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abduct-me-helen · 3 years

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Lonelyeyes And Their H̶o̶s̶t̶a̶g̶e̶ Valued Employee Visit Four Seasons Hotel Landscaping

Rosie was sick. Now, this wasn’t common. Rosie never got sick; that woman was made of steel and rods, or she seemed it, until a few days had passed where Rosie had not been able to come to work due to a case of the flu. This inevitably had led, through one thing to another to another after that, to Elias, Peter and Martin, standing at the entrance to Four Seasons Total Landscaping, next to a sex shop and a crematorium.

Martin was numb at this point, choosing to drown out Peter and Elias’ bickering by reminiscing on the events that had brought them here.

We live in a world of fear gods. This might as well happen, Martin thought.

After Rosie had fallen through with the flu, Elias had been forced to pick up her slack, and for once, schedule things himself. There was a three-day conference for all heads and sponsors of all branches of the institute that happened every four years or so, and this time they had decided to have it in Pennsylvania, Four Seasons Hotel.

He had, evidently, failed.

“Yes, Peter I know it isn’t a hotel!” Elias gritted out, breaking Martin from his reverie.

Peter, chipper as ever, replied with. “Did you use your Beholding powers for that one, too?”

Elias scowled, preparing to make a (in his mind, clever) retort, and Martin sighed, resting his hand on his temple, before a voice came from in front of them. A worker, evidently, who was meant to show them to the parking lot, where the conference would be help.

“Um, hello. I’m Scott, I’m going to be taking you to the-”

Elias snapped before Scott could finish, and a feeling of being watched by a thousand eyes washed over them. Martin, already used to it, rolled his own eyes, but Peter, considerably more private, receded into the fog,

It’s a wonder they’re married, Martin thought.

“Your coworkers all know that you steal money from the cashier to give to your sick mother. They’re going to reveal the information-”

“Elias.” Martin hissed out, “He’s just trying to help.”

Elias glared, but stopped talking. Poor Scott was shaking, but he silently led them to the parking lot, where they had put a podium and a few tables. The place was – to be quite honest – dreary. The sky was dulled in a looming grey, and the concrete seemed to echo it in kind, making it look grimy and dirty. There were two or three cars at the far-left part of it, but the rest was left empty, save for the podium and the leaves that had fallen to the ground.

“Why’d you even have a podium? I thought this was a landscaping place?” Martin asked, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen.

“Oh-um. Some clowns used it.”

“Clowns?” Elias’ gaze sharpened. If the Circus of the Other was involved then-

“The, uh, the Republicans.” Scott said awkwardly, shifting.

Elias scowled. That was worse than the Circus.

After another long silence, Scott spoke up hesitantly. “The conference starts at 11:30, right? There’s not really much to do around here, besides the,” he gestured to his left, at Fantasy Island, Adult Bookstore, and then to his right, at Delaware Valley Cremation Center, “you know. Why not take a look around the shop?” It was clear from his tone that the boy had been asked to say that.

“Sure, why not. Elias, Peter, you stay here, yeah?” Martin looked back at the three – no, two people, since Peter was still hiding, like the socially awkward bastard he was – and decided he’d do anything to not have to hear the couple, recently between divorces (though who knew how long that would last), bicker on and on any longer.

Before Elias had a chance to protest, Martin was zipping inside, looking at various landscaping tools absentmindedly.

“Hell of a week, huh?” Scott said, conversing as he moved boxes.

“Mm.” Martin agreed, humming absently. “Something happen?”

“Besides the election? Yeah, a few things.” Scott set down a box, leaning against the counter of the reception desk, dark and dusty in the dim lights of the shop.

It smelled of some sort of mildew, and maybe…cheetos? He wondered where that came from, but then remembered that some Republicans had apparently been here sometime in the past, so it made sense.

“What kind of things?” Maybe it was the Beholding in him, but Martin did find himself a bit curious.

“Well, Putin’s resigning because Destiel became cannon. Oh! And that Ted Bundy roleplayer got called out.” Scott told him, adding on the last few words, almost as if an afterthought.

