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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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Raze’s Logs, Day 2:

Coke and mentos! Coke and mentos, who knew explosions could be so delicious?

Got hungry today, grabbed a bottle from Sabine’s room and took a swig. Could be glycerol, could be deadly new toxin. Tastes awesome either way. Though I should probably get checked out by Sage.

Speaking of Sage, I really want the cafeteria to serve some feijoada. Haven’t had good stew since I left Brazil - Brim said we gotta wait, but I just know the top brass that runs this protocol doesn’t give a shit about my food preferences.

Looks like I have to do some secret cooking on my own. Let’s hope boom bot is at least around 160 F.

#valorant #valorant asks #valorant raze #raze #sage #valorant sage #viper #valorant viper

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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See that picture? Woke up like this, no sweat.

Last week, me and camera man had a bet, loser does what the winner tells ‘im to. Long story short - I came out on top, aced the whole thing.

(Addendum_Cypher: It was not a bet, I never agreed to your childish social media challenges.)

You lost, boo hoo. Point is, he’s got tea on everyone here, everyone. And if I ask him, he has to tell me. What I’m saying is -

(Addendum_Cypher: [CONTENT DELETED])

Mate, I know what you do with your cameras in your spare time. You’re no saint either.

Anyways, what I’m saying is that anything you ask me, Mr. Five Eye there will have to answer. So ask away, my loyal fans - you know only I can serve tea this scalding hot.

#valorant #valorant asks #phoenix #cypher #valorant phoenix #valorant cypher

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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who has beef with who? 👀

I would say for as long as that woman’s heart beats, I shall never forgive her. But I doubt someone like her would even have a heart to begin with. Her eyes are dead. Her soul is dead. There is no life in her.

Sabine and I are both monsters at this point, yet she hides behind a façade of flesh. Humanity. I see nothing but her venom. She must be purged. But I fear even with her body gone, her toxin lingers in the system of this world, continuing its creator’s ceaseless corruption.

— Agent “Omen”

Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have my cameras back.

Raze has recklessly endangered my gadgets yet again, risking precious radianite tech as well as potentially sabotaging the mission for her own amusement. Have you any idea how many of those parts I stole bought with my own money?

I miss old-fashioned recon, where I could work uninterrupted by a walking powder keg.

(Addendum_Raze: >:/)

And it is only personal gripes on my part, but that new little engineer gets on my nerves... My gadgets remind her of “her projects in Kindergarten”? We will have words, Killjoy.

I am not too concerned. Because as I always like to say...

"أعرف أين أنت بالضبط".

— Agent “Cypher”

Stop. Stealing. My. Servos.

Cypher, this is your last warning. After that you’re a dead man walking. We clear, Skitstövel?

— Agent “Breach”

#valorant #valorant asks #valorant cypher #cypher #breach #omen #viper #raze #killjoy #valorant killjoy

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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[ag.bad_omens has posted img_link.//W7F]

ag.bad_omens: Who the hell printed this out and stuck it on my door?!

ag.raze_hell: don’t look at me, ghost boy.

ag.i_am_the_wind: Relax bro, it was just a prank.

ag.bad_omens: Not. Funny.

ag.hiss: Agreed. Highly unprofessional.

ag.flameb0i: yall need to loosen up

ag.hiss: Not everyone can be a hotheaded idiot who charges in headfirst with no second thought to their own mortality, Phoenix.

ag.flameb0i: ur just jealous i get more kills cuz I rez

ag.flameb0i: get rekt n00b

ag.cy_spy: Someone help me hold this woman down. Watch the teeth.

ag.shield_and_sword: Should I fetch the Viper gloves?

ag.cy_spy: And the burlap sack, if you so please. Let’s get this under wraps before Brim has to hear of what’s going on

ag.hellfire: Too late. News travels fast.

ag.cy_spy: Oh, shit.

[//ag.cy_spy is now offline.//]

ag.hellfire: My office. Now.

ag.hellfire: And Jett, take that damn poster down.

ag.i_am_the_wind: You’re no fun.

ag.bad_omens: Let’s see how much fun you’ll be after I rip your face off and use it to wipe the blood off my claws.

[//ag.bad_omens is now offline.//]

ag.i_am_the_wind: I think I heard him.

[//ag.i_am_the_wind is now offline.//]

ag.shield_and_sword: Don’t think you’re getting out of this one, Phoenix.

