Whatever else may be true at least we know this: we all love our wife (zinda's wife haha) in our own way and none of us are unhappy to be married to her.

Don't know if any of us will be much good for socializing, but you're all welcome to come say hi!

Looking for system friends!

We wanna talk to more people. Reblog, hit up our inbox, send ask games, you know, socializing and stuff.

Heinlein is looking for teen alters and fictives to chat with.

Asimov wants to commiserate with protectors and former persecutors.

we are trying to get eecummings to make friends, any friends at all really, and we think they may be more inclined to do so with other alterhumans/otherkin.

Chekhov will rant about many things, including: writing, capitalism, abelism, social justice, transitioning, being the only alter willing to do regular adulting tasks like work and laundry.

can't like with this blog (it's a... used-when needed sideblog) but you're welcome to follow! :)

Hey could any systems/plurals like this post?

I only have like two system friends and would love to follow some more. <3 I think my system is traumagenic (though I also apply my spiritual beliefs and such to my plurality) for whatever that's worth. All systems of any origin are welcome to interact!

Red wanted to make a post.  That’s what I assumed, she.... I don’t know, I just knew she wanted to.

So we let her up front and she opened the post and.... nothing.  Five minutes of just staring at it, and she didn’t say anything but it felt like she wanted to explode from it.  And then she just stepped back.

We don’t know why she’s here.  We don’t know why she can’t speak - we call her “Red” after the mute video game character because otherwise we didn’t have a name for her.  She is sad, and odd, and.... sometimes it feels like she’s not there but then there she is.

I don’t know what she wanted to say.  I wish I did.  It felt important.

Me, to my alter: do you think im faking?

Okay but to the reason this blog got dragged out of the muck of 2017, that maybe one person will see but that I have to ramble about:

I get that we’re all, essentially, the same person.  Bits that are broken off or twisted off into something else or whatever.  I don’t know how much of any of what I experience in regards to personality, names, etc of various alters is just me (Dee) trying to impose some sort of logic on what my brain is doing.

I have borderline personality disorder, and that comes with a level of dissociation and with a lot of identity problems.  Am I putting names on different identities I’m trying/have tried to be because they don’t feel like me because I’m dissociating, or am I dissociating to the point of having DID?  WHO KNOWS! :’D

I joke with people that my memory is like swiss cheese, but the thing is... it is.  I get weird holes, and some of them are normal “hardly anyone is going to remember a perfectly ordinary lunch hour they had last week”, but some of them are “I made this very pointed/funny/passionate comment on a tumblr post last night and I have absolutely no memory of even THINKING these things, let alone writing them.  Some of them are “I had a very long and in-depth conversation with you about this thing, apparently, because you said we did and I believe you, but I have absolutely no memory of it.”

What does it mean? Possibly nothing, possibly everything.  Possibly somewhere in between. 

If being dissociated from your own personality has led you to view those parts of yourself as separate people, and sometimes those parts of you do things you don’t remember later, what IS that?

Am I just playacting to make myself feel more like anything about me makes sense or solidity? At what point does that tip over from “wild imagination” to “disorder”?  DOES it?

I just want to understand who the fuck I am.

WE ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!

The downside of having had to abandon our main blog due to personal drama issues in 2017 is that we couldn’t take this one with us. :/  I wish there were a way to detatch a side blog or move it to another account.

maybe i can fiddle something out, idk.

The downside of having had to abandon our main blog due to personal drama issues in 2017 is that we couldn’t take this one with us. :/  I wish there were a way to detatch a side blog or move it to another account.

maybe i can fiddle something out, idk.

I may not like fronting anymore but I'm MORE than happy to when it involves hanging out with old friends. :) So excited, we haven't seen Meems in ages!

Suddenly back in touch with a couple of the only people we've actually TALKED to about us. Or well, in touch with one and in meatspace with the other. Is it weird that we're nervous about it?

Illidan would still pursue Jaina, even when she’d fled for more sci-fi based universes.

someone who has never seen voltron force please caption this

Reblog if you have...

Depression

Anxiety

Bipolar Disorder

PTSD

Dissociative Identity Disorder/Other Specific Dissociative Disorder/ Multiple Personality Disorder

Schizophrenia

Any Personality Disorder

I wanna meet new people and wanna prove the point that being neurodivergent is normal. Put your disorders in the tags!!!

Zinda's been avoiding fronting since November. Well I mean, she'd been taking longer breaks for almost a year, but November it got nasty. Between the whole election debacle and getting into a really painful fight with her therapist, I think she's just... done with dealing? So I get stuck fronting most of the time these days. Kae and Apple are good kids but they're not really used to long term fronting. April is but it's been so long we're not sure she could pass for Z even if she wanted to, which she doesn't. So, mostly me, with a side of Tay, and I am tired as fuck. Everything is exhausting, the brain chemistry's fucking with whoever fronts (we need meds, man) and shit's getting scary now that trump's actually sworn in. Plus body disability shit. I don't know how Z hasn't thrown up her hands and given up long before now.

you’re welcome! i just saw there was a fair amount of yikes going down the last day or two and i mean you don’t seem too fussed by it but i figured something nice would be nice to see! :)

y'all are adorable, i was just on your face tag and i love your hair and your look and i think i see an arrow tattoo which is awesome?? yeah. a+ congrats on your face, i hope this was not inappropriate or anything i just really found y'all fun and pleasing to see. also cute smile. -kae (@and--others)

!!! Wow thanks!!! I’m so flattered aaa what a nice message

spent last night and tonight streaming “until dawn” for our girlfriiiiiend!  (okay she’s zinda’s, mostly, but i adore her too, so z shares)  she’s having fun and i’m like IDK WHAT IM DOING HOLY SHIT even tho i’ve watched like four let’s plays of it.

(you’ve also been playing really dumb so you don’t spoil her, be honest. -z)

fair.

but it’s so great?  like i love having the ps4 streaming, if i thought our internet (or her internet) could handle it i’d just stream the video and then skype her and that would be even closer to it being like she was here?  but i’ll take livestreaming for her while she text chats back.

so much fun.  we’re probably gonna finish up tomorrow, i think. :D

~apple~

“I’ve been thinking about [rp-related thing] a lot the past couple days.  I don’t know why.”

I hate when Zinda decides to lie to her partners, even though I understand why she does it. I just really specifically hate when she’s lying about me.

She’s been thinking about it because I’ve been up front more than usual for a non-crisis because we’ve been thinking about us as a system, so of course she’s thinking about the rp-related stuff that ultimately ties back to me.

I just wish she felt comfortable saying that. I’ve never liked the idea of being someone’s dirty little secret.

S

zinda says we need to go to sleep

okay TEEEEEECHNICALLY yes we do

but we also slept like super late today and got up at 5pm so we’ve not even been awake 12 hours? AND we’re not tired? AND we don’t have work until 1!

okay so that means we get up at noon and leave by 12:30 but rn that’s already 7.5 hours of sleep and we’re not even TIRED and we’ve functioned on way less AND we only have work for like 3.5 hours.

so.

i say zinda needs to suck up and let me play my games while we wait to be tired enough for sleep.  NO it’s not ideal if we only get like 3-4 hours but like, what is there to do if the body itself is NOT TIRED ENOUGH TO FALL ASLEEP????

...er.  wow i went on there.  haven’t had a post to myself for a while, hehe, whoops.

(also in a couple weeks we’re totally going to have enough money to buy overwatch and zinda and stevie already totally promised me we could get it!!!!!!!! EEEEEE!!!!!)

~apple~