absolutely-correct-halfway-house
Because Fuck It, Right...?
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Hugo: The odds of that happening coincidentally are vanishingly small.
RQ: Hm. I would say infinitesimally.
Wilford: Yes, and I would say teenily-weenily. We all know words.
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Henrik: Haha, I love your energy. It reminds me of when I was younger.
Hugo: I’m older than you.
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Than, upon meeting Lilith for the first time: I changed my mind about having kids. I’m gonna have one, and feed it to this hellhound, ‘cause I love her so much.
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Noelle: I just heard my mom shout “DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE THE ROOMBA IS” and then two minutes later, more quietly, “aww, poor roomba how’d you get stuck there sweetie?”
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Wil, after Twisting several times in one day: Not to be that guy but I keep slipping in and out of dimensions.
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Maria: Can I tell you what I love about Noelle's dad?
Shaun: Tell me what you love about her dad. Hey Mar, won't you tell me what you love about our friend Noelle's dad?
Maria, rhythmically: Let me tell you what I love about her dad!
Than, interrupting: He's THICC! Dummy thicc!
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Noelle: Hey Mar.
Maria, playing a game on Noelle's stream: What?
Noelle: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
Maria: What is it, Nose?
Noelle: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
Maria: Yeah
Noelle: Because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month, and so I was like, I won't give specific dates, but I was like "do you have any preference whether I go this weekend, or the next weekend?"
Maria: Uh-huh.
Noelle: Your response.
Maria: cracks up
Noelle: At 9:30 in the morning.
Maria: still giggling
Noelle: "Motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg Jesus Christ fuck dude motherfucking Facebook movie bullshit Jesus can you fucking believe this shit"
Maria: actually laughing now
Noelle: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
Noelle: Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you: "Goddamn creator of Facebook right fucking lawyers and shit right fucking Winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fucking shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse Eisenberg man"
Maria: continues laughing
Noelle: I respond, "Maria, you're scaring me." An hour passes. You respond, "Motherfucking Spider-Man Spider-Man you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking build shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit Jesse Eisenberg. I'm very tired"
Maria: giggling mess
Noelle: I'm just like, "No problem, babey. I'll do most of the talking at the MSMSAM today." Immediate, like, response, I'm talkin' like five seconds later: "No man I'll just talk about the Facebook movie all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-Man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like die I cant think of who the fuck invented Facebook all I can think is the guy who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook" And then, in all capital letters, two hours later, "MARK ZUCKERBERG"
Maria: wheezing
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Jess: Ehh, you know, in another lifetime, you and I would've made a hot ass couple.
Marvin: Agreed.
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