ask-alpharius
Hydra Dominatus
I actually am Alpharius
195 posts
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THIS IS LIFFE
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Got a psycher problem? Just call the Sisters of Silence and they’ll clean it up without a word (unless you’re a filthy dancing Eldar we hope the heretics steal everything from you.)
Or uh- call three guys with thunder hammers. That might be a little less expensive, and I hear the Sisters only like showing up when some particularly sunny boys numbering in the thousands are in need of an ass-kicking.
Side note: events referenced aren’t always portrayed truthfully and according to /the lore/ and they might not even exist this this is a public service announcement for the mental health of one very blue dude that’s not guilliman.
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*snorts in amusement* “You idiots are hopeless without me.”
Big Toof River Massacre
by goff2k
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“Thanks Mort-“ *shakes the bottle violently* “-FUCK YOU BARBARAN DICKHEAD! FUCK YOU DORN! FUCK YOU ALPHARI-“
Are you happier now?
“I’m never happy.”
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“Well apparently my head grew back so I’m guessing your nose did too.”
*the faint sound of crying can be heard over the vox link along with sound of “I miss you Alphie.”*
Are you happier now?
“I’m never happy.”
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*music stops* “...What the hell?”
*sniff*
“I still miss you bro…still miss you. Hydra Dominatus.”
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“Yeah I hear a constant runny nose does that to you.”
Are you happier now?
“I’m never happy.”
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“Wow, three weeks not just replying to everything with ‘Yes.’ I wish could’ve seen that.”
Konrad: Can I show you a trick?
Dorn: Last time you showed me a trick it took me three weeks to restore my sanity.
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Am I Alpharius? How does one know when they are Alpharius?
“Well, there’s a very simple test to figure that out: Are you Omegon?”
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@ask-perturabo “Always angry, all the time? Why they sound like you and your Iron Warriors whenever Dorn is mentioned!”
Marine Irate by earltheartist
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The EMPEROR of MANKIND - Does he look like a bitch to you?
by laboratorium-ix
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“...Um...uh...nnnnnnnooooooo?”
OOC shower thoughts on Alpharius
So what if while he is good at surprise attacks. And dressing like a front line foot solder. All the “I am Alpharius!” Is actually him just being overly concerned with his men? For example they manage to get pinned down and they are offered
Enemy: “okay we will let you go just surrender your Primarch!”
So he gets up and yells “I am Alpharius!”
Enemy: “shoot the guy next to him it’s clearly a trick.”
Alpharius: “what no what the fuck I’m right here. (Internally, wait no I can salvage this just need to slip away change clothes and bam I’ll grab their attention)
Comes back now in terminator armour. "I am Alpharius! Now release my men!”
Enemy: “kill the others I’m not falling for that.”
Alpharius: “fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkk!”
@ask-alpharius am I onto something here?
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“I think the warp rift beneath Terra speaks of a different truth...”
999 reasons. Ahriman has been a bad son
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“Most people think that the symbol of the Alpha Legion is a Hydra...it isn’t. Saepiae Dominatus.”
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...Can I have your helmt? I like it beter then mine...
“If you can find it.” *suddenly you notice that your helmet is a lot bigger than you remember it being, with far more Hydra motifs than last time. Upon closer inspection you notice it’s just a regular helmet with badly done scrawls drawn by a lazy primarch*
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(Sends a box filled with socks)
(Sends a box filled with instructions, these instructions lead to seven other boxes scattered throughout the universe. Whilst you’re searching for these boxes Igo Pech emerges from the first box and staples boxes all over your wall before running off)
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So, like, did you and your little bro get in a Tiff and now you and all your warbands are rolling Chaos and he's still rocking loyalist swag with his bunch? 🤔
“My little bro? I have no idea who you mean.”
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