it was stemming from. Not a word was said though, for your sake or their own. You wrap up quickly after that, Joshua insisting to drop you off home himself, quoting how Seokmin would have his head if he left you in the hands of a taxi driver in this state â age gap be damned. You can only thank him as he pulls up to your destination, hoping youâll remember this in the morning to return the favour in the future.Â
âBefore you go, can we talk for a second?â he piques, halting you as you remove your seatbelt.Â
âSure, yeah. What is it?âÂ
âIâm not gonna ask if youâre doing alright, not when youâre gonna give me the same answer as always. ButâŠplease take care of yourself. Youâve been drinking quite a bit lately, and it canât be helping you at allâÂ
You listen to him silently, not a thought in your brain. But you nod anyway.Â
âThanks for looking out, Shua. IâmâŠIâm probably not gonna be going out for a while, youâre right,â you reply, quietly, a small smile on your face that you can only hope is reassuring.Â
âI donât mean lock yourself up, either. You donât give yourself a break and then try to make up for it by drinking your self faint every week, thatâs never gonna help you. You know that.â He speaks in a soft, soothing voice, a hand coming up to pat your hair before landing on your clasped hands on your lap. âYou know what, Iâll pick you up tomorrow night, we can go the fair just me, you and Seok-âÂ
âI have class tomorrow.âÂ
âLike showing up hungover is gonna help you retain any information. Just skip.âÂ
You sigh a deep exhale, deciding to simply be upfront. âI kinda just wanna stay home for a while, going outâs kinda making it worse. I think rotting in front of my laptopâs what I really need right nowâÂ
Throwing in a tinkle of a laugh, you hope youâve sold yourself.
âAlright,â he sounds slightly unconvinced but doesnât push you further, âIâll drop in to bother you tomorrow though, donât try stoping meâ
âOkay,â you say, smiling a little wider. âIâm gonna go now, goodnight.â
âWait!â he stops you once again, right before your about to shut the door. âHave you talked to Mingyu at all?âÂ
âThereâs nothing to talk about, Shua. NightâÂ
With that youâve slammed the door of his car shut, missing the ghost of a âgoodnightâ that leaves Joshuaâs lips as he watches you walk inside the building.Â
âAnd stop staying out so late at night! What were you supposed to do if Joshua wasnât there?â Seokmin rants as he walks back and forth grabbing you water and pills as you finish your forced breakfast.
âTake a taxi?â you suggest sarcastically.Â
âWhat? And get me called to the station to identify your body parts when some dude decides he wants to play cannibalistic butcher?â he screeches, and it has you wincing and grabbing onto your head at his volume. You dramatize it a little, hoping heâd shut it with his nagging if you gained some extra sympathy. He doesnât stop talking, but he does tone it down.Â
âWhatever, Iâm not going out anymore.â You push your plate and bowl away as you hop off the stool and stalk off to your room, making as much noise as possible in the process.Â
Your brother calls after you, but you donât stop. Your head was pounding,Â
âAre you gonna take your meds? HELLO? Or do you enjoy the feeling of having your head split open?â he slams open the door of your room mid-sentence, going on at your blanket-clad figure on the bed.Â
âIâm going back to sleep.â
âNo, youâre taking your fucking meds.â A cup of water is thrust into your hands as you pick up the pills from Seokminâs open palms, swallowing before he decides to shove it down your throat himself.Â
He waits on the edge of the bed, checking to make sure you actually swallowed the pill instead of hiding it under your tongue like youâve done since you were kids.Â
âIâm not stopping you from going out if thatâs what you think I mean,â he starts, a lot softer this time, and youâre taken back to your conversation with Joshua last night. âYouâve been going out and coming home wasted a lot more than normal lately. I donât know if itâs because your college agendas are finally catching up to you or what.â
âIâm justâŠMy friends are always out and I wanna be with them, itâs normal,â you grumble, disappearing deeper into your sheets.
âYouâd tell me if something was bothering you, right?âÂ
âYeah, yeah, now shoo. Your voice is making my head hurt worse, I doubt Advils are immune to your yapping.âÂ
âFine, fuck you tooâ he mumbles, leaving the room only to pop back in a second later. âMom called last night, told her you were at a study group. Might wanna call her back before she catches a flight herself.âÂ
You wave two fingers up in a salute from your flat position on the bed, hearing him close the door. You donât sit up until you hear the TV blare from the living room, knowing he had parked himself on the couch and has his attention diverted.Â
The headache wasnât actually that bad, you just really wanted to be left alone, and your brother had a habit to do the opposite when asked, so it had to be done.Â
What on Earth were you supposed to tell him, anyway? That his best friend in the whole world rejected his sister on the spot when she confessed her decades long feelings? That she was ruining her liver and kidneys every weekend over a rejection? By his best friend in the whole world?
Yeah, thatâs an easy conversation.Â
Snuggling into the covers you try not to think back to the abomination that was your birthday party just a few weeks ago, but your thoughts yank you there anyway, as if to remind you of every wretched detail of the encounter like it was wasnât already burned into your frontal lobe like a brand.Â
You were on a high; too happy, too excited. Itâs not like you were expecting anything for your first birthday at uni anyway, you were too old for pink blowout parties and too young for the madness of college level clubbing. You were excited for takeout with your brother, to sit in front of the TV for the rest of the night, maybe even stick a candle in one of your burgers and call it your cake. Plans were changed when you walked into your home, ready to wind down for the night and celebrate in your own way.Â
It was a full house, food and drinks everywhere, complete with a loud âSURPRISEâ as you walk through the door. You remember hugging both your brother and Mingyu when they tell you they did all of this for you, an overwhelming feeling overcoming you as you grip them tight, hoping itâll transfer all the gratitude you couldnât express.Â
Youâre breathless as the night progresses, trying hard to focus on the conversations at hand, trying to be a good host. Failing miserably, you canât force your gaze from wandering every few minutes, searching for Mingyu in the crowd, watching him move his mouth as he talked, throw his hair back as he laughed, smile that beautiful, beautiful smile of his, perfect teeth on display.Â
It had been bliss these past few weeks, the lingering smiles he would give you, the flirtatious attempts never gone unnoticed. The smoothest of words slipping right off his tongue as he gave you eyes that twinkled and sparkled and blew air directly into the embers in your heart. You would still yourself as they would happen, like the mirage would crack and shatter if you even dared to breathe; it felt unreal. After all these years, you realised soon, Kim Mingyu may have began to like you.Â
Youâd be lying if you said you were completely sober when it happened, drinks were passed around and as the birthday girl you didnât seem to have a choice to back down, already a little hot and wide eyed barely halfway through the night.Â
And when Mingyu doesnât interact with you all night, you go to him as the numbers in the house dwindled, cornering him as he collected bottles in the kitchen.
âHey!â, he sounds enthusiastic, âYou having fun yet?â
âYeah, thanks again for doing this.â your remember fidgeting with your fingers and nails, digging them into each other as you let yourself spew.Â
âAre you gonna say thank you at every chance for the next six months? It's your first birthday away from home. Besides it was Seokâs idea, I just helped out.â He had said, beaming.
âMingyu, can I talk to you about somethingâŠ?â
You sigh loudly as you replay the memory, face pushed into the covers as you bite back a scream at the blood rushing to your head.Â
Stupid. Idiot. Absolutely brainless.
âOh.â He had breathed out when you had spilled your entire heart out to him standing in that kitchen, visibly taken aback at your abruptness. âIâŠIâm sorry Iâm not quite sure what to say.âÂ
You still remember that sickening feeling, that big ball of junk and emotions that sank lower and lower in your abdomen, settling a deep hurt in your chest that made it difficult to breathe.Â
Laying in your bedroom, weeks after the fact, you can still feel your breathing go slightly erratic at the memory, hot tears springing your eyes, burning before you wipe them away. You were aware how baffling it was, how you were letting it affect you to this degree, but you justified it with the years you had remained quiet, yearning on the sidelines.Â
You deserved to wallow in this pit.Â
At least thatâs what you thought. But after last night you wonder if you had stopped indulging in the sorrow and let it ruin you instead. A sigh escapes you at the thought of ending yet another night in a dirty bathroom, makeup smeared and guts removed, misery becoming the only thing you were allowed to feel in the aftermath.Â
You reach for your phone on the bedside table, flicking through your unread messages, barely registering a word as you leave them opened and unanswered. There wasnât an ounce of willpower in you even after a full nightâs sleep, turning your phone off before shoving it in your bedside drawer, forgotten. You take a moment to stare at the ceiling, having no energy to get up to turn your lights off. Until the doorbell sounds.Â
Of course you knew who it was the second you heard, but the voice paired with your brotherâs conversing outside was enough to have you catapulting out of bed. You slap your hand over the switchboard, turning off all your lights, moving across the room to pull your curtains shut, cascading complete darkness in the room. You fly under the covers as a last effort to convince, covering your face with the sheets just as you hear a knock.Â
The door creaks open slightly as Seokmin calls out your name.Â
âAre you up? Mingyuâs here, he brought coffee.â He whispers slowly. You donât respond.Â
He calls out your name one more time before you hear the door click shut. You donât move till you hear his muffled voice on the other end, âSheâs knocked out, her head was hurting, better let her rest.âÂ
Heat pricks the sides of your face as your body finally relaxes, borderline embarrassed at how you were hiding from him like a middle schooler who thinks sheâs in love. Which you were at one point; now you're a college kid who thinks sheâs in love.
You try not to focus too much on the sounds coming from outside, burying under the covers to attempt at sleep for real this time. Eyes screwed shut, you canât help but open them at every other intonation. There was no way you could figure out what they were saying if you tried, between the door and the TV, it was all a taunting buzz in your ears.Â
You do end up falling asleep. But only after you hear the droning of the TV turn off, and the distinct goodbyes as the front door clicks shut.Â
Keeping to your promise, you stay away from late nights for the next couple of weeks. Joshua so far as commends you for declining invitations, offering dinner on him on one particular phone call.Â
âYou know, I was serious when I said I was proud of you.â Joshua voices solemnly as you attempt to cut a strip of meat onto the grill. You snort as a response.Â
âI wasnât like, an alcoholic, youâre making it sound worse than it was.âÂ
âIt was still bad for it to affect you in that way. Takes a lot to get back up from heartbreakâ
âEspecially one thatâs lasted for nearly a decade.â You sigh as you give up on the meat, handing the scissors and tongs over.Â
âAre we still talking about that?â He raises his eyebrows.Â
A smile makes its way to your face, nibbling on a radish, âNo.â
âGood. Because we need to talk about if we want our noodles hot or cold.â
âSeok! SEOK! Where the fuck did you put my pimple patches?â Your screams echo across the house yet garner no response. Opting to yank open the fridge, you dig through through the box of face masks to find them possibly laying at the bottom, forgotten. Seokmin bounds into the kitchen, towel in hand as he pats at his damp hair.
âWhat?âÂ
âNothing,â you huff, shoving the unfruitful box back into the cabinet, "you used up all the patches.â
âPatches? Pimple patches? Weâve been out for a month, just use this tube in the drawer.â Pulling open the drawer, he rummages for a moment before emerging with a sickly yellow tube of what looked like poorly marketed toothpaste.
âYou want me to put this on my face?âÂ
âYeah, it works, zit on my nose was gone by morning.â He stuffs the tube back in the drawer not before squeezing a small amount on his fingers to dab on your face.
âEw, get your dirty hands away from my face.â You grip his wrists before he tries to move in further.Â
He does nothing but shush you, shaking off your hands as you grumble in silence, letting him finger paint on your face. You move up to fix a roller on your head, undoing it before rolling the bit back in, resulting in another âtskâ emitting form your brothers concentrated face.
âOkay, enough! I donât have that many zits.â You pull away as Seokmin moves to wash his hands.Â
âAre you going to bed right now?â He asks as you move over to the door.
âYeah. Iâm not going to sleep, though.âÂ
âGyuâs coming over, you were asleep when he was here last too.âÂ
It seemed as though every bone in your body rattled against your flesh.Â
âWhen is he coming?â You ask quickly, frozen in your spot.Â
The doorbell rings.Â
âRight now, I guess.â He snickers to himself.
You can only watch in mild horror as he moves to open the door, words escaping you. You follow behind him, trying to stop him, yet not doing much other than reach the front door yourself, fingers frozen yet mildly trembling.Â
âWait!â You finally whisper-shout, âDonât open it!âÂ
Seokmin pauses to give you a look, âWhy? Heâs seen you look worse, itâs fineâ
The door wrenches open before you can protest any further, a cartoonish moment of the hunched figure of you, hands out in a nearly there grip. Youâve failed, and the chorus of âheyââs reach your ears in almost a mocking manner. Thereâs a conscious effort on your end to not look up too high, keeping to chest eye level for your own sanity. What you find once your vision clears from the white blur, is that thereâs not one, but two people at the door.Â
Mingyuâs brought a girl.Â
Standing behind the door meant there was no immediate attention on you, which should have been a perfectly good opportunity for you to book it to your room, but you donât. You stand there instead, staring at the back of their heads like a child in wonder.
Once you are noticed by your brother, he winces at your appearance, a silent apology, like he didnât know about this new guest either. Or he was apologising for what he was about to do next, you wouldnât know, because you wouldnât be hearing him out when you throttle him later.Â
âThis is my sisterâÂ
All three sets of eyes are on you now, a moment of silence as they take in your appearance. The grandma nightgown, in all its blue and collared glory, does absolutely nothing to boost your confidence in front of the very pretty lady, whose hair cascades down her back, whose skin stands as clear as a summer sky.Â
âHi!â She breaks the awkward silence first, âIâm Jia, itâs nice to meet you! Iâve heard a lot about the both of you.â
What?
âMingyu has a hard time keeping his mouth shut, Iâm not surprised.â Seokmin tries to joke as he motions for the couch in the centre of the room. You catch him kicking a stray sock out of the way as he urges them to sit.Â
With the way your brother is acting, you donât doubt this is his first time meeting this girl. Mingyu is yet to clarify why he would bring a friend to the house unannounced, but something tells you you already know. You remain on the sidelines, inching away to the hallway slowly, trying your hardest to not bring attention to yourself.
âI havenât seen you around campus ever, are you new?â Seokmin prods, his voice slightly on edge.Â
âOh, um-â Jia begins but is cut off by Mingyu as he speaks for her.Â
âJia doesnât go to our uni, we met at Seungcheolâs, weâve been dating for a couple months.âÂ
There it is.Â
âOh! Couple months? How come I didnât know?â You donât miss the hurt laced in your brother's words, your fists clenching slightly at the oncoming silence.Â
âThatâs on me, sorry. Itâs justâŠI didnât want anyone to know âcause I thought he was playing around when he said he liked me, I wanted to see if he was being real or not.â She laughs nervously, and you see the back of her head move as she talked. You canât help but note the arm thatâs swung across the back of the couch where she sat. âPlease donât be mad at him! I promise it was me that stopped him.â
You donât hear too much of what happens afterwards as you slip away into the crevice of your bedroom, standing in the entryway in absolute silence, attempting to absorb what you had just witnessed outside. Approaching the full length mirror on the other end, it takes a lot out of your to bring yourself to look straight into it, regretting it immediately as you acknowledge your appearance.Â
Of course, the woman who actually succeeded in winning over the man that rejected you had to witness you in the unappealing yellow paste that your brother graciously dotted all over your face, not leaving the giant rollers in your hair to cut you any slack either. You could cry about it, but you donât. Instead you lay back in your bed, sniffling in the dark, just as you had the last time Mingyu was over.Â
Itâs significantly easier to drown out the voices this time round, especially when your mind is preoccupied with a couple months. Your birthday was a couple months ago, does that mean they started dating right after that conversation? Or were they already offical and you had waltzed in with your princess dreams about your brotherâs best friend being in love with you.Â
It made perfect sense at the time, and no sense at all anymore as you wonder why on Earth he was being so forwardly flirty with you if there was another girl all along. Thereâs a bitter taste in your mouth as you recall how he had quit perceiving you altogether after that night, and you canât help but mentally commend Jia for testing him by keeping it quiet. Especially when he was going around flirting with his best friendâs sister.Â
It didnât take long for you to guage Mingyuâs reputation when you first dropped into university, the senior having made himself a reputation none less similar than he had in high school. He was popular, but with his outgoing personality and a face like that it was hard not to be liked. Your brother was right there beside him, living it up as carefree college kids, suddenly remembering he now had a little sister to tend to. You were grateful for the both of them for being there to help you take your first baby steps, all the rites of passage and which professors sucked the least, not leaving the leaky water fountain to never drink from.Â
That was when Mingyuâs (supposed) advances had begun.Â
Youâre projected back to first semester, when both of them had dragged you to the same couch outside, talking about an âimportant thing you should knowâ.Â
âYou walk into class one day, expecting nothing out of the ordinary. Your professor drones on as usual, your classmates look bored as usual, youâre tired as usual. But then!â Seokmin breathes in sharply, and you hear Mingyu bound to the other side of your vision, emerging on the opposite end of the room with a backpack swung over his shoulder.Â
âThe man of your dreams walks byâŠâ Seokmin continues and you snap your head towards him in a panic, suddenly afraid he had found you out. Heâs busy though, making ethereal hands in Mingyuâs general direction, while the latter walks in comedic slow motion like heâs in a K-drama b-roll, complete with passes over his hair and a nonchalant yet controlled expression.Â
âWhat is this about?â It comes out snappier than you had intended, but youâve had one scare already.Â
âJust!â your brothers hands turn from graceful to clenched, like it was you he was trying to squish you for interrupting him, âListen, alright?âÂ
âThe man of your dreams walks by,â he goes back to his narrator voice, âand you wonder where heâs been all your life. You start talking, youâre enamoured. You start thinking about introducing him to your parents, what your weddingâs gonna look like, what your kids are gonna look like!âÂ
Your face is becoming increasingly warped the more you listen to him speak, not being able to fathom where this was going.Â
âBut no!â Itâs Mingyu that speaks this time, pushing a jolt out of you as he slams the backpack on the floor, pointing directly at you for added effect, âYouâre better than that!â
âWhat the fuck-â you start, but are shushed by a physical finger on your lips as Mingyu shushes you. Seokmin slaps his hand away.Â
âOur point is, that youâre probably gonna come across someone who you think is your next boyfriend.â Your brother continues, âBut lucky for you, you have two seasoned professionals here to tell you that itâs nothing but fresherâs fever.âÂ
âItâs a new place, new people, loads of new experiences; youâre bound to latch on one of the first couple pieces of meat. Our advice is donât, because it will happen to you. But you also now know that your just in a deluded stage right now. Give it a semester before you start dating people, trust.â Mingyu finishes for Seokmin as he thumps down on the couch next to you.Â
âSo all of this was just another stay away from boys lecture?â You raise your eyebrows.Â
âYes and no. You can date whoever you want,â Seokmin answers coolly before quickly adding, âbut not right now.â
It was laughable, the thought of latching onto another person when youâd been trying exactly that for years. To have anyone catch your eye, to have anyone sweep you away from this madness that came in the form of Kim Mingyu. Neither of these seasoned professionals had a thing to worry about though, because you werenât latching on anything that came out of this institute. You had already done so, in a stage more impressionable than this, years and years before any of them knew of the dangers of young girls and new boys in their vicinity.Â
âOkay, I know youâre like on a self inflicted party ban and all thatâŠâ Joshua starts the second he places himself at your table, still haggard looking from jogging across campus.