Martin paled. “Ex-excuse me? Did I hear that right?” He didn’t know what to say to that. It seemed like something out of a dream.

Americans.

Scott nodded. “Where’ve you been? It’s been all everyone is talking about.”

“I. Um. Another dimension apparently.” Which wasn’t actually a lie, considering what the Lonely was, Martin decided. Peter would certainly agree.

Though he couldn’t imagine Peter getting involved with internet things, or most memes. The ones he occasionally sent Martin were all ones about minions, which the ship’s captain seemed almost uncannily amused by.

“Yeah, sure seems it. Anyway, what’s with your boss? He’s creepy as fuck.”

Martin snickered, then stopped when he felt the pull of all-too familiar, ever-seeing eyes on him once more. Scott had no such reservations.

“What the-what the fuck? What is that?” Scott gestured, referencing the feeling of being watched that had now began to fade, though not entirely, into the background.

“Um, nothing. It’s nothing, and you shouldn’t worry about it, I promise.” Martin said, making it very clear in his tone that if Elias tried something, Martin would make his life hell, at least until the three-day conference was over.

Scott looked skeptical, but nodded anyway, apparently not wanting to get involved. Martin didn’t blame him; he’d never wanted to get involved either. But here he was, at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, next to a sex shop and a crematorium.

“Now, um, do you have any metal pipes? I think Elias may be looking for a new one.”

#tma #the magnus archives #four seasons total landscaping #four seasons #meme #crack #elias bouchard #martin blackwood #peter lukas #fanfic #tma fanfic #crack treated seriously #fanfiction #tma fanfiction #oneshot

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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Class 108's Apocalypse Field Trip | Chapter 7.

“Don’t touch that!” Klaus had yelled, stumbling towards Riko with grime on his face. Riko had held a bug in her hands, a beetle, and Klaus had always been fond of those. But she had just looked so angry, Sydney thought, and she didn’t want to intervene. She had been content to continue to climb the tree, observing from afar.

She didn’t know when the small fire had started, or how it had, but it did, and then the beetle was burnt. There was a look of satisfaction on Riko’s face that Sydney remembers she’d found off-putting at the time. Klaus had been angry, but he’d stomped away, leaving Riko alone with the ashes of the beetle. A lighter rested on the ground when they were finally called inside for their next class.

Sydney had never liked that look on Riko, but she’d be lying if she said it was the first time she’d seen it. That, though, was to her knowledge the very first.

“Syd?” Cypress tapped her shoulder, snapping her out of her reverie. Sydney started, leaping back before settling down again.

“Ah, sorry. I’m always a bit jumpy these days.” She said, rubbing her neck sheepishly before she cocked her head to the side in question. “Did you need something?”

“Not really, no, you just looked…” he gestured, trying to find a word, “out of it. You good?”

She nodded sparsely, looking over to the burning building in front of them in discomfort. The scene was an ashy sky full of a sadistic energy. There was screaming, she knew, though these days it didn’t bother her as much as it should’ve. The rest of the class, spare Tabitha and Riko, who had decided to go inside the burning building, were chatting amongst themselves. Well, except for Katie, who was characteristically silent. Sydney had chosen to stray a bit from the group, needing some space to think.

“Just…memories.” She said, and he seemed to understand. Cypress didn’t ask for her to specify; that was something she liked about him, he knew when to not pry.

After a short silence, she spoke again. “Do you remember how Riko used to burn Klaus’ bugs?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I always thought she was crazy since it didn’t really matter.” He shrugged, reminiscing.

“What?” Sydney looked up to him in question.

“Well, they were all gonna die at some point; I didn’t see the reason she was killing them off early.”

Sydney thought to herself, twisting one of her blonde braids that she’d done a few minutes before they entered the Desolation’s domain. “Huh, I’ve never thought of it that way. I guess you’re right, though.”

Cypress grinned. “I’m always right.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” She teased, before pausing. She had been meaning to ask him something that had been on her mind recently. “Do you think there’s…something off with Tabitha?”

Cypress tensed, barely, but it was still noticeable. “About the whole, ya know, listening in on statements thing?”