[//ag.flameb0i is now offline.//]

ag.schadenfreude: Hallo I bought Bier

ag.schadenfreude: *beer

ag.schadenfreude: What did I miss?

#valorant #valorant asks #jett #killjoy #brimstone #cypher #phoenix #sage #omen #valorant omen #viper #raze

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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An Announcement From Sage

Greetings, everyone. Jett showed me how to write and post on this account, so you’ll be occasionally hearing from me.

I just want to say: whoever keeps chugging my reserve of radianite orbs when I’m not looking, is getting a pistol handle in the face. There’s a reason I locked my goddamn doors. I don’t want to come back to an empty cabinet anymore.

(Addendum_Killjoy: Wait, those aren’t some exotic Chinese cuisine you told me about? You lied to me!)

(Addendum_Phoenix: I thought they were! There’s like, a thousand Chinese dishes out there, it was totally possible!)

(Addendum_Raze: I was wondering why they taste like rocks.)

And please remember to drink a lot of water, get decent rest, and make sure you have a full meal at least twice a day. I can heal you, but there’s only so much radianite can do. I need my team in top fighting condition.

(Addendum_Reyna: Don’t tell me what to do, pendeja.)

...Most of my team in top fighting condition.

— Agent “Sage”

#jett #killjoy #valorant #valorant jett #valorant killjoy #valorant phoenix #phoenix #sage #valorant sage #reyna #valorant reyna #valorant asks

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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Raze’s Logs: Day 1

It’s my turn on the computer, and nobody‘s gonna do shit about it.

Today was a good day, I built a bomb, stuff blew up, then my bomb exploded. I probably have to get my ears checked out by Sage, but it was totally worth it.

Jett said she bet I can’t sneak into Killjoy’s workshop and steal one of her sentries. She’s right, I can’t. But what I can do is paint all over that little filho da puta however I want. I also nabbed a few initiators while I was at it. Matar dois coelhos com uma tacada só, am I right?

Fine, maybe Killjoy will be mad, and maybe I will be on dish duty. But at least I did not pass the day in vain. Cypher is next on my hitlist, he says he doesn’t need exploding cameras - we’ll see.

Crap, Brimstone’s coming my way. Until next time, my loyal readers. This is Raze, signing off.

—— Agent “Raze”

#valorant #jett #killjoy #brimstone #valorant raze #valorant brimstone #valorant jett #valorant killjoy #valorant asks #cypher #valorant cypher #valorant sage

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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which agents do you get along with the best during missions?

Of course, Phoenix is my favourite! My wind fans his fire, and he, well, loves me for who I am. It sometimes turns into a competition to see who gets the most kills, and he always whines about my throwing knives. Hey, it’s not cheating if you didn’t rule out projectile weapons! Also, don’t tell him this but I definitely wasn’t the one who swapped his hair gel for super glue.

— Agent “Jett”

I mean, I feel like I’ve been hanging around most of the Agents for long enough now, even if I’m still the new gal to some of them...Mein Gott, what am I to do with Brimstone? He’s like a second father to me, both in the sense that he protects me out on missions, and that he is about as tech-savvy as a 1980 Macintosh. He thinks that whenever his artillery strike lags, “the Internet is down”. I guess what I mean to say is...he’s great. Schön. Fantastisch. I love the man.

— Agent “Killjoy”

Друг мои, I enjoy working with almost all other Agents. But I find our healer Sage a best fit for me. She would slow our opponents, and I would hunt them down. Our teamwork is always seamless - and being around her is great for your health.

Little joke there, funny? No? Alright.

— Agent “Sova”

You’re joking, right? Look at these miserable criaturas, would I ever want to be their friends?

— Agent “Reyna”

#valorant #valorant asks #valorant jett #valorant phoenix #valorant killjoy #valorant brimstone #valorant sova #valorant sage #valorant reyna

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ask-valorant-hq · 3 years

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So, Killjoy said someone should go set this up.

Don’t look at me, I’m just an old geezer with way too much tech around him. Considering I still have trouble ordering food online, I’m really probably not the best person for this job.

There’s Jett, she’s snickering at me. I think she’s waiting for me to give up.

Anyways, the younger Agents think “good publicity” will help with our operations, even if we aren’t supposed to exist to the public in the first place. But here it is, ask us anything. And if it’s classified info, ask at your own risk.

— Agent “Brimstone”

#valorant killjoy #valorant brimstone #valorant jett #valorant asks #valorant #jett #brimstone #killjoy

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