âDonât even try.â You warn with filled cheeks.
âGirl, let him finish.â Nayeon chides next to you.Â
You exhale through your nose heavily, going back to pick at your tray as Joshua continues.
âCheolâs throwing a little party tonight to celebrate the end of midterms.â He starts, âYou should come, it's only gonna be a handful of people.âÂ
âA handful?â You repeat, unable to bite back the amusement in your voice.Â
âCome on, your brotherâs going as well! Youâll be fine, I promise weâll keep you in check.âÂ
âI donât need to be kept in check, Iâm fine.â You grumble.
âPerfect! Nothing stopping you then, Iâll pick you both up at 8.â The words are barely out of his mouth before heâs back to sprinting out the vicinity, garnering looks from oncoming traffic, off to his next pestering destinationÂ
âI donât think Iâd explicitly agreed.â You voice.Â
âHe got what he wanted.â Nayeon snorts, âWhatever, weâll get ready at my place after this.â
âWerenât you guys worried about me? Now youâre actively dragging me to parties.â You drop your utensils onto the tray.
âToo much of either isnât a good thing, you went from forgetting what home looks like to exclusively holing yourself up in there.â She stabs a piece of potato with a chopstick and tries to pry it in your mouth. âBesides, Cheolâs parties are always super intimate, theyâre all gonna be people you know, donât worry.â
âSuper intimateâ, as Nayeon had put it, had amounted to at least fifty people as you take in the crowd at the floor of the house. Despite not being packed to the brim, it was still coming out to look like a full house, random items already scattered across the floors in true frat party fashion.Â
âDo you want a beer?â Nayeon asks, dragging you to the kitchens by the hand as you crane your neck to spot people.
âUh, no. Is there juice?âÂ
âUm, thereâs a questionable looking fruit punch.â she wrinkles her nose at the blaring red bowl on the counter.Â
You sigh, grabbing a cup, âIâll risk it.â
Joshua was air the second he had walked in with you, whisked away to socialize with his own hoard of acquaintances, leaving both you and Nayeon to fend for yourselves. Youâre yet to spot your brother, granted youâd only been here a mere five minutes, his rowdy demeanor making him quite easy to spot in usual circumstances.Â
Taking a casual sip of the electric red liquid youâre forced to make a face as you register the flavour, alerting Nayeon, who was too busy fiddling through multiple crystal bottles.Â
âWhat? Is it bad?âÂ
âWhat the fuck is that?â You sputter in astonishment, wondering how the bowl was already half empty. âWhoâs drinking this stuff?âÂ
She grabs the cup from you before taking a gulp herself, emerging the same gagging mess you were, eyes watering at the taste. It seemed almost comical when Seokmin shows up behind her, waiting to greet only to find both of you doubled over. His eyes move over to the potion in Nayeonâs hand and passes a knowing look.
âHeâs brought The Whole Shabang out of retirement.â He states like it was the obvious answer.
Nayeon spits first, âAre we supposed to know what that means?âÂ
âCheol got drunk one time in freshman year and mixed every ounce of alcohol he owned into one big bowl of despair. We retired it last year when the bowl broke and stained his counters. But anyway, beginners are supposed to dilute it before downing it.â
âThatâs great and everything but why is it so red?â You ask.
Another voice speaks from behind you, turning around to find Seungcheol himself. âThereâs an entire thing of food colouring in there, gives it an edge donât you think?â
âIâm scared of you.â You deadpan, a sour expression remaining on your face.Â
Seunghceol is quick to suggest the backyard for some fresh air to distract from the flavour itâs left in your mouths, commenting on the nice weather. Neither him nor your brother stick around for too long though, dipping at the holler of their names somewhere inside. Youâre comfortable though, despite being blocked off by a concrete railing, the stairs make a nice haven for the both of you to lie down and stare into the clearer than usual sky. Cheol was right, it was nice outside.Â
âI canât lay down like this, I need to get a drink.â Nayeon announces not even five minutes later.Â
âWhy didnât you get one when we were there?â You groan, but she doesnât respond as she hops back inside, throwing a promise to be quick in the air behind her.Â
The wall supports you as you deflate into it, legs sprawled across the steps in disarray. Nobody could see you anyway, taking full advantage as you practically manspread. The side of the pool thatâs in your vision is empty by grace; calm save for the giant flamingo floaty that bobs itself into view from the edge of the wall you lean against. A breathy laugh leaves you at the sight.Â
The railing on your other side is mostly concealed, you can still make out the wicker sofa set, complete with an unlit fireplace. Itâs unoccupied, for the time being, as you register a conversation floating closer and closer to your ears. Wondering if Nayeon had brought friends, you stand up quickly to look over the railing to check for her face over the sliding door that leads inside.Â
Thereâs no Nayeon in sight.Â
But there is Mingyu.Â
His mere presence knocks your butt back onto the concrete the second you see him stumbling over the threshold with a hoard of his friends, nothing short of his picturesque party strut. There was little reason for you to hide from him at all, considering the very possible notion that he would look right past you if you happened across his line of sight. Space floating in, heâd ignore you for your sake or his own, perhaps even both.Â
For now, heâs seated himself with a few other people on the wicker sofas, leaving you hugging your knees to your chest, head on the concrete wall with the lingering feeling akin to that of a trapped mouse. Closing your eyes, you blow out air in an attempt to relax yourself, take light of the situation youâve found yourself in. You could get up and leave in this very moment, possibly go unnoticed if you stalked back inside before they began their rattle not meant for your ears.Â
And yet, you find yourself unable to move, not even when you hear their topic shift to Mingyuâs new beau. Suddenly you wish youâd moved inside the moment you saw him.Â
âWas it you that stopped Jia from coming to parties?â You hear somebody ask.
âWhy the fuck would I do that?â Mingyu grumbles, he pauses and you assume heâs taking a swing of his drink. âWe started going out and suddenly she didnât wanna come, thatâs fine though, it isnât her vibe anyway.â
Thereâs a snigger that moves across everybody seated, you hear loud thwack before Mingyu speaks again, âWhatâs so fucking funny?âÂ
âThis girlâs made you work for it, huh?âÂ
âIsnât that like, his brand? Donât look at me like that, youâre the one yapping about liking a challenge all the time.â
âYeah, remember Minji?âÂ
âI still think she was only pretending to not like you, her clique was always smacking at her to straighten up when youâd come over like we couldnât see everything.â You could almost hear the eye rolling.
âChange the subject, will you?â Mingyu proposes, sounding exhausted at the prodding already.
âI apologise for the ex talk and nothing else.âÂ
Thereâs a pause for another choke of laughter across the group, and you wonder what it was that they found so funny.Â
âI donât know if I should say thisâŠâ Somebody begins, but is cut off by Mingyu.
âThen donât say it.â He snaps, but you donât miss his own jest.Â
âI honestly thought you were gonna date Seokâs sister at some point. I mean, common consensus is that bagging your best friendâs sister is⊠what youâd call a challenge.â
What the fuck.Â
You feel your eyes drifting closed at the turn this conversation has taken, wishing to simply fall asleep at what itâs come to. Somebody speaks up.Â
âNah, thatâs like, the grand slam prize, that one comes after heâs done hanging with the side quests.âÂ
The situation is making itself out to be something out of a fever dream.Â
Mingyu tsks, and you note a jostle happening through the gaps of the railing. âIâm leaving.âÂ
You find yourself hugging yourself tighter, eyes shut like he wouldnât be able to see if you couldnât see him. Not that it was possible unless he peered directly through the railing in his peripheral.Â
âOKAY! Okay! Weâre kidding.â Thereâs a pause. âOkay, but reallyâŠâ
Another pause, this time longer. You hate how you can picture the ghost of an exasperated smile on Mingyuâs face, a bite of his lip perhaps, dejected at the shoulder with his longing, distant look. You hate how your mind fills the gaps of him the railing wonât allow you to see.Â
âSeokâs not the type to beat me up if I dated his sister. And besidesâŠâ He sighs, halting his words.
âBesides what?â Somebody chimes in.
âIâm not interested in going after someone whoâs chased my tail for the past fifteen years.â
Thereâs a chorus of hisses and ohâs, a few bounts of laughter in their disbelief. You can feel your stomach twist, heat pooling your figure.Â
It wouldâve been better if his words had hit you like a gong, maybe the aftermath wouldnât have felt as horrid. But the connotations crept up on you like a million spiders making their trek up to your brain, waiting to stick their crawlers in the bits that would allow those words to hold meaning for you. You can feel the electric red of Seungcheolâs god awful concoction begin to rise up in your throat like bile; burning, imprinting.Â
Mingyu had said what he had said. And everything was in itâs place, in finality.Â
Despite the nearly four year age gap, you and Seokmin had co-existed without the semblance of an older-younger duo. It was mostly owed to Seokmin's shy nature, and his difficulty making solid friends. That, however, didnât last long as your brother progressed through middle school.Â
You had met Mingyu for the first time when Seokmin brought his first ever friend from school home for dinner.Â
Despite being barely nine years old and half spoon fed by your mother at the same table, the prospect of Seokminâs new friend was equal to you having a new friend â which caused enough excitement as you brought your favourite cartoon books into your brotherâs room to show this new person after dinner.Â
As the following year progressed, you saw less and less of your brother, and more and more of newer faces of âfriendsâ that you werenât allowed to play with. It was distressing enough to be told by your mother that something of your brotherâs was not yours, but even more so when you were kicked out of the room by Seokmin himself for the very first time.
It wasnât as trauamtising as it felt in the moment, because you grew to find your own group of friends, doing the same as youâd kick your brother out for being annoying â except unlike you, he was doing it on purpose.Â
Mingyu was a recurring face, one that was nicer to you on the days your brother was meaner, more forgiving on the days your relatively new middle school was relentless. He fit himself in your life easier than you had realised, more comfortable than you soon found you were comfortable with.
âDid you take my guitar picks?â Your brother bursts into your room just as your about to fall into your after school nap, grip loosening on the book in hand.Â
Jolting awake at the sound of loud voice, you donât respond as you attempt to orient yourself.Â
âWell? Did you?â He demands again.
âWhat? No, I donât know where your stupid guitar pick is.â You grumble. âGet out.â
âItâs not in my room that has to mean you took it, where is it?âÂ
Mingyu emerges from behind him, hand on his arm as he tries to pull his iron grip off of your doorway. âItâs probably just in your bag, you havenât even looked!âÂ
Kicking the covers off, you sit up in a disarray, progressively annoyed at your brother for ruining your perfect descent into dreamland.Â
âI donât have shit, you just suck at keeping tabs on your stuff!â You grit.Â
Thereâs a stagnant pause as he stares at you from the doorway. You can sense it coming. And it does.Â
âMOM! SHE JUST SWORE!â He yells into the hallway, bounding to where your mother was, leaving an unsure Mingyu in your doorway.
Surprisingly, you were just glad he was gone, wanting to melt back into the covers. You make eye contact with Mingyu. âI really donât have it.âÂ
âItâs probably in there somewhere, heâs just not looking.â He mumbles, standing a little awkward. âUm, go back to whatever it was, Iâll close your door.â
He does so, allowing you to finally slump back into your pillows to go back to your nap.
You find out quickly that you couldn't sleep after that.
The controller is becoming increasingly uncomfortable to hold. It doesnât help that youâre brother is chewing on his four additional pieces of gum behind you on the couch, making obnoxious comments about your gaming form.Â
Youâre also sitting a foot away from Kim Mingyu on the floor, with whom youâre forced to battle out on Mario Kart.Â
âWhyâre you clicking the buttons so hard, chill out.â You heat Seokmin say, continued by his wet chomping right by your ear.Â
âHow hard is it to chew with your mouth closed?â Mingyu grits.
âWhat? Like this?â Seokmin leans over to Mingyu, chewing even louder, mouth wrenched open and closed right into his ear. Mingyu makes a sound before falling to his side, covering his ears at the ghastly sound, pushing him back with his free hand to shut him up.
You barely crack a smile at the unfolding, watching them continue to wrestle half on the floor. Itâs noisy when you set your controller down, chest heavy, unfolding your legs to walk into the hallway to your room. Unnoticed.Â
You only reemerge to feed yourself, inspecting the fridge for possible leftovers. Settling on an apple, youâre closing the fridge when you see Mingyu walk in, seemingly taken aback to see you there. You freeze with your mouth still attached to the apple to take a bite.Â
âOh! Whereâd you go when we were playing? Didn't notice you gone till I got him to spit that wad of gum out his mouth.â
âUh, just tired. Took a nap.âÂ
He hums in response and you're just about to leave when he starts talking again.Â
âHey, did you move the popcorn somewhere else? Couldâve sworn it was in here last week,â he mumbles as he rummages through a cabinet.Â
âOh. Um. Itâs in the pantry.â You move before you can think, grabbing the box and slamming it on the counter, pausing briefly before reaching for the popcorn bowl and setting it on the counter next to it. âHere.â
You donât wait for a reply before grabbing your apple and moving out the kitchen, only to bump into your brother at the door.Â
âWhereâve you been?âÂ
âNapping,â you say, moving around him to go your own way but are stopped yet again as he calls for you.Â
âWeâre gonna watch a movie! You can lie on the couch.âÂ
Turning around, you catch sight of your brother still in the doorway, and more intriguing, Mingyu also expecting an answer from inside the kitchen behind him. You gulp as you attempt to remain casual.
âNah, Iâm good. You guys have fun.âÂ
Youâre nearly at your door when you hear your brother speak. âShe didnât even ask what we were watching.â
Nayeon catches up with you before you notice, pulling your headphones away from your ears to announce her presence, not slowing down as you walked to campus.Â
âAre you still upset about that Mingyu thing?â She asks when noting your silent demeanor. âWe talked about this, come on.â
âYeah and we concluded that itâs not an easy thing for me to just get over.â You huffed.
âYou know what heâs likeâŠâÂ
âWhich is why I shouldâve seen this all coming.â You turn around the corner with her.
âThatâs not what I meant either.â
âI donât know what came over me that day. I was doing so well for so long and I had to go ruin it because Iâm â I deluded myself into thinking I had a chance.â Youâre breathing heavily when you find a table in the air conditioned common room, yanking your bag off and slumping into the sofa. âNone of this wouldâve happened if I just shut the fuck up.âÂ
âWhat wouldnât have happened?â Seungcheol plops down next to Nayeon, butting into the conversation.Â
âArenât you intrigued.â Nayeon muses.Â
âEspecially when itâs none of my business.âÂ
âCharming.âÂ
âAnywho,â he sighs, throwing himself back against the couch. âIâve been tasked with rounding people up for an assignment.â
âAre you gonna experiment on us?â you ask, referring to his chemistry major.Â
âNah, this is for an elective. Faculty needs volunteers for a photography class.âÂ
âSo they need models?â You ask.