“Yeah. I just…” she trailed off.

There was a pause of silence, before Cypress spoke again. “Have you talked with anyone else about it?”

“Katie, but no one other than that. I think that Mr. Sims noticed, but I don’t know why he isn’t saying anything.” She shrugged lamely.

“Do you think…” he shook his head. “Never mind.”

“Hm?” she questioned, looking to him curiously.

“Do you think she’s becoming like…like him?” Cypress said, finally.

Sydney thought on it and shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you think it really matters?”

Cypress pondered. “In what way?”

“I mean, she’ll still be Tabitha even if she’s not…human. Or whatever.”

Cypress thought to himself. “You know, you may be right. I wonder how Riko and Tabitha are doing right now.”

“FUCK!” Tabitha screeched as she tripped over her untied shoelaces into some fire. She got out quickly enough that she didn’t burn terribly; it was barely even visible, but it still hurt.

“That’s what you get for coming into a burning building.” Riko shrugged, dusting her off. She seemed to be trying to play it cool, but there was a haunted look in her eyes. Tabitha was about to ask before deciding it would be best to leave it alone, however much it pained her.

“Hypocrite.” She grumbled.

“Sure.” Riko said, shrugging. “It’s just fire, you know.”

“Isn’t that enough?” Tabitha snorted, moving around another burning pillar of fallen wood.

“If it kills you, yeah. But pain is just pain.” Riko told her as she tugged at her turtleneck. That same odd expression came over her once again, before Tabitha broke it up as she spoke once more.

“Oooh, look at me, I’m Riko and I’m so tough! Pain is just-”

“Oh, shove it.”

“Fine. Vomit your horrors.” Martin said, before turning to the two students hesitantly. “And you’re sure about this? It can get graphic…”

When he said that last sentence, it almost seemed dull, and his eyes took on the same dullness as well. Tabitha had noticed that, but she’d decided to wait for more information to bring it up.

They both nodded, and Riko pushed her glasses up.

“We’ll be fine.” She said, looking him dead in the eye in a silent dare to try to stop them. Tabitha hadn’t the same aggression, but she didn’t exactly seem keen to leave either. Martin sighed, hesitating before walking away into another part of the flaming building.

“Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories that she can’t quite place but knows are precious to her curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family-”

Rikk was tense, a haunted look coming onto her eyes as she picked at her turtleneck. Tabitha noted this absently, but didn’t comment.

The two listened intently as he droned on, but then Riko seemed to snap up out of nowhere. Tabitha would’ve liked to turn to her questioningly, but she was so enraptured in the tale that she didn’t.

Static began to rise, and still Tabitha didn’t seem to make any note, but Riko certainly did. She turned, watching Martin avoid the flames and shout for them.

“Jon! Tabitha! Riko!” he called, and Riko started trying to shake Tabitha, who was still focused on Jon’s statement.

“-whose faces seem indistinct but she knows that-” Jon continued, and Tabitha still wasn’t reacting as Riko tried to shake her back to herself.

The static rose in volume. “Jon!” Martin called once more, trying to get his attention, now standing right new to Tabitha.

Riko and Martin exchanged looks of worry.

“-she loves, begin to blacken as the glass-” He still wasn’t stopping, and Martin grit his teeth, before coughing as he inhaled thick smoke.

“Come on Jon!” He began to shake the Archive harshly, and Riko tried to pinch Tabitha. Her leg caught on some fire but she paid it no mind, setting it out calmly as she continued to yell in Tabitha’s face.

“You idiot! Snap out of it!” she yelled, now pulling Tabitha’s hair in an attempt to get her free from whatever kept her listening. Tabitha was still unaware, enraptured by the Archive’s words.

“Jon, come on! Come back!” Martin yelled, shaking him even more frantically.

“-this devouring Desolation, and she-”

Then Martin slapped him, and Jon was sent stumbling before he looked up to Martin, whose eyes were wide, and body panting.

“Jon, she’s here!”

