Ladygunn magazine NO. 17

and another thing; i’m tired of y’all shaming sex workers in general.

how to mind ya bidness

Jurnee Smollett-Bell as Dinah Lance in BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN) (2020)

2020 motivational cross stitch? Pattern is Threat by shitpostsampler on tumblr by RRachelRR

Society Cross Stitch (Pattern from TheStitchKween on Etsy) by youreadonuthole

marsha p. johnson and sylvia rivera, founders of STAR and the first pride parades, in 1989

happy pride month! the stonewall uprising was a riot started by trans women of colour against police brutality. support black lives. support trans lives. love fiercely. throw bricks. acab.

“So plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”

—

MEAN GIRLS (2004)

Cat cross-stitch commemorating the quarantine

I keep forgetting stuff to talk to my therapist about, so I’m going to try to write some of it down throughout the week.  I had to start seeing a new therapist and I have to explain everything about my life to her (I had been seeing my other therapist for six years so she knew pretty much everything).  I’m not used to it.

COVID is hitting my family hard.  My grandmother contracted it and died at the beginning of April, which has left me very conflicted.  We have barely had a relationship for almost a decade, and I have known for a while that whenever she died I would feel a certain amount of guilt.  Now that she is gone, my brother and my cousins keep talking about how loving she was, and I started thinking about why I made the decision to cut her off.  I was at my lowest point, about to go into treatment for my eating disorder, and my mother kept telling me all the terrible things my grandma was saying abut my father (they were going through a divorce, and my grandma never liked him).  My mom has said for my entire life that my grandma is the reason for all her issues, and I would do anything not to end up like my mom.  I think deciding to stop speaking to my grandmother seemed like a way to prevent myself from ending up like my mother, but instead I might’ve missed out on having a relationship with her because I allowed my mom to manipulate me.

I have three other family members with COVID, but thankfully their symptoms have been relatively mild.  My cousin, Steve, is severely autistic and I imagine the breathing troubles must be very scary for him.  My aunt was the first to get it (at work, presumably), and then she brought it home to him and my uncle, so she is starting to feel better now.

My uncle Pete has been in the hospital for a couple weeks now as well.  You can protect yourself from COVID by quarantining, but not from decades of alcoholism.  His liver failed, his kidneys are failing, his organs perforated, he had blood poisoning and infections in his bones and joints, and was experiencing paralysis from the neck down...that isn’t even the whole list.  He is 55 years old.  They were sure he was going to die, but somehow he is still alive.  He is driving all the hematologists insane because they are doing dialysis and pumping him full of plasma and his blood is doing the opposite of what blood is supposed to do and they don’t understand why.  They were finally able to do surgery yesterday, though, so he seems to be improving.

Something I realized that I do, I guess to preemptively process grief, is start writing eulogies before people even die.  I did it with my grandma before she died in January.  I’ve started writing Pete’s.  I didn’t do it before my grandma died in April because it happened quite fast, and I wouldn’t have known what to say anyways.  I started writing my dad’s eulogy years ago, and he’s healthier than me.  That’s probably something to bring up in therapy...

Well, that was a lot longer than I meant for it to be.  Other than all that, my masters program is going great, I hate my job, and I’ve been playing Hunt-A-Killer with my friends on Skype (10/10 would recommend!)

We woke up extra early for couch school today and Louie can't hang.

New tattoo! Thanks to Aaron at @skinsinnstattoos.

From Abigail Adams’ letter to John Adams on March 31, 1776, while he was away at the Continental Congress:

“In the Code of Laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make I desire you would Remember the Ladies…If particular care and attention is not paid to the Ladies we are determined to foment a Rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation.” – A.A.

Louie has been waiting all winter for a sunbeam!

I laughed way too hard at this

Anna Kendrick attends the 60th Annual GRAMMY Awards at Madison Square Garden on January 28, 2018 in New York City.

Louie knows when his mama needs him nearby.