âI mean, anyone who signs up is automatically a model, so yeah they need models.âÂ
âAre we getting paid?âÂ
âYou get to say you modeled for me.âÂ
âHow convincing.â Nayeon deadpans.Â
Youâre stifling a snicker as you see Joshua walking up to where you were sat, planting himself next to you.Â
âWhatâre we talking about?â He asks, pulling his laptop out almost immediately.
âNothing, just how Seungcheol needs a reality check,â you sigh.Â
He barely acknowledges the comment, going straight to business typing away. âHey, you're staying for the summer right?âÂ
âEw,â Seungcheol voices.Â
âI am,â You confirm.Â
âFor what?â He sputters.Â
âIs this you offering to pay for a round trip?âÂ
He silences quickly after that, giving room for Joshua to ask his next question.Â
âAre your parents coming for your brotherâs grad?âÂ
âMhm, only for the night, though.â
âOh, did you hear back from the bookstore too?â he asks.Â
âIâm gonna apply right before break, Iâm swamped right now.âÂ
âLet me know when you do, the restaurant might need another hire, you could work there if you want.âÂ
You make a face. âAppreciate the sentiment but I donât think Iâm in the right state of mind to be working in customer service.âÂ
Joshuaâs hands freeze over his keyboard as he breathes out a delayed laugh. Nayeon mimics him.
âRight state of mind?â Seungcheolâs eyebrows are furrowed. âWait, what were you talking about before I sat down again-âÂ
Heâs cut off by a voice bellowing your name from across the common room. All four of you perk up at the sound, locking in on Mika aggressively pointing her wrist at you from yards away. You sit up with a jerk, checking the time. You were nearly thirty minutes late for your lecture.
âJosh, move.â You basically climb over him to get out of your seat, waving a hasty goodbye as you sprint to an exasperated Mika.Â
âIâve been waiting outside the hall for ages, you said weâd go in together!â she chides as you both speedwalk.Â
âSorry, I lost track of timeâŠâ You huff out a breath. âI just started talking aboutâŠwhatever.âÂ
âWhyâd you have that face on in there?â she asks.
âHuh? Oh, I was-â
âNevermind, I donât wanna know.â She picks up the pace and reaches the door before you do, rendering it impossible for you to speak to her after that.Â
Youâve forgotten about it by the time you come home to an empty house, both Mika and Nayeon in your arms. It doesnât take long for them to make themselves comfortable on the couch, looking at you expectantly like children waiting to be fed. You do that, courtesy of the half eaten pizza that sits on the coffee table.Â
âI think you need to get drunk,â Nayeon voices from her end of the couch.Â
Mika is immediate with her response, âDonât encourage her.âÂ
âHey!â You pout, âI havenât gotten drunk in a while.â
âKeep it that way,â she shudders, âdonât need another Mingyu fiasco.âÂ
Your chewing slows at the sound of his name, a strange feeling settling in your stomach at the thought of him. Setting down your half eaten slice, you brush off your fingers.Â
âI meanâŠâ Nayeon starts after a long pause.Â
âWe donât. Need another Mingyu fiasco, I mean.â You cut in.Â
âIf only heâd learn to shut up.â Nayeon grumbles, a sour expression on her face.Â
Mikaâs been shifting looks between the both of you, seemingly confused. âAm I missing something?â Â
Despite not having the intention, you find yourself telling her what you heard while enclosed in the staircase. You attempt to keep it concise, for the sake of your own sanity, but Nayeonâs grumbling is only pushing you deeper into a rant. Youâd be lying if you said you didnât let a couple frustrated tears make their way down your face.Â
Mikaâs response as brisk as your explanation was passionate, brushing over the topic quickly before you got too heated. You appreciated it.Â
âHave you considered signing up for the photography thing?â Mika asks.
âYou know, I was thinking about that too.â Nayeon pulls a finger up in signed patience to wait till she finished the remaining pizza in her mouth. âYou should do it. Itâll put your mind offâŠhim. Youâll be busier too.â
âI have a million things to do, Iâm busy enough.â You retort.Â
âYouâre busy studying at home. Where he could drop in at any point of day.â She points.Â
Your open your mouth to rebut again, only to close it as you fail to find a reason to deny her point. âOkay, still!âÂ
âJust â think about it, okay. Itâll put more on your plate but maybe itâll help.â
That was the last of your Mingyu talk, not that you could carry on when your brother comes slumping into the house after his class, stealing a slice of pizza as he makes his way to his room. Heâs slumped at the shoulders, and you egg him to take a nap before he collapsed on the living room floor.Â
Both Nayeon and Mika are quick to leave after that, leaving you with leftover pizza and your thoughts.
You sprawl your things out on the coffee table, taking advantage of the silent house to get some work done. Nayeon was right, as you think of the prospect of Mingyu entering at any given moment to bother your brother as a constant threat.Â
Itâs not until your prepping dinner with Seokmin that the project is brought up again.
âThereâs leftover Chow Mein Mingyu made yesterday, shove that in too.â He yawns as he pushes the box over.Â
You can only stare at the box in mild agitation, contemplating if you should simply chuck it into the garbage chute. Unfortunately, by experience, you knew Mingyu made really good Chow Mein, so you begrudgingly slide the opened box into the microwave to heat up, deciding youâd push Seok to eat it before you have a chance to take a bite.Â
Itâs silent while you eat, Seokmin still in a daze from his earlier nap, shoving spoonfuls of noodles in between bites of pizza. Itâs not until your halfway through eating before he jolts up slightly like heâd just remembered something.
âDid you hear about that volunteering thing from the photography department? They want models for some project.âÂ
âOh, yeah.â You pause, thinking back to what Nayeon had proposed. âAre you gonna sign up?âÂ
âNo, but you should.â
âI donât know, I still have a lot of prep for finals.â
âYou get extra credit if it helps,â he notes.Â
That was news to you. Thereâs a frown on your face as you deny, âNo, you donât.âÂ
âTheyâre doing it âcause they werenât getting the response they wanted. I found out just now too, theyâre gonna put it up on the bulletin tomorrow. Might wanna decide before then.âÂ
There were no questions asked after the realization, blue light of the laptop casting your face aglow in the darkened room as you hit the big blue Confirm button on the website. Skimming through the subsequent email, you find you wonât be needed till next week, the date and time making itâs way to your calendar.Â
Now, if you had known what the next week truly held for you, there was no doubt youâd be sending in a cancellation email at first chance.Â
But you didnât know. So you simply went to bed, falling asleep to the vague idea of searching for modeling tips on youtube during the coming weekend, entertaining the mild possibility that this might be the thing that puts you at peace at last.Â
The photography classes are held in regular lecture rooms, as you find out as you file into the sparingly filled hall at the date your calendar has graciously alerted you for. There was an image of a larger, more spacious area for a discipline pertaining to the arts, yet to be fair, the idea of having to create this form of art within a four walled containment did seem a little counter productive.Â
Nonetheless, you find yourself seated in a spare chair, waiting for the clock to hit nine on a Saturday morning for the shuffling professor at the front of the room to begin. Your eyes make passovers across the gradually filling room, searching for a semblance of Seuncheolâs bright blond hair to wave him over. Thereâs no sign of him five minutes before the minute hit twelve, and youâre thinking about slipping to the restroom before it can to kill the remaining time.Â
Thereâs another person filing into the room as you rise from your chair, and you pause in attempt to recognize Cheol in the grey zip up.
Except you donât find Seungcheol, not at all.Â
Mingyu is walking into the classroom, gaze sweeping across the hall as he seats himself in the front bottom row, head thrown back as he sifts through his perfect hair with his fingers.Â
You aren't sure why your brows furrowed like they did, or why you planted your butt back onto the chair with the force that you did; especially when all you wanted to do was book it out of the room in full velocity.Â
He was taking this class. Of course you knew that, especially when it was all he would yap about at any point he graced your presence.Â
You can feel your purpose in the room fade to nothing as you register him as a unit. You want to blame someone, but you know itâs all you fault. You knew heâd be here; if your mind had only thought fit to remind you at any point in the past week.Â
In regular Mingyu fashion, if heâd seen you, he does nothing to show it as you find him unraveling a loose thread off of his jacket. You keep your eyes on him, remaining mortified at your blatant disregard to the information that Mingyu was also in this class. Come to think of it, it was probably Mingyu who told Seokmin about the added credit in the first place. You want to kick yourself for not questioning your brotherâs apparent magical source of information.Â
Thereâs nothing that can be done as you feel Seungcheol finally slip into the seat next to you just as the professor in the front of the room begins to speak. Youâre not in the right headspace to make conversation, so you're grateful for the small acknowledgment as the professor begins to drone.Â
âEach student has been given a theme to work with, theyâre all different and given to the people whom I saw fit for the job. Youâll be receiving your packets with your theme today, so remember to pick them up from the front desk before you leave,â she begins.Â
âAs for your models,â she switches to the next slide over to reveal a spreadsheet full of names. âTheir names will be right next to yours, the photography students.âÂ
The entire room lurches forward as a unit, eyes squinted and whispers exchanged as they search for their partners in the sea of names. Seungcheol is zooming in on the picture he took with his phone, eyes zooming over to find his name.Â
âHey, I found yours!â he announces, moving the phone over to you.Â
Heâs zoomed into your full name on the screen, and your moving the picture aside to see the name across from it. Except, you find you wish you hadnât.Â
âKim, Mingyu.Â
If you needed more confirmation that the universe was simply against you, youâd gotten the message as you prayed the letters would morph into something else before your very eyes.Â
You seem to have been staring at the name for too long, because Seungcheol snatches his phone back from your grip to see for himself after you refused to answer his questions of what the name next to yours was.Â
âOh, itâs Mingyu! Thatâs easy, you're basically related.â
You wanted to slap him.Â
Before you can stop him, heâs yelling the boyâs name across the room amidst the growing chatter, the biggest, stupidest grin on his face. âMingyu! I found your model, sheâs right here!Â
You wanted to squeeze Seungcheolâs neck till his head popped off.Â
Mingyu turns around at the call, registering his friendâs words despite the growing noise. He registers you and you watch as he turns his head back at the projection, like he was confirming it was true.Â
Of course heâs as petrified as you are, if not more. But the embarrassment of his apparent disbelief made its hot way into your stomach and chest nonetheless, your breakfast threatening to make its way back up.Â
By the time the professorâs done with her bit and the room has begun to file out, youâve found yourself standing outside the lecture hall in uncomfortable movement, shifting your weight between both feet and fiddling with the straps of your bag. Every passing face sends a jolt though your stomach as you calculate how jarring it would be if you left right this second without seeing him.Â
You're counting his steps inside your head, how heâd shuffle for his name on the packet heâs meant to receive, counting in any conversation heâd start with a friend or with the professor. A thought occurs to you, and you wonder if he was searching for you inside. Youâre weighing between walking inside and leaving altogether when he makes the decision for you, walking out of the room, booklet in hand.Â
There goes the toast blaring its way back up your esophagus.Â
âHey,â he says unceremoniously.Â
You respond with an unreasonably meek âHi.âÂ
âSeok didnât tell me you signed up for this.â He points casually.Â
Well, Seok doesnât need to tell you everything.Â
âOh, I told him while he was like half asleep, pretty sure he thought he dreamt it.â
Mingyu snorts a little at that, a slight smile appearing on his face as he pictures a sleepy Seokmin.Â
âI can imagine,â he says, before heâs brought back to the matter at hand by you.Â
You clear your throat before you begin to talk, expression remaining neutral. âDo we need to get started right away?âÂ
âOh.â He seems a little taken aback at your forwardness. Like he didnât know why you didnât want to make small talk with him. âUh, I donât even know what theme I have yet. Iâll read over the packet and plan a couple things out before you have to come in.â
âThatâs great.â You hold on the straps of your tote. âText me when you need me.â
With that, you had spun on your heel and stalked away, not leaving room for him to retort with anything at all. You donât look back.Â
Nayeon can do nothing but gape as she watches you hold back frustrated tears, picking apart the grass under you as you curse the heavens for your horrible fate. Sheâs absorbing the situation as you wallow, finding the words to say.
âFuck, this is my fault,â she breathes out.
âNo!â You gasp out, furiously wiping away the irritating tears. âItâs not. I just forgot, itâs my own fault. You were right for trying to get me to do it, it justâŠâ
âYou canât ask to change partners?â she asks.
âI canât!â You wail, âIâm supposed to not care, how is this me not caring?âÂ
It was ridiculous. Truly. You were sobbing like a child over this, screaming about wanting to not care. But you did care. Too much. Nayeon can do little but hold you as you sniffle into her lap, feeling sick to your stomach at your own childish behaviour.Â
âWhy am I crying about this, this is stupid.â
âYouâre stressed, hon, thatâs it. Youâve got a lot going on and this just multiplied it.â Sheâs running a soothing hand over your back. âJust let it out, you need it.â
You emerge from your hunched position to sit up straight, sniffling a little less as you calm down. âShould I withdraw from the project?âÂ
âI mean, if you really want to,â she says softly.Â
âBut?â You sense her apprehension.
âBut, maybe you should give it a go.âÂ
You can only blink at her with wet lashes.
âThink of it this way. You need to⊠build resistance, keep yourself around him regardless. Thereâs bound to come a point where you start to feelâŠnothing.âÂ
âAre you trying to work exposure therapy on me?âÂ
âMaybe? If thatâs what it means. If you take yourself out of the project, it shows that you care. You need to pretend to not care before you can stop feeling the real thing.âÂ
Thereâs a pause as you attempt to find reason in her words.
âListen, I may be talking out of my ass, and if you do end up doing it, itâs gonna be hard â like a lot, butââ
âNo. Youâre making sense.âÂ
âI am?â She blinks, taken aback at the realisation that you may be listening to her. You nod quietly, âYouâre right, I canât keep running away.âÂ
âSo, youâre gonna do it?â She confirms with wide eyes.
Once again, you find it within yourself to nod.Â
Yeah. You were gonna do it.
Being in Mingyuâs presence and feeling nothing may be the goal, but you realise quickly itâs going to take you a while to restrain the trailing eyes that follow him wherever he goes. Nayeon had warned you, but you realise you may be slightly ill-prepared.Â
The theme is light. Vague to you but he doesnât seem too bothered by it. He isnât looking at you as he talks, eyes darting between the laptop screen and the plethora of papers heâs scattered on the coffee table. âI donât really have a colour preference for this one but a a deeper blue or a purple would fit pretty well with the sunlight on here.â
You can only nod along in mild understanding, most of your effort exerted on trying to keep your eyes on the screen where heâs pulling up a color wheel. âI probably have something.âÂ
âDo you still have that button up Seok bought you? The one with the stripes?â
You recall the deep blue shirt your brother had gotten you for your first in class presentation, picturing it hung still in your closet. âUh, yeah I do. Iâll wear it.â
âBring options, whatever fits the colours. No turtlenecks or crewnecks thoughâŠâ Mingyu continues to talk, taking notes for you in the process. Your mind, however, is somewhere else.
You hate how your mind takes you to a murkier place, one where the thought of him retaining memory of your closet pieces unprovoked has your neck tingling and your cheeks lifting. Trying to snap out of it before he notices your dazed expression, you pretend to flip through the couple papers in front of you, noting nothing.Â
âOther than thatââ heâs cut off by his phone ringing on the table. Both your gazes dart to the caller ID, and you immediately wish you hadnât as you register the pink heart on the end. Jia was calling.Â
He barely spares you a glance as he excuses himself in a mumble, something about being back in a second. You watch him leave through the cafe altogether, emerging on the other end of the glass walls in your direct vision. For the nth time that day, you find it impossible to tear your eyes away from his positively elated face, teeth out on display as talks to his girlfriend. You wonder what theyâre talking about, if her face is beaming like his own, wherever she is.Â
You zone out as you wonder what itâd be like to be the receiving end of an expression like that. To have something within you to be worth his smile, his mumbled pardons and his uninterrupted space. Thereâs a part of you that wonders if its greed â youâve gotten to see him nearly everyday for the past decade, perhaps youâve run your tickets dry.Â
You realise quickly that Mingyu is no longer in your line of sight as you feel a ruffle on the chair as he sits back on his seat.Â
âI think we can wrap up here, let me take the first couple shots before I can see where to go with it afterwards.â
You sense his eager want to leave, and you cannot help but beat him to it for your own sake.Â
âAlright. Iâll see you friday then.â SLiding out of your seat, you make a halfhearted attempt at shuffling his papers in a neater pile, throwing him a half smile before grabbing your bag.