Tabitha groggily came back to herself since the statement had passed. She looked up, eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s going-”

A thunder like crackling noise engulfed their ears, and they heard a laughing noise. Jon rose up, stepping in front of Martin and the two students.

“Hello, Jude.”

The woman was short, and her expression was that of sadistic amusement. That was the first thing Riko noticed. Tabitha too, watched her, brows still furrowed as the grogginess seemed to dissipate.

“Fancy seeing you both here.” She spoke sarcastically. “To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure-the honor-of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world and his…valet? And not just that, two children? Archivist, are they gifts? Your really didn’t have to-”

“Stop. Naturally, we came to see you.” Jon said, and his tone was nearly conversational in its predatory nature.

“Why stop! I am amused. Though one of you more than the other.” She made her way over to Riko, who didn’t even flinch.

“Get away from her, or I will make you.” Jon threatened.

“No need! I won’t hurt her.” Jude lied, taking her wrist and burning it. Riko didn’t flinch as her flesh singed, and instead looked bored and annoyed.

“That was rude.” Riko said, yanking her hand away.

“I will smite you where you stand if you-”

“She really is interesting, this one. Say, where did you get those burns? They’re quite nice.” Jude asked, still focused on Riko.

“Stop it, just. Shut up!” Martin said, getting in between them. Jude scowled.

“Mr. Blackwood, it’s fine.” Riko said, coming out from behind him and approaching Jude. She narrowed her eyes.

“Was it you?” She asked, after a short pause. Jude grinned wickedly.

“Was what me?” she asked.

“My house burned down and it felt like this place does. Was it you?”

“Houses burn. Doesn’t need to be supernatural.” Jude answered conversationally, avoiding the question.

“But it was.” Riko said firmly. “So, I’m asking, was it you?”

Jude looked her up and down. “You seem familiar, but I’ve burned a lot of houses and killed a lot of people. It hardly matters to me.”

Riko nodded, examining her wrist and seemingly not noticing her calf being burned by a flame that had started it. She absently looked down after a few seconds and removed her leg from it.

“Good enough for me. You can kill her now, Mr. Sims.” Riko said, tiling her head. Her eyes gleamed with something akin to malice that Tabitha chose to not acknowledge.

Jude’s eyes widened in fear, and then anger. She grit her teeth, preparing to speak when Jon beat her to it.

“Not yet. Jude, I’m curious, did you know what you were doing?” Jon asked, and an odd sheen of dark amusement fell on his face. The face of a predator.

Martin and Tabitha coughed, smoke surrounding them. Riko seemed unaffected.

“Know about what?” Jude asked, raising an eyebrow boredly, putting on a brave face.

“That marking me would lead to this.”

“No. I had no idea.” She said, hesitating.

“So why did you do it?” Jon asked, putting only a slight bit of compulsion into his voice.

“Why d’you think? Because I wanted to hurt you.,” Martin coughed, “Because you were annoying and I didn’t like you, so I hurt you.”

Jon hummed.

“You’re an asshole.” Tabitha concluded. Riko stayed silent.

Jude grinned.

Martin scowled, gripping onto him protectively. “I’ve heard enough. Do it Jon.”

Jude took a shaky breath. “No need for that! I’m sure we can come to an-”

“No.”

“You’re bluffing, what would be the point-”

“You know I’m not. You’re already afraid.”

“Oh, I see. I get it. You finally get a sniff of power, and the first thing you do is try to settle some old scores. Play the big man; get off on good old-fashioned petty revenge.” She scowled, anger momentarily taking over her fear.

“I’d have thought that was a mindset you would appreciate. Now, feel it. All the terror and pain you’ve inflicted.” The static builds.

“Oh, piss off-”

The static increases, and for the first time, Jude’s fear shows on her face.

“Look, look. Wait. Right? I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have burned your hand.”

“No. You shouldn’t have.” Jon says unforgivingly.

“Please don’t kill me, I-sure, I-we all moan about the Eye; who doesn’t? But-we’ve won, both of us! And that’s great!” She says, breaths coming out harshly in a final plea.

“No.”

