btw it's very cunning (and dare i say sexy) how oliver learns what NOT to do around the cattons from observing farliegh and pamela..
elspeth enjoyed having a beautiful and poor and broken thing in her house. she could admire pamela's beauty while also feeling good about herself for being such a wonderful and charitable person. but after the novelty of that wore off, she just found pamela to be dreadfully boring
the first time i watched saltburn, i thought the scene where oliver flirts with elspeth was a failure/miscalculation in manipulation on his part, but on my rewatches i'm fully convinced he knew the flirtation wouldn't work on her, but he did it because it was interesting and daring and cheeky of him. to elspeth, oliver is beautiful and in need of her help just like pamela, yet he's made himself interesting to elspeth outside of those two things, so he won't outstay his welcome at saltburn like pamela did
as for farleigh, they all roll their eyes at him for daring to find it demeaning that he has to beg his family for money, so oliver makes sure to appear just so humble and grateful for it. farleigh and his stupid american Feelings cause an outburst at lunch after felix's death and oliver immediately pivots from sitting silently waiting for a cue on how to proceed, to giving sir james and elspeth exactly what they want/need based on their reaction to how farleigh had just behaved
no you don't get it felix becomes upset with oliver cleaning his dorm because he's breaking the rules. the people who serve felix must do so invisibly because to do otherwise would force felix to confront how much others have to pick up after him and oliver comes in and demands: look at yourself, look at who you are and what you do, and this is the first time that felix resents him
don't make me acknowledge the ways you serve me. don't make me think about it. don't make me look.