He isnât watching you leave, you know that. Yet you find yourself refusing to slow down or look back till you round the corner, letting your shoulders finally slump and your pace to come to a temporary halt. It takes you another beat before you begin walking again, breathing in slowly as you navigate your way through the moderately crowded sidewalk. Nearly ramming into a fire hydrant, you shake off the seize that remains in your body, picking up the pace hoping itâd promote less thoughts.
It works, as you unlock your front door, finally shaking off the autopilot. Shifting to the kitchen is easy, rummaging the cabinets for your hidden stash of moonpies with the intention to devour the family box whole. Youâre contemplating texting Seokmin to bring you actual food as you make your way to your bedroom, wanting nothing more than to let your covers absorb all the feelings that make you human.Â
You find it unfortunate as you catch sight of yourself in the full length mirror and the outfit youâd put together before you had left. Your mind goes back to pandemonium as you take in the details, wondering why on earth youâd put in so much effort for a conversation that lasted less than an hour. You tear your eyes away before you begin to truly hate yourself, ripping your jewelry off as you make a beeline to wash your face clean of the makeup youâd put on.Â
It becomes increasingly difficult to look at yourself even in the bathroom mirror, moisturizer going on more aggressively than whatâs good for you. You feel a sting in the back of your eyes and owe it to the face wash.Â
Itâs easier once youâre in bed, your laptop at the ready, and a text on its way as you bug your brother to bring you your favorite burger and milkshake combo. You put your immediate faith in your moonpies for now as you rip the first one open, letting the sweetness bring you a deluded happiness.Â
âHis name hurts.â Your voice comes out echoey, the sound reverberating in the cavern of your chest. The shot on the table is inviting, but you canât help but feel nauseous at the thought of downing it. Your fizzled out sprite is being good to you, so you let it.
âHearing you talk about him hurts,â Mika slurs, slumping down onto the beanbag sheâs dragged onto the scene, joining you and Nayeon next to the couch.Â
Letting out a loud sigh that you doubt she can hear over the bass booming across the house, you settle to rest your head back on the couch backrest, staring into the ceiling. âImagine what itâs doing to me then.â
âI donât need to.â You can hear the exasperation in her voice.Â
âOh, hey, Hao!â Nayeon drags next to you and you lift your head up to see Mikaâs boyfriend join her on the already tiny beanbag. He huffs out a hey between a slight smile, slumping almost entirely on his girlfriend. She pats his hair in silent regard.Â
âI read this research paper about how they can delete the memories out of your brain squiggles,â Nayeon pops in.
âSince when do you read academic material for interest?â Minghao mumbles, fingers busy playing with Mikaâs hair.
The pair continue to bicker as your eyes trail across the moderately packed house, the party looking more lowbeat than any other Seungcheol extravaganzas. Not that you were complaining, but when you spot a certain someone, itâs hard not to.Â
Mingyu files into the kitchen with your brother in tow, beaming face evident over the island as he pours himself what looks like orange juice. Your mood is instantly soured.
âWhat study was that again?â You poke at Nayeon, the image of the man you wished for gone burned into your forebrain. She glances over to the open kitchen and realises what youâre talking about, coming around with a face of her own.
âThat oneâs gonna be a hard one to scrub out. But itâs okay, even the toughest stains succumb to bleach thatâs strong enough,â she sighs. Youâre barely listening to her analogy, not when heâs standing right there rendering it impossible for you to look anywhere else.Â
âYou sound like a commercial.â You can almost hear the crinkle in Mikaâs nose as she comments, and you canât help but breathe out a laugh.Â
The rest continue with their conversation as you remain quiet for most of the exchange, eyes filling your heart heavy with the way they remain glued to the figure far out into the kitchen. It was less about the fact that you just wanted to look at him and more of how it was forcing you to think about your predicament; something that was weighing you down yet something you couldnât help.Â
You canât be entirely sure how long you managed to stare without getting caught, but when Mika calls your name out harsher than expected, you snap around to divert your attention.Â
âHuh?â
âSixth timeâs the charm, huh? Get it together, heâs not gonna look at you,â she huffs as she slumps back onto the beanbag, alone this time as you note that Minghao is gone.
It takes you a moment to gather what she had said, mouth gaping open and close as you try to conspire a proper response. âI wasnât tryingââ
âNo. Save it. It was my fault for thinking I could sit here without having to sit through more of your Mingyu bullshit.â Sheâs shuffling out of her bean bag with mediocre difficulty, exasperation on her face as she trudges away to sit with her boyfriend and his friends on the seats on the middle of the floor.Â
The air seems to have knocked out of your chest as you find the capacity to process what just happened. Seemingly forgotten Nayeon was also here, you note the hand she places on your elbow as a sober attempt to get you to look at her.Â
The rest of the night passes in a nauseous blur, none that you could really make sense of. You bid Nayeon goodbye as you assured her youâd go home with your brother, waving goodbye to blurred taxi lights as she leaves you alone in front of a dwindling house.Â
The breath you let out is shaky as your feet remain planted on the concrete, the remnants of tonight passing over you as they came. Deciding you owed it to yourself, you let the tears well up in your eyes. As tired as you were of crying over what was essentially the same thing over and over again, you let yourself tire yourself out once more.Â
The party was over, and you knew that because you were walking home alone, hoping Nayeon would forgive you for lying to her. But you couldnât possibly explain the tear stains on your cheeks to your brother, not when he knew nothing. It was better that way; you refuse to be the person that potentially ruins a friendship thatâs lasted longer than any other. Â
You try to keep your sniffling to a minimum as you trudge slowly in the dark, not bothering to wipe your tears. Your stomping grows louder the more you grow frustrated with your thoughts, and it proves not too well for you. Thereâs a pair of headlights throwing light onto the oncoming street, illuminating you in the process. You want to kick yourself as the realisation settles in, praying the car would simply pass you. Considering the late hour and the fact that you were alone is hitting you at the worst time, wondering if you could pretend to make a call as you walked.Â
Itâs a black sedan that rolls up next to you, slower than whatâs considered a normal speed on an empty street. It honks and you nearly halt, owing to the shake that passes through your knees. It honks again, and you canât help but look to the side to find a window rolled down.Â
Mingyu sits on the driverâs seat, leaning over to the empty passenger side to grab your attention.Â
âThe Uberâs free! So is the driver,â he yells out the window. âHop in.â
âIâm alright. I kinda wanna walk.â You shift your weight between your feet, the distance adding an awkward feel.Â
âWasnât asking. Itâs the middle of the night, Iâm not letting you walk alone.â As he speaks, another car passes from behind him, slowing down. You note the look the other driver is giving you through the window, and itâs enough to convince you to step into Mingyuâs car.Â
âI think weâre way past the point of formalities, donât know why you hesitated.â He chuckles as he motions for you to click on your seatbelt. You fumble with it for a moment, his own fingers coming to the rescue to latch it on. You retract your fingers before they can brush with his own any further.Â
Settling into your seat, you choose to look forward as he picks up speed. âUhm, just wanted to walk, it was nice outside.â
âTake someone with you next time, itâs nearly midnight,â he warns.Â
Thereâs a twinge of annoyance that emerges in the back of your mind for some reason, despite knowing full well that he was right. You just didnât want to hear it from him.
Itâs silent for a bit as the radio plays an uncharacteristically upbeat tune, prompting you to wonder if it was just you who felt the atmosphere pressing in on your chest.
âDid you not bring your car today?â he asks out of the blue, eyes remaining on the road as you glance up at him. One look at his side profile and youâre turning your gaze away.
âNo, itâs at the workshop. I came with Nayeon.âÂ
âWhy didnât you leave with her?â
âIâŠâ You pause. âI told her I was gonna go with Seok.â
âHm. That didnât happen.â
âItâs like I said,â you mumble.
He hums again in response, dropping the subject.
âListen, are youâŠare you okay?â he starts again and it has you looking back up at him.Â
âWhy wouldnât I be?â You try to hide the bitterness in your tone but it proves difficult.
âI couldnât help but overhear but I was sitting right there. Hao was talking to Mika about something sheâd said to you, aboutâŠâ He trails off. âI mean, you looked a little upset, I just wanted to ask if you were okay.â
You bit your tongue. Hard.Â
He knew you were staring at him, he knew you werenât over him. He knew you were still standing on the same square confinement from months ago. Never changed.Â
âIâm fine,â you reply, snappier than you had intended.Â
âAre you sure? I felt like I shouldâve said something but Nayeon was right there so I thoughtâŠâ He sounds unsure and when you see him look at you, with eyes filled with an emotion that makes you nearly gag, you almost lose it. You did not want him to pity you. Nor care for you; especially when it came from a place that nullifies your feelings. You didnât want him to care for you for the sole reason that you were his best friendâs sister.Â
âMingyu, I think itâs best if you drop it.â
âOf course. But it might help if you wanna, you know, feel your feelings.âÂ
Fuck no, you werenât crying in front of him. Not when you're sure heâs noticed the tear stains on your makeup.
âMingyu, I said drop it. I donât need your help, I donât need to feel anything, I need you stop feeling like youâre obligated to care about me because youâre not.â The words come tumbling out before you can stop them, irritation laced in every snap and dent.
He says your name in an attempt to smooth you over. It only lands him in more trouble.
âNo, listen, I get it. Youâre uncomfortable about everything but you feel like you need to check up on me at the same time, and Iâm here to tell you that you donât have to worry about that. What happened, happened, and itâs my job to pick up the pieces because itâs my fault. You donât need to meddle.â Youâre breathing hard as you finish, finally settling back in your seat.Â
Heâs already pulling up to your building, heat still penetrating the silence. You unbuckle your seatbelt, mumbling a thanks for the ride.Â
âSeokâs staying at Cheolâs tonight,â he calls out as you shuffle out the door. âRemember to lock the door.âÂ
You stand sheepishly holding the open door as you nod quietly. âIâll see you tomorrow for the shoot.â
Middle school was harder than you thought.Â
Not that you expected it to be easy, but you remained hopeful nonetheless. Fifth grade came plowing for you with an unexpected vigor, which you were feeling especially as you gripped your red marked paper with a vice grip.Â
It was Mingyu who had found you on the kitchen island sniffling, waiting for your mother to come home and ask you for your dreaded test results.Â
You drop your head in shame (even more so) when he asks you the inevitable question of âwhatâs wrong?â Your voice comes out as a mumble. âI failed my first test.âÂ
He blinks as he stops in front of the fridge, opening it to emerge with a carton of chocolate milk and two monsters. He slides the carton over to you as he takes a seat on the other chair.Â
âWell, what did you get?â he asks as he pops his can open, ears studded black from the piercings heâd gotten done.Â
You mumble out the number in incoherence that has him hunching down to hear you.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âA fifteen!â you finally huff out in exasperation.Â
âHm. Better than me I think I got a two at some point. Donât worry about it, it's not the end of the world.â He says. âDâyou want me to turn that into a seventy five?âÂ
You look up confused. âHow?â
âYouâll see. Get me your test. And a red marker.âÂ
On that day, Mingyu aided you in your first con, pulling lines to turn the one into a seven right before your eyes.Â
âThere. Now donât let her look at it too hard or check your answers. And only give it to her if she asks for it.âÂ
He had left back to your brotherâs room with the spare can of monster, leaving you to stash your test into your bag and move to seat yourself in a more natural position. Youâd gotten away with it as your mother pats you on the back for your first attempt at a fifth grade paper, leaving you with a lesson to work harder, and a memory that stayed with you for years.Â
The following day is met with a pit of guilt sitting in your stomach before you could even recall the events of last night.Â
Thereâs little that you can do to prep as youâre supposed to change at the studio anyway, pushing the remnants of your makeup products into a pouch as a second thought. Your hair seemed fine, deciding youâd see to it if it needed changing when you got there.Â
You push your departure as far as you could, finding more things to do and more chores to finish before you were due to leave. It takes you a final look at the time before you finally decide to trudge to the door with your things. You cross paths with Seokmin whoâs only just coming home, looking worse for wear. He barely acknowledges you as he makes a beeline for his bedroom, disappearing.Â
Heâs probably fine.Â
By the time you get to the studio Mingyu is already in the middle of setting up, immersed in the switches behind giant studio lights. Itâs dark, save for the one studio light thats already on, casting a light on the white backdrop, a single stool sits at the front. Looking around, the place casts an eerie atmosphere, the unattended stations and dark back rooms casting a shiver down your spine despite the Afternoon light outside. Perhaps you were acclimated to the hustle and bustle in behind the scene videos of photoshoots, yet here it was just you and Mingyu.Â
He doesnât notice you come in right away, and youâre thankful for the opportunity to recast your words in your head, waiting to be uttered as soon as you say your hellos.Â
âOh, hey,â he says normally.Â
âHope Iâm not too late.â
âNo, youâre fine, Iâm nearly done setting up,â he says, as he switches the second studio light on, doubling the glow in the room.Â
âOh, okay.â Your voice comes out as an uncharacteristic whisper. âUh, listen, Mingyu, I just wanted to apologize about last night. You were only asking and I was being too harsh.â
He picks up his back from his bent position to look at you, hand coming to rub the back of his neck. âOh, no, donât say that, Itâs me who should be apologising. I shouldnât have pried when you said you didnât wanna talk about it. Iâm sorry, really.âÂ
You're opening your mouth to rebut, nails clashing onto each other as your fidgeting gets worse, but you decide to end it. âWeâre both sorry, letâs just end this here.âÂ
Both of you have slightly uncomfortable smiles on your faces as Mingyu continues to fidget with his cables and equipment. It went smoother than youâd thought, silently thanking him for keeping it from getting awkward â more awkward than necessary anyway.Â
âThese ones are gonna be basic studies, establishing the usual studio lights in the beginning before we move to the more experimental shots.â He drags his own stool forward to sit directly across from you in front of the plain white backdrop. âDid you bring another black top?â
âI did, do you want me to change?â
âNot yet.â He positions the camera higher, looking like heâs ready. âOkay, relax your body. Shoulders back, chin down. Okay, now a smile, really small, barely there.âÂ
He snaps his first photo and you nearly knock yourself backwards on the stool, lights going off at the shot damn near blinding you.Â
âYou good?â
âI thought the flash was just gonna be your camera.â You frown, coming round.Â
âNah, youâll get used to it. Okay, back in position.â
He takes a couple more pictures, urging you to make miniscule changes to your poses, whatever feels good. You find yourself loosening up, your posture aiding you instead of working against you. âTry putting your hands on the stool, yeah like that, lean forward. Chin up a little more.â
The directions continue from behind the camera as he continues to flash away, and you do your utmost to not let the lights disorient you too much. He lets you take a break when you make a comment about the pure thermal energy in the room, your face no doubt shiny and red from the lights. Youâre done after you take a couple more pictures after an outfit change, rendering you free to leave within the hour.Â
âI think youâre done,â he announces, stretching as he leaves his own stool. âIâll send you deets for tomorrow, weâll probably get a lot more done.â
âOh, cool.âÂ
Gathering your stuff doesnât take you as you go up to tell him youâre about to leave. You find him fiddling with cables, packing everything up before leaving himself. You make a split second decision, dropping your bag before announcing yourself.Â
âLet me help.â
âHuh? Oh no, itâs fine. I just need to shove them in storage.âÂ
âThatâs alright, Iâll help. What dâyou want me to do?âÂ
âUh, Maybe unplug all the ports, and um, turn the lights on too, I guess. Itâs gonna get dark if you donât.â
Cleaning up was easier when those god awful studio lights werenât overheating the entire hall, collecting cables and putting equipment back into their places. It was over before you knew it.Â
âIs your car back from the workshop?â Mingyu yells from inside one of the side rooms collecting his stuff.Â
âNot yet, Iâm getting it back on the 15th. Ordered a cab.âÂ
âYouâre going home from here, right?â He emerges from the room, arms in the middle of slipping into his jacket. âIâll drive you.â
âNo, itâs fine I have to meet Nayeon at uni andââ
âEven better, I was going there too. Come on, I just need to kill the lights.âÂ
Youâre out of saviours, evident as you slide into his car, yet again with no choice. Itâs meant to be a short drive, considering the studio is barely ten minutes away from where you need to be, yet it feels like an impromptu road trip with the way the roads seem to stretch.Â
Itâs significantly less awkward than last night, perhaps owed to him not being as inclined to make conversation, unlike last night.Â
By the time heâs pulling up, you already have your bag in hand, a thank you frozen on your tongue as you register who it is thatâs standing outside the library. You groan internally as you see Nayeon waiting for you, immersed in something on her phone. Praying she stays occupied, you rush your, âthanks, Iâll see you tomorrow,â as you hope she doesnât see you slip out of the familiar car.Â
She does notice. Looking up at the sound of yout door opening, she catches clear sight of you stepping out of the car, Mingyu in the driverâs seat. You can tell sheâs subdued her reaction, but the eyebrows gives her away as they shoot up at the sight. Trudging up to her is a nightmare and a half, dreading the questions sheâs going to ask as you hear Mingyu rev away.