“If I’d known, would I still have marked you? Yes. I would. I’m…happy in this world. I belong here. And so do you.”

The static is almost blinding now, overtaking the cacophony of screams. Riko looks on boredly, but Tabitha sees the sadistic glint in her eye increase as Jude’s please begin to get smaller.

“Just die already!” Martin shouts, and Tabitha would cheer if she wasn’t so enraptured.

It takes another two minutes for Jude Perry to end.

No one truly regrets it.

#tma #teacher jon #teacher jonathan sims #the magnus archives #tma fanfic #class 108 #gen z vs the apocolypse

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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Karolina Górka, everyone. What a queen.

#tma #the magnus archives #mag 71 #tma 71 #karolina gorka #art #tma art #fanart #underground

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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Rosie, I care you.

#tma #the magnus archives #rosie #tma rosie #rosie the receptionist #tma fanart #the magnus archives fanart #fanart #art #louse brealy #(that's my headcanon for rosie's faceclaim)

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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#gunpowder tim #cosplay #the mechanisms #and old photo but still

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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“I fear the annihilation you would gift me as little as I desire it.”

#oliver banks #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus archives fanart #fanart #mag 168 #the end #the corpse roots #oliver banks fanart

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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Died from not wearing a seatbelt after destroying civilizations RIP Tim

#gunpowder tim #the mechanisms #gunpowder tim cosplay #the mechs #cosplay

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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I hope the people who comment on my fics consistently know that I would die for them and I know all of your usernames by heart.

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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PLEASE turn this post into a passive aggressive suggestion board at The Magnus Institute.

do it. I dare you.

#tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #martin blackwood #elias bouchard #peter lukas #the magnus institute

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abduct-me-helen · 4 years

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Class 108's Apocalypse Field Trip | Chapter 6.

If Sydney was anything other than cautious, she would consider herself observant. Partially because of the caution, she knew, but she chose to separate those traits when thinking about herself. It was for this reason that she began to notice Tabitha changing.

It was the little things, really. The way her hunger for knowledge had now manifested as ferocity. She didn’t like that look on Tabitha, who was usually so carefree.

Well, Syndey thought, maybe not carefree as much as good as putting on a persona.

It didn’t come out often, but what Sydney was really the most wary of was the statements. Rosie hadn’t told her about why she’d wanted to listen in on the Buried statement but Sydney had decided to mind her own business. It wasn’t as if it was a danger.

Or was it?

If it was, she decided, she’d deal with it when the time came.

“Lost in thought?” Katie came up behind her, raising an eyebrow while maintaining her token blank expression. Sydney and Katie had always got on fine, but Katie didn’t really seek anyone out for conversation. Except for Eva.

She didn't think about Eva.

Sydney gave a shrug in response, and Katie narrowed her eyes. “You’ve noticed too.” It was a statement, not a question, and Sydney nodded warily.

“It’s hard not to. Do you think we should say anything?” Sydney asked her. Katie shook her head.

“No.” She answered shortly.

Sydney raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

Katie shrugged, and her eyes seemed to be glassy for a few seconds before she sighed. “I just wanted to check. Anyway, Martin and Mr. Sims are calling the rest of the class. Apparently, they want to say a few things before we continue.”

They hadn’t been resting for long, but time didn’t truly exist in this new world, Sydney knew. She nodded Mutely, and followed Katie’s trace.

“Marcy’s what?!” Tabitha shrieked, eyes wide. Her stomach felt loopy, and her vision began to blur in a mix of relief and fear. All she could think off was Marcy’s limp body being puppetted by spiderwebs, the scent of blood and the sound of her own laughter. She shivered, hands curling around herself.

Rosie put her hand on Tabitha’s shoulder to steady her, applying pressure just forceful enough to ground her without being painful. Tabitha seemed to steady some, digging her nails into her palm to focus.

“How…how do you know this?” Cal asked quietly. They’re eyes were fearful, but a dullness had seemed to set in that made Sydney uneasy. Apathy wasn’t good, even if it hurt less. She just wanted everyone to be okay.

