wait i love them

EUPHORIA 2.08: All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name

“I think your play was the first time I was able to look at my life and not hate myself.”

ZENDAYA’S ACTING… GIVE HER ALL THE AWARDS

high res scans and more on patreon

I’m laughing, I’m crying, it feels like I’m dying

Mood constant 

Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming, I can go by days without a shower and feeling disgusting…I do what I can to make others happy, I worry about others people’s health and making them feel happy, I’ve been doing that for a while, yet again I find myself feeling empty and realizing friendships are just momentary…

But now…I se myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize myself, I don’t know what’s real or what’s not, I want to believe in something but I can’t, I don’t even believe in myself.

All the progress I did, wasted on one month, another game that end up hurting me, but I wanted to feel something, I wanted to get attached and to let go of fears, so i did and again rejections threw up on my face…

Now I feel too much, I have too much anger bottled up and I can’t deal with myself, finding myself having a breakdown for something I know my mind is making me feel intensely is draining. I want this to end, I’m tired of this, I don’t want to keep dealing with feelings, I want to let go of everything…this isn’t even about losing people anymore, I’m used to it and truly don’t care, but I’m lost and t feels like as much as I want or try, life is just not going to make me happy…it’s been around more than 10 years finding myself feeling miserable over nothing and everything, at this point I have no hope left, I truly give up on me, I truly gave up…

This is a never ending cycle, another day just on survival mode, dissociating hard while I’m doing a million take a the same time, maybe I should just leave it as it is…

brewing spring’s tea