âAre my eyes deceiving me?â she breathes out, eyes wide, mouth open in jest.Â
âQuit it, I have work to get done.â You choose to lead her straight into the library where you know she wonât be able to ask you any more probing questions.
That doesnât seem to sedate her though as she continues to whisper a million questions, watching you pull your stuff out.
âI had a shoot with him today, he offered to drop me off and I couldnât say no!â
âOh my gosh!â she exclaims a little too loud, owing a couple nasty surrounding looks her way, including yours. She continues quieter, pulling your laptop away from you so youâd pay more attention to her. âHowâd it go? Did you pose all sexy for him, did he look nervous?â
âI did not pose sexy, I posed normally, because I have a conscience,â you snap, yanking your laptop back from her grip.Â
Sheâs smiling like an idiot, unaffected by your annoyance. âIs he gonna drop you off after every shoot? Oh my god! Donât you dare get your car from the garage, give it to Seokmin, or, or, tell them to keep it!âÂ
âNayeon, shush!â Itâs your turn to whisper shout at her gradually increasing volume, pushing her to quit leaning over the desks.Â
âOkay, okay.â She sobers up.
âIâm supposed to be getting over him, why are you so happy about this? Indifference, remember? It was you who brought it up.â
âYes, but you canât tell me it doesnât look, I donât know, like, you know!â
Once sheâs a little less giddy, you finally tell her about last night â leaving out the bit where he droppped you home for the sake of the library and its inhabitants.Â
âI mean, I know we aplogised and everything, but I felt a little less⊠on fire around him. Other than those stupid studio lights, those were turning the place into a sauna. But I could meet his eyes without hyperventilating,â you explain, eyes downcast as you speak.Â
âI imagine his eyes were covered with that camera anyway, but progress, I guess,â Nayeon comments.
âMaybe I needed to get mad at him to feel better, I donât know. But it feels like Iâm making progress for the first time.âÂ
âI told you this would be good for you, give it a couple more weeks and itâll be like Mingyu never happened.âÂ
It takes a conscious attempt to not scoff. Like Mingyu never happened to your heart. Thatâs a heart you canât recognise.Â
The first time Seokmin had brought girls over was a day you couldnât forget, no matter how hard you tried.Â
You were padding down to the kitchen, still bleary eyed and pyjama clad from your nap, making a beeline for the fridge to get a glass of water. Your trip is cut short, however, when you realised the living room was not as empty as you expected. Itâs a crowd (to your eleven year old self, anyway) of people your brotherâs age. You catch a couple familiar faces, friends of your brother who visited often, Mingyu is part of the lumps on the couch with them.Â
What stumped you, however, were the girls that were seated in between, eyes equally trained on you as everyone else in the room.Â
âOh, whoâs this Seok?â one of the girls asked.Â
âMy little sister. Dâyou wanna say hi?â he asked you, neck craned to look at you.Â
âUh. Hi,â you whisper, gulping.Â
Thereâs a chorus of hiâs that came bounding at you. You could feel the embarrassment creep up your entire body, feeling conscious for the first time in your life. They were staring at you. They were smiling, but you hated it.Â
You werenât thinking as you turned around to sprint back upstairs, not missing the tinkle of laughs coming from the living room.Â
âOh, sheâs cute,â you had heard. That had you nearly starting to cry.Â
Youâd be lying if you said your little crush on Mingyu hadnât started blossoming for a while at that point. Being younger meant you were constantly fighting to be seen, even more so when youâd do anything for Mingyu to look at you. Hogging your brotherâs bean bag until you were kicked out, putting sparkly clips in your hair before you went to the kitchen, laughing especially loud when you knew he could hear.
And yet, despite everything, for the very first time, you hated that Mingyu was looking at you, watching you idle and awkward while he sat next to a bunch of prettier, older girls.Â
That night was of many firsts, including the first time you had ever cried over Mingyu.
Mingyu claimed this was the last shoot, that heâd be done after this final set of shots.Â
Youâre having a hard time though, because heâs decided his studio for the day was gonna be at the top of a mountain at the asscrack of dawn.Â
âWe have fifteen minutes,â he announces.Â
âTo live?â You heave, crouching on the gravel to give your body a break.Â
âTill sunrise,â he interjects, reversing to get to your crouched figure. You feel him grab hold of the straps of your bag, swinging it over his own shoulder. âCome on, just a little more.â
âYouâve been saying that for an hour.â You groan, picking yourself up off the path to resume your trudging. Mingyu stays next to you this time.Â
âDid you pack your entire house in here, the fuck is this so heavy for,â he grunts.Â
âYou're the one asking for a bajillion outfit changes, Iâm just doing what you asked.âÂ
âOne change of clothes and a compact doesnât weigh this much, are you disposing a body up here?âÂ
âMight be yours if I don't see that damn railing in a minute.âÂ
âI think you're hungry,â he huffs out.Â
âI think I need to never agree to do this again.âÂ
âSalavation!â he yelps as he sees a vending machine in the distance, quite literally glowing (with its fluorescent lights).Â
âI donât need a water bottle, Mingyu, I need to lie down.â Your voice grows more gruff by the minute, legs nearly giving away.Â
âNo, the vending machine meansâŠâ He bounds up the last couple leaps to the glowing box with a burst of motivation. The slope turns flat at the horizon. âWeâre here.âÂ
Nearly falling to your knees at the sight of the long awaited arrival point, you drop to a nearby bench and lay flat on the stiff wood.Â
âHow long till I need to look presentable? Because if itâs anything under thirty minutes, Iâm tapping out.â You declare.Â
âI can give you five minutes, take it or leave it.â He barely sits down as he speaks while already unzipping his camera bag. The thought of lifting your arms is excruciating, so you rest your tongue and bite back a whine.Â
By the time you do find it within yourself to swing your legs back over the bench, the sky is shifting to a smoky navy, urging you to hurry up as you dry your sweat. Youâre cringing as you press powder on your unclean face, but power through the final touches as you stretch while standing up straight. Â
The first rays of sunlight are just coming through as Mingyu calibrates his lenses, trying to figure out the best shots in the limited time frame you have. You listen to him as he directs you where he wants you, contorting your face into something akin to faux serene. Itâs near impossible when the frown has molded itself into your face after what youâve put your body through today.Â
âThink happy thoughts.â Mingyu calls out from behind his camera.Â
âOh, Iâm thinking real happy thoughts. Like the ice cold shower Iâm about to take when I get home. My clean bed thatâs gonna be nice to me when I lay in it. The leftover pasta in the fridge. My moonpies.â
He has to bring his face away from the camera to throw his head back in a breathy laugh, smile as wide as it could go. It does things to you, but you ignore it.Â
The summit isnât entirely empty, noting a few people leaning against the railings, rendering it mostly quiet. All the more jarring becomes Mingyuâs phone as it blares into the silence, causing the both of you to jump at the sudden sound.Â
He checks the caller ID only to silence it and slip it back into his pocket.Â
You donât get to ask who it was calling him so early in the morning, but get your answer when he immediately announces heâs done with his shots. The sun is higher up at this point, casting a more even orange glow across all the eye could see.Â
You suppose heâs in a hurry to get home, seeing as he has someone waiting on him. âShould we leave then?âÂ
He swings the camera strap around his neck, forearms on the railing as he admires the view. âGive it a couple more minutes, I need to mentally prepare myself for the next hour.âÂ
Itâs hard for you to deny that, so you let yourself place your head into your crossed arms over the railing, staring into the glow. Itâs silent for a while as the rays hit your face, warming you more than youâd like. You donât make any effort to move though, deciding to appreciate the view while it was here, doubting youâd ever make the trek up here again. Not willingly, at least.Â
Thereâs a camera shutter that goes off next to you and you find Mingyu fidgeting with his camera as he tries to begin packing it up. You would help, but youâve found yourself refraining from touching anything when it comes to his actual camera setup, opting to watch as he disassembles his lenses and pushes buttons to power off.Â
By the time you're trudging down the path youâd come up from, itâs bright and sunny, rendering it warmer than before. Going down, however, is proving easier as you appreciate the reduced strain in your calves, letting the recent conversation take you to a smoother route.Â
âWhen dâyou think your gonna be done editing?â You ask at some point, the thought occurring to you that youâd only seen a couple pictures that heâd taken so far, oweing to his disapproval showing you all the raws before editing.Â
âKinda have to get them edited and annotated by the due date, so probably by the end of the month.âÂ
âDâyou think I could get the ones you edit?âÂ
âWhy? Dâyou wanna kickstart a portfolio?â he muses.
âI think itâs normal to ask for my pictures you took of me,â you grunt.
He laughs it off. âYeah, yeah, Iâll send them over.âÂ
Mingyu doesnât drop you off home this time, both of you slipping into your own cars at the base of the hiking trail, bidding your goodbyes. Youâd gotten an earful from Nayeon for getting your car back from the garage so quickly, and while sitting in a car with him wasnât so bad anymore, you choose to retain that distance regardless. This was work, Youâre doing this because you have to, and the stupid extra credit that roped you into this in the first place.
Alas, as you start your engine, eyes cast towards Mingyuâs number plate right up front, you canât help but feelâŠsad⊠remembering this was your last shoot. As emotionally vexing the experience was, you had grown to look forward to his discreet location pins and outfit plans, growing more comfortable with him by the meeting.Â
It almost felt like you and Mingyu were friends.Â
Your brotherâs graduation was an ordeal to say the least. Your parents flying in was a plus, getting to see them at least once for the summer, even if it was just for the day.Â
The night is wrapped up fairly quickly, a big dinner with yours and Mingyuâs family to congratulate the freed graduates from their academic shackles. It dials back when Mingyu announces heâs gonna take a summer course for now to keep himself busy, wanting to wait a little before job hunting. Seokmin seems to express the same, wanting some time off for himself before entering the corporate world.
Itâs when you get home and your brother is sending you all the pictures of today that you note one that stands out. It was of you and Mingyu, an inevitable one as your parents took turns to make sure everybody got solo shots with everyone.
Youâd applaud the enthusiasm, but it was particularly unfortunate for you when the camera was thrust into your hands as Mingyu and Jia posed for nearly fifty pictures. You wouldnât mind usually, but it just felt like a little too much in the moment.
Despite everything, you find yourself clicking on the Save button on the picture where youâre smiling a little too wide right next to him, for the sake of yourself.
Summer break rolls around with no more hiccups, if youâd count finals as anything other than strenuous. You were happy, with a new job to keep you company for the next three months as you lament not being able to go home.Â
Getting the job at the bookstore was easy, your shifts were reasonable and it didnât pay half bad. You wouldâve guessed they were desperate for a hire, but you appreciate the activity regardless. Itâs not really hard work, you find out quickly. Manning the desk, shelving deposits and restocking supplies. Monotonous tasks yet ones that you find yourself slipping into quite easily.
After the last shoot at the mountain, it was basically radio silence from Mingyu. Not being able to catch him the rare chance he stopped by the house, both of you swamped with the end of semester throw up. You doubt heâd noticed, and you despair at the fact that you did, even if it was just a little.Â
âOh, great, youâre here!â The owner greets you as you walk into the store, all smiles. She was a sweet lady, nicer than any other boss youâd ever had. âWas just waiting for you so I could leave, my daughter has a play sheâs putting on today!âÂ
âOh, sorry to keep you!â You rush to set your bag down as she picks up her own things, coming around from the table to take her leave. âHope the recital goes well, tell her I said good luck.â
âWill do.â She smiles before adding, âOh and, somebody called an hour ago asking about our book bundles, he said heâd come in to check but he hasnât yet. Thought Iâd let you know in case he asks about the phone call.â
âGot it,â you confirm, waving as she walks out the door, âIâll see you tomorrow!âÂ
Breathing out a sigh, you find yourself relatively free this afternoon, a slow weekday as you pick your current read out of your bag to get comfortable for the long shift. Youâre nearly through the halfway point when you hear the first jingle of the day, the bells attached to the door making their familiar chime
âGood afternoon!â You look up to greet the customer, dog earring your book before standing up from your seat.
The person whoâd walked in wasnât just any customer, you soon realise as you recognise the familiar shag of hair. Mingyu was here.Â
âOh.â You canât help but let it out when you register him, his own eyebrows shooting up at the sight of you behind the counter. Your next greeting comes out a little dumbly. âHi.â
âHey. Whatâre you doing here?â he asks, eyebrows furrowed as he takes you in.Â
âUm,â you glance at your obvious name tag. âI work here.âÂ
âOh, right, Seok mentioned you started working at a bookstore.â He throws his head back at the memory. âHey, was it you over the phone earlier today? Didnât sound like it.â
âOh no, that was my boss, my shift started like an hour ago.â You confirm.Â
âAh, I see.âÂ
The silence is awkward for about five seconds before you jump into action. âYou asked about a bundle over the phone?âÂ
âRight, um,â he pauses to fish his phone out his pocket, scrolling for something. âItâs Jiaâs birthday coming up, and thereâs this book series sheâs been wanting. Here.â
You need to remind yourself to pat yourself on the back for not shaking as you received his phone, mind remaining in the moment. âOh yeah, we have those. Let me grab âem for you.âÂ
He follows you through the columns of shelves as you navigate to find what he was looking for, stopping in front of the shelves. âThereâs three of these, I can put them in a sleeve for you. Probably put a bow on it too if you want.âÂ
âOkay, perfect. Do you guys have LPâs too?â he asks.
âUh, yeah. Hold on, let me put these up front.âÂ
You lead him to the back of the store. âThe selectionâs pretty small, the first shipment only came in like a month ago. Iâm not sure if youâll find what you want here.âÂ
âSheâs been talking about getting more LPâs after she got a new record player. Hasnât mentioned anything she wants though,â he voices, thumbing through the selection.Â
âWhat does she listen to normally?â You ask before quickly adding, âSo I can, maybe, help pick something sheâd like.â
âUh, older stuff? I shouldâve snooped before coming, fuck.â He mumbles, thinking hard. âShe barely plays it when Iâm around but most of her LPâs are like Frank Sinatra andâŠDuran Duran was it?â Â
âHmâŠâ You hum as you flick through the dated section of the stockpile, âHowâs this?â
Heâs taking a look at the record youâve handed him, scanning the tracklists on the back. âIâll get this, I guess. I can always bring her around to get more that she likes.âÂ
âDâyou want a bow on this?â You ask, referring to the books youâre putting into the set sleeve, âYou can pick your colour.â
Heâs quick to pick the lilac ribbon, watching you as you tape it prettily on the box. Youâre trying to curl the ribbon at the ends when he tries to make conversation.Â
âWhen does your shift end?âÂ
If the man wasnât quite literally buying a birthday present for his girlfriend (or if you had any memory of your own birthday), youâd think he was trying to hit on you. But heâs not. You know that.Â
âTen-ish. Closingâs on me so I could technically leave an hour early and no one would know.â You snort.
âEveryday?â he asks incredulously.Â
âMinus weekends, the family takes care of that. They just need someone for afternoons and evenings on the weekdays. Itâs not like Iâm taking summer classes or anything, and itâs easy work.âÂ
âWell, youâll be pleased to find out youâll most likely be available on the 27th of August, then.â He sing songs as he fishes his phone out to pay, a cheeky air in his expression.
You blink at him in confusion, waiting for him to explain. âWas I supposed to get that?â
He pushes his shoulders back, content expression on his face as he continues. âThereâs a cultural art exhibition in two months, and I, have just found out Iâve been shortlisted for a spot.âÂ
âA spot? Like to display your photos?!â You drop the card machine with a thud.
âYour photos. Prof liked the project so much she submitted some of âem as entries. It was super short notice, but they liked them, I guess.â His grin is wide, one that you find impossible to not reciprocate. âI just need you to sign a consent form and Iâll be all set to start prepping.âÂ
âThatâs insane, Mingyu, congratulations!â You exclaim, genuinely excited. âAre you gonna be using the same pictures?â
âYup, I just need to fix the editing with my prof before they go up. Youâre the first to find out, I just got out of the meeting.âÂ
Thereâs a mix of hesitation before you utter your next proposal, a split second of bewilderment at what you were about to suggest. âCome over tonight, we can celebrate with Seok. Bring Jia along too, we can celebrate an early birthday.âÂ
âIâll see, she might be taking a bus home tonight for the weekend, might have to bother you by myself.â
The ache in your cheeks didnât stop until well after Mingyu had left with his cargo, the elated feeling remaining for even longer after the fact. There was a point where it took you convincing to rid yourself of another intrusive, uneasy feeling, like you were taking a step back by being happy at his announcement.Â
It was, however, safe to call Mingyu a friend. Safe to be happy for him. Safe to have your heart swell at his achievement, having watched him work hard for it.
It was safe to feel.
This was horrible.Â
Truly.Â
You were trying to ignore it, the strange thumping noises coming from under your car, like it would go away if you pretended to not hear. There was a sliver of hope for you, barely five minutes away from home that youâd make it before your tire decided it had enough of trying to grab your attention.Â
But then it started screeching, and you had to stop before you caused a road fire.