“Annabelle Cane.” Martin answered, beginning to explain who she was. Sydney tuned him out, looking up to the sky and scowling at the Eye. The others could joke, and hell, she did too, but she loathed it with a passion.

Not just because it was evil, enjoying their suffering, but because it was in the sky. She’d always loved the sky, more than most things really, and the Eye had the audacity to take up so much space.

“So, she’s a spider lady, basically.” Elliot simplified, and Sydney thanked him inwardly for explaining since she’d tuned out what Martin had said.

Tabitha looked pale, but she nodded slowly, eyes filled with terror. Sydney felt for her.

Jon spoke up, looking around at the class and meeting all their eyes. “It’s complicated. We don’t know how she’s alive, because she was dead and Oliver didn’t bring her back. He’d have no reason to. He suspects the Web is involved, but Annabelle said she didn’t know what was going on.”

“That could very easily be a lie.” Rosie mused, biting her lip in focus.

Jon nodded. “Hence why I’m telling you all to keep your guard up. There’s obviously something going on here and I don’t trust it one bit.”

There was a brief silence, before the smell of heat wafted into Riko’s nose.

“Is that…fire?” She said, trying to get a glimpse of where the smell was coming from. Jon’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“You can smell that?” He asked incredulously.

She raised an eyebrow. “What, you can’t?”

The rest of the class warily shook their heads. Jon sighed.

“We are near the domain of the Desolation…” he mused aloud, and Tabitha seemed to perk up in surprise. Sydney eyed her warily, and she glanced over to Katie who seemed to have a similar expression of reproach.

Riko shrugged, but something glinted in her eyes. “That’s the burning one, right?”

“Destruction, pain and fire.” Martin listed, thinking to himself. Jon nodded, gesturing to him in agreement. Riko narrowed her eyes and her face fell into an expression Sydney couldn’t decipher.

Raphi chimed in with a helpful- “those are the guys who like wax play, right?”

Jon choked, coughing, and Martin patted him on the back.

“Mhm!” Tabitha said, seemingly unfazed and coming back to herself. Sydney was glad to see the color return to her face.

“That’s hot.” Elliot said, grinning at his pun and giving finger guns at Raphi. Rosie groaned, and Raphi snickered. Katie’s face was notably blank, but Riko’s had raised an eyebrow incredulously, before shaking her head in an attempt to forget about Elliot’s terrible joke.

“Hi hot, I’m dad.” Jon deadpanned, turning to Raphi, and Martin’s eyebrows raised comically.

Tabitha snorted, and the rest of the class grinned, (minus Katie, who had never smiled in her entire life, or so Tabitha said).

“Is Martin mom then?” Sydney joked sarcastically. Tabitha’s eyes lit up, and Sydney groaned, already regretting her jest.

“…Tabitha?” She asked warily.

Tabitha just batted her eyelashes, and didn’t say a word. Rosie looked amused, but chose not to comment, and Jon cleared his throat.

“Anyway, we’re going to be…smiting this avatar.”

The class began to cheer.

“PENUT MURDER JELLY TIME!” “LET’S GET THIS BREAD!” “CEASLESS WATCHER, TURN YOUR GAYS UPON THAT WRETCHED THING!” “Gaze?” “Gays” “MURDER! MURDER! MURDER!”

The class began to chant, and Jon began to get a headache.

On the walk to the Desolation’s domain, the kids pestered Jon with questions.

“Where’d you get those scars?” Tabitha asked, grabbing his arm and wobbling it a bit. He rolled his eyes, and sighed.

“Which one?” He raised an eyebrow dully.

Tabitha wasn’t fazed. “The circles.”

“…Worms.” He said, grimacing. Martin had the same expression on his face.

“Worms?” Riko said incredulously.

“What kind?” Tabitha asked, before he could answer Riko’s inquiry.

“The kind that hate me.” Jon said simply, and Cal laughed softly.

The class’ eyes widened, and they all looked around, silently communicating as if a hive mind. Martin and Jon shared an apprehensive glance.

It was unnervingly silent.

They continued their walk in silence for the next few minutes, but then Cypress started to hum. It was a childish toon, but Martin could recognize that he’d heard it before.