âTire? Didnât you get them changed like last month?â Seokmin asks over the phone.
âDidnât know new tires were immune to industrial blades, too. Are you gonna tell me I got ripped off?âÂ
âMingyu has a scissor jack, Iâll tell him to come to you.â
âWait! You have a scissor jack, too! Why canât you come?â You sputter at the sound, glancing at the 21:42 on the dial.Â
âHe has my scissor jack, heâll change it for you.â He grits back. âBesides, Iâm not letting this face pack go to waste I just put it on.âÂ
âSeok!âÂ
âStay in the car, lock the doors till he gets there.â He grounds.
âSeokmin!âÂ
Beep.Â
The bastard hung up.Â
âUgh!â you break from a tightened jaw, slamming the car door shut with passion as you huff into your seat, waiting for Mingyu.Â
Was Mingyu busy at 10:30 PM on a weekday? He was, actually.
Heâd scrambled to finish up the last of his meeting with his professor, wrapped up in planning for the exhibition despite the two month time frame heâd been given. Exhibitions were a lot of paperwork, as he was finding out as he sweet talks Jia over the phone, promising to be with her within the next five minutes. Well, ten maybe, he has to grab butter from the store.
She sits on the kitchen counter as Mingyu makes her favourite. A strenuous task, but heâs willing to go through the double frying to make up for the time heâs lost. Itâs not until heâs doing the post dinner dishes while Jiaâs picking a movie in the living room that heâs met with another dilemma to handle.Â
Heâs deflating as he stands, phone to ear as he listens to Seokmin about your situation. Glancing at the near 10:30 PM hand on the clock, he finds it difficult to refuse, especially when heâs told youâre alone and stranded on a highway. He thinks to Jia in the living room as he tells Seokmin heâs leaving the house to get to you.
Heâd only be gone for barely 20 minutes. Heâs changed plenty of tires, this should be quick and easy.Â
Slipping into the living room is easy, wrapping his arms around Jia from behind is even easier. Itâs when he has to open his mouth that he begins to falter. Twenty minutes, he reminds himself.
âI have two Iâve heard are really good, you can pick which one we watch first,â she voices as she fluffs the pillows on the couch, ready to tuck in for the rest of the night.Â
âBabe?âÂ
She spins around in his arms, coming up to fluff his flat hair too. âHm?âÂ
âSeok just calledâŠâ
Her face falls as he talks despite his best attempts to assure her he wonât be long.Â
âTwenty minutes?â she parrots, wanting his word.Â
âFifteen.âÂ
Whether Mingyu would keep his word is something heâd find out, but you had kept your word to Seokmin, staying in the car, doors locked till you saw Mingyuâs car pull up behind you in the rearview. The wretched scissor jack thatâs caused all of this sits in his own boot as he yanks it out to bring it over to your car, where you stand arms crossed, face dejected.Â
âWere you waiting long?â He asks as he immediately crouches to fit the jack where he wants it.Â
âNo, not really,â you reply. âIâm sorry you had to come all the way out here, if only Seok remembered to take the stupid scissor jackââ
âNo, no, itâs okay. I wasnât doing anything.â Lies. But you already sounded apologetic and he didnât wanna hear you apologize any further. Â
âNo, itâs not okay. The idiotâs relaxing with a stupid face mask on while you have to come out here and change a fucking tire, God, you have class tomorrow too, donât you?âÂ
âNot until the afternoon, Iâm in the clear.â He springs up from his crouched position, pulling the jack with him. âOpen the boot.âÂ
Placing the scissor jack in your boot, he continues, a little breathless. âThere, Iâll tell Seokmin I left it in your car. Or, you could do that.âÂ
âThanks, Mingyu. Really.âÂ
He does nothing but flash a smile, doing his best to convince you you werenât an inconvenience before having to see your apologetic face again. âAlright, I wanna see you drive off before I leave, go on.âÂ
By the time Mingyuâs slamming the door of the house shut, itâs eighteen minutes on the dot. Jia doesnât say much, excited to have him back in her arms.Â
âWait!â he suddenly yelps, once heâs tucked in with her.Â
âWhat now?â she groans.Â
Mingyuâs bounding back to his bedroom, emerging a few moments later with a dark paper bag. He goes back to sit next to her on the couch, sliding the bag and its contents towards her.
âHere. Weâre not gonna be together for your birthday, might as well give you your present the night before you leave.â His eyes are glinting, hopeful.
Jia expresses her thank youâs commenting on the ribbon and his LP choice, grinning widely.
Your name comes tumbling out of Mingyuâs mouth before he can stop himself. âShe helped me pick it out!âÂ
âYouâŠtook her with you?â She asks after a moment.
âShe worked at the store! I didnât know till I went there either.â Mingyuâs voice grows increasingly enthusiastic, seemingly unaware that his girlfriend was growing slightly irritated. âIâll take you there when you get back, the selectionâs small but sheâll probably help you pick out something youâd like. I only had to give her like two names before she figured it out.â
âOh, thatâs nice,â she comments, tight smile on her lips as she collects the book sleeve and the LP, placing them back into the bag and leaving them on the floor next to her.
Mingyu is blissfully unaware of the fuel heâs added to growing embers, munching away on his popcorn, eyes trained on the TV and its stimulating colours.Â
âI was talking to Jihyo the other day, super random but it came up while we were talking about you,â Jia starts experimentally.Â
âHuh?â He has her attention. And when she mentions your name, the part of him thatâs always wondered when sheâd bring it up comes out of dormancy.Â
âShe said sheâŠI donât know, she said she liked you at some point, Like a lot, and for a while.â Jia sounds unsure, like she didnât know if it was a good idea to bring you up.Â
Mingyu sighs as he rears himself for the inevitable conversation. âItâsâwell, it wasâjust puppy love. I was around all the time and I guess she latched, I donât know.â
Jia pauses, eyes remanging trained on the movie. âDoes it make you uncomfy? That she liked you? Maybe she still does.âÂ
âIt doesnât matter, does it? Iâm around Seok which means Iâm sometimes around her by default. Canât help it. I mean, the photography thing kinda just happened but, I donât really care. And she seems over it.âÂ
Mingyu is rambling. He can feel it. Which is why he tries to end the conversation right there, tone nonchalant as he hopes the topic breezes past.Â
It doesnât.Â
âYou seemed pretty adamant in leaving, though.â
âHuh?â
âWhen she called just now.â
âSeok called, I had his scissor jack!â
âWhy couldnât he have grabbed it for you and helped his sister himself? He has a car too.â Jiaâs paused the movie at this point, moving away from his arm she was leaning on, shifting to look at him fully.Â
âIt wouldâve taken him forever, she was alone in the middle of a highway at nearly eleven, you wanted me to leave her there?â Mingyu finds the conversation ridiculous, and it shows in the irritation that rises in his own voice.Â
âMingyu, you canât be upset with me right now,â she breathes out exasperated.Â
âIâm not? I get that youâre upset, I havenât been around as much but you also know what this exhibition means to me. I need to put everything I have into this and itâs only for a couple monthsââ
âMingyu, itâs not just the exhibition!âÂ
âJia, I canât know if you donât tell me whatâs really bothering you, talk to me.â Mingyuâs begging at this point, wondering how itâs come to this in the first place.Â
âYou canât expect me to be okay with you going around wherever, whenever, when I know what kind of lifestyle youâve come out of not even six months ago!âÂ
Mingyu had come a long way from his galvanizing tendencies, doing absolutely everything he could to convince Jia he was serious about her. Unfortunately, this was not the first time his past had been brought up; in an argument or in a light hearted setting, and he wasnât particularly fond of it.Â
âAre we in six months ago? Are you saying Iâve done nothing substantial for you to think Iâm still fucking around? Either give me an instance or figure out what the real issue is!âÂ
Thereâs a plaster of suffocation in the room, neither soul speaking a word. Until Jia finally speaks. âI wanna go home.â
It didnât matter to Mingyu if she was expecting him to grovel, to ask her to stay and talk about this further. It was clear she wasnât about to talk about anything pertinent at all, and definitely not tonight. He was tired, and frankly wanted to be alone right now.
âFine.âÂ
Silence penetrates all of his air for the entire car ride up until heâs entering his apartment for the third time that day. Not bothering to clean up the living room, he thinks he does himself a service so as to not be reminded of the past couple hours. Heâs casting the place in complete darkness before moving to his room. Might as well get some work done.Â
Thereâs a conscious effort to not start slamming things, he succeeds mostly, his graphic tablet receiving the short end of the stick. Turning on his monitor, heâs met with his ongoing project still brought up on the screen.
Itâs a picture of you. One he took in a greenhouse off the outskirts of the city, something you complained about extensively as the heat ruined both your mood and your hair. You were smiling regardless; a wide, happy smile as you looked into the camera, petuniaâs and dahliaâs framing an illusion around your figure.
Mingyu feels the tension in his muscles begin to relax, his breathing evening out after what felt like hours. He becomes almost excited to pick up his stylus and work on the photo, the set up allowing him to dive right in. There was barely any work left, moving on as he finishes the photo and saves it.Â
It isnât until he happens to click on the the last folder, the one where you both caught the sunrise after a strenuous hike. He canât help but break into a hint of a smile at the memory of your broken figure at the pathway, cursing him for bringing you here so early in the morning. The pictures had come out good, especially when Mingyu opens a particular photo at the bottom of the folder, an extra from his initial round of editing for his actual project.Â
Itâs of you (of course) with your chin tucked into your arms as you gaze at the scene from up above, beyond the railing. The sun is up higher at that point, but the cast remains as the top half of your face that wasnât tucked in your arms is lit in an orange glow, eyes glistening like stars during the day, wide and beautiful.Â
Mingyu remembers the shot. It was an accident.
In an attempt to fiddle with the settings to turn off the camera, he ended up snapping a picture instead. The distinct click was noticed, never bothering to check what came out of it when he stuffed his camera back into his bag, nor when he sifted through his SD card.Â
It was like he was seeing the picture in a new light, and the potential it had to become something worth ogling at. He wonders what had come over him when he had placed the photo as a secondary option without another thought, lamenting at what couldâve been his actual final piece.Â
He stares and stares, attempting to draw maps of color rendering in his mind, yet all that comes up is his eyes zeroing in on your own. How they glisten. How they sparkle.
Part 2
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âïž pairing: teacher!vernon x teacher!yn (gn)
âïž synopsis: falling for the young and flirty high school history teacher is inevitable especially when he pays for your groceries and calls himself your work husband
âïž genre: fluff, romance, comedy
âïž warnings: food/drinks, innuendos, insecurities, language, mutual pining (you know that feeling you get when you really like somebody but you can't bring yourself to tell them so all you can do is enjoy the moment that you're spending with them? it's that), skinship, spirit week/rallies should be a warning itself imo, everything that happens in the last chapter
âïž wc: 8.8k
âïž a/n: the full vernon work husband fic is finally here ahh!! this one is dedicated to those with secret crushes and those who are too shy to confess. I hope this au can give you a bit of comfort, joy, and happiness. please let me know if I missed any warnings! + comments and reviews are always appreciated. I finished editing this A LOT faster than I imagined so pls enjoy my bbs <3
âI need you to go on a double date with me.â
Your friendâs question appears out of nowhere and catches you off-guard. Some of the latte you drink dribbles out of your mouth, runs down your chin, and splatters on your slacks. Your friend quickly leans over the table and takes your cup out of your hand, handing you some napkins. You wipe your chin and dab away at your slacks, groaning at the thought of returning to class and standing in front of your science class with prominently stained pants â cinnamon oat milk flavored if it honestly matters.
âAbsolutely not,â you put the soaked napkins on the table and grab a wet wipe from Jeonghanâs stretched hand. He learned to always be prepared when it comes to you â itâs not very often he doesnât see you with some weird stain on your clothes; after all, you are an Environmental Science teacher.Â
âCome on, Yn,â he whines while you rub furiously at the stain with the wipe. âI didnât even tell you when or where the date is going to take place. How could you reject me so quickly?â
âJeonghan, I really donât have time right now,â you sigh and drop the wipe next to the wet napkins. He stares at you with pleading eyes, his hands in prayer. âYou know how busy I get whenever Spring Break is almost here. We have midterms this week, thereâs the spirit rally, and not to mention my errandsâŠâ you trail.
âBut what if the person Iâm meeting is sketchy?â he sulks.
âThen they should be the one afraid because youâre the sketchiest person I know,â you exclaim. âWhere did you even meet them in the first place?â
âTinder,â he takes a sip of his Iced Americano and places the glass cup back down on the beige cafĂ© table.
âYou know whatâŠâ you let the thought marinate in your head for a brief moment. âYouâre right. They actually might be sketchier than you are.â
He quickly nods his head in agreement. To him, this is a more than good enough reason for you to go on the double date with him.
âBut Iâm not going on a double date with you. People already get the wrong idea about us.â
.
In the middle of the same cafĂ©, Seungkwan thanks the barista at the cash register and walks over to the side of the counter to wait for his coffee. While stuffing his wallet into his back pocket, Seungkwanâs eyes gloss over the several artisanal coffee bean bags and teas on display along the white cafĂ© walls before his eyes wander to the several people sitting in the cafĂ©. His head gently bops to the music playing in the background while he people watches. There are a few college students hunched over their laptops and a couple of people near the windows having lunch. Sitting in the corner of the room is a familiar face heâs seen on social media and sometimes in passing when he drops by Vernonâs classroom for lunch.
You seem to be bantering with the guy sitting across from you, but Seungkwan canât hear anything from where heâs standing. From the looks of it, his friendâs earlier apprehensions about your lunch plans seem to be confirmed. His cellphone vibrates in his hand, and he flips it open to look at the text from the same friend who stayed up worrying last night:
[text from: nonie]
nonie: wyd? i'm bored rn bc yn isn't here
kwan: apparently looking at yn on a date
nonie: should I be concerned?
kwan: yeah you should be bc he's pretty handsome
kwan: should be you tho
nonie: see? I told you it was a date bc they styled their hair differently
kwan: but donât people normally dress differently for dates?
nonie: but yn always dresses nicely bc they spend too much time deciding what they're going to wear for the day. like they even take into consideration the weather changes throughout the day.
nonie: so nice hair = extra effort
kwan: Iâm begging you to go get a life
nonie: bro call me
kwan: i'm picking up my coffee now. byeee
.
âYou see my wallet?â Jeonghan opens his black wallet in front of him like a picture book for you to see. He tips it forward and opens it slightly so you can see the bills stacked neatly against each other. âI will literally pay you to go on this double date with me. If anything, maybe the friend will be hot and Vernon will get jealous and actually ask you out.â
You roll your eyes at him and motion for him to put his wallet away. You canât believe he came prepared with his monetary bribe. âBut Vernon doesnât seem like the type to get jealous.â
Your phone pings and three consecutive messages wake your screen:
[text from: work husband]
work husband: I miss you. my lunch sucks today :P
work husband: Iâm eating in my classroom today bc Iâm avoiding Carl
work husband: fucking Carl
Jeonghanâs eyebrow arches while you try your best to avoid replying to Vernon. Not the type to get jealous my ass, Jeonghan thinks while reluctantly putting his wallet away. Telling you to do your hair differently was his idea. So, if his plan worked, Vernon probably sent you messages because he thinks youâre on a date with somebody.Â
âHow about you ask out Vernon yourself?â Jeonghan takes his provided fork to prod at his forgotten slice of cake in the middle of the table. He knocks off the strawberry at the top of the cake and plunges his metal fork into the tip of the cake. The fluffy spongey matcha cake that sandwiches diced strawberries and fresh crĂšme fraiche? A perfect mouthful.Â
His question doesn't mean anything in particular. Jeonghan usually asks you whatever he thinks, but youâre glad you aren't drinking anything this time. If you did, your latte was absolutely going to end up anywhere but in your mouth. So while Jeonghan enjoys his dessert, youâre faced with another problem:
âHow? I donât even know if he flirts with me because itâs a part of his work husband act or if itâs because he actually likes me.â
âYou bring him lunches every day and he pays for your groceries. Iâve tasted your cooking before,â he says in between bites. âThereâs no way that man isnât in love with you.â He places his fork down and reaches over, taking a sip of his Iced Americano to cancel a bit of the cakeâs sweetness. He nods in delight. Going to this cafĂ© for afternoon tea was honestly such a good idea.Â
âYou know I only bring lunches for him because I always end up cooking extra,â you grumble while thinking about whether or not you should answer his texts.
Your phone pings again. Jeonghan props his elbow on the table and lazily rests his cheek against his knuckle. He notices you itching to pick up your phone and sighs to himself. Heâs now halfway through his cake while your apple pie sits in front of you, idle and long forgotten. He thinks that maybe if he feeds you some of his cake you would forgive him for eating your slice.
âIâm literally your best friend. Shouldnât I be the one youâre cooking for?â he huffs.
Your phone is in your hand. Youâve managed to go a few minutes without replying back to Vernon. Jeonghan is secretly proud of you.
He waves his fork in front of your lip to offer you a bite of the cake. When you notice, you open your mouth to accept his offer.
Fuck yes, he thinks after he sees you close your mouth and chew. He immediately reaches over to swap his half-eaten plate for yours.
[text from: work husband]
work husband: oh I signed us up for crowd control for this Fridayâs spirit rally because I know you donât want to participate in the spirit rally games.
work bb: oh thank god. I completely forgot signups were today.
work bb: if I knew I was going to have to attend spirit rallies again I wouldâve never become a high school teacher
work husband: but you wouldnât have met me :c
Jeonghan leaves his seat to walk to your side while you quickly reply back to Vernon. He tries to look over your shoulder while you shrug him off, turning your body toward the window. Jeonghan is positive that there is no way Vernon isnât in love with you.
âAnyway,â Jeonghan gives up and returns back to his seat. âI already told my date you agreed to the double date. See you this Saturday.â
âWhat?â you look up at your best friend and he shrugs while picking up the half-eaten slices of cake and pie.
âOur lunch break is almost over. Iâm going to go get these wrapped so you can take them with you to work. Can you throw away our trash? Iâll come back for the drinks.â
[text from: work husband]
work husband: I think some students are filming tiktoks outside my room. Iâm going to go scare them.
You tell Jeonghan to order you another cake while heâs getting yours boxed at the counter.
chapter two: gymnasium; spirit rally
It honestly did not make sense at all that Fridayâs Spirit Week theme would be called âTie-Dye Friday,â when Tuesday or Thursday are arguably days that better suit the theme. Nevertheless, youâre standing with Vernon at the side of the school gymnasium wearing the sweatshirt he lent you during the few minutes before your second period class started. Your little interaction certainly caught the attention of some students, and it has been the subject of a majority of their conversations. Because when you have two young and hot teachers at your school who seem to be really close friends, word spreads, and ships sail.
The two of you were hired at the same time two years ago, both fresh out of college with a teaching certificate in hand. It is a pretty distinguished school district, a district that receives awards every year for its rigorous pedagogy. In all honesty, you and Vernon landed your jobs by an extreme stroke of luck. This school district? Hiring not one but two new teachers with little to no teaching experience? There were a few positions open because some teachers were retiring. The teacher who was hired before you had to leave the job for personal reasons, and the teacher hired after that one never showed up for training. It kept going on. You were their last option. Putting pride aside, you were just happy someone decided to hire you. But maybe it was the same stroke of luck that brought the two of you together.
You met Vernon during the summer orientation and quickly became friends, realizing that the two of you had to stick together to try to make it through your first year of teaching. Your classrooms are close together, and he would stop by for a quick chat during breaks, coming over to tease you or disrupt your class. You donât know what he is doing half the time, but heâs a good teacher. His class is relatively easy as long as you do the studying, and the tests are hard enough that you canât bullshit your way through and expect an A â theyâre in essay question formats after all. Despite his easygoing personality and calm demeanor, rumor says that heâs the strictest person when it comes to testing season. (Mafia boss the students call it.)Â
But here you are, standing next to your crush wearing one of his most cherished sweatshirts while a bunch of high schoolers sit on the bleachers and on the wooden floors. A student walks up to the two of you and asks if they could use the restroom. Vernon nods, and the student leaves. Vernon tells you that when a student directly asks you if they could leave the assembly, he would answer for you. He knows youâre the shyer one between the two of you. Â
When you have a crush, a big and stinky larger than the sunflowers growing in the garden in front of your classroom type of crush, you cherish any moment spent with them because you never know when the next moment will come.Â
âDonât you have to go get your driverâs license changed?â Jeonghan asked you one night while the two of you were eating dinner at your apartment.
You scrunched your eyebrows together deep in thought, âI donât think itâs expiring soon.â
âYour address doesnât match the one on your license though,â Jeonghan pointed at your wallet on counter above the sink.
You got up from the couch and walked over to grab your wallet. You were pretty sure you had at least two years until your license expired, but it didnât hurt to check. You opened your wallet and looked through the transparent slot in which you put your wallet.
âBut my address is correct,â you walked back to the living room and pulled out your license for your best friend to see.
The crowd cheers as students are called from each year to participate in the next activity. Itâs cacophonous, but you donât mind. You join their rambunctiousness â laughing and cheering with those around you.
Vernon leans in and gently nudges your left arm, âYou look nice.â He compliments loudly enough so only you can hear.
You grin and raise your left arm in front of you to admire the mix of blue, white, and grey. The fabric smells fresh and feels soft against your skin. It was probably treated with the fabric softener he bought the last time the two of you ran errands together. âIâll return this to you after I wash it,â you promise him.
âKeep it,â his hands automatically reach to adjust the hood on your sweater so it lays nice and even against your back. âIt looks good on you,â he murmurs when he stands in front of you while adjusting and pulling the strings in front of your neck so theyâre even.
More cheers erupt from the crowd in front of you, but you are too busy trying to keep yourself from blushing to even care about what is happening in front of you. A few students couldâve exited the building without asking, and you still wouldnât care.
âNo, itâs definitely wrong,â he took the license from your hand and tapped his finger on the printed country.
You leaned in to look at the error on your card.
âIt should say Simp Nation right here,â he snickers.
You snatched your license from his hand, âIâm kicking you out of my apartment.â
Over the course of the next few minutes, they make the teachers participate in an obstacle course, show a video about Spring Break safety, and have the school band perform. Vernon somehow procured two seats so the two of you could sit instead of stand the whole time. In the middle of talking to your co-worker about grading midterms, you hear the entire student body shouting for the both of you.
You look up to see some participants making their way to the center of the gymnasium for some game they were nominated to participate in. The two of you shake your heads and politely deny their request. They groan in response, but it canât be helped. Everybody knew that the two of you rarely participated in assemblies, especially when it came to doing anything remotely physical. Although the two of you are the high schoolâs youngest staff members, the two of you are also some of the most unmotivated and uncompetitive people to ever exist. Everybody already knew that the two of you were going to reject their request, but it never hurt to try. The most the two of you have done during a spirit rally was walk across the gymnasium while holding a banner the students made. There was also that other time the two of you volunteered to participate in the spicy noodle challenge because the two of you were starving, but that was honestly about it.
When the assembly ends the two of you direct the students out of the gymnasium and stay behind to pick up forgotten belongings to bring to the lost and found.
âLet me take those for you,â he takes the sweaters out of your arms for you. âDo you have any lunch plans today?â
âYeah I do,â you reply. You look at his face to see if he is at all disappointed. His expression remains blank and he purses his lips.
âItâs your loss,â he makes his way to the gym doors while you walk over to stack the chairs the two of you sat in. âMy Rubiks Cube club is having a crazy pizza party,â he calls on his way out.
.
If you count a bunch of students lounging around a history classroom with a bunch of Star Wars and other pop culture memorabilia trying to solve their different types of collectible cubes a party, then this one is a banger. A rager even.
Mr. Chwe sits at his desk, right leg anxiously bouncing up and down while he holds his second slice of pizza in his hand. He thought that he managed to play it cool when you told him you had plans, but in reality, the thought of you having lunch plans for the second time this week is making him mentally scream on top of his imaginary mountain into the empty abyss below.
In the background, Dokyeom screams when he solves another side of his Megaminx and proudly holds it up for his club members to see.
[text from: nonie]
nonie: seungkwannn
nonie: help me
kwan: see, you wouldnât be freaking out if you just asked yn on a date
kwan: youâre constantly flirting with them. I donât see how you never accidentally asked them out
nonie: I have a bunch of times but they never take me seriously
nonie: yn told me they have plans for lunch
nonie: do you think theyâre on a date again?
kwan: oh speaking of dates I have a double date this Saturday
nonie: wait keep talking about that so I stop thinking about yn
kwan: when do you not think about yn?
nonie: never
nonie: theyâre actually wearing my sweatshirt today. can you believe it?
kwan: my best friend is a SIMP!
kwan: a shy one who wonât properly confess his feelings! but still!! a simp!!!
kwan: one of my friends from work needed someone to tag along because theyâre meeting someone they met on Tinder. I only agreed because they said they would cover one of my overtime shifts for me
nonie: oh thatâs scary. the tinder part. not the overtime part.
kwan: right?
nonie: but the idea of yn going on a date thatâs not with me is scarier. Â
kwan: no wonder youâre a history teacher
nonie: because the humanities is for hot people?
kwan: because youâre a loser
kwan: like I bet youâre actually enjoying the pizza party with your lame rubiks club rn
nonie: oh my god Iâm a loser
kwan: a hot one tho!
kwan: wait ynâs classroom is literally under yours. canât you just go downstairs and check if theyâre there?
kwan: did you not do that before you started overthinking?
kwan: Vernon?
.
You adjust your sunhat to shield your face from the brazen afternoon sun. Youâre in your gardening overalls, Vernonâs sweatshirt folded neatly and tucked away in your classroom for the time being. Itâs finally Spring and youâre tending to the nursery pots in the small garden located outside of your classroom. Around you, your agriculture club works and chats amongst themselves.
Intrusive thoughts are distracting you from what would usually be a lovely day in your garden. Maybe you shouldâve told Vernon that you were going to be in the garden with your club today. Vernon probably isnât overthinking it like how you are, right? But still, was saying you had plans a little too much? Does it sound like you had something important to tend to?
You sigh and stand to stretch your knees. Behind you, your little garden is beautiful, lush, and thriving. The flowers are in bloom and provide shade for the vegetables in the dirt. Everything seems to be thriving and buzzing with life. It makes you happy to see how far the little seedlings have grown.
A student arrives with refreshments that they picked up for everybody. You tell your club to take a break under the shade. It would be a shame if one of them has heatstroke. You take off your gloves and shove them in your side pockets. Your phone pings in the front pocket of your overalls while you make your way into your cool classroom.
[text from: work husband]
work husband: hi love. you took the bus to work today, right?
work husband: letâs pick up some groceries after work and Iâll drop you off at your place
work bb: even when I smell like dirt?
work husband: youâre an envisci teacher. Iâd be concerned if you didnât smell like dirt
work bb: you donât have anything to do tonight right?
work husband: did you just assume I have no plans on a Friday night
work bb: omg sorry itâs because we always hang after work on Fridays
work husband: no youâre actually right. I have no plans.
work bb: then Iâll cook dinner for us
work husband: I know Iâm already work-married to you, but Iâm going to marry you one day
work husband: lol
work bb: haha silly
âTeacher Yn,â a couple students approach you while you set your phone face down on your desk.
âHmm?â you up at them while taking off your sunhat.
âCan we send you a list of ideas we came up for our club education trip? We know we have to fulfill the requirement before the end of the semester, but we wanted to get it out of the way.â
You nod at them, âSounds fine by me.â You pull up a website on your desktop and show it to your students, âDid you guys include the city garden? Itâs pretty close by and itâs pretty this time of year.â
âDid you choose that place so Mr. Chwe can tag along? I heard he likes running there.â
You look at your students in disbelief. How did they even find out things like that?
Just then, someone knocks loudly on your open door. All eyes turn to see Vernon standing at the opening with his gaggle of students behind him, Rubiks Cubes, pizza boxes, and packs of sodas in their hands.
âI brought nerds and pizza.â
One of your students leans in and whispers to you, âLooks like your boyfriend is here.â
You donât know if you should be happy or if you should consider this to be one of the most horribly timed entrances of all time. You decide youâre going to be happy â itâs Vernon after all.
chapter three: grocery store; dinner
People are definitely staring at the two of you while you grocery shop together. Itâs not because the two of you are wearing your tie-dye outfits from earlier today, but because of the fact that Vernon is handsome. At least thatâs what you believe. Itâs enough to make the other shoppers stare for at least a brief second before they return to their usual routes.
You think your shoes covered in dirt are a direct juxtaposition to his pristine white sneakers. Thereâs a part of you that will always be insecure whenever youâre in public with your crush, but your hand in his reassures you otherwise.
âDo you think people donât approach you at grocery stores because Iâm next to you?â you ask him while the two of you are hunched over the leafy green section. A handwritten sign states the organic kale is finally on sale.
âWhy would you think that?â Vernon curiously asks you. His tone is a bit upset, but he still peruses through a few bundles of kale before choosing the one he like most. He drops it in the plastic bag you opened for him.
âI donât know,â you shrug while placing the bagged kale into the shopping cart. âYouâre handsome and people stare, but nobody is making a move.â
âI donât care about other people,â he muses. He reaches for the baby carrots on the top shelf and passes the bag to you. âYou know I only have eyes for you.â
You push the shopping cart to the fruit section and he follows closely behind you, happy his comment made your ears turn red. He knows youâre embarrassed and is purposely moving onto the fruit section when the two of you still have a few more greens to buy.
But itâs true, he only has eyes on you. Only you donât seem to realize that he does. He constantly tells you his feelings, but you never seem to take him seriously. He clings onto you and holds your hand in public because he also sees people looking at you. Was it wrong of him to be jealous? Was it wrong to want to hold your hand at all times? Maybe itâs his fault you never do, yet he can only wish for you to take him seriously.
âHey babe,â Vernon calls to you from the mountain of potatoes in front of him. He sees your figure shoot up like a meerkat standing among pyramids of fruit, looking side-to-side to try to locate the familiar voice. âRight here,â he calls to you again, this time holding a bag of potatoes above his head. He laughs when he sees you cover your face in mortification while you cart your way over to him. Youâre cute, he thinks. His little meerkat.
.
The two of you pose while he takes a picture of the two of you in the black and white monitoring screen above the self-checkout machine. He scans his loyalty card and begins to scan the items in the cart.
âHey Vern,â you pass him a box of pasta for him to scan.
âYes, baby?â he winks while taking the box from you.
âWhy do you call yourself my work husband even when weâre off work?â you ask him while passing him a bag of bagels.
âYouâre right. If weâre off work then that just means Iâm your husband,â he takes the bag from your hand and scans it. âBecause the adjective describes the fact that weâre at work, but weâre not at work. So just call me husband.â
âSmartass,â you grumble to yourself. Heâs constantly embarrassing you, but you somehow like it.
âWhat is that?â he pokes at the touchscreen. He clearly heard you grumble to yourself.
Checkout. Beep. No Bags. Beep. Credit/Debit. Beep.
âAre you filing for a divorce just because weâre not at work?â he purposely makes his voice louder than usual and brings his phone to the screen to pay for the groceries. âDo I mean nothing to you?â his tone clearly implies heâs poking fun at you, but itâs enough to let the workers around you two eavesdrop.
âVernon, oh my god,â you quickly shuffle to his left to put the items in the reusable tote bags in the cart behind the two of you. âPeople are staring.â You pull your hood over your head and he gently pulls it back down, quickly running his fingers through your hair to minimize the mess.
The workers point and giggle at you two before going back to work, telling those in line to move to an open self-checkout machine.
âJust like how I stare at you at work?â he takes the receipt and consecutive coupons from the mouth of the machine and folds it before putting it in his back pocket. He moves the shopping cart behind the two of you and separates the cold items from the fresh and boxed items.
âBabe, Iâm going to file for divorce,â you grab the bag of baby carrots and wave it in front of his face. âAnd Iâm taking the children with me.â
âAww you called me babe.â
.
You wish you could be as open as Vernon when it comes to flirting, but at the same time, the jokes and the act that the two of you put on around each other often times sound and feel a little too real. Your feelings for him are real, but you struggle to understand whether or not heâs joking with you. You know you could just ask him, but thereâs a ninety percent chance he would joke with you and a ten percent chance he would tell you the truth. However, because of how the two of you normalized flirting with each other, you know you wouldnât be able to tell the difference between his truth and his jokes. Youâre afraid of telling him the truth, but youâre also afraid of letting go of this false reality the two of you created.
Where is the thin line between flirting romantically and flirting jokingly? How do you find it? How do you cross to the romantic side?
The two of you are currently in you apartment. His shoes are placed in the usually open spot next to yours on the shoe rack, and his car keys are in the ceramic tray next to yours. You are prepping the ingredients for dinner while he sorts the groceries he bought into their rightful places in your tiny kitchen.
âYou know my student, Chan, right? The one who I swear is out to get me?â your co-worker asks you nonchalantly while reaching above your head to open your white kitchen cabinet. âRight when I was about to play a video for the class, Chan raises his hand and has the audacity to ask me if Iâm ever going to teach them.â
âHow did you respond?â you lean over the kitchen counter to shut the microwave door and start the timer. Youâre used to his daily post-class lunchtime rants, but he somehow forgot to tell you until he saw the picture of the two at orientation stuck on your refrigerator with a magnetic turtle.
Vernon sighs while looking through the cabinet contents, âI called him lame and told him to watch the damn Crash Course video.â
He gently places his palm on top of your head to shield your head from getting hit when he swings the cabinet door close, a colander in his other hand. He places the colander in the sink behind the two of you and turns back to you. He is interested in what is in the microwave and mimics your position, bending over to stare through the translucent screen. Itâs hard to make out what is spinning slowly through the glass so he leans in, accidentally brushing his shoulder against yours for a brief moment. It is brief, but it is enough to make you question what you have done in your past life to deserve this moment.
âWait,â you turn your head to look at your co-worker beside you, curiously asking, âstudents actually get annoyed when we show videos in class?â
âI donât know,â he stands upright and scratches his head, his expression clearly showing that he was dumbfounded that a student would be against watching videos. He leans against the back counter and crosses his arms. He frowns. âI mean, am I ever going to tell them that watching videos stimulates different modes of cognitive learning? Of course not,â he answers his own question. âIâm the cool teacher.â
Spoken like a mantra.
âIâm just defrosting the garlic bread so I can pop it into the oven so you can snack while I cook.â You notice he is looking around your kitchen. You think itâs because he doesnât have space to exit with the tote bags on the floor and the lack of mobile space in your kitchen. âDid you want to exit? Let me move out of the way so you can go chill or grade in the living room.â
Itâs exactly the opposite of what you think.
Vernon loves your place despite how much you hate its small size. To him, your tiny apartment feels like home. Youâve told him several times how much you want to move out. You hate how you donât have a desk to do your work on. You hate how your bed is literally pushed in the corner of your bedroom against the wall and window. You even hate how thereâs no closet in your bedroom so you have to use the hallway closet as your closet.
He wishes you know just how much he loves it when he can hear the soft hum of the in-unit washer and dryer in the background while he lounges on your plush sofa. Because of the size of your apartment, the smell of your baking sometimes lingers for hours. Because of the lack of space, youâre forced to display many of your things for your guests to see instead of tucking them away in some storage bin or cabinet. There are postcards your friends sent from around the world, pictures on the fridge, awards hung on walls, and small trinkets placed all around your apartment. The sticky notes the two of you exchanged during orientation are pinned to your corkboard. Not to mention, the sectional sofa with the chaise you bought with your first paycheck proudly lines your living room. Itâs one of the most comfortable things heâs fallen asleep on. Although the apartment may seem suffocating at times, this apartment is you personified.
Of course, it wasnât like he never offered you to move into his place multiple times in the past. You slapped his arm in response every time he suggested.
.
Earlier, the two of you decided to power through grading midterm papers for your respective classes so the two of you could freely enjoy Spring Break without any worries. It is now nearing midnight when you blindly reach into the popcorn bowl on the side table beside you only to feel nothing. You are out of movie snacks. Your legs are stretched out on your chaise and Vernonâs head is still in your lap, pointed toward the second movie the two of you are watching that night. You decide to not get up to make more popcorn just in case he is sleeping.
Next to the empty popcorn bowl, your cellphone pings and Vernon stirs.
Damn you, cellphone.
There is another notification sound, and Vernon pushes himself off your lap to sit up. You look over at your phone. Itâs fucking Yoon Jeonghan.
[text from: devilâs incarnate]
devilâs incarnate: donât fowget about ouw double date t-tomowwow (//âœ//)
devilâs incarnate: the reservation is at noon at the bistro opposite of the cafĂ© we went for lunch
headache personified: WHY MUST YOU RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME
Vernon somehow manages to quietly squeeze himself behind you while you lift yourself to text  Jeonghan. When you put your phone down he tugs your body closer to his, his legs stretched out and sandwiching yours. He points to the blanket at the foot of the chaise and he lets go of his arms around you so you can lean forward to grab the blanket.
You open the blanket so it covers both of you and his arms sneak around your stomach, pulling you into his chest. He puts his chin on your shoulder to see the screen in front of you. He emanates warmth like a human-sized hand warmer, like the warm summer sun on your skin the first day you met him.
About halfway into the movie your body naturally turned to lay against his. Youâre not watching the movie anymore because he knows youâre tired. Itâs not the first time the two of you have cuddled this closely before, but he only hopes you mistake his uncontrollable fast heartbeat as his reaction to the movie.
Youâre fiddling with the strings on his clean hoodie and he takes your hand in his and puts it on his chest.
âThe plot is really good,â he hopes you can feel his chest vibrate.
You do. Youâre on cloud nine.
âYou can stay over if youâre not comfortable driving back at this hour,â you suggest to him. Your hand goes back to playing with the aglet on his hoodie string.
âMmm,â the thought of leaving makes him groan. âIâll stay until the movie ends.â
In the closet toward the entrance, your dryer hums. The air smells like rose petals and warm vanilla. In his heart he knows the two of you are way past the simple âwork spouseâ phase. He hugs you tighter and wishes the movie never ends.
[text from: devilâs incarnate]
devilâs incarnate: btw Iâm picking you up so you have no way of escaping (oÂŹâżÂŹo )
devilâs incarnate: see you soon baby <33 -xoxo
chapter four: bistro; double date
The loud knocking on your front door causes you to jolt awake and fling the blanket covering you onto the living room floor. You can recognize that impatient knock anywhere. However, what youâre afraid of is not the knocking sound, but the person currently knocking.
âShit, shit, shit, shit, shit,â you repeat while you sit up and look around the living room. You realize itâs Saturday morning. The television is turned off, and you can still see the stacked pile of midterms pushed to the side of your coffee table. Is Vernon still in your apartment?
Your phone is ringing on the side table next to you. You look over your pillow from your bedroom. I donât remember bringing one from my bedroom. You see the Caller ID. Itâs Jeonghan trying to reach you from outside your door.
Then you see it, a light blue sticky note stuck in the empty popcorn bowl next to your phone. Itâs his handwriting, tiny and scrawled. He says he took your laundry out of the dryer and took out the trash on his way out. Heâs sorry he couldnât lock the door. Thereâs a tiny heart next to his initials. He doesnât tell you when he left.
The note is in your hand when Jeonghan barges into your apartment and shuts the door behind him. He stands in the doorway and stares at you, his hands on his waist. Heâs annoyed.
Your apartment is silent. Even leaky faucet decides to rest for a while. You swear you can hear your best friendâs heavy breathing.
âIâm sorry,â you squeak while you stand up to face him, hiding the note behind your back.
âI. Sent. You. So. Many. Texts,â he roughly kicks off his shoes and storms into your living room.
You scream when you realize he is making his way over to you. When he reaches your sofa, the two of you circle around your coffee table.
âIâve been outside your door knocking like a man trying to win back his ex. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me?â He wants to strangle you at this point, but he canât because he needs you to go on the double date with him. âAnd I couldnât even park in your second parking spot because guess who I saw get into his car in your second parking spot in the morning?â
Does that mean Vernon slept over last night? And Jeonghan now knows about it?
He lunges. You scream again.
.
Seungkwan sits on Vernonâs barstool and faces the door, ready to read his friend to filth the moment he walks into the door. His legs are crossed and heâs counting the number of cardboard boxes stacked near Vernonâs front door. Itâs Saturday morning and Vernon isnât in his own apartment. Heâs a loser who canât even properly confess his feelings to his crush â where the hell was he last night?
Seungkwan has a double-date to attend in about an hour. For him, lecturing Vernon would take at least 15 minutes and asking for opinions for his outfits would take around 5 minutes. Driving would take at least 10 minutes if it was all green lights. However, if there is a stop light or two-
Vernon calmly unlocks his door and opens the door to see his friend sitting at his counter. Itâs totally normal to have Seungkwan invite himself into his apartment â he gave him a spare key for a reason. However, when Vernon is halfway through the doorframe, he realizes heâs wearing his extra set of clothes he sometimes leaves at your place. He is also holding his work bag from yesterday. Seungkwan seems to have already noticed as his legs uncross and his eyes widen at the sight of his friend. Vernon slowly backs out and closes his front door ready to leave and never come back. Start a new life maybe.
âGet your ass back here,â he hears Seungkwanâs menacingly sweet voice from the other side of the door.
He audibly sighs. He has no choice but to open the door.
.
Youâre folding your laundry in the backseat of Jeonghanâs car while he drives the two of you to the double date. You can tell heâs still angry â his sleeves are rolled up. He already undid his collar to let off some steam and pent up anger when you told him you didnât want to go on the date. You can see the gorilla grip he has on his steering wheel. His arm veins protrude prominently, and you swear you can see them throb. Jeonghan glares at you through his rearview mirror every chance he can get, so you sulk in his backseat and quietly fold your clothes. You probably also lost your aux privileges. For the next week or month maybe.
He purposely makes a hard break at a stop sign when nobody is around, and some of your folded clothes launch themselves to his car floor. You look at your t-shirt crumple to the floor and bite your lower lip. You nod to yourself. You deserve this. You were on a winning streak last night so karma (Jeonghan) has to show up to make sure everything is set at equilibrium. There must be balance to this world.
âDid you shower last night?â Jeonghan softly asks you when he notices youâre a lot quieter than usual. He turns on his right blinker, ready to make a right.
âOf course I did,â you pouted when you realized your favorite pair of socks rolled under the front seat. âI smelled like dirt.â
âSo you showered while a man was over?â he snickers. Thereâs a glimmer in his eye. âNaughty.â
âHe was grading in my living room,â you protest while looking out the window. Your clothes are folded and placed back in the laundry basket.
You can tell Jeonghanâs anger is subsiding. He rolls his shoulder backwards and stretches his neck left and right. The gorilla grip is gone. You know he cares for you. That you are certain of.
The two of you are still relatively early when Jeonghan parks. He rolls down his windows and turns of the engine and then his car. He drops his car keys in his cupholder and turns back to look at you. He smiles.
âSpill.â
.
Seungkwan is holding onto the car handle above his seat for dear life.
âSo I woke up with Yn in my arms, but their phone was going off like crazy because someone was spam texting them. I reach over to switch their phone to silent because Iâm a good husband who cares about Yn getting a good sleep, but I see the same person texting them and calling them. Bro this person was using all the pet names that I use. So, already, in my mind I was like âoh my god am I a home wrecker?â And then I looked at their phone again even though I shouldnât have been looking through their notifications, but it was just right there and I saw that he said he was going to come over soon because they have a date. So I tidied up a bit and packed my bags and zoomed out of there. Because what if theyâre really dating? What if heâs the same guy you saw at the cafĂ©? Dude my mind was racing so much. But Yn looked so peaceful and serene. I was going to melt then and there and then reality hit me: I may have just been a homewrecker. But it all doesnât make sense because their lock screen photo is the photo I took of us at the grocery story yesterday. Wouldnât it make more sense if your lock screen photo was your boyfriend instead? So I was freaking out and Iâm still freaking out. My non-existent love life is in shambles bro.â
âIs this car ride over?â Seungkwanâs eyes are closed and his knuckles are turning white. âAm I alive? Is the car in one piece?â
Vernon unbuckles his seatbelt and then Seungkwanâs, âYeah dude. I parked a few minutes ago. Were you listening to me rant at all?â
âIâm going to step out and take a breather,â Seungkwan nods to himself. It was his fault for making Vernon drive. He knows how fast Vernon can drive, but he didnât take into consideration that he would be sitting in the passenger seat. Was it worth it in the end to arrive early to a date he wasnât even going to enjoy?
He opens the car door and stretches his legs. âDo you see that cafĂ© across the street?â he points at the cafĂ© he visited earlier this week. âPlease stay in there and clear your head. Drink some tea. Coffee will make you even more jittery.â
Seungkwan exits the car and shuts the door. Before he starts walking towards the front entrance, he turns around and points at Vernon who looks like he is on the brink of a mental breakdown, âBut stay in there in case I need an escape plan.â
.
Vernon recognizes this cafĂ© as the same cafĂ© printed on the tiny cake roll box you left on his desk earlier this week. The sticky note you attached to the underside of the box is tucked away in his wallet as are some of the other ones you wrote for him in the past. He keeps them all and occasionally switches them depending on his mood. Â
Did you miss me? the note reads. Iâm sorry you had to eat lunch alone. This roll reminded me of you because itâs round like your hair when itâs flat. HA! Did you think I was going to write âsweet?â -yn ;-)
Heâs been staring at the chalkboard menu for the past few minutes, his eyes squinted and his head deep in thought. The baristas think heâs having a hard time looking at the menu up above and offer him a physical menu in larger print. It takes a few tries to get his attention, but he bashfully takes the menu from them and moves to the side so the incoming customers can order their drinks and other menu items.
He regrets not asking you out sooner. Heâs sulking and mentally beating himself up in a cafĂ© in which his crush had a date a few days ago. How lame is that? While youâre out enjoying your date and probably having the time of your life, heâs regretting all of the chances he didnât take in the past. But the angel on his shoulder reassures him â he was still by your side despite not taking the chances in the past. It comforts him a bit. Maybe is all just a big misunderstanding. Maybe you donât have a boyfriend. Vernon promises himself while walking up to the counter to order his drink: if the universe sends him a sign anytime soon, he is going to take it. No questions asked.
[text from: kwan]
kwan: sos
nonie: do you think I should go for a fruit tea today?
kwan: I s2g if you donât get your ass over here
nonie: how bad can your date be?
nonie: did the food come out already?
kwan: my coworker is meeting ynâs bf
kwan: MY COWORKER IS MEETING YNâS BF FOR OUR DOUBLE DATE
kwan: YNâS BOYFRIEND IS A CHEATER
nonie: YOU FR?
nonie: WHO TF WOULD HAVE THE AUDACITY TO DO THAT TO YN?
kwan: YOUâRE A TEACHER. COME TEACH HIM A LESSON. Â
nonie: IâM COMING
kwan: not the face tho. itâs a money maker
nonie: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?
Vernon practically sprints out of the café. Thank you universe!
.
[text from: devilâs incarnate]
devilâs incarnate: did u grab my wallet?
devilâs incarnate: save me. my date came and I was totally catfished (âŹ`çÂŽ)
devilâs incarnate: and your date is sending me death glares for some reason O.o
headache personified: when we go home weâre signing you up for bumble
headache personified: Iâm almost at the front entrance. you want me to act like youâre my bf?
devilâs incarnate: oh we havenât used that tactic in a long time
headache personified: wait is that you three under the umbrella at the porch?
headache personified: is my date vernonâs seungkwan? Â
devilâs incarnate: bro how should I know how vernonâs seungkwan looks like
devilâs incarnate: ahh fuck it Iâll just be mean and call my date out for catfishing me.
devilâs incarnate: can you record for me <3 -xoxo
Youâre already outside the front entrance when you think about ways to try to avoid Seungkwan while you're inside the bistro. You think if you walk along the bistroâs perimeter instead of heading inside the bistro, you can get a better video angle of Jeonghan without having to show your face to Seungkwan. However, someone gently grabs onto your arm and tugs on it.
You turn around and you're surprised to see Vernon looking back at you. He looks frazzled and out of breath. You wonder if he really goes jogging in the city garden like what your students said.
âHear me out. I have to tell you something,â he pleads.
Your heart is screaming Omg itâs Vernon! Vernon! but youâre worried Jeonghan might get mad at you if you donât record him while heâs lecturing the catfish. You can probably email the bistro for a video recording tomorrow. If Jeonghan draws enough attention, you can probably have one of the bistro patrons text you a recording of the interaction.
âI had so many chances to tell you how I really feel, but I keep beating myself up for not telling you my feelings. I really like you. I really do,â he takes both of your hands in his hand. âAnd I donât want you to go in and end up with someone who is on a date with another person.â
Fuck Jeonghanâs video. Vernon is actually confessing to you. Yet at the same time, something about his confession doesnât really make sense. How did he find out about your double date?
âWhat do you mean you catfished me because you thought I was a catfish? Have you seen me?â you can hear Jeonghanâs shrill voice screeching from where youâre standing. You imagine heâs standing up and gesturing at his own face. âWhy would I need to catfish as someone else?â You swear you can also hear Seungkwan laughing.
Vernon also seems to recognize Seungkwanâs laughter. His mouth hangs slightly agape and he looks at you and back at the patio in horror.
In that moment, everything made sense. Seungkwan probably texted Vernon that Jeonghan showed up to the date while believing you were dating Jeonghan. Itâs honestly not the first time the confusion happened. You smile and pull him in a hug.
âThe person I like thinks my best friend is cheating on me when in reality I was forced to go on a double date. So if anything, you just stopped me from going on a date with Seungkwan before I even went on a date with you,â you laugh into his chest. âDid you really run to try stop me from seeing my best friend cheat on me?â
He hugs you back and you can hear his heart beat slow down. Heâs relieved.
âBaby,â he hums into your hair.
âHmm?â you look up at him.
âDo you still want to call me your work husband at work even if I become your boyfriend?â
You groan in embarrassment while he laughs at you. He separates from you and starts walking backwards with his hand stretched out.
âLetâs go on a date. I heard the cafĂ© across the street has really good cake rolls.â
Heâs waiting for you to come hold his hand. Â
You can still hear Jeonghan yelling in the background. You think Seungkwan is also yelling with him. Considering the fact that they havenât been kicked out already, the two of you know theyâll be fine without the two of you.
âThe ones that look like your hair when itâs flat?â you catch up to him and interlock your hand with his.
âExactly.â
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