The rest of the class began to hum, before Tabitha started to sing.

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll go eat worms.”

Martin’s eyes widened comically and Jon choked. Christ, what had he gotten into?

“What-”

“Big fat juicy ones-” Elliot continued.

“Eensie weensy squeensy ones-” Sydney chimed in lightly.

“See how they wiggle and squirm!-” Raphi sang, grinning.

“Down goes the first one, down goes the second one. Oh how they wiggle and squirm! Up comes the first one, up comes the second one. Oh how they wiggle and squirm!” The class now sang in unison, privy to Jon and Martin’s growing horror at the situation.

“Wait a second now-” Martin started, but Raphi cut him off with a grin.

“I bite off the heads, and suck out the juice, and throw the skins away!” He jeered, singing loudly.

Jon facepalmed, horrified and uncomfortable at how the class seemed to work as a hive mind just to taunt them.

The class once again began to sing in unison.

“Nobody knows how fat I grow on worms three times a day! Nobody likes me, everybody hates me I think I'll go eat worms! Big fat juicy ones, eensie weensy squeensy ones; see how they wiggle and squirm!” They were a cacophony of voices mixing horribly against Jon’s ear.

He was reminded of Grifter’s bone, and decided that their music couldn’t possibly be any worse than this.

Martin was still open mouthed, and Jon had his head in his hands.

“That was so smexy!” Tabitha said dreamily, referring to the song. Martin balked.

“No-no, wha-okay, you know what, lets keep walking, yeah?” Martin grabbed Jon’s hand and began to speed-walk ahead, tugging him along. Class 108 snickered.

“Hey, can your boss hear us right now?” Cypress asked, and Jon raised an eyebrow.

“I suppose so. Why?” Jon answer cautiously, not liking where this was going. Cypress grinned, his teeth glinting in the green light of the eye.

He turned around and started pointing at the coward in the tower. “HEY! YOU! PISS BITCH! EYEBALL DADDY’S SUGAR BABY LITTLE BITCH VOYEUR! I BET YOU’RE GAY!”

“Cypress, aren’t you gay?” Cal asked, trying to told back his laughter.

“That’s not important. What is important is that-,” Cypress stopped, pausing to think before turning to Jon, “what’s your boss’ name?”

“Jonah Magnus, but I really do not think you-”

“JONAH MAGNUS? MORE LIKE JONAH MAGNET, BECAUSE YOU REPEL ALL THE POSITIVE PEOPLE WHEN THEY SEE YOUR AWFUL FACE YOU UGLY REGENCY LOOKING ASS BITCH!” Tabitha shrieked, going to join Cypress in his epic pursuit of victory.

“How-how did you know he was from the regency era?” Martin asked, confused.

“He just gave me those vibes, ya know?” Tabitha asked, though Sydney sensed that she was a little off-put at where she’d gotten that information.

“…those vibes?” Jon deadpanned, noticeably off-put as well.

“Mhm. What do you mean he was from the regency era though?” Tabitha questioned, tilting her head curiously.

Jon sighed, and Rosie noted in her head that this was the eighty-first time he’d sighed in response to Tabitha’s questions. Typical.

“He’s a body snatcher-” Jon started, only to be interrupted by Raphi.

“Like Koh?” he asked, and Riko snickered

“Who-you know what, never mind. Sure. He basically put his eyeballs in other people’s sockets to steal their bodies and continue running the institute.” Jon explained, and a look of mild horror crossed his face as Cypress began to grin.

“So what you’re saying,” Cypress began, and Cal groaned, putting his head in his hands, “is that he put his balls in other people’s holes?”

Tabitha keeled over, snickering, and Riko flipped him off. Katie, who was as stoic as ever, sighed, but Cal could tell she looked amused.

Jon and Martin wore twin looks of horror in response to Cypress’…interesting sense of humor.

They knew it would not be the last time.

#tma #the magnus archives #teacher!jon #teacher jonathan sims #teacher!jon sims #apocalypse field trip #apocalypse field trip au #